Kyokusetsu Bobobobo Bobobo
by Roxius
Summary: During their travels, the Bo-bobo Group must fight the mysterious 0-Block Base, the Sabaku Guardian Corps. and The New Hajikelist Union! What new heights of insanity will be reached? IT'S COMPLETE! Eventual Beauty X Gasser.
1. False Theory Begins!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bobobo.

A/N: I'm trying to make this resemble more of the manga/anime series, with the crazy antics and everything, but with OC villains and techniques and such. There probably won't be as many Japanese references though as in the actual series, only to other mangas/animes. I also use the Japanese name for Don Patch's doll; it's "Ya-kun".

* * *

The sun was shining brightly in the azure-blue skies as the Bobobo-Gang was walking through the desert. They had been traversing the seemingly endless landscape for days on end, and every member of the group was beginning to grow tired and weak. Their gang currently had Bobobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Beauty, Gasser and Softon.

Wiping some sweat from his wet brow, Gasser asked aloud, "Gah...when will this torment end? I need a rest..."

Beauty nodded and let out a small mumble in agreement.

"Let me check the map! There might be a village nearby!" Bobobo exclaimed, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a large Alaskan Tuna.

"THAT'S NOT A MAP! WHY DO YOU HAVE A FISH IN YOUR PANTS, ANYWAY?" Beauty shrieked, snapping out of her recent slump.

Bobobo stared at the fish for a few moments, then turned to Softon, who was carrying a bowl with the liquefied essences of Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler floating inside. It seemed that they had melted due to the heat.

"Does this look like a fish to you?" The afro-sporting warrior asked him.

Softon grunted. "Hell if I know..."

"YOU'RE SO...STUPID!" Bobobo shouted furiously as he smacked Softon across the face with the fish.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Gasser cried.

Suddenly, Beauty moaned in pain and collapsed to the ground. "Ooh...my...my head...I can't see straight..."

"OH MY GOD! Beauty!" exclaimed Bobobo as he just finished off eating the fish.

Running over to the pink-haired girl, Gasser quickly checked her pulse and pressed his palm against her forehead.

After a bit, he stood up and said, "I think Beauty's suffering from heat stroke! We need to get her to a hospital and out from underneath the sun as soon as possible!"

"But that's impossible!" Softon explained, "According to my calculations, the closest village with a hospital is miles away from here! Plus, there's nowhere we can find shade in this accursed desert!"

Don Patch, who seemed to have reformed offscreen along with Jelly Jiggler, smirked and replied, "We need shade? If that's all we need...why don't we just blow up the sun?"

"WHAT?" Gasser exclaimed.

"I'll destroy that big ball of fire in one fell swoop! Jelly...strap it on!" Don Patch snapped, looking over to his blue gelatin friend.

Jelly Jiggler nodded and strapped a large cucumber to the orange man's back.

"Good luck...and god speed!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, and he saluted as he lit the bottom of the cucumber, sending Don Patch flying high into the sky. Everyone watched in anticipation as Don Patch came closer and closer to reaching the sun...until he flew directly into it.

"DAMMIT, DON PATCH!" Bobobo shouted, "WHY ARE YOU SO USELESS?"

"C'MON, GUYS! THIS IS SERIOUS! BEAUTY COULD DIE!" Gasser exclaimed, trying to get his friends to focus on the real problem here.

"Gasser is right!" Softon proclaimed, "We need to stop acting like ditzy Kansas City faggots and get serious!"

"Who's a ditzy Kansas City faggot? Not I!" Jelly Jiggler snapped, now wearing a girl's high-school uniform with lipstick and a blonde wig. He also had a badge on his chest that read 'I'M FROM KANSAS CITY' on it in chinese characters.

Struggling to carry Beauty's limp body, Gasser said, "Softon...I need you to carry Beauty. You're stronger than I am..."

Softon nodded and took Beauty in his arms, making sure to be gentle. Meanwhile, Bobobo seemed to have mysteriously disappeared.

"Ah! Mr. Bobobo! Where are you?" Gasser called out, but no one answered. In the back, Don Patch fell from the sky and landed headfirst into the sand, now a burnt charred mess.

Then, suddenly...

Bobobo burst out from underground, wearing a mole costume.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Bobobo smirked confidently and said, "Don't worry, gang; I've found a great place that'll take care of Beauty...for free!"

"Really? Where is it? What's it called?" Gasser asked, glad that they were finally getting somewhere.

Bobobo pursed his lips, furrowed his brow, and thought deeply for about five minutes.

"...I forgot." Bobobo said eventually, shrugging and sticking out his tongue all silly-like as if he thought he was being cute or something.

"YOU DUMBASS! HOW DARE YOU FORGET!" Softon shouted, and he pulled the Alaskan Tuna out of his pocket and smashed it across Bobobo's face.

'Just what the hell is up with that tuna...is it stalking us, or is the poor thing just really unfortunate?' Gasser wondered.

'I AM stalking you...' the tuna thought, smiling lustfully at the white-haired boy.

Suddenly, a voice from behind said, "I overheard you speaking, and I believe I can help you with your dilemma..."

Everyone spun around and came face-to-face with a stranger completely hidden underneath the trench coat and brown hat he wore...and he was riding atop a cowboy like he was a horse.

"Please...just let me see Jack again...I beg you..." whimpered the cowboy, but he was kicked in the face by the side of the trench coat man's shoes, who snapped, "SHUT UP! YOU ARE MY HORSE! AND HORSES DO NOT TALK! GET WITH THE PROGRAM, ENNIS!"

"OH MY GOD! IS THIS GOING TO BE A PARODY VERSION OF 'BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN'?!" Gasser screamed in horror, but the mention of the gay-cowboy movie seemed to stir Beauty a bit.

"What? No! D-Don't be ridiculous! P-Please, just shut up!" stammered the man in the trench coat, failing to hide his embarrassment.

"Whatever; your sexual orientation is of no interest to me!" Bobobo declared, "Just tell us how you can help save Beauty!"

"Yeah! Tell us!" Don Patch added, just so he can show the others that he was still alive. As usual, though, everyone ignored him, and he literally froze on the spot.

'Wow, he got the cold shoulder...' Gasser thought.

The trench coat man nodded, and then turned around and pulled out a small remote from his pocket. He pressed down the large red button in the middle, and the entire desert began to shake violently.

"AHH! AHH! I'M...I'M JIGGLING! I'M JIGGLING!" Jelly Jiggler screamed in horror, as he was indeed jiggling.

"OH NO! IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE!" Gasser exclaimed.

"HURRY...SOMEONE SAVE THE TUNA! HE'S JUST A CHILD, I TELL YOU!" Bobobo cried.

"FORGET THE TUNA; SAVE MY DEAR YA-KUN!" Don Patch shrieked, wearing his infamous lipstick-eyeliner combo, waving his dear "Ya-kun" around happily.

Without a word, Bobobo snatched the doll from Don Patch and crushed it with his bare hands.

Suddenly, a huge building began to arise from underneath the sand; it resembled a demonic castle from ancient Japanese fables, and a huge sign on top of the structure read '0-Block Base'. An evil demonic air seemed to flow off from the frightening base.

'0-BLOCK BASE?! THIS IS A HAIR HUNTER BASE?!' Gasser realized. There was no way that Bobobo would actually willingly enter what is obviously the enemy's base...right?

"Follow me." The trench coat man purred, and he and his cowboy/horse/thing walked towards the castle

"LET'S GO! I WANT MY MACARONI!" Bobobo exclaimed furiously, and he grabbed Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler and dragged them across the ground as he rushed ahead.

Softon just grunted and followed suit, Beauty still unconscious in his arms.

'Dammit...I should have known he'd go...' Gasser thought with a sigh as he reluctantly followed the rest of the group.

The trench coat man was having trouble keeping himself from bursting out laughing as he lead the Bobobo Group to the front gates.

'Heh heh...how foolishly foolish can these foolishly foolish fools foolishly be? I mean...they are so foolish! They have no idea that they are falling right into my foolish trap! Wait! It's not foolish! What am I saying - I mean, thinking? Goddammit, I got lost in my monologue again...'

Eventually, they reached the front doors of the castle, which were covered in graffiti and bad penis drawings. There was also a sketch of Suzu there, for some reason.

"So...are you all ready to die - I mean, foolishly die - I mean, come inside?" the trench coat man asked.

Bobobo nodded. "Of course; you obviously don't mean any harm."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN'T MEAN ANY HARM? DIDN'T YOU JUST HEAR HIM TALK ABOUT US FOOLISHLY DYING?" Gasser snapped.

Chuckling, the trench coat man knocked on the doors and exclaimed, "YUOHIAOHFOJFHUOHJOAHKOUEORJLVNSMSDFMHGOSJS!!"

"THAT'S A FREAKIN' WEIRD ENTRY PASSWORD!" Gasser noted.

"I liked Beauty's freak-outs more! Stop copying her!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, smacking Gasser in the face several times with his 'NU' purse.

Gasser snatched the purse from Jelly, tore it in half, and snarled, "I. AM. NOT. COPYING. HER."

Today, Jelly Jiggler learned that mocking Gasser's freaking-out abilities was like pissing off the Devil itself.

Slowly, the doors began to open. Too slowly, actually...

"...How long does it take for us to even be able to go through?" Softon asked.

The trench coat man thought for a moment. "About 3 hours, 2 if we're lucky."

"NOT...GOOD...ENOUGH!" Bobobo exclaimed, and he slammed his right fist into the doors, shattering them into pieces.

"Hell yeah! Let's get going inside!" Don Patch said.

"Hopefully, we can still save Beauty in time..." Softon muttered.

"GWAH! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE DOORS COST, YOU SUNUVABITCH?" The trench coat man shouted. Cursing under his breath, he unsheathed a knife from within his coat and charged at the afro man.

"DIE!"

Unfortunately for trench coat man, he had forgotten Bobobo was the hero...and the hero ALWAYS won. Unless this was Death Note or something.

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOISE HAIR: SMASH N' CRASH!"

Using his two long nosehairs, Bobobo entangled trench coat man and swung him around wildly before smashing him headfirst into the ground.

Coughing up blood, the trench coat man's last words were, "D...Dammit...I should have...at least gotten a name before...I died...ugh..."

"Oh, yeah! Awesome job, Mr. Bobobo!" Gasser exclaimed, pumping his fists in the air.

Crying tears of joy, the cowboy trench coat man had been riding ran over to Bobobo and hugged him rather affectionately as he cried, "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much for saving me! Let me return your kindness...with a kiss!"

Bobobo stood completely still as the cowboy drew his lips closer and closer...

Then Don Patch stabbed his onion sword right through the cowboy's stomach, and the poor man collapsed to the ground, dead.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU KILL THAT POOR GAY COWBOY?" Gasser cried.

"Does it really matter?" Jelly Jiggler asked with his elbow on Gasser's shoulder and looking smug.

"...I guess not."

Now that all the distractions were eliminated, the Bobobo Group finally entered the 0-Block Base, unaware of the insane evil they would soon encounter inside...


	2. Burning Desire To Win

A/N: This probably won't be as insanely RANDOM as the actual Bobobo series, but it's hard to write stuff exactly like that, so I'll try to make it as random as I can or as random as I want to.

ALSO, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! JUST BECAUSE IT'S BOBOBO AND NOT ALOT OF PEOPLE LIKE IT/KNOW IT, AND IT'S NOT NARUTO OR HARRY POTTER OR ANYTHING, DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT GOOD, RIGHT? Not that I'm saying that this is GREAT or anything, but...

* * *

_Within the first floor of 0-Block Base..._

The Bobobo Group was surprised to find that the ground floor of the building resembled that of a modern home; it had couches, a kitchen, floor carpeting, and a big-screen TV.

"WHAT KIND OF EVIL BASE IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?" Gasser exclaimed.

"The good kind of evil base! Duh!" Don Patch replied, "I'm gonna go raid the fridge!"

"I'll see if there's anything for Beauty, too..." Softon muttered.

"I wonder what's on TV..." Jelly Jiggler said, plopping down on the couch.

Gasser sighed, and turned his sights to Bobobo, who was standing completely still for some reason.

"...Mr. Bobobo?"

Suddenly, Bobobo exploded in a cloud of smoke, and all that was left was a fat Arabian man wearing a turban.

"Yo!" he hissed, "You got any Rupees on ya?"

'WTF?' was all Gasser could think at that moment.

_--_

"...I'm...I'm so sorry..." whimpered the Vanilla ice cream cone, tears rolling down his delectable soft face.

"No, it's...okay...really..." replied the Chocolate ice cream cone, although the tone of her voice was still slightly bitter.

"No! No, it isn't! I...I cheated on you!" exclaimed Vanilla.

"You don't need to lie to make me feel better..." Chocolate said.

"What? I'm not lying! And how would saying that make you feel better? And if the fact I cheated on you isn't the reason you're sad and heartbroken, then what is it?" Vanilla asked, feeling very confused all of the sudden.

"I'm upset...because I'M cheating on you...with Strawberry." Chocolate whispered, choking on her own struggled sobs.

"WHAT? THAT UGLY BUTCH-DYKE NEXT DOOR? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH SOMEONE SO HIDEOUS!" Vanilla shouted furiously.

"Hey, you cheated on me too! You admitted it yourself!" Chocolate snapped back.

"OH, JUST KISS ME, YOU FOOL!" screamed Vanilla, unable to hold back his emotions any longer.

"I WISH YOU SAID THAT EARLIER!" Chocolate replied as she pulled Vanilla into a deep and passionate kiss...

--

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TWO WATCHING AN ICE CREAM SOAP OPERA? AND WHY IS VANILLA SUCH A PUSH-OVER? AND WHY IS CHOCOLATE A LESBIAN? AND WHY DOES VANILLA THINK STRAWBERRY IS UGLY? AND WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT KNOWING ALL OF THIS STUFF ABOUT A SHOW I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE?" Gasser shouted at Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and the fat Arabian man, who seemed fixated on the screen.

"Oh, shush! This is the best part! Also, fyi, Chocolate is bisexual and experimenting!" Jelly Jiggler replied.

"I really hope this show has a happy ending..." the Arabian remarked as he tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth.

"Are you guys gay or something? I mean, I'm just asking, that's all..." Gasser asked, annoyed that they were watching a soap opera as lame as this.

Don Patch shrugged and said, "Probably. You've seen how much cross-dressing and stuff we do in the actual series, so it's a pretty safe bet..."

"Hey!" Jelly Jiggler butted in, "I said I was bisexual and experimenting, dammit!"

"...Weren't you talking about Chocolate, though?" Gasser asked, a bit shaken.

Jelly Jiggler sweated nervously and quickly replied, "Yes...yes...YES! Chocolate...that's what I was t-talking about! Yes! That's right...Chocolate...uh-huh...yes...heh heh...yes...uh-huh...Chocolate...alright...yes...that's right..."

"Ugh..." Shaking his head, Gasser headed into the kitchen to see if Softon was there. Unfortunately, the pink-headed Babylon Warrior was somewhere else, caring for Beauty.

What he did find, though, was something that greatly disturbed him...

It was a floating bald head, smoking a cigar, and it was playing cards with a rat whose face seemed to resemble Bobobo's for some reason.

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"What is it? What's the problem?" Bobobo exclaimed, rushing into the room while wearing a pink apron.

"THERE'S...THERE'S A FLOATING HEAD HERE!" Gasser shrieked, jumping into Bobobo's arms out of fear.

A few moments of silence, and then...

"Uh...that's not a floating head. Idiot."

Gasser looked over, and realized Bobobo was right; it was a floating hand instead.

'WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT?!'

"I...I guess I was just imagining things..." Gasser muttered.

"Alright. Now...if you excuse me..." Turning around, Bobobo skipped off to work, but then he tripped and sunk into the ground.

However, as Gasser returned into the living room, he didn't realize that the floating head had actually attached itself to his back at the last moment!

'Heh heh...this idiotic idiot has no idea that I am right behind him! Timing is crucial for when I make my move...yes...yes, it is...'

Suddenly, a hand reached up and pulled him off Gasser's back.

"Hey, Gasser, is this thing yours?" Don Patch asked, waving the dismembered head in front of the white-haired boy's face.

"GWWWWWAAAHHHHH!! THE HEAD WAS REAL!" Gasser cried.

Cursing out loud that he had been discovered, the floating head broke out of Don Patch's grip and hovered over the Bobobo Group, and he began to laugh triumphantly, as if he had already won the battle.

"Who are you?" Bobobo snapped. Gasser also noticed that the fat Arabian man with the turban was gone now, too.

The head smirked and replied, "I am Yukihedo, lowest-ranking member of the 0-Block Base organization! The most powerful organization in all of the Maruhage Kingdom!"

"An...an organization? So then this place holds more than just a group of Hair Hunters?" Gasser exclaimed.

"But of course!" Yukihedo replied, "For many years, the 0-Block Base has been buried underground due to the rising tides, shifting sands, and increasing gas prices! Many members have come and gone, but the Big 5 will always rule! We will never lose! Never, I say! Even I, the lowest-ranked member of this glorious union, will easily bring down the icy cold hand of death upon you all! Nee hee hee hee neh!"

'I...I didn't really understand that at all...' Gasser thought, realizing the cruel realities of being the straight-man in a world as strange as his.

"Fine! You think you can beat us? Just try it, punk! We'll take down every single one of you 0-Block losers!" Bobobo snapped, and Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler stood by his side, ready to fight.

'I think I'll go and see how Softon is doing with taking care of Beauty...' Gasser decided, and he walked away with his hands in his pockets.

"Very well then! Here I come!" Yukihedo proclaimed, "HERE IS MY SUPER FIST: SUPER FIST OF THE HEAD!"

Opening his mouth wide, a strange gurgling sound began to emit from deep within Yukihedo's throat. Slowly, something large and round started to poke out...it was another Yukihedo. Then that Yukihedo opened its mouth, and produced another Yukihedo. It kept going on and on until a whole line of about six Yukihedos had been formed. The heads connected to one another and resembled a snake of sorts.

'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD...'

"I think I'm going to be sick!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, holding his mouth and stomach in disgust.

"YOU FOOLS ARE GOING TO DIE!" bellowed all six Yukihedos, "TAKE YOUR TIME; YOU HAVE NO HOPE!"

Don Patch smirked...and then slid his finger up his own nose.

"JUST REMEMBER THIS...THE GIRL IS DOOMED UNLESS YOU CAN SOMEHOW DEFEAT ME!" Yukihedo exclaimed.

Gasping, Bobobo stammered, "T-The girl...? You don't mean...Beauty?!"

* * *

Gasser let out a gasp when he walked into the laundry room and found Softon lying on the floor, bleeding heavily.

"Oh my god! Mr. Softon...what happened to you?" Gasser cried, running over to help the poor icecream-headed man.

"Ugh...they...they got Beauty," Softon grunted in pain, "I couldn't...save her. Her heat stroke is gone, but...now she's even in worse trouble than before!"

"Why?"

"Because one of those 0-Block bastards...told me he wanted to OPERATE on her..."

Gasser's eyes widened and he feared for the worst...

'Dammit! Bobobo...you better hurry up and beat that Yukihedo guy! We need to save Beauty!' Gasser thought, clenching his fists and shaking.

"Hey, can you bring me a bag of chips, kid? I might be here awhile..." Softon asked; he was ignoring the fact he was losing alot of blood and fast.

Gasser smirked...and slid his finger up his own nose.

'Ah! That's a technique not even I know of! Damn, he learns fast! I wonder if he'll teach me it!' Softon thought in awe.

"No can do, Mr. Softon..."

"Ugh..."


	3. Enter The Battleship

A/N: FYI, the title of this fic is kind of a parody of Shinsetsu Bobobo.

Shinsetsu is "True Theory" in English

Kyokusetsu is "False Theory" in English

See whut I did thar?

* * *

_Where we last left off, our heroes were going head-to-head with Yukihedo, #5 of the Big 5..._

--

--

--

"...Got any 3s?" Bobobo asked his two partners, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler.

Jelly Jiggler shook his head, and Don Patch slammed a '5' card onto the ground.

"HA! GO FISH...BITCH!" He snarled triumphantly. Bobobo then smacked him away with his nosehairs and continued to play like nothing happened.

Jelly Jiggler shook his head, chuckled, and said, "You kids are so funny."

'THESE GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME AT ALL!' Yukihedo realized in both horror and disgust.

Suddenly furious, Bobobo tossed the cards into the air and exclaimed, "GWAH! FORGET THIS! WE GOT AN ENEMY TO FIGHT! WE GOTTA HURRY AND SAVE BEAUTY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"

"Yeah! So what do we do, Bobobo?" Don Patch asked.

"Let's see what equipment we have!" Bobobo shouted, and he pulled out a large blue duffel bag.

Both bewildered and amused by these strange opponents, the six jointed heads of Yukihedo watched in silence, wondering curiously what will happen next.

Searching through the bag, Don Patch said, "Well, we have a baseball, a plastic spoon, a fishcake, a butterfly net, a bag of potato chips...and a 700-Giga-Watt, Hyper-Fueled, Solar-Powered Particle Disintegration Laser Cannon."

"Hmm...give me the plastic spoon..." Bobobo demanded.

"So then, I'll use the baseball!" Don Patch proclaimed.

"YOU TWO ARE BOTH IDIOTS!" Jelly Jiggler snapped, "Neither of you picked the right weapon!"

'Ah! I see...so the blue jelly man is actually the only intelligent enemy here!' Yukihedo thought.

"Obviously, the butterfly net is the best!" Jelly Jiggler announced, waving said net wildly in the air.

'ALL THREE OF THEM ARE IDIOTS!' was the conclusion that Yukihedo soon came to.

"OKAY, THEN...LET'S GO!" Bobobo exclaimed, and he and his two candy-cohorts charged at the giant floating snake-head thing.

Just as Bobobo attempted to stab the plastic spoon into Yukihedo's face, the heads separated just in time and flew around the room, taunting their opponents. They were moving so fast it was near impossible to reach any of them.

"HA HA HA! NOW WHAT WILL YOU DO, FOOLS?" snickered one of the Yukihedo heads. Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands grab onto him...it was Don Patch!

"GAH! HOW DID HE GET ME?"

Without a word, Don Patch landed back onto the floor and began running across the room, bouncing the Yukihedo head on the floor like a basketball. Soon, the entire area had taken the form of a basketball court, and Don Patch was now wearing a #10 Jersey and an orange curly-haired wig.

Leaping high into the air, Tears began to flow from Don Patch's eyes as he held the ball (Yukihedo head) high up to perform a Slam Dunk.

'Haruko, I can do it...I can be a great basketball player...I can!' he thought happily.

Unfortunately for Don Patch, he had severly misjudged the location of the hoop, and he crashed into the backboard. Letting out a pained grunt, Don Patch collapsed onto the ground, and the Yukihedo head died. One down!

"AH! HE KILLED OUR BROTHER...BY PARODYING A FAMOUS BASKETBALL MANGA!" shrieked the other five heads.

"Don't you get it now?" Bobobo asked, "There's no way you can win, Yukihedo. Just give up."

"NO! I'LL NEVER GIVE UP!" roared Yukihedo, "SUPER FIST OF THE HEAD: FLAMES OF PERPLEXICA!"

All five heads opened their mouths wide and began firing fireballs everywhere, setting the entire room aflame. Bobobo let out a cry of pain as one fireball flew directly into his back, badly burning him. Everything was melting; the rug, the couch, the TV...even Jelly Jiggler.

"These are no ordinary flames! Whatever is set on fire by them will melt in exactly five minutes! Not even Exodia, The Forbidden One could stand up to this amazing power!"

"Then we'll just put the flames out!" Don Patch exclaimed, "Bobobo, use WaterGun!"

Don Patch turned and saw that Bobobo had been replaced with the fat Arabian man again.

"Yo," he hissed, "Ya got any rupees?"

"WHY THE HELL DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?"

Suddenly, the Arabian man opened his mouth and fired out a blast of water, incinerating all the flames in a matter of seconds.

"Wow," Don Patch noted, "That was...convenient."

"That's 5 rupees, punk." grunted the Arabian man, and Don Patch reluctantly handed over the money.

"Damn, we pimpin' now!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

Now Yukihedo was really upset; since he was just a floating head, he could barely even use the 'Super Fist of The Head' as it is. These growing emotions of agony and fury brought back memories of his past as a bank accountant. People would always snicker at him and ask if he was getting 'A-head' in life. HE HATED THAT DAMN JOKE!

"STOP...PISSING...ME OFF!!" screamed Yukihedo furiously, and all five heads flew straight for Don Patch, ready to bite his face off.

Don Patch threw up his hands to protect himself, but then Bobobo jumped in front of him and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: INSANITY BEAM...BREAK DOWN OR GET DOWN!"

Bobobo's afro flung open and a squirrel operating a ray gun fired off a wave of red psychic energy, completely disabling Yukihedo's flying abilities.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Screaming loudly, the poor floating head fell all the way down to the floor, defeated.

"Awesome job, Bobobo!" Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

Bobobo scoffed and replied, "Meh, your mother could have done better..."

'WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!'

Suddenly, without warning, a man stepped out of the shadows and walked over towards the unconscious Yukihedo. The man had curly red hair and slanted eyes; he wore a light-blue business suit and clown shoes. A tattoo of the kanji for 'bicycle' was noticable on his left cheek. A dark and threatening aura seemed to flow off of his very being.

Once he had reached Yukihedo's position, he reached down, touched him with his pinky finger...and Yukihedo vanished within an instant.

The three members of the Bobobo Gang let out gasps of shock.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!" Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch both screamed, and they jumped behind Bobobo for protection.

"What did you just do?" Bobobo snapped.

The man raised his head, and Bobobo realized his eyes had no irises.

"I made him disappear, of course. That's my power; Super Fist Of Banishment..."

"JUST...JUST WHO ARE YOU?"

"My name is Var. I am #2 of the Big 5." he replied, and a surge of foreboding fear passed over Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler, but Bobobo wasn't intimidated...at least not as much as the others.

'We're...we're going to have to fight someone as fittingly evil as this guy?' Don Patch thought, practically shaking at the sight of Var.

"#4 is taking care of your little farting friend," Var continued, "And the next floor houses #3 of the Big 5, who will no doubt kill all of you. If he doesn't, though, then I will..."

And with that, Var sank back into the darkness and disappeared.

"I'm not scared of that loser!" Bobobo exclaimed rather loudly.

Jelly Jiggler looked down. "There's a puddle of piss under your feet."

"WHATEVER! LET'S GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR!"

With no time to lose, Bobobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler quickly rushed to the next floor...

* * *

After cleaning up the blood and patching Softon up, Gasser tried to carry the poop-headed man along as he thought of what to do now.

'We gotta save Beauty! But we have no idea where she is! Plus, Bobobo and the others are still fighting! What can we do?'

"Uh, Gasser...you don't need to drag me across the floor like this," Softon grunted, "It hurts...I can walk on my own..."

'Dammit! I'm so afraid she'll get hurt! Or worse! What can we do? What can I do? What can Colonel Sanders do?'

"Gasser, stop ignoring me! This is as bad as when you used me to build a wall for that house in Episode 21! Or was it Episode 22? I can't remember...but anyway!"

'Argh! I'm busy thinking on how to save Beauty, but Softon keeps talking to me! Why the hell won't he shut up?'

Suddenly, Gasser finally realized that no matter how far he walked, he wasn't getting anywhere. Plus, he was now surrounded by complete darkness...and Softon had suddenly vanished, as well.

"W...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" He cried.

Gasser's fear grew when he looked down...and saw he was standing knee-deep in a huge puddle of blood.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Feh! Shut up!"

Standing a few feet away, smirking confidently and holding a glass of red wine in his left fin, was the Alaskan Tuna from earlier.

"You! You're...you're that fish from before! What the hell are you doing here?" Gasser asked.

Chuckling, the fish tossed the glass of wine away and replied, "Why...I'm #4 of the Big 5, of course."

'DAMN IT! I ALWAYS KNEW THAT FISH WOULD BE MY IMMORTAL ENEMIES!' Gasser thought, cursing under his breath.

"Now, Gasser...fight me! If you wish for Softon to live, that is!" barked the fish, still sneering.

"ALRIGHT! HERE I COME...YOU GODDAMN SON OF A FISH!"

Reaching behind him, Gasser pulled out a ball of flatulence and threw it directly at Alaskan Tuna's face, only for the fish to easily dodge the attack by diving underwater.

"Ha ha ha!" the Alaskan Tuna's voice echoed throughout the room, "I can hide anywhere within this pool of blood! There is no way you can hit me, especially not with those stupid fart attacks of yours! Ha ha ha ha!"

'This fish truly is the Devil! What can I do?' Gasser wondered in growing despair.

Gasser tried to stay focused and aim for the fish's shadow under the water, but every attack was avoided with ease by this shockingly difficult foe.

'GAH! WHY DO I HAVE TO SUCK SO MUCH? THIS IS WHY I DON'T FIGHT ANYMORE IN THE ACTUAL SERIES!' Gasser mentally screamed, on the verge of admitting defeat.

Suddenly, a pair of long nose hairs flew in out of nowhere, dived down into the water, and pulled Alaskan Tuna out from the murky depths.

"What? What is this? Who dared pluck me like a Pikmin?" shouted the furious fish, flailing its fins about.

"MR. BOBOBO, YOU SAVED ME!" Gasser exclaimed in the direction that the nose hairs had come from, but then the shadows drew back and it was revealed to actually be an octopus with a human head and a long ducktail hairdo.

"I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU, GASSER!" exclaimed the octopus-man, and he leaped into the water, but ended up drowning because he never learned how to swim. Breaking out of the nose hairs' grip, Alaskan Tuna dived back down to beat up that freak who dared to have attacked him.

'Was...was that Captain Battleship?' Gasser thought.

After about a minute, the tip of a ducktail emerged from the water and began making its way towards Gasser, who couldn't have cared less. Then, the ducktail stopped at Gasser's feet and didn't move another inch. Wondering what was going on, Gasser reached down and pulled on the ducktail...

...and pulled up Yoshio Sawai.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

Furious that he had been tricked, Gasser tossed Yoshio Sawai back into the water and watched him drown.

Suddenly, all the water evaporated, and in the middle of the now-empty room was a dead Captain Battleship, and Alaskan Tuna was weeping over him.

'WHAT THE FUCKIN' HELL?!'

"Oh, why did he have to die?" Alaskan Tuna weeped, "He was so young! So young, I tell you!"

"He was in his late 40s." Gasser replied nonchalantly as he walked over to them.

"AS I SAID, HE WAS SO YOUNG! HE HAD A BOWL OF RAMEN HE WAS GOING TO EAT WHEN HE GOT HOME! WHO'S GOING TO EAT THAT RAMEN NOW? WHO?" Alaskan Tuna cried, and he sobbed heavily into the motionless Captain Battleship's chest.

Suddenly, Captain Battleship's eyes snapped open and he exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: YOU JUST GOT PWNED, BITCH!"

As if alive, the ducktail shot high into the sky and then flipped over and crashed down onto Alaskan Tuna's head at fast speeds, causing blood to squirt out of its mouth, eyes and nose.

Standing up, Captain Battleship brushed himself off, and then said, "I, Captain Battleship, will defeat you with my new fighting style: Super Fist Of The DuckTail!"

"Wow? You have your own true Super Fist style now?" Gasser exclaimed in amazement.

Captain Battleship nodded. "Yeah, me and the others all have a few new tricks we wanna show off..."

"...The others?"

"Yeah. I'm not the only person whose come here to help you save Beauty and destroy 0-Block Base!"

"...How did you guys find out about all of this, though?"

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not."

As Captain Battleship and Gasser were conversing, the Alaskan Tuna was going insane over the fact that someone had actually INJURED him.

'How dare they...playing with my emotions...beating me like I was some sort of rag doll...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...how dare they...HOW DARE THEY...HOW DARE...THEY...HOW...DARE...THEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY!!'

Its rage at its peak, Alaskan Tuna threw its head back and screamed as a huge surge of energy surrounded its body.

"OH NO! HE'S...HE'S TRANSFORMING!" Captain Battleship cried.

Sure enough, after a spectacle of flashing lights and DBZ sound effects, Alaskan Tuna had transformed...

...into an ogre.

"Hey," it squeaked in a high-pitched voice, "My name is Ralph! What's yours?"

"WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!"

"Grr! Forget this! Let's just destroy it!" Gasser shouted, running at the ogre at full speed.

"No, Gasser!" Captain Battlership exclaimed, "Stop! You haven't switched to Geico yet!"

Gasser didn't listen; instead, he pulled out a huge ball of gas (one so big he had to use both hands to control it) and fired it at the ogre's face, screaming, "TASTE THE SMELL OF LUKE-WARM SHIT, YOU BASTARD!"

However, the ogre walked right through the smelly explosion, grabbed Gasser by the arm, and smacked him hard against the wall about three times. Each hit felt like a bomb going off against Gasser's back. He screamed in pain, but not even Captain Battleship could help him...because he was too busy reading a Black Cat graphic novel.

"G-Guuh..." Coughing up blood, Gasser's battered body fell to the floor.

Captain Battleship closed his book with a SNAP and said, "Alright, now I'm ready to fight...thanks for getting that nuisance out of the way, Ralph."

Ralph nodded. "No problem."

Still alive but barely, Gasser thought, 'Fuck you, Battleship...'


	4. Melons As Big As Your Head

_To continue where we last left off..._

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: SPINNING FRISBEES OF HELL!"

"OOGAH!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: FREDDY'S AVERAGE LIFE!"

"UGAAAAAH!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: ORANGES MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

"ZUUUUUBAH!"

"LOVE."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: YOUR MOTHER IS YOUR DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND!"

"GUH?"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: SOUL CALIBUR BATTLE, BITCH!"

After a long and grueling battle using Soul Calibur and Soul Edge, Captain Battleship was finally able to defeat Ralph, who reformed back into Alaskan Tuna and wished for his college football team to remember him as he died.

Tossing Gasser's body into a box of oranges, Captain Battleship carried him up the 2nd Floor where Bobobo was heading, hoping he wouldn't be too late.

'Bobobo...I'm not sure if I still hate you, but I do have something important to tell you, so don't die yet...'

* * *

It took so long for Bobobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler to reach the next floor that they had formed a rock band, wrote about ten top singles, and then became depressing loser drug-addicts in a time span of 12 minutes.

"This part of rockstar life is always the hardest..." Don Patch muttered as he snorted a whole bag of cocaine.

"Mmm...where's Wallace?" Bobobo asked, his feet propped up on the table, and red liquid pouring down his pale, scarred chest.

"Eh. He burned out." Don Patch replied, glancing at their jelly drummer, who was lying on the floor with a paper bag over his head.

"I want some vodka..."

"Oh, Bonito...sweet Bonito..."

"Wasn't she your girlfriend?"

"Yup."

"Loser. You couldn't done better."

"I know. That's why I dumped the bitch. She was crying so hard and saying she hadn't done anything wrong, which was obviously a lie; being alive was her sin! Ha ha!"

"You suck, Don Patch."

"NO. YOU!"

--

Finally, they reached the top of the stairs. Kicking the door down, Bobobo stepped inside first, and exclaimed, "HEY, ANYONE IN HERE? ANYONE LIKE, SAY...THE #3 OF THE BIG 5?"

"Nope. Just me." remarked a businessman, who was busy writing up some tax papers to give his wife and kids. Obviously, if they wanted to stay as his 'family', they had to pay!

"Hmm...do you have money for me?" Bobobo asked, holding a plastic fork up to the businessman's forehead threateningly.

"Yeah? Do yaaaaaaaaa?" Don Patch purred, poking the businessman in the throat with a plastic spoon.

"C'mon, c'mon! Give it, give it!" chided Jelly Jiggler as he waved a plastic knife dangerously close to the businessman's face.

Not wanting to be killed with harmless tableware, the businessman quickly pulled out his wallet, tossed it at Bobobo's feet, and ran off screaming down the hall.

Opening up the businessman's wallet, Bobobo only found 5 yen and a gecko.

"Allo t'ere!" exclaimed the little lizard, "Would ya like some Geico-"

"GTFO!" Don Patch snapped as he snatched the gecko and threw it off in a random direction.

Suddenly, a female voice giggled and said, "Ah, I'm impressed; you three have beaten my two guardians with relative ease."

The lights flipped on, and a woman was revealed to be standing in the middle of a huge alchemical circle that covered the entire floor of the room. She had long shiny hair that was a variety of different colors. She had wide piss-yellow eyes that resembled a cat's. Her outfit consisted of short jeans and a sweatshirt. She was mainly a thin, nimble-looking girl, but her most noticeable feature was...

"WHOO! THOSE ARE SOME TIG OL' BITTIES!" Jelly Jiggler cried, unable to tear his eyes away from the woman's P-Cup breasts.

"Seriously!" Don Patch agreed, "I mean, I've seen MOUNTAINS that weren't as big as those! Dammit, girl! How do you stand? How do you sleep at night? Where can I get boobs like that? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

"S-Shut up! Stop looking at me!" The woman cried, attempting to cover her giant chest, but fialing to do so successfully.

"Alright...so who are you?" Bobobo asked. He didn't seem to have been affected by seeing those giant mounds at all.

"I am Melon, #3 of the Big 5!" the woman exclaimed, "I will destroy all of you with one of the 10 Anicent Super Fist Techniques: Super Fist Of Yum-Yum!"

"10 Ancient Super Fist Techniques? Super Fist Of Yum-Yum? What the hell are you talkin' about, bitch?" Don Patch said in confusion.

"Allow me to explain," Melon continued, "At this current time, there are only about 100 different Super Fist styles that exist in the world. Thousands of years ago, however, things were very different; over millions of different Super Fist styles were practiced and mastered, focusing on everything from using rocks to paper clips. However, the creation of the Hair Kingdom caused a rift in power with the various Super Fists users, and a long and bloody war began. In the end, 110 Super Fist styles were left to survive, but 10 of them were deemed to dangerous and locked away. I am a master of one of those 10 Ancient Super Fist styles..."

Jelly Jiggler was writing all of this down. "And? And? And? What happened next? I gotta write this all down, turn it into a book, and make a fortune off it!"

"...Uh, that's all."

Jelly Jiggler cursed out loud and ran off down the hallway, hoping to come up with some new material before the Pig Mafia came to visit. Then, as he was running, a lizard popped out of the ground, and Jelly Jiggler tripped over its head, causing him to fall headfirst into a bowl of pudding, which a pack of gremlins and a dog ate feverishly.

Bobobo shook his head in disappointment. "You can run, but you can't hide...from da Pig Mafia!"

Smirking, Melon held both arms out wide and asked, "So...are you three ready to face the undefinable power of my Super Fist Of Yum-Yum?"

"WHAT EXACTLY IS YUM-YUM? IS IT A FRUIT?" Don Patch asked, now wearing make-up and a miniskirt.

'Wow...she...I mean, he looks really good in that skirt...' Melon realized, but she quickly shook that thought out of her head and replied, "YOU WANT TO KNOW? WELL...WHY DON'T I JUST SHOW YOU?"

Suddenly, the entire alchemical circle on the floor began to shrink, its energy flowing into Melon's body. Mysterious markings began to form all over Melon's skin, her hair became pitch black, and her voice took on a more demonic tone.

"So...are you ready to die?" She purred, licking her lips and moving her body into a fighting stance.

'I still don't get how it's the Super Fist Of Yum-Yum...' Don Patch thought to himself with squinted eyes and a predominant chin.

"ALRIGHT! HERE I GO!" Bobobo exlcaimed, "SUPER FIST OF-"

Before Bobobo could even unleash his nose hairs, Melon rushed over and smashed her fists into the afro man's stomach, sending him flying into a wall and scattering debris everywhere. After the smoke cleared, Bobobo was lying on the floor, motionless.

"BOBOBO!" Don Patch cried in horror.

"Ah! Don Patch! Tell me; what's her power level?" Jelly Jiggler asked.

Pulling out his Scouter, Don Patch put it on and pressed the button. After a moment, he gasped and exclaimed, "IT'S OVER 9000!"

"9000? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed back, "Then...what about my power level?"

Don Patch pressed the button again and waited. After a moment, he gasped and exclaimed, "IT'S OVER THREE BANANAS AND AN APPLE!"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?" Jelly Jiggler cried.

"Heh heh...how do you like witnessing the first level of my power..." Melon asked, leaning in close to Don Patch...who had dressed up as a woman again. The moment Melon saw Don Patch in that skirt again, she tensed up and started blushing.

"PLEASE!" he shrieked, "DON'T HURT ME! I HAVE A SON NAMED YA-KUN BACK HOME, WAITING FOR ME! PLEASE! HE'S WITH HIS BABYSITTER RIGHT NOW, AND I ALWAYS CHECK UP ON HIM EVERY FIVE MINUTES, SO IF YOU COULD-"

Suddenly, Don Patch's cellphone rang.

"Hold on a moment." he said, and he turned around to answer the call. Melon took the time to see if she could see up Don Patch's skirt; she couldn't really understand it herself, but seeing this little orange candy...thing dress up like a woman was turning her on!

"HELLOOOOO?"

"Uh, yeah, this is Mary, Ya-kun's babysitter," replied a drunken voice on the other line, "Uh, I was using him to unclog the toliets, and I accidently flushed him. So...do I get my money yet?"

Don Patch shrieked and threw his cellphone off into a random direction, hitting Jelly Jiggler in the head as he returned from the hallway. He had just finished going through his mid-life crisis.

"ARGH! STOP SCREWING WITH ME!" Don Patch shouted, now back to his normal self, and he spun around and landed a powerful kick to Melon's face...but it had no effect whatsoever.

Melon snarled and smashed her knee into Don Patch's crotch, then grabbed his leg, spun him around, and slammed her foot in his face, sliced him up a bit with her nails, and then finally punched him in the head. Don Patch spat up a hell of a lot of blood as he was sent flying through the air. He felt like his life was flashing before his eyes, everything that he had done, everything that he had seen...everything...and it made him angry...

* * *

_Many years ago..._

_Don Patch (Age: 3) was happily playing with his toy blocks in the Daycare Center when Melon (Age: 5) walked over and kicked him the side._

_"Hey, what'd you do that for?" Don Patch snapped, his eyes tearing._

_Melon smirked and replied, "Because...you're a dum-dum!"_

_"W...Wha-?"_

_"DUM-DUM!" Suddenly, all the kids, even the teacher (who disturbingly resembled Bobobo) were surrounding him and laughing, calling him names._

_"DUM-DUM!"_

_"DUM-DUM!"_

_"DUM-DUM!"_

_"DUM-DUM!"_

* * *

_Present Time..._

"Hey! Why the hell was I there?" Melon snapped, "I didn't even know you until today! That little flashback seriously couldn't have been real!"

Whether it had been real or not was of no importance now; Don Patch was infuriated.

"NEVER FORGIVE! NEVER FORGET! NEVER...NEVER...NEVER...STEVE, I'M HUNGRY!"

With those words, Don Patch's power erupted...and Super Patch had returned to do battle against evil once again.

"W...What? You turned yellow?!" exclaimed Melon.

"Hmph! So you are the nasty little whore that's been causing trouble." Super Patch remarked, pulling on one of his wristbands, "Very well, then...I guess it is time I teach you a lesson in humility."

Clenching her teeth, Melon snarled, "Shut up! I am not a whore! I just have a big chest, that's all! I'll kill you for saying that!"

Screaming out a string of curse words, Melon flew at Super Patch and swung at him, but he easily caught her fist in his hand, and crushed all the bones inside.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Melon staggered slightly as she held her left wrist, which was now limp and dangling.

"Are you ready to be serious?" Super Patch asked; Melon was disturbed at not only how powerful the little round guy had become, but also at how totally different his personality was now too.

"I AM SERIOUS!" Melon snapped, swinging her right leg at him, "WHAT ABOUT YOU?"

Melon swung her legs around like crazy, but Super Patch just stood still and blocked every one; he even countered a few times and landed some painful hits to Melon's body, causing her to bleed all over.

"YYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Letting out a battle cry, Super Patch swiftly dodged Melon's attack and punched her hard in the gut, knocking the breath out of her completely. Blood even squirted out from in between the spaces of her clenched teeth.

'No...no way...' Melon thought to herself, clutching her stomach, 'I can't be losing to this...this cross-dressing son of a bitch! I...I need to activate Level 2!'

"Just give up. You can't win." Super Patch told her, but...

Melon spat at his feet and snapped, "Shut the fuck up! I'll...I'll skip all the way to Level 5, you bastard!"

Closing her eyes, Melon began to concentrate. Suddenly, Super Patch felt an amazing surge of power, much greater than even his own, and it was coming from Melon herself!

'Argh! I need to end this fight before she reaches full power!' Super Patch realized, and he was about to land the finishing blow to her face when he felt something hard hit him and the entire lower half of his body was gone in an instant.

Melon had finally reached Level 5; she had taken on the form of a male 39-year-old Japanese Samurai, and his sword was stained in Super Patch's blood.

"Guhh...guhh...ahh...D...Dammit..."

Super Patch fell to the ground...and his life ended.

"DON PATCH! YOU CAN'T DIE!" shouted a familiar voice.

Those words were all he needed to come back...

Now returned to the form of Don Patch, he opened his eyes and stood up, realizing that his body was whole again! And, running over to help him, was Rice, Lambada and a beaten-up Jelly Jiggler! And, for some reason, they were all wearing manatee suits.

"R-Rice! Lamaba! What the hell are you two doing here?" Don Patch exclaimed in surprise.

"We came to help you guys, of course!" Rice replied, "Can't let my favorite buddy-wuddies die on me, right? Right? Right?" He was saying this last part while playfully pinching Don Patch's cheeks.

Slapping Rice away, Don Patch said, "Listen, I know we're usually not very serious, but Bobobo's been knocked out and this crazy Melon chick has turned into a Japanese Samurai with funky fresh moves! There's no way we can win, especially if not even Super Patch had a chance!"

Lambada shook his head. "Don't worry; me and Rice got it handled. We've both learned a new technique! It's...say it Rice, before I get constipated!"

"IT'S THE FUSION TECHNIQUE!" Rice exclaimed, waving flags in the air that had 'FUSION' written on them in Korean characters.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY FUCK."

"MAJIDE?!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, and then a small comet flew in and hit him in the face.

Lambada nodded and explained, "Yeah! It's not as good as Bobobo's, but let's do it! I fuse with Jelly Jiggler, and Rice will fuse with Don Patch! LET'S GO!!"

Don Patch wasn't sure how this was going to work, but he knew they had no choice, especially because Bobobo was still out cold (actually, he was just sleeping).

"DON PATCH...BECOMING CANDY!"

"JELLY JIGGLER...JELLY SHAKE!"

After becoming their respective digestive foodstuffs, Rice and Lambada quickly swallowed them down and the transformation began...

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING?" Melon exclaimed; her Final Form also had a thick Asian accent, too.

A huge burst of light, and finally, the fusions were revealed: It was a Don Patch made out of rice, and a Jelly Jiggler made out of polygons.

"I AM...DON RICE!" exclaimed the rice-made Patch.

"AND...I AM JELLY JIPOLYGON!" said the...other guy.

"WE WILL DEFEAT YOU...AND THEN WATCH BRUCE ALMIGHTY!" They both proclaimed together, striking poses at the same time.

'God, this fic is getting worse and worse by the minute...' Melon thought, shaking her head.

* * *

Meanwhile, Captain Battleship was reading Death Note, sitting on top of his favorite chair: Gasser's body!

"Can...can I go to the bathroom?" Gasser whimpered, wanting to get away from this duck-tailed freak and find Bobobo as soon as possible.

"No!" Battleship snapped, "Now shut up and be a good chair; I'm reading about how Light plans on tricking everyone AGAIN and use Misa for his own evil purposes AGAIN and kill L AGAIN and-"

"YOU SERIOUSLY CAN'T BE READING THE WHOLE SERIES!" Gasser exclaimed.

Battleship seemed to revel in hearing the straightman shout his/her words of sanity once again. "That's what helps make this such a good gag series, anyhow."

"YOU ANNOYING SON OF A BITCH-"

"Ah-ah-ah! Chairs don't talk!"

Gasser sighed, and continued to resume his unfortunate fate...


	5. Saving Private Rice

A/N: Please, somebody, review...I apologize if it's not all that good, I mean...I'm sorry! But not THAT sorry. I'm still going to completely finish this fic, of course! It is kind of hard to describe some of these things very well, since Bobobo usually plays off visual gags.

* * *

_I__n continuing where we last left off..._

_--_

_--_

It was now Don Rice and Jelly Jipolygon Vs. Melon as a 39-year-old Japanese Samurai! Who will be the victor of this idiotic battle? And what goes on with Beauty in the chambers above? And why is Captain Battleship treating Gasser like he's his bitch? And why is Bobobo knocked out? And why is this fic suddenly more SERIOUS? And why couldn't Yellow River Guy appear in this story? He was awesome!

--

--

"Your mother plays card games...in hell!" Don Rice exclaimed, to start off round 2 of the battle against #3 of the Big 5.

Closing his eyes, the swordsman opposing them began to mumble something out loud, "JAPANESE SWORD STYLE OF THE SEVEN SWINGS AND FIVE-TENTHS OF A GRAM...FUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLL!!"

Suddenly, he burst forward with a speedy dash and sliced Don Rice in half...only to watch him reform before his eyes.

"Sorry," Don Rice chided, "But since I'm made of living rice, I can easily rebuild my body! I'm...INVINCIBLE!"

"Yeah! Same goes for me too! I can't die either!" exclaimed Jelly Jipolygon, but then Melon stabbed his sword through his chest and he died, causing him to transform back into Lambada and Jelly Jiggler, who were both out cold.

"Taste my metal...bitch." whispered the samurai, and he licked the blood off the tip of his sword lustfully.

In retaliation, Don Rice did everything he could think of: throwing large green bricks shaped like the letter 'A', shooting a locomotive train out of his mouth, and even using his toothbrush as a flaming projectile. Melon easily dodged all of them!

'DAMMIT! THIS CRAZY MAN IS GOOD! TOO GOOD!' Don Rice thought, 'At this rate, I'll need to become my Super form again! It'll be...Super Rice! But I gotta remember a painful moment in my past first...think...think...think...'

Suddenly, a group of cats sprouted out of the floor, and they were all chanting, "THINK, THINK, THINK" over and over again.

One of the cats happened to be the businessman from before, and he was chanting, "SELL, SELL, SELL" over and over again.

"I GOT IT!" Don Rice finally exclaimed, and the painful memories began...

* * *

_3 days ago..._

_"Hey, Bobobo?"_

_"What?"_

_"You're my friend, right?"_

_"Yeah, sure. Just make sure to water the plants twice a day, okay?"_

* * *

_Present Time..._

"AUGH...THE RAGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! NEVER FORGIVE! NEVER FORGET! NEVER...NEVER...NEVER...I'M STILL HUNGRY, STEVE!" Don Rice screamed, clutching his head as if in pain. All the cats and the businessman quickly leaped into toilets to avoid the oncoming surge of power radiating from the rice-pop rocks man.

"Hey! Did anything even happen in that flashback? Tell me!" Melon cried, but his exclamations were ignored.

As he continued to scream, Don Rice didn't notice a pillar of rice fall from the sky and crush him under its weight.

"GGGGGWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! ARE YOU OKAY?" exclaimed Melon.

Suddenly, the pillar blew up, erupting into a huge explosion of rice that covered the entire arena, including Melon himself. When the smoke cleared, Rice was back in his human form...and he had spiky golden hair.

"I AM SUPER RICE!" he proclaimed, and all of the rice on the floor rose up from the ground and flew effortlessly back into his body.

"WAIT, IF YOU'RE BACK AS A HUMAN," Melon exclaimed, "THEN...WHERE'S THAT DON PATCH GUY?"

"...I'm under here..." grunted a small voice.

Raising his left foot, Rice saw that Don Patch was stuck under the sole of his shoe like a piece of old gum!

"Remember, Billy Wise," Don Patch said, sounding like an old man, "With great power comes great responsibility. Do you think you can handle it?"

"I...I think so..." Rice replied, suddenly feeling a bit worried.

Unable to take any more of their stupidity, Melon charged straight for them, blade at the ready. "I'M GOING TO SLICE YOU IDIOTS INTO A MILLION PIECES!! DIEEEEEEEE!!"

Unfortunately for Melon, Super Rice knew exactly what to do to win the battle right here and now!

"SUPER FIST OF THE SUPER RICE: TO HELL WITH RICE, LET'S GO TO A RESORT! SUPER RICE RESORT! LOCATED ON THE BEAUTIFUL JAPANESE ISLAND OF SHIKOKU! SIGN UP NOW FOR A FREE MEMBERSHIP-"

"WHY ARE YOU ADVERTISING YOUR RESORT?"

Right before Melon's eyes, the room took on a complete transformation and now resembled one of those fancy island resorts! The walls and floors had been replaced with shiny white tiles, and several potted plants popped up in the corners to make the place look more serene.

"WHAT THE HECK?!"

Out of nowhere, a big man in a suit walked up to Melon and asked, "...Do you have a reservation?"

"Uh...a reservation? Umm...n-no...I don't..."

The big man shook his head in disappointment. Looking over his shoulder, he called, "It looks like we got ourselves another wannabe, boys! Come and take care of 'em!"

Suddenly, Melon felt a pair of hands grab both of his arms. Looking to her sides, she realized it was Super Rice and Don Patch...in nurse outfits!

"What shall we do with him, Mr. Hanko?" Super Rice asked the man in the suit.

--

(A/N: Hanko means "stamp" or something like that in Japanese.)

--

"I'm not sure..." replied Hanko, suddenly wearing braids and lipstick.

"Can I keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell her?" Don Patch begged, drooling like a madman.

Hanko shook his head. "No...I have a better idea!"

As the man in the suit reached into his pocket, a frightening revelation came upon Melon: 'Oh my god...is he going to pull out a gun? Is he going to kill me? Is this the end for me? Am I...going to die?'

Instead, Hanko pulled out a handstamp. An awkward silence filled the room...

"SUPER FIST OF THE SUPER RICE: HANDSTAMP OF DEATH!"

Without warning, Hanko, Super Rice and Don Patch began pummeling Melon with handstamps. They pressed down so hard that blood actually shot out of his mouth! After about a minute of endless smashing, Super Rice landed the final strike by covering his handstamp in rice and slamming it into Melon's jaw, sending him flying through the air...and then crashing to the ground in defeat.

"How...how..." Melon coughed, "How could I have...lost?" With those final words, he took his final breath...

The room reverted to normal, leaving Don Patch and Rice as the victors!

"HELL YEAH! WE DID IT!" Don Patch exclaimed, throwing bundles of rice into the air happily.

Finally regaining his consciousness, Lambada glared at Jelly Jiggler and hissed, "If you weren't such a weak loser, we could have actually done something in this fight!"

Jelly Jiggler, who was resting comfortably on his 'NU' blanket, shrugged and replied, "Eh. You win some, you lose some."

"You punks suck big time." Bobobo grunted, a cigar dangling in between his lips.

Now that Melon was defeated, Bobobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler knew their next opponent would be none other than that scary guy with Super Fist Of Banishment...#2 of the Big 5, Var!

"You know, Bobobo," Jelly Jiggler said, "We've fought enough opponents already, right? We don't need to go any further, right? Let's just go home and lock our doors and cry ourselves to sleep every night and pretend this never happened...right?"

Bobobo shook his head. "Nope. I'll never get my paycheck if we don't make it to the top!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING, MAN? WE'LL BE KILLED!"

Instead of arguing any further, Bobobo knocked Jelly Jiggler out and dragged him up the stairs, while everyone else followed.

'We're almost there...we're almost there...' Don Patch thought.

When they reached the next floor, the Bobobo Group was shocked to find Var already locked in battle...and it looked like he was losing!

Coughing up blood, Var clutched at his chest and wheezed, "D...Dammit...when the hell did you become so powerful...Oneechan? I can't even use my Super Fist Of Banishment on you!"

'What? He's fighting his big brother?' Bobobo and the others wondered, and they looked to see who Var was being beaten by.

It was...Dengakuman!

"Hey, it's Dengakuman! So that's where he went!" Rice said.

"DENGAKUMAN?" Bobobo exclaimed, "YOU'RE THIS GUY'S OLDER BROTHER? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE A DOG!"

"Of course he's a dog," Var replied, "I'm a dog too...aren't I?"

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!"

"It doesn't matter now," Dengakuman interjected, "Bobobo, this guy's mine! Just sit back and relax while I take him down!"

"I HOPE YOU GET KILLED, PUNK!"

* * *

The fight is brother Vs. brother! Who will come out the victor? Why does Var think he's a dog? How the hell did Dengakuman become so powerful, anyway? When will Bobobo fight again? Why does Captain Battleship not even care what happens anymore? Did everyone but me forget about Softon? Wait until next chapter to find out the answers...to some of these questions!


	6. The Tragedy Between Brothers

_From where the last chapter ended, the battle is Dengakuman Vs. Var!_

"This is ridiculous! Dengakuman couldn't even beat himself!" Don Patch shouted, now sporting a curly moustache and beard.

Bobobo agreed. "Yeah, this has got to be one of those stupid reality-show tricks! I bet they've got hidden cameras all over the place, making us look like complete dorks to the general public!"

"UH...I THINK YOU TWO ARE A BIT PARANOID!" Lambada exclaimed.

"Hey, I found all the hidden cameras." Jelly Jiggler suddenly said, dropping about 40 broken cameras onto the floor.

"THEY WERE RIGHT?!" Lambada exclaimed.

Back at the battle, Dengakuman ran at full speed towards Var and jumped up, landing a spinning kick to the man's face.

'I...I can't even touch him and make him vanish...he's too fast...' Var thought as he staggered slightly from the blow.

"Give up now," Dengakuman said, "Or I'll make you eat grilled tofu dipped in miso on a stick!"

"I'LL NEVER GIVE UP, ONEECHAN!" Var shouted, and he reached down to grab Dengakuman...only for the litte white guy to warp behind him and kick him in the back of the neck.

'Oneechan...why...why must we fight? Why...?' As he fell to the ground, Var's sight was overcome by darkness, and everything faded away...

'NO! I WON'T DIE HERE!'

"SUPER FIST OF BANISHMENT: DARKNESS OF ABSOLUTION!"

Suddenly, Var rose to his feet and sharp tendrils of dark energy burst out of his body, all of them flying towards Dengakuman.

"SUPER FIST OF TOFU: TOFU SHIELD!" Pulling out a large slab of tofu, Dengakuman held it in front to use as a shield, and it somehow blocked the darkness tendrils from even touching him.

"C'mon, Var, you can do it! Kick his ass!" exclaimed Bobobo and the others, who were now all dressed in cheerleader uniforms and jumping around.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS! I'M ON YOUR SIDE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Dengakuman cried.

Var had an insane look on his face as he snapped, "See what happens when you have 'friends', oneechan? They turn on you the moment they see you're losing! Darkness is the heart's true essence! You know it to be true!"

Dengakuman shook his head, and he was suddenly dressed like Sora from Kingdom Hearts. "No...deep down, I know now...even in the most dire situations, the heart is filled with the light of hope!"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" Var screamed, and he tore off his right hand.

"WWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Laughing maniacally, Var tossed his hand into the air and exclaimed, "NOW, GO! SUPER FIST OF BANISHMENT: LIVING APPENDAGES!"

Suddenly, a dark aura formed around the hand and it flew at Dengakuman at incredible speeds.

"Although my hand is now detached from my body," Var explained, "If any part of my upper body touches you, you'll disappear! DIE, ONEECHAN, DIE!"

Dengakuman screamed and ran around the room in terror as the disembodied hand chased after him.

Suddenly, as Dengakuman was running, Don Patch drove up beside him in a mini-kart and said, "Wanna somethin' that'll help ya win the fight?"

"YES! YES, PLEASE! GIVE IT TO ME!" Dengakuman begged.

While still driving with one hand, Don Patch reached into his pocket...and handed Dengakuman a slice of Cheddar cheese.

"Use it well..." Don Patch hissed before making a sharp turn and crashing into the wall.

"WHAT IS CHEESE GOING TO DO FOR ME?" Dengakuman proclaimed out loud. Deciding to see what would happen, he skidded to a stop and threw the cheese directly at the floating hand nearing towards him.

The moment the cheese landed in the hand's grip, it exploded, and Dengakuman weeped for its noble sacrifice. "CLARICE!!" he cried as bits of melted cheese rained down on him.

"YOU BLEW UP MY HAND, YOU BASTARD!" Var screamed furiously, and then he stomped his right foot on the ground.

"SUPER FIST OF BANISHMENT: EMO BANDS KILL YOU!"

The floor in front of Dengakuman exploded and a huge stereo speaker rose from the smoke. After a moment of silence, a certain song began to flow out, pounding in Dengakuman's ears:

--

_I am really special cuz there's only one of me  
look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me  
when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song  
it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long_

_oh oh oh I'm so happy, I can barely breathe  
puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth  
watch out all you mothers, I'm happy, it's hardcore  
happy as a coupon for a 20-dollar whore  
ha-ha-ha hah_

_I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,  
happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy_

_Spoken: I can't do this, man. I'm not happy._

_I am really special, cuz there's only one of me  
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me  
These are my lovehandles, and this is my spout,  
but if you tip me over, then mama said knock you out_

_I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave  
welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave  
I am happy, I am good, I am..._

_I'm outta here! Screw you!_

_--_

'This isn't the song I wanted to play!' Var thought with a gasp.

"AH! IT'S SO EMO!!" Don Patch screamed, tearing at his face like it was on fire.

"IT'S MAKING ME CRY! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Jelly Jiggler whined.

Bobobo wrapped his head with his own noise hair to block out the sound.

Dengakuman, however...was dancing rather happily. "It's like this song knows exactly how I feel!" he exclaimed.

"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY IT!" Var snapped, and he slammed his foot against Dengakuman's face, sending the little tofu man flying across the room.

Suddenly, as he watched poor Dengakuman tumble through the air, Var began to recall moments of his past...his true past...as a guard dog. But...he wasn't a dog...right?

Clutching his curly-haired head, he cried, "No! No! I don't understand it! My past...my present...my future...IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Throwing his head back, Var began to scream pitifully. Dark energy was flowing off his body like crazy.

"Gwah! What's happening to him, Bobobo?" Jelly Jiggler asked.

"He's losing his sanity; he's not capable of living the life of a Super Fist user, but he's not exactly good enough to be a straight-man like Beauty or Gasser either. He's a lost cause..." Bobobo explained while dressed as a mime.

Rice's eyes seemed to glitter with excitement as he exclaimed, "THAT'S AWESOME!"

When Dengakuman finally landed on the ground, he quickly picked himself up and saw Var going insane right before his eyes.

"AHH! LITTLE BRO!" Dengakuman cried.

"SUPER FIST OF BANISHMENT: SPIKES OF OBELISK!" Var barked, trying his best to stay focused.

Several large dark spikes formed in the air and plunged down, attempting to stab Dengakuman, but he barely dodged all of them. Bobobo wasn't so lucky, as he now had one sticking right into his yellow afro.

"VAR," Dengakuman said, "PLEASE STOP THIS!"

"SUPER FIST OF BANISHMENT: DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!" All of the dark energy flowing from Var's body began to wrap around him, and then fired off in random directions as energy balls. Jelly Jiggler dodged the first one coming towards him, smirked, but then was struck by the next energy ball.

As a rather large energy ball was coming towards him, Bobobo just opened his mouth and an eagle came out and swallowed it.

Don Patch pulled out a baseball bat from nowhere and smacked one of the energy balls away, and then ran for a homerun, but Rice caught the ball and stopped him.

"YOU'RE OUT!" he exclaimed, and he kicked Don Patch into a bowl of chowder.

"STOP SCREWING AROUND!" Var screamed; he was about to attack again...when Bobobo grabbed his hand.

"Hello there..." he said.

"What are you doing?" Var snapped, "Let me go! Let me go!"

Without a word, Bobobo moved Var's hand over onto his chest...and they both vanished.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! HE JUST MADE VAR KILL HIMSELF!! SOMEHOW!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

"AND BOBOBO'S GONE TOO! NOOOOOOO!!" Lambada cried.

Suddenly, Bobobo burst out of the floor, wearing clothes like Riku's from Kingdom Hearts. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he said, "Damn...thought I was goner there for a moment!"

"Bobobo! What...what happened to Var?" Dengakuman asked him.

Bobobo shrugged.

"Does it really matter?"

"I guess not. But what am I going to tell mom...?"

Now that #2 of the Big 5 was defeated, all that was left was the head member of the group...and then they could save Beauty!

"LET'S GO, EVERYONE! HOP ONTO THE BOBOBO-TANK!" Bobobo exclaimed, his body now replaced with that of a U.S. Army Tank.

Everyone climbed into the tank and slowly made their way upstairs to their final opponent.

When they reached the top, they saw that the last floor of the building had no ceiling, just clear blue skies. And in the back of the room was a large spherical machine, but Bobobo and the others had no idea what it was. A mysterious pink substance was floating around inside it.

As Bobobo took a single step forward, a familiar female voice shouted, "STOP RIGHT THERE, BOBOBO."

Then, walking out of the shadows...was Beauty.

"Beauty! You're alright!" Bobobo exclaimed, but then he stopped; something was wrong. Beauty's eyes seemed lifeless, and she had an evil smirk on her face.

"...W-What's going on, Bobobo?" Don Patch asked out loud.

Suddenly, Beauty began to laugh, but her laugh was deep and demonic. "BOBOBO, I AM #1 OF THE BIG 5!" she proclaimed, "I AM RICHTER!"

Jelly Jiggler, who was now wearing makeup, laughing into his hand and replied, "Ho ho ho! That's funny! I thought your name is Beauty!"

"Well," Beauty explained, "This host's name is 'Beauty', but the one in control here is definitely me, Richter! This girl's young and healthy body is the perfect host for my soul, which had lost its true body years ago due to old age! By switching my soul with hers, I am now possessor of this body!"

"Then...that pink orb inside that machine..."

"Yes! That is Beauty's soul! Anyway...Bobobo, I, Richter, am the master of over a 1000 Wiggin' skills! I was the original Wiggin' Specialist many years ago, and now I plan to exact my revenge on the Wiggin' community for replacing me by using my new-found power!"

"...Why did those other freaks work for you, then? Please tell us..." Don Patch asked, dressed like a school girl.

Beauty shrugged. "I have no idea."

Bobobo moved into a fighting pose and shouted, "WHATEVER, YOU FREAK! JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF BEAUTY'S BODY NOW BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

"Hmph! Just try it!" Beauty snarled, and the final battle was on!

The first Wiggin' attack Beauty/Richter performed was...

"I had an accident." she said, and a stain formed in the middle of her crotch area, and then she fell onto her knees and cried like a baby.

"HEY," Rice realized, "THAT'S REALLY HOT!...I MEAN, THAT'S ONE OF MY MOVES!"

* * *

After finishing reading all 12 volumes of Death Note, Captain Battleship started to read Rurouni Kenshin next.

Starting to get tired of being a chair, Gasser said, "Hey, I thought you wanted to tell Bobobo something important. Why don't you get the hell off me and let's do it already?"

Battleship shook his head. "No way, punk! We're waiting until he comes back down here...so I can give him a good ass-whooping!"

"YOU SUCK SO MUCH THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START, CAPTAIN BATTLESHIP!"

"...At least I don't use farting attacks that can't beat a single opponent!"

"Touche."


	7. Oncoming Nerves Of A Closing Battle

A/N: We're almost to the end, people!

* * *

There was nothing but darkness, and then...a single stage light flashed on, illuminating over Don Patch. He was wearing a tie and glasses. And, in his right hand was a stick of butter. He unwrapped the top of the butter, and then he began to sing his most famous, most beautiful, most cherished song:

"Old Max Yasgur had a farm  
E I boy oh boy  
And in his pasture, folks rocked out  
In 1969  
With a Jimmy here  
And a Janice there  
3 days of Fecil Salt everywhere!  
I'd say New York was never quite the same  
B O B O BO Uh huh  
B O B O BO!!"

When the song was done, he exploded.

"That was awesome! Do it again!" exclaimed Jelly Jiggler as he run under the spotlight, wearing a director's hat and moustache.

"Sorry, but he's dead..."

"NOOOOO!!"

--

After cleaning herself off and changing her pants, Beauty/Richter was ready to fight again.

"Uh...I don't really want to fight her," Lambada muttered, "She's...kinda weird..."

"Fine, you wuss!" Bobobo snapped at him, "You can just be the straight-man for this battle!"

"Okay." Lambada said with a shrug, and then he walked over to somewhere safe and mentally prepared himself to freak out to everything that was about to happen.

"So...how are we gonna win, Tom? How are we gonna beat Beauty without actually beating her?" Don Patch asked the afro-sporting hero.

Bobobo thought for a long time. He thought so long, it became pretty apparent he wasn't thinking about it at all...

"I dunno. With love or something corny like that, I guess."

"GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!" Don Patch exclaimed, and then he ran over and kicked Beauty in the face.

"UH...THAT'S NOT REALLY USING LOVE OR ANYTHING CORNY LIKE THAT!" Lambada cried, trying to fit his new "straight-man" persona.

'Hmm...this man is good...' Jelly Jiggler thought, wearing a white gi and a red headband.

Smirking, Beauty/Richter didn't even seem effected by Don Patch's attack, so she went ahead and used her next Wiggin' move.

"WIGGIN' DRILL OF HELL!" Suddenly, Beauty's right arm turned into a drill and she slammed poor Don Patch into the ground and jammed the drill into his back.

"GWAAH! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!" Don Patch screeched.

"DON'T WORRY, DON PATCH," Bobobo exclaimed, "I'LL SAVE YAAAAAAAAAA!"

Bobobo shot out his nosehairs and tried to grab Don Patch and pull him away, but Beauty turned her drill on the nosehairs and pulled them into her spinning weapon, dragging Bobobo along with them!

"GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAA!! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!" Bobobo screeched. Don Patch took this moment to put on a dog face and quickly crawl away back to Rice, Jelly Jiggler and Dengakuman.

"Hey! It's my turn now!" Dengakuman announced, and he charged at Beauty, "ALRIGHT! DENGAKU...PUNCH! TASTE MY FIST OF AMAZING POWER!!"

Unfortunately for Bobobo, Beauty decided to use him as her shield against Dengakuman's attack.

"DAMN IT, DENGAKUMANNNNNNNNNN!"

"Ah! Sorry, Bobobo! ...Not really, heh heh."

Laughing maniacally, Beauty tossed Bobobo aside and her hand reverted back to normal. "YOU STUPID FOOLS CAN'T STOP ME!" she exclaimed, "ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THIS GIRL IS SO IMPORTANT TO ALL OF YOU, THAN THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN DEFEAT ME WITHOUT HURTING HER! HA HA HA!"

"Gasp! She's right!" Bobobo (who had recovered from being beaten up rather quickly) exclaimed, "The only way to defeat Richter is by having someone who HATES Beauty and wouldn't feel bad about messing around with her go in her body and dispel the evil spirit! But...who would be perfect for the job?"

Everyone didn't even need to think hard for that question: they all just looked at Don Patch, who was wearing his 'I HATE BEAUTY' T-Shirt, drinking coffee from his 'I HATE BEAUTY' mug, and writing an advertisement for the 'I HATE BEAUTY' club, because he was the leader of that club. He was also smoking a 'I HATE BEAUTY' cigar.

He glanced up and asked, "...Will you freaks stop staring at me like that?"

"Hey, can I go inside Beauty too? I always wanted to see what she looked like inside..." Jelly Jiggler begged, and Bobobo agreed to it.

After Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler turned into small balls of candy, Bobobo ran over to Beauty, stomped on her foot, and tossed his two comrades down her throat while she screamed in pain.

Beauty kicked Bobobo away and snapped, "YOU FOOLS! EVEN IF THOSE TWO IDIOTS SOMEHOW FIND THEIR WAY TO MY ACTUAL SOUL'S LOCATION, I'LL STILL DESTROY THEM FROM WITHIN! BELIEVE IT!"

Suddenly, Bobobo had a Konoha headband on and was dressed like a certain orange-wearing ninja. "YOU MEAN...DATTEBAYO, DON'T YOU?" he exclaimed, "NO ONE LIKES THAT SHITTY DUB CRAP!"

"RRRRRRRRR...I DO, SO JUST SHUT UP!"

Smirking, Bobobo (who was now back in his normal clothes) grabbed Rice's hand and threw him right at Beauty. "RICE, GET ON THE HYDRA'S BACK!"

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO THAT?" Lambada cried.

"ARGH! SUPER FIST OF RICE: RICE BODY BALL!" Covering his whole body in a ball of rice, Rice felt like he was invincible...but Beauty just smashed her hand through it, grabbed the poor guy by the hair, and slammed him hard onto the ground.

"Dammit, Rice! Why do you have to be so useless?"

"THAT WAS REALLY YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW?"

* * *

_Deep inside Beauty's intestines..._

"Man, it's wet in here..." Don Patch remarked as he crawled out of the digestive fluids relatively unharmed. Jelly Jiggler, however, had turned into a geeky man wearing a strawberry suit when he emerged from the acid.

"So...where do you think this 'Richter' guy's soul is?" asked the strawberry-man, cleaning off his glasses as he spoke.

Don Patch shrugged. Walking over to the sidelines of the stomach, he noticed several red strings attached to the ground, flowing out a red substance. Smirking, he grabbed one of the strings tightly and tore it right off. Then, he punched the stomach wall a few times, and laughed.

"HA HA HA! I'M FUCKING UP HER BODY! HA HA HA!"

"You're evil, Don Patch..." Jelly Jiggler said, now back to his normal self.

"Shut up! Let's just get this over with!" Don Patch exclaimed, and he made his way down a fleshy pink corridor that just opened up.

'Hmm...I don't think this is how the organs of a body actually work...' Jelly Jiggler thought to himself as he ran after his round orange friend.

As they went further into the body, it became apparent that Beauty was being controlled; partically because all of the signs pointing them in the right direction to the 'SOUL ROOM', as it read.

"THIS IS SO EXCITING! I'VE NEVER FOUGHT IN A YOUNG GIRL'S BODY BEFORE!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed when he saw a sign that said 'ONLY 23 FEET AWAY UNTIL SOUL ROOM'.

"Yeah, you're right," Don Patch replied, "We usually fight AS young girls. This is what you call 'a change of pace', I suppose..."

"It's like watching 'Dexter'...can we cut someone up?" Jelly Jiggler asked hopefully.

Don Patch shrugged. "Maybe...I'd like to cut up Beauty if I had the chance...I can be the American Psycho, if ya know what I mean...hint, hint."

Jelly Jiggler had no idea what he meant.

Now that their little idiotic conversation was done, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler finally reached a small room just below Beauty's appendix, and within that room was a small light-blue sphere on a pedestal...that was being watched by a very old man with an orange for a head.

"UH...HELLO THERE? WHO MIGHT YOU BEEEEEEEE?!" Jelly Jiggler cried.

The old man looked up and smiled with a mouth full of golden teeth, and then he faded away into dust.

"WWWAAAAAAHHH! HE'S GONE!"

"Never mind that, Jelly," Don Patch snapped, "Look at that orb! That must be Richter!"

Suddenly, the orb shook and began to speak: "YOU TWO BUMBLING IDIOTS SERIOUSLY THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME? HOW IDIOTIC!"

"Hey, we may be idiots, but we're not bumbling!" Don Patch snarled.

"Yeah!" Jelly Jiggler said, "We're more like...foolish, or retarded, or something! Definitely not bumbling! Hell no! Not bumbling! Not us! Not us in the slightest! We don't bumble, good sir! Seriously! How dare you say we're bum-"

"ENOUGH ALREADY!"

Suddenly, the entire room began to shake violently.

"HEY, IS IT AN EARTHQUAKE?!" Don Patch asked.

"NAH! SHE PROBABLY NEEDS TO JUST TAKE A DUMP!" Jelly Jiggler replied.

The light-blue orb started to shatter, and then it completely fell apart...revealing a small glowing naked boy in its place. The boy had short, clean-cut black hair and a rather simplistic face. Besides not wearing pants, there wasn't anything essentially evil or disturbing about him.

Serviceman popped in, tossed the kid a pair of pants, grunted, "Here, kid...from me to you, with Russia from love!" and then he ran off, never to be seen again.

"WHO ARE YOU? MY AUNT SALLY? MY UNCLE TED? YOU LOOK LIKE ME, SO WE MUST BE RELATED! RIGHT?" Jelly Jiggler asked the boy.

The boy smiled sweetly as he replied, "No, I'm just a physical manifestation of Richter's psyche, and I will be your opponent within the bowels of this fair pink-haired beauty. This is what I meant when I said that not even going after my soul itself would be easy. While I fight outside using Beauty's body, I'll kill both of you right now using my own soul! It'll be easy!"

'Well, thank god you put on some pants first, boy! Kids these days, always thinking they can run around in the nude just because all the mommas on the block find it 'hip' and 'funky fresh'...it's despicable, I tell you!' Don Patch thought while wearing his 'old man' beard and cane.

"NOW, TIME TO DIE!" screeched the boy, his face turning demonic, and he swung his arm, firing off a huge blast of energy that was flying towards Don Patch.

Too afraid to move, Don Patch was about to be hit, when Jelly Jiggler pushed him out of the way, and was hit with the attack himself.

"You...you need to survive...and live on...warrior..." Jelly Jiggler told Don Patch before being sliced clean in half.

"JELLY JIGGLER!" Don Patch cried in horror, and he ran over to help his friend, who had been turned into a tomato!

"STOP TRANSFORMING! STOP TRANSFORMING! STOP TRANSFORMING! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?" he wailed, holding the remains of his dear friend in his arms.

Richter threw his head back and laughed, but Don Patch didn't find this funny in the slightest; in fact, it enraged him...obviously.

"YOU...YOU...YOU...YOU BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!"


	8. False Theory Ends?

A/N: Already the last chapter! I work fast! It's extra long! Also, I don't own any of the songs that appear in this chapter! And...remember:

PLEASE REVIEW!!

* * *

Roaring out in fury, Don Patch began stuffing the sliced pieces of Jelly Jiggler down his own throat wildly.

"I...MUST...WIN...I...MUST...WIN!" he chanted wildly.

"UH...HOLD ON HERE!" Richter exclaimed, "YOU'RE EATING YOUR OWN FRIEND! DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT?!"

"I...MUST...WIN...I...MUST...WIN...I...MUST...LOSE!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-?"

'Did...did he just eat me?' Jelly Jiggler wondered.

After swallowing the final piece of dear Jelly Jiggler, Don Patch's body was enveloped in an explosion of light.

"WHAT? ANOTHER FUSION? GEEZ, CAN'T YOU GUYS BE MORE ORIGINAL FOR ONCE?" Richter cried as he held up his arms to shield his eyes.

When the light finally died out and the smoke cleared, a new warrior was standing before Richter; he had long spiky blue hair that ran down his back, cold merciless red eyes, and he wore a suit of armor similar to Halekulani's, except it was a mixed color of light-blue and orange-red. He wore gym shorts, demonic-looking greaves covered in spikes and simple kung-fu shoes. A long scar ran across his rather handsome face.

'THIS GUY IS A FASHION DISASTER!' Richter thought.

Reaching behind him, this mysterious man pulled out a long sword...made out of jelly.

"I AM JELLYPATCH!" he exclaimed, "WE CAN FUSE EVEN WITHOUT BOBOBO! I WILL DEFEAT YOU AND FREE BEAUTY'S BODY!"

"HA! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!" Richter taunted.

Jellypatch swung his sword once...and it shattered the moment it touched the tip of Richter's head.

"Argh! I should have guessed this would happen! I got this damn thing at a garage sale, for crying out loud!" Jellypatch shouted furiously as he tossed the hilt of his useless destroyed sword aside.

"NOW THAT YOU'RE WITHOUT A WEAPON...I'LL END YOUR LIVES NOW!" Richter snapped, and with a flick of his hand, Jellypatch suddenly exploded.

Throwing his head back, Richter laughed triumphantly as Jellypatch's battered body fell to the floor.

However, this battle wasn't over yet...

* * *

_Back with Bobobo and the others..._

Taking a sip of tea, Bobobo (wearing a dress) asked, "So, Rice...how's college life?"

Rice picked up a cookie and took a bite of it as he replied, "It's good, but I always feel so lonely on campus. I wish I wasn't the only student there..."

"Aww...it'll be okay." Bobobo said, giving Rice a comforting pat on the back.

"Thanks, Auntie Bobobo. You're always there for me..." Rice murmured, and he pulled the big afro man into a hugging embrace.

"HEY, YOU GUYS!" Lambada snapped, "YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT, YOU KNOW! STAY FOCUSED!"

"WIGGIN' SIX-PACK OF DEATH!" Beauty shouted, and she lifted up her shirt...revealing six pack abs!

"DAMN! SHE'S MORE WELL-TONED THAN I AM! NO FAR!" Bobobo cried.

"UH...NOT REALLY!" Lambada said.

Suddenly, the abs on Beauty's body shot off like rockets and smacked into Bobobo and Rice, sending them flying into the wall.

"HA HA HA! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, FOOLS?" Beauty mocked, pulling her shirt back down.

"I like it very much..." Rice purred, licking his lips lustfully. Neither he nor Bobobo seemed to be too injured.

'Damn, this Rice kid is starting to freak me out...' Bobobo thought as he brushed dust off himself.

"ALRIGHT! BOBOBO, LET'S DO OUR ULTIMATE TAG-TEAM ATTACK!" Rice exclaimed, now back to being serious.

Bobobo nodded. "YEAH! LET'S DO IT!"

'Hmm? Just what attack could they be planning on using?' Beauty wondered as she braced herself.

Suddenly, a wash pan flew through the air, and smacked Beauty in the head.

"HELL YEAH! IT WORKED!" Bobobo and Rice both exclaimed.

"THAT WAS YOUR ULTIMATE TAG-TEAM ATTACK?!" Lambada cried.

Beauty grunted and rubbed the new bump on her head as she screamed, "YOU BASTARDS! I WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS! WIGGIN' FIST OF THE MIMIC! SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!"

Suddenly, two long pink nose hair strands emerged from Beauty's nostrils, and wrapped around Bobobo and Rice to ensnare them.

"WHAT?" Bobobo yelled, "HOW COULD YOU USE THE SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR?"

"It's simple; I used 'Wiggin' Fist Of The Mimic', which allows me to copy an opponent's Super Fist style for five minutes, which is more than enough time to kill you both! I'll crush you to death!" Beauty replied.

"ARGH...GIVE BEAUTY BACK!!" Bobobo demanded as the nose hairs gripped tightly around his body, slowly crushing him. Looking over at Rice, Bobobo saw that the boy had already lost consciousness.

'Dammit! The only way I can win is if I attack, but I can't hurt Beauty! I just can't! ...But, what if I envision her as someone I can attack without guilt? Like...like...like Don Patch!'

However, when he looked at Beauty, all he could see was a sweet young pink-haired girl staring back at him. He couldn't do it...he just couldn't harm her directly...

Focusing all of his energy, Bobobo looked up to the sky and begged, "ANYONE...ANYTHING...HELP US! PLEASE!"

There was no reply, but then...

"Stop acting so out of character, Bobobo." said a voice.

Looking over at the machine that housed Beauty's soul, Bobobo saw two figures...Hatenko and Softon!

"WHAT? I THOUGHT ALASKAN TUNA KILLED YOU, YOU POOP-HEADED FREAK!" Beauty snapped. At that moment, her nose hairs' grip weakened for only a second, and Bobobo took that opportunity. He tore the nose hairs apart and freed both himself and Rice, who actually had just fallen asleep instead of losing consciousness.

"Actually, I was about to be grinded up into pork chops when Hatenko appeared and gave the butcher 5 bucks and a candy bar to purchase me raw...he's a hero..." Softon explained, although it made absolutely no sense.

Hatenko pulled out his special key and said, "After picking up Softon, he told me about his troubles as a teenager, and then he told me that the Don is here somewhere, and that he needs my help! So...where's the Don, Bobobo? If he's dead or something...I'LL KILL YOU RIGHT NOW."

"Ehh...Beauty ate them." Bobobo replied in a monotone voice.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE! YOU THREW THEM DOWN MY THROAT! AND WHY DID YOU TWO HAVE TO BREAK OUT OF MY NOSE HAIR TRAP SO EASILY?" Beauty snapped at him.

"WHAT?!" Hatenko cried, "ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU PINK-HAIRED ANIME BITCH!"

Just as Hatenko started to charge at Beauty, Softon grabbed him by the scarf and said, "Hold on there, smellings. Remember...I owe you, so that means you have to do what I say, got it?"

"Y...You're right. I'm sorry..." Hatenko muttered in response.

"UH...THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW BEING IN DEBT WORKS!" Lambada exclaimed.

"NOW...LET'S...FREE...BEAUTY!!"

Softon and Hatenko smashed his feet against the machine's container, and a crack started to form on the glass surface.

"NO! STOP IT!" Beauty shouted, but Softon and Hatenko continued to smash the glass in attempts to break it and free Beauty's soul.

"RAAAH! WIGGIN' DEATH TO DUST, DUST TO DEATH!"

Suddenly, huge cannons shot out of the ground from underneath Hatenko's and Softon's feet, and they were sent flying high into the air, blood spurting out of their mouths.

Softon tried to use one of his Babylon techniques, but spikes flew out of the ground and pierced both his arms, leaving them immobile.

Aiming onto the two free-falling fighters, the cannons fired several volleys of bombs, all of them exploded the moment they came in contact with Hatenko and Softon.

When the smoke cleared, Hatenko and Softon were lying on the ground in puddles of blood.

"GAAH! OH NO! HATENKO! MR. POOP! WHY ARE ALL OF MY FRIENDS SO USELESS? WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO NOW?!" Bobobo cried as Beauty laughed and laughed, her victory basically assured now.

"Hey, Lambada, wanna fight with me?"

"HELL NO!"

"You're such a wuss..."

* * *

_Meanwhile, inside Beauty's body..._

Jellypatch was still lying motionless on the floor, and Richter was watching all of the destruction and chaos going on outside using a portable TV.

Looking over at the fallen warrior, Richter thought, 'It is a little strange, though...why hasn't he turned back into those two weird food freaks yet? Isn't that what usually happens when a fusion form is defeated or something?'

Suddenly, he blinked once...and Jellypatch was gone.

"WHAT?!"

"BEHIND YOU...BITCH."

Richter spun around, and saw Jellypatch standing before him...but he had the head of cat.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

"STOP SCREAMING!" Jellypatch snapped, and he tore his head off and revealed his actual face to be under it, "IT WAS JUST A FAKE! GOD, YOU RUINED MY JOKE! LOSER!"

"ARGH! STOP MESSING WITH ME, YOU SCREWBALL!" Richter snapped, and he swung his hand to slice Jellypatch in half, but the freaky fusion man easily dodged it.

Throwing his hands into the air, Jellypatch exclaimed, "TIME TO KICK YOUR ASS! SUPER FIST OF THE WOBBLE WOBBLE POPPA ROCKS DEATH SCYTHE CYCLE SPINNING ATTACK OF PAIN V.2: CARAMELLDANSEN!"

Jellypatch put his wrists up against his head, held out his palms, and began swaying back and forth quickly, moving his hands up and down in a repetitive pattern. Slowly, funky Swedish music began to play in the background.

(A/N: If you know what the 'Caramelldansen' is, then good for you! If you don't, it would be best if you looked it up first.)

Covering his ears with his hands, Richter cried, "No! Stop it! Anything but this...but this ridiculous song! This stupid Internet meme! Make it stop! I beg you! Make it stop! You're cheating, you bastards! Play fair! IT'S MAKING ME FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!"

"FASTER! FASTER!" Jellypatch exclaimed, and his dancing movements and the background song picked up speed.

Screaming in pain, blood burst out of Richter's mouth and he fell to the ground.

Stopping the song, Jellypatch ran over to make sure the little bastard was dead by kicking him in the nuts...he wasn't.

Clutching at his poor balls in pain, Richter stood up and shouted, "YOU BASTARDS! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

Jellypatch scoffed and sarcastically replied, "YEAH, I'M SURE YOU WILL!"

Suddenly, a hole opened up in the ceiling, and Richter jumped through it.

"AH! TRYING TO ESCAPE INTO THE UPPER INTESTINES, HUH? WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" Jellypatch snapped, and he went after him, using a ninja wall-jump to climb up the pipe-like hole.

At the top of the hole was another large room, and the walls were pulsating with red fluid flowing throughout the veins. Richter was standing in the middle of the room, looking up at something...it was Beauty's heart.

"Do you see this, you bastard?" Richter asked Jellypatch in a sinister tone, "All I have to do is something as simple as pierce this girl's heart to kill her! The same goes for you, too! Do you think you can beat me without killing the girl?"

Jellypatch gritted his teeth and cursed under his breath; he hadn't expected something like this! "Well, I better think of something soon," he said aloud, "Since I can only stay in this form for a total of 60 seconds..."

"ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING? IT'S BEEN WAY OVER 60 SECONDS ALREADY!" Richter snapped.

Thinking for about a minute, Jellypatch gasped and exclaimed, "That's it! I know how to beat you and not kill Beauty at the same time!"

"WHAT? NO WAY!"

Reaching into his pocket, Jellypatch pulled out a hat and a microphone. The words 'EMINEM' were printed onto the front of the hat, but Jellypatch put it on backwards.

Holding the microphone up to his lips, Jelly Jiggler screamed loudly, "TIME TO DIE, FAGGOT! SUPER FIST OF THE WOBBLE WOBBLE POPPA ROCKS DEATH SCYTHE CYCLE SPINNING ATTACK OF PAIN V.2: JUST LOSE IT!"

Suddenly, a tedious rap theme started up in the background, and Jellypatch began to sing:

--

_Intro  
Eminem making sounds:  
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down!  
Ok..  
Guess who's back?  
Back again  
Shady's back  
Tell a friend  
Whaaaaaaaa_

_Now everyone report to the dance floor  
To the dance floor, to the dance floor  
Now everyone report to the dance floor  
Alright Stop!...Pajama time_

_Verse 1  
Come here little kiddies, On my lap  
Guess who's back with a brand new rap?  
And I don't mean rap as in a new case of child molestation accusation  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
No worries, papa's got a brand new bag of toys  
What else could I possibly do to make noise?  
I done touched on everything, but little boys  
That's not a stab at Michael  
That's just a metaphor, I'm just psycho  
I go a little bit crazy sometimes  
I get a little bit out of control with my rhymes  
Good God, dip, do a little slide  
Bend down, touch your toes and just glide  
Up the center of the dance floor  
Like TP for my bunghole  
And it's cool if you let one go  
Nobody's gonna know, who'd hear it?  
Give a little "poot poot", it's OK! (Fart Sound)  
Oops my CD just skipped  
And everyone just heard you let one rip_

_Chorus  
Now I'm gonna make you dance  
It's your chance  
Yeah boy shake that ass  
Oops, I mean girl girl girl girl  
Girl you know you're my world  
Alright now lose it  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Just lose it  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Go crazy  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Oh baby  
(HA-HA)  
Oh baby, baby  
(HA-HA)_

_Verse 2  
Well, it's Friday and it's my day  
Just to party all the way to Sunday  
Maybe 'til Monday, I dunno what day  
Everyday's just a holiday  
Crusin' on the freeway  
Feelin' kinda breezy  
Got the top down, lettin' my hair blow  
I dunno where I'm goin'  
All I know is when I get there  
Someone's gonna "touch my body"_

_Excuse me miss, I don't mean to sound like a jerk  
But I'm feelin' just a little stressed out from work  
Could you punch me in the stomach and pull my hair?  
Spit on me, maybe gouge my eyes out? (Yeah)  
Now, what's your name girl?  
What's your sign?  
Dr Dre "Man, you must be up out your mind"  
DRE! (HA-HA)  
Beer Goggles! Blind!  
I'm just tryna unwind now I'm_

_Chorus  
Now I'm gonna make you dance  
It's your chance  
Yeah boy shake that ass  
Oops, I mean girl girl girl girl  
Girl you know you're my world  
Alright now lose it  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Just lose it  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Go crazy  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Oh baby  
(HA-HA)  
Oh baby, baby  
(HA-HA)_

_Verse 3  
It's Tuesday and I'm locked up  
I'm in jail and I don't know what happened  
They say I was running butt naked  
Down the street screaming  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Well I'm sorry, I don't remember  
All I know is this much  
I'm not guilty  
They said, "Save it, boy we gotcha you on tape  
yellin' at an old lady 'Touch my body!'"_

_Now this is the part where the rap breaks down  
It gets real intense, no one makes a sound  
Everything looks like it's 8 Mile now  
The beat comes back and everybody lose themselves  
Snap back to reality  
Look it's B.Rabbit!  
Yo you signed me up to battle!?  
I'm a grown man!  
Chubba chubba chubba chubba chubba chubbie  
I don't have any lines to go right here so, chubba teletubbie!  
Fella's (WHAT?!) Fella's (WHAT?!)  
Grab you left nut, make your right one jealous (what?)  
Black girls  
White girls  
Skinny girls  
Fat girls  
Tall girls  
Small girls  
I'm callin' all girls  
Everyone report to the dance floor  
It's your chance for a little romance or  
Butt squeezin' it's the season  
Just go (HA-HA-HA-HA)  
It's so appeasin'_

_Chorus  
Now I'm gonna make you dance  
It's your chance  
Yeah boy shake that ass  
Oops, I mean girl girl girl girl  
Girl you know you're my world  
Alright now lose it  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Just lose it  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Go crazy  
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)  
Oh baby  
(HA-HA)  
Oh baby, baby  
(HA-HA)_

_Outro  
UmMmMmm touch my body  
UmMmMmm touch my body  
Ooh boy just touch my body  
I mean, girl just touch my body_

_--_

"I'M THE MALE DENBOCHAN, BITCH! ARE YOU THE REAL SLIM SHADY?!"

Screaming in pain, blood flowed out of Richter's mouth and eyes and nose like crazy as he was sent flying into the air, and then hit the ground with a THUD.

"No...No...I...I am not...am not Slim Shady...I'm not...Slim Shady wasn't...even really mentioned in the song...you retard..." he wheezed, and then he gave up the ghost, that is to say, he died.

Now that the battle was won, Jellypatch defused back into Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler.

"WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY WON!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, "I SO GOTTA WRITE THIS IN MY BLOG!"

Don Patch nodded. "Yeah, and now Bobobo and the others can take of the rest..."

"Hmm...but how do WE get out?" Jelly Jiggler asked him.

Don Patch thought for a moment, and then a devious smirk appeared on his face.

"Follow me," he said, and he jumped down the hole leading back to the previous room.

Wondering what his little orange friend was planning, Jelly Jiggler ran after him...

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with Bobobo..._

"AAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Screaming, Beauty fell to her knees and clutched at her head. "Ugh...ugh...what's going on...my Wiggin' powers...they're weakening!" she exclaimed furiously, and then another sharp pang passed through, and she screamed again.

"OH YEAH! DON PATCH AND JELLY JIGGLER MUST HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN THEIR VENTURE!" Bobobo cried, "BUT I'M STILL GONNA BEAT THEM UP FOR HURTING BEAUTY LIKE THIS!"

Still clutching her head with one hand, Beauty staggered back to her feet and hissed, "S-Shut up, you annoying man...even if my soul was somehow defeated, I still have some control left over her body! I won't let you win!!"

"If that's the case...then I'll just need to eradicate your soul completely." Bobobo replied, and suddenly his body was surrounded with a powerful yellow aura.

Suddenly, the entire 0-Block Base began to shake, and Dengakuman walked back into the room wearing a pair of panties over his head. "...What'd I miss?" he asked.

"WHAT...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Beauty snapped at Bobobo.

The flowing yellow energy suddenly burst forward and wrapped around Beauty, pulling her in. She tried to break free, but her powers were now too weak for to do anything.

"RICHTER...I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU COMPLETELY BY FUSING MYSELF WITH THE LIFE ENERGY OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE PLANET! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL, YOU EVIL BASTARD!" Bobobo shouted, and then millions of individual nose hairs came out of his nostrils and flew all over the world, attaching to every living person, including Gasser and Battleship downstairs.

"I'LL BORROW THE LIFE ENERGY OF ALL THE FRIENDS I'VE MADE SO FAR, AS WELL: SAD SACK, OVER, REM, KITTY-POO, HALEKULANI, GIGA, SUZU, KANEMARU, THE ULTIMATE FIVE ASSASSIANS, J, GENERAL LEE FISHCAKE, AND ALL THOSE OTHER LOSERS!"

"IF THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS, THEN WHY ARE YOU CALLING THEM LOSERS? AND SHOULDN'T YOU ASK BEFORE TAKING SOMEONE'S LIFE ENERGY?"

No one seemed to notice their energy being pumped into the nose hairs until it was too late.

Unfortunately, Bobobo sucked out too much energy, and the world's population was now a mere single-digit 5, since Lambada had to survive to be the straight-man and Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler couldn't be absorbed while inside Beauty's body.

"YOU PRETTY MUCH JUST WIPED OUT THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE! I THINK YOU'RE THE EVIL ONE HERE!" Lambada cried, and Bobobo just sucked out his life energy in response.

"HA HA HA! YOU MAY HAVE BECOME IMPOSSIBLY POWERFUL, BUT DO YOU THINK YOUR BODY CAN HANDLE SO MUCH POWER? YOU'LL DESTROY YOURSELF FROM THE INSIDE!" Beauty mocked.

Bobobo looked down, and saw a huge crack running up alongside his arm. "GAAH! SHE'S RIGHT! I'M BREAKING APART!" Then, his whole arm shattered...to reveal another of the same arm underneath!

"It's a good thing I had extra arms installed!" Bobobo said happily, and Beauty was in complete and utter shock.

"ALRIGHT, HERE I GO, BEAUTY! TIME TO SET YOU FREE! SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: EXTREME MEGATON VIOLENT BURNING RAGED FLOWER FLYING PSYCHOTIC DEATH SKULL SHINING INVISIBLE FALCON PUNCH!!"

Bobobo raised his hand, and gently tapped his fist against Beauty's stomach. "See ya."

Nothing happened for a moment, and then Beauty was blasted backwards by a huge explosion of energy, sending her crashing into the soul machine behind her. Blood flew everywhere as the glass on the machine shattered, and several more explosions erupted around her, and debris collapsed all over the room. A small light-blue orb rolled out in front of Bobobo, and he promptly crushed it under his foot. A powerful, wretched scream emitted from the dust that flowed out of the orb, but Bobobo just blew it away with a swipe of his hand.

The battle was over.

Bobobo let out a sigh, and all of the life energy he had borrowed separated from his body and returned to their respective owners, thus bringing Lambada, Rice, Hatenko, Softon, Battleship and Gasser back to life. Also, everyone else in the world were revived too, with no idea what the hell had just happened to them.

'Hmm...hopefully Beauty never finds out that I beat her up...' Bobobo thought.

"Oww...my head...where...where am I?"

Raising out of the debris and rubbing her head was Beauty, and her soul had definitely returned to her body!

"BEAUTY, YOU'RE BACK!" Bobobo exclaimed happily. Softon and Hatenko stood up, suddenly healed of all injuries, and Gasser and Battleship just so happened to enter the room at that time too. Rice was still sleeping, and Lambada was considering getting a job in different anime series.

"Man...what...what happened?" Beauty asked as she walked over to her friends, "The last thing I remember was feeling really, really hot and tired...and then that was it..."

Grinning sheepishly, Gasser replied, "W-Well, Beauty...uh, I'll explain it all to you later, okay? Heh heh...after Mr. Bobobo tells me what happened first, of course..."

While Beauty and Gasser were talking, another conversation was taking place. Looking over at Battleship, Bobobo remarked, "Huh. I didn't know you were here, Battleship. I thought we were done with each other already..."

"...I wish I knew how to quit you, Bobobo." Battleship said solemnly.

"What're you gettin' at, Battleship?"

Battleship sighed and seemed to blush a bit as he replied, "Uh...B-Bobobo, I...I need to tell you something really i-important..."

"...Yes, Battleship?"

The two nose hair warriors were so close to each other that it looked like they might kiss, so Beauty immediately stopped talking to Gasser and watched them with a hopeful look in her eyes.

Suddenly, Battleship pulled out a Twinkie and held it in front of Bobobo's face. "YOU'LL NEVER GET MY TWINKIE, YOU BASTARD!" Battleship mocked, and then he pranced away, laughing.

"DAMN YOU, BATTLESHIP!" Bobobo called, chasing after him, "GIVE ME THE GODDAMN TWINKIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Beauty let out a groan and thought, 'Dammit, when will I finally get to see some boy-on-boy lovin'...?'

Hatenko, who was just standing around, let out a gasp when he realized that Don Patch was still inside Beauty!

He was about to say something about it when Beauty suddenly clutched her stomach in pain and grunted, "Ugh...for some reason, I really have to go to the bathroom..."

Luckily, there was a bathroom nearby for some reason, so Beauty quickly rushed in and locked the door. After a few moments, the door swung open and Beauty ran out screaming like mad. Then, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler walked out looking smug with cigarettes in their mouths, both of them dripping wet.

"GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"DAMN IT, YOU TWO ARE GONNA PAY FOR HURTING BEAUTY!"

"HUH? WHY US? WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!!"

Without hesitation, Bobobo started whacking his two food friends around rather violently using his nose hairs like whips.

In a typical good-time movie ending scene, everyone just started laughing happily at the outrageous scene as the camera zoomed backwards until the entire top of the 0-Block Base was in view.

"IS THIS SERIOUSLY HOW IT ENDS?"

"HOW CHEESY!"

"YOU WANT CHEESY...YOU GOT CHEESY!"

"WHAAA! STOP IT, BOBOBO!"

"SERVICE! SERVICE! SERVICE!"

"NOOOOOO! NOT THIS GUY AGAIN!"

"BAKA SURVIVOR...BABY! BAKA SURVIVOR...BABY!"

"STOP SINGING AND HELP ME!"

"BEAUTY, JUST CALM DOWN!"

"WAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

And then...everything faded to black.


	9. Welcome To Sabaku

A/N: HA HA HA! IT'S NOT THE END! ...Or is it? SHOULD I CONTINUE ONTO THE NEXT ARC, OR SHOULD I JUST END IT NOW? PLEASE TELL ME! I'LL TRY AND MAKE IT BETTER TOO! I PROMISE!

I ACTUALLY MIGHT CONTINUE THIS INTO THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! Also, in this chapter, there are some name puns with Japanese words. And now, there'll be more of a plot and more seriousness, but still crazy stuff is gonna happen! I'll still work on making other non-Bobobo fics too, when I come up with something new.

* * *

With the ruins of 0-Block Base now left behind them, the Bobobo Group continued their traverse through the desert. Bobobo was overjoyed that Beauty was alright, and Hatenko was weeping into his chest as he cradled the battered body of his beloved Don. Everyone else was fine, too.

"Wow...even after that super powerful attack, I'm glad that my body remained intact!" Beauty exclaimed when she learned about what had happened earlier.

Bobobo nodded, but then he leaned in and whispered, "Yeah, about that...if your organs start crumbling apart or something all of the sudden, then I apologize in advance..."

"WWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"Nah. Just kidding."

'Ah...I was starting to miss Beauty's freak-outs...' Gasser thought with a smile.

Beauty kicked Bobobo in the crotch, and then turned to Gasser and asked, "Hey, Gascan, how close is the nearest town? Does it say on the map?"

Pulling out a world map he had taken from the base, Gasser looked it over for a moment. "Well, this whole thing is written in Romanian, so I really have no clue."

"Let me see that!" Jelly Jiggler said as he snatched the map away, "I have a Master's Degree in the language of the Leprechauns."

"Wow? Really?" Gasser said, amazed.

"HEY, YOU TWO! LEPRECHAUNS AREN'T FROM ROMANIA!" Beauty snapped at them.

Putting on his scholar glasses, Jelly Jiggler peered closely at the map...so closely that the cigar he had in his mouth set the map on fire, disintegrating it within seconds.

"Nope. Can't read it at all." Jelly Jiggler replied with a shrug.

"AHH! YOU JUST BURNT UP THE MAP, YOU IDIOT!" Gasser and Beauty both screamed.

Suddenly, Softon, who had run ahead, reached the peak of a large incline of sand and gasped.

Only a few miles away from their position was a large, mechanical city, with several long pipelines running away from the city in different directions across the seemingly endless desert. It was shocking that such a modernized place had been built in the middle of a sandy wasteland. Large white walls surrounded the exterior of the city.

"Whoa! What is that place?" Hatenko asked aloud when the others caught up to Softon.

"That must be the desert city Sabaku (Which means 'Desert')," Softon explained, "It's a technological marvel; by isolating itself away from the world of society, it has reached amazing advances in machinery, science and literature. Those large pipelines you see attached to the city's walls are used to both transport and export goods. Various cultures, ethnicitys and religions coexist beyond those walls. It is truly a paradise, in a sense of the word..."

"Does it sell donuts?" Don Patch asked.

Softon nodded. "Of course. They even have...glazed donuts."

"GLAZED DONUTS AREN'T ALL THAT SPECIAL, YOU KNOW?" Beauty exclaimed from the sidelines.

"HOLY SHIT! LET'S GO! I WANT A GLAZED DONUT!" Don Patch exclaimed, and he transformed into a small race car and sped through the sand, heading towards the city walls. Suddenly, a sand pit opened up underneath him and he fell in.

"AHH!" Don Patch screamed as he tried to pull himself out, "IT'S A SARLACC PIT!" A large tentacle emerged from within the pit, wrapped around Don Patch, and pulled the shrieking orange man back into the depths.

Bobobo spat on Dengakuman's head and muttered, "Finally, I thought he'd never leave..."

Suddenly, several more pits opened up before the Bobobo Gang, and tentacles slithered out of them, attempting to pull them in.

"AAH!" Bobobo screamed as he grabbed Dengakuman by the head and tossed him into one of the pits.

"AAH!" Bobobo screamed again as he then kicked Jelly Jiggler in the back and sent him flying into the tentacles of another Sarlacc.

"AAH!" Bobobo screamed for a third time as he grabbed Rice by the hair and knee-chopped him in the face, which sent him flying into a Sarlacc pit.

After that, Bobobo wiped the sweat from his brow and exclaimed, "Damn! That was a close one!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Beauty snapped, "YOU JUST KILLED THREE OF OUR FRIENDS, YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER!"

Bobobo gasped loudly when he heard Beauty call him a 'monster'. Slowly, as he continued to gasp, his body began to morph until he had taken on the appearance of Chewbacca.

"GWA! HE REALLY IS A MONSTER NOW!!" Beauty cried.

Suddenly, just when all hope seemed lost, a figure leaped high into the air. His appearance hidden by the shadows from the sun's reflection on his back, the man swung his arms around and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF TIME WARP! REVERSE TIME!"

Four orbs fired from the man's hands and landed into each of the Sarlacc pits. After a moment, time began to reverse, at least within the pits, anyway; the tentacles rose out of the depths and placed Dengakuman, Jelly Jiggler, Rice and "female" Don Patch safely back onto the ground, and then the pits were completely covered by sand, vanishing completely.

The man responsible for saving their lives then landed in front of Bobobo and stood up straight. He had long wavy black hair, pale skin, and he wore a buffalo-skin jacket, along with khaki pants. His most noticable feature, though, was that he wore an eyepatch over his left eye.

When everyone grouped back together again, Don Patch, who had now removed the makeup, pointed at the man and snarled, "Dammit...you ruined my chances of getting a glazed donut! You owe me, punk! You bastard!"

Gasser smacked Don Patch in the back of the head and snapped, "STOP BEING STUPID! HE JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE!"

The man smiled and replied, "Yes, I did. Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Wadokei, and I am a master of the 'Super Fist Of Time Warp'. I can freeze time, reverse time, or even fast-forward time! I'm a part of the Sabaku Guardian Corps., and I was patrolling this side of the wall when I noticed you guys! I'm glad I was able to make it in time!"

"What's the 'Sabaku Guardian Corps.'?" Lambada asked; everyone had actually forgotten he was even there.

"The Sabaku Guardian Corps. is a highly skilled group that operates solely within Sabaku city, keeping peace and order, as well as protecting the city walls." Wadokei explained, "There are five members, me being one of them, and we all are masters of various Super Fist techniques. Our newest member joined a year ago and I've been teaching him all the basics. I left him back at the west wall tower when I came to save you guys."

"That sounds...interesting." Bobobo muttered as he was sitting in a Lazy Boy chair, reading a book about Reaganomics.

"OH, PLEASE! YOU DON'T LOOK INTERESTED AT ALL!" Beauty snapped at him.

"Does she always yell like that?" Wadokei asked Gasser.

Gasser nodded.

Wadokei smiled and muttered, "Good. I've always liked a woman with strong vocal chords..."

At that moment, Gasser realized he didn't like this Wadokei guy one single bit.

While stabbing Jelly Jiggler, who was wearing Native American clothes and face paint, Bobobo looked up and asked, "So...can we go in the city or not? It's hot like crazy out here, and I need a good stove to cook this guy in!"

Wadokei nodded and started to walk back towards the city. "Yes...follow me..." he beckoned them.

'Argh...that bastard better not lay even a finger on Beauty, or so help me...' Gasser thought, his envy suddenly growing.

'Argh...that bastard better not lay even a finger on those glazed donuts, or so help me...' Don Patch thought, his envy suddenly growing.

'Argh...I think I left the oven on...' Jelly Jiggler thought, his envy suddenly growing for some reason.

Now in front of the city's protective walls, Wadokei pressed his hand against the hard surface and after a moment...a small door opened up in front of them.

The moment Bobobo and the others stepped inside, they were in complete awe; huge towering buildings of gleeming white, cars flying freely several feet above the ground, robots and people walking side by side and conversing, and the fat Arabian man was playing a fiddle while riding a flying snail.

"Welcome...to the desert city of Sabaku." Wadokei said, his eyes glossy and his arms held out wide.

"Wow...this place is amazing!" exclaimed Beauty, especially when she caught sight of a girl walking by carrying a bag with the words 'YAOI DOUJINSHI STORE: FOR ALL YOUR GAY BOY NEEDS' printed on it. 'I definitely gotta find that store!'

"WHERE'S THE GLAZED DONUTS?" Don Patch shouted high into the sky, but then a glazed donut flew out of nowhere and hit him in the face...and he was happy.

"ALRIGHT," Bobobo announced, "WE CAN GO AND EXPLORE FOR ABOUT THREE HOURS, AND THEN IT'S NAP TIME! SO, LET'S-"

Bobobo's words were cut off when one of the nearby towers suddenly exploded. People screamed and swore as the tower collapsed onto the ground, sending debris and dust flying everywhere. Soon, the sound of sirens was mixed into the noise that filled the air at that very moment. The bright clear skies were obscured with dark smoke and flames.

"What...what the hell is going on? Could it be...terrorists?" Wadokei cried in horror.

Suddenly, even for so far away, Wadokei caught sight of a single figure floating over the smoke, laughing triumphantly at the destruction. As he squinted his eyes for a better look, Wadokei couldn't believe what he was seeing...

It was...Shinai, the third member of the Sabaku Guardian Corps.!

Turning to a very distressed and confused Wadokei, Beauty cried, "Wadokei, what's going on? What's happening?"

Instead of answering her, Wadokei leaned forward...and a pair of angel wings sprouted from his back. Bobobo, Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch were so shocked that their faces peeled off...and then were replaced with squirrel heads.

"WAAAAH! HE'S AN ANGEL BOY?!"

Wadokei pushed himself off the ground and flew high into the air, and once he had enough gale speed and control over the wings' movement, he proceeded to make his way towards Shinai, who was still laughing like a maniac.

Shinai was of African descent, and had been buddies with Wadokei since they were kids. He had been orphaned at an early age, and was adopted by Wadokei's family. Unfortunately, many of the people in his new family disliked him, mainly because of his skin color alone. Just to spite them, and make himself stand out even more, he had dreadlocks, which he enjoyed flaunting every now and then. The only person Shinai even cared about in his adopted family was Wadokei himself, who never judged him by skin or race, but by his own person.

Wadokei didn't care if Shinai was adopted; they were brothers, through and through.

"SHINAI!!"

Shinai stopped laughing and glanced over at Wadokei, who looked like he was trying hard not to cry. Putting on a friendly smile, Shinai asked, "Oh, hey, Wadokei-kun! You came to give me a hand?"

"W...WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SHINAI? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING THESE GOOD PEOPLE, NOT KILLING THEM!" Wadokei shouted, the tears now leaking down his face.

Don Patch snickered into his hands and said, "Heh heh...what a crybaby..."

"SHUT UP! THIS IS A SERIOUS MOMENT!" Beauty snapped, kicking him into Bobobo accidentally, who then grabbed Don Patch and smashed him face-first into the ground.

"Hey, hey, hey...no need to yell." Shinai said as he pulled out a comb and began to brush his hair, "Just followin' the boss's orders, ya know?"

Wadokei gasped. "What? The boss's orders? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense!"

Suddenly, Shinai's attitude completely changed. Clenching his fists so hard that his comb snapped, Shinai snarled, "Stop asking questions, you idiot! You're giving me a fuckin' headache! Still...I'm not surprised the boss never told you. You're the only one he kept out of it...even your apprentice has betrayed you..."

"Out of what? Tell me! TELL ME!" Wadokei snapped.

"We're taking over this whole damn city." Shinai said without a moment of pause, "The boss found out something...something bad...and now he plans to stop it from happening by taking over. I'm behind him 100 percent...we all are."

"W...Why?" Wadokei sobbed. The tears just wouldn't stop coming.

"I'll tell you...after you beat me." Shinai said, and he raised his hands into a fighting position.

Wadokei, however, was too heartbroken by this news to do anything. Seeing this as his moment to strike, Shinai prepared to activate his Super Fist technique, not even caring that his brother wasn't even going to put up a fight...

Suddenly, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

Turning around, Shinai saw that it was a giant squid wearing sunglasses and stitches all over its face.

"WHAT...WHAT...WHAT...WHAT THE FUCK IS THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!"

The giant squid slammed one of its tentacles against Shinai's face and sent him crashing into the ground below. The squid's body then shattered like glass, revealing Bobobo underneath!

"YOU WANT AN OPPONENT, YOU BASTARD? WELL, YOU GOT ONE!" Bobobo exclaimed, and then he flew down next to the crater that Shinai was lying in. He was still in a confused daze after what had just happened to him. Eventually, he rose back to his feet, brushed dust and debris off himself, and flashed Bobobo the meanest death glare ever conceived. In fact, it was so powerful that it caused Jelly Jiggler, who wasn't even nearby, to melt away and be left as nothing but a skeleton!

"WHAT? SINCE WHEN DID JELLY HAVE BONES?" Gasser asked.

Throwing his hands in the air, Shinai roared, "YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL SEND YOU TO HELL! TAKE THIS...SUPER FIST OF LOVELY LOVE!"

An awkward silence filled the air.

'The Super Fist Of...Lovely Love? WTF?'

Two pink heart-shaped discs formed in Shinai's hands, and then he scanned the surrounding crowd, looking for a perfect target. After a moment, a smirk formed on his lips and he tossed the discs...directly at Beauty and Gasser!

Before the two teens could even react, the discs had pierced their chests and were soon absorbed into their bodies.

Waving his hands against his chest in a panic, Gasser cried, "WAH! WAH! WAH! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"

Shinai chuckled and replied, "You shouldn't be so upset, white-haired boy...look at that girl standing next to you."

Glancing to his left, Gasser saw Don Patch wearing a bikini.

"THE OTHER WAY, YOU MORON!" Shinai snapped.

Gasser apologized, and then turned his head to the right...and met with Beauty's lips.

"GWAH?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM, YOU FIEND?" Bobobo cried as he watched Beauty and Gasser begin to make out.

"MY SUPER FIST OF LOVELY LOVE ALLOWS ME TO TAMPER WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS AND CREATE SOME OF THE MOST UNLIKELY PAIRINGS IN ALL THE WORLD!" Shinai explained.

"So, it was you who wrote all those crappy Naruto X Kabuto fics on FanFiction(dot)com!" Jelly Jiggler realized, but Bobobo quickly kicked him away.

"THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME, BOBOBO! REALLY! THERE ISN'T!" Shinai proclaimed, "ALL I NEED TO DO IS FIND A SUITABLE PARTNER FOR YOU, AND THEN YOU'LL BE TOO BUSY FUELING YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES TO EVEN FIGHT ME! BWA HA HA HA!"

Suddenly, a long needle pierced through Shinai's throat, and he collapsed to the ground. Standing over him was Wadokei, who then pulled out the needle and stuck it into a small pouch he kept on his belt. The poor time-twisting man looked utterly exhausted, like he had cried every single tear he had, leaving none left. He was putting his devotion to Sabaku city before his friends, his comrades...and his family.

"Bobobo...will you help me save this city?" Wadokei asked, holding out his hand.

Nodding, the afro man shook Wadokei's hand and replied, "Why not? We still got a while before nap time..."

Walking up behind Bobobo was Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Softon, Hatenko and Dengakuman. They were all ready to fight and risk their lives, and Wadokei couldn't have been more grateful.

...And so, the 'Sabaku City' arc begins!

* * *

A/N: SHOULD I JUST END THE FIC HERE OR SHOULD I ACTUALLY CONTINUE? TELL ME what you think about it!


	10. Pleasure Is Leather

A/N: So I'm actually continuing this fic with a new arc, with more OCs and new techniques. Even though only one person has really reviewed this fic, I still want to write it because I enjoy working on it. I like Bobobo. I'll still write for other series, obviously, just I'm focusing on multiple things at different times and all...

Also, besides references to various anime and manga, other things like movies and books and music and such will be parodied/referenced at some points.

On a random note, 'Shinsetsu Bobobobobobobo' kind of freaks me out actually, despite it's awesomeness...it's mainly because of Namero.

* * *

_Last time we left off, Shinai was easily defeated and killed by a distressed Wadokei, who was heartbroken by his allies' betrayal! Now, the search for the mysterious boss of the Sabaku Guardian Corps. begins!_

After Gasser and Beauty were pulled off each other, Shinai's Super Fist Of Lovely Love attack wore off, and the two teens were left embarrassed and confused to what had happened.

Now running through the crowded panicked streets of Sabaku, the Bobobo Gang and Wadokei were busy discussing their next plan of attack.

"Alright! Listen up, you floogies!" Don Patch exclaimed, wearing a moustache and smoking a cigar, "We set up two bombs here, another one there, and three of them under my mother's bed! Then, we steal all the candy! Got it?"

Bobobo and Jelly Jiggler, who were wearing Santa Claus outfits, nodded their heads. Hatenko and Rice were there too, but they were both dressed as the Easter Bunny.

"HEY, THE SABAKU GUARDIAN CORPS. ARE THE TERRORISTS HERE, NOT YOU GUYS!" Gasser exclaimed.

"Shut up! The Don says what the Don wants! He knows everything!" Hatenko snapped at him.

"YOUR 'DON' DOESN'T KNOW SHIT!"

"WHY, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, TAKE IT BACK!"

"Yes," exclaimed Don Patch in drag, "Take it back!"

"Yes," exclaimed the teacher, "Take it back!"

While Hatenko and Gasser started strangling each other, Beauty was busy trying to console Wadokei, who hadn't spoke a word since requesting Bobobo's help in defeating his former comrades.

"Wadokei...are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you just killed-"

"I know." Wadokei replied, "But...it's my duty to protect this city. I don't know what could have caused Shinai and the others to betray everything we've worked for, but I intend to find out! I don't want to lose any more people that I care about...especially not you, Beauty."

Blushing slightly at Wadokei's comment, Beauty turned her eyes away from him.

Suddenly, while Bobobo and Jelly Jiggler were busy watching poor Lambada get carried away by a giant Pelican, an egg fell from the humongous bird's bottom and cracked open right in front of the Bobobo group, revealing a young man to be inside.

"WAAAAAAH?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Beauty cried.

The man that had been inside the egg had short light-blond hair, emerald-green eyes, a red marking on both cheeks, and he wore armor similar to Kitty-Poo's. Covering his arms were sets of circular objects that appeared to be rings. He was smirking confidently.

"Ah! Y...Yasuke?!" Wadokei exclaimed.

The man named Yasuke nodded and replied, "Yes, that is me; I have been sent to destroy you...all of you!"

"Yasuke, why are you doing this? I'm...I'm your teacher, and you must do what I say! Stop this foolishness! We shouldn't have to fight each other!"

"SHUT UP. I FOLLOW ONLY THE BOSS NOW." Yasuke snarled.

Wadokei was left speechless; first, his adopted brother...and now his apprentice?!

Popping up next to Yasuke out of nowhere, Jelly Jiggler (in a coach's uniform) was massaging the blond man's muscles as he said, "Okay, champ, this is it! The final match! Just remember...left hook, right hook, dodge, and then uppercut! Okay? Got it? Go out there and win one for your dear sick mother!"

"Yeah! Yeah! You go out there and win, win, win!" Don Patch prodded, dressed in a sweatshirt and wearing a moustache again.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! SUPER FIST OF THE RINGS: RING STRANGLE!" Yasuke shouted, and two of the rings on his arms flew off and clasped around Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch, wrapping tightly around their bodies. Soon, they were both writhing on the ground, struggling for air.

"Bobobo!" Softon commanded, "Hurry, we need to save them-"

Bobobo stuck his finger up his nose and nonchalantly replied, "Nah. Don't wanna."

Rushing towards his beloved Don Patch, Hatenko said, "DON'T WORRY, MY DON! I'LL SAVE YOU!"

Reaching into his chest pocket, Hatenko pulled out his little golden key and thrust it into both of the strangling rings, destroying them and freeing Don Patch...but Jelly Jiggler was already dead. Luckily, Hatenko was able to stuff the gelatin man's spirit back in before it floated away.

"Are...are you alright, my Don?" Hatenko whispered, fearing the worst.

Wheezing as if in pain, Don Patch replied, "...Y...Y...You stupid idiot! I was just playin' Senior Bingo! You dumbass! Now I lost to Granny Salama!"

"I'M...I'M SO SORRY, MY DON! FORGIVE ME!" Hatenko cried and he weeped into Don Patch's chest.

"HEY, YOU DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE! HE WASN'T PLAYING SENIOR BINGO!" Beauty snapped.

Suddenly, Don Patch's face turned human-like and he thought, 'Yes, of course I wasn't playing Senior Bingo...'

"THEN WHY DID YOU SAY YOU WERE? IDIOT!"

Yasuke chuckled at Hatenko's performace and exclaimed, "Impressive skills you have there, key boy! Why don't you show me how strong you really are!"

Glancing over at Wadokei, Softon asked, "Hey, shouldn't you offer to fight him or something? That Yasuke guy's your apprentice, right? You should know how to beat him easy..."

"I would, but...I'm just not in the mood." Wadokei replied, and then Softon noticed Bobobo was standing next to him with the body of a dog.

"GIVE ME A TREAT." he begged, but Softon just grunted and kicked the freakish afro-wearing dog aside. It let out a sharp whine in response and ran off to call for help.

A moment later, walking up to Softon in police uniforms, Dengakuman and Rice snapped a pair of handcuffs on the poop-headed guy's wrists and proclaimed, "SIR, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ANIMAL ABUSE...AND FOR TAKING UP OUR SCREEN TIME!"

'Screen time?' Softon thought in shock as he was taken away, 'We have screen time? No one told me about that!'

"So...you think you can beat me, huh? My cliché and overused dialogue knows no bounds!" Hatenko boasted; Yasuke wasn't about to let that slide.

"Hmph! Is that all you got?" Yasuke snapped, and the Random Cliché Dialogue Battle was underway.

"I'm just getting warmed up!"

"I was born ready!"

"She's standing right behind me, isn't she?"

"DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"

"Now...where were we?"

"You'll never get away with this!"

"Did I just say that out loud?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Oh, now you're really starting to piss me off!"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"BECAUSE IT IS!"

"...You just ruined the cliché battle, you idiot!"

"WILL YOU TWO JUST FIGHT ALREADY?!" Beauty screamed at them from the sidelines.

Hatenko and Yasuke both looked at her and exclaimed, "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT!" Beauty let out a groan of annoyance and walked off before she got another migraine.

"This is truly amazing," Jelly Jiggler commented, "I've never seen a real 'Random Cliché Dialogue Battle' in action before! I...I think I might wet myself..."

Eventually, the fight between Hatenko and Yasuke started for real, after Hatenko came out victor of the cliché battle using the line "I see dead people".

Yasuke held out both his arms and exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF THE RINGS: RING BARRAGE!"

Suddenly, all of the rings burst off of Yasuke's arms and flew at Hatenko, who just barely dodged them. However, one ring that came out of nowhere clipped him in the shoulder, almost slicing his skin. Hatenko wasn't about to let a small scratch like that slow him down, though. As he dashed towards Yasuke with his key drawn, Hatenko was suprised to see two whole new sets of rings reform on the other man's arms.

"FIST OF THE KEY-"

"SUPER FIST OF THE RINGS: RING CYCLONE!"

Just as Hatenko was only a few inches from reacing Yasuke, a stream of rings burst out from underneath his feet and spun around his body at high speeds, their edges tearing against his arms and face.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

When the attack ended, Hatenko fell to his knees, his body seeped in blood from the many cuts covering his skin. Breathing heavily, Hatenko looked over his shoulder and pleaded, "PLEASE, MY DON! PLEASE HELP ME! I DON'T THINK I CAN WIN WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE!"

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Don Patch exclaimed, dressed like the Townie from _The Waterboy_.

'He's right...I can do it...I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!' Hatenko thought, moved to tears by Don Patch's motivational words.

"Get up and fight me! I don't have all day!" Yasuke snapped, "I need to pick the kids up from daycare, and I have a pie baking in the oven! Don't waste my time with useless conjecture!"

Pushing himself up to a stand, Hatenko lunged forward and jabbed the key into Yasuke's chest while he was busy yelling. "FIST OF THE KEY: LOCK!"

Meanwhile, back at the sidelines, Jelly Jiggler asked aloud, "Why is it that Hatenko does use 'Super' in the front of his Fist style name like everyone else?"

"Because..." Bobobo replied, "You're a faggot."

Yasuke cursed loudly as Hatenko twisted the key, and his body turned to stone. Pulling the key back out, Hatenko let out a sigh of relief.

"Alright! Way to go, Hatenko!" complimented Gasser.

"YOU'RE MY HERO!" Don Patch exclaimed while wearing lipstick.

"MINE TOO!" replied the Arabian man.

Just as Hatenko began to walk away, he froze in his tracks as the sound of high-pitched whistling reached his ears. He spun around...and saw Yasuke standing before him, completely unharmed and smirking like the bigot he is.

"SUPER FIST OF THE RING: RING ARMOR!"

All of the rings on Yasuke's arms began sliding upwards, past his shoulders. More and more rings formed, until Yasuke's entire body, except his face, was covered in a plethora of rings. Even worse, all of the rings were covered in razor blades, making it basically impossible for Hatenko to get close.

"How...how did you break out of my key's locking power?" Hatenko asked.

Yasuke didn't bother answering; instead, he warped right in front of the bewildered Hatenko and kneed him in the stomach. Hatenko spat up blood and clutched his stomach as he staggered to keep balance.

"It's simple how I escaped," Yasuke finally said, "I USED **'CAPSLOCK METAL GEAR SOLID'**! Your key powers have no use on my heart now!"

'From now on, I'm staying the fuck away from **'CAPSLOCK METAL GEAR SOLID'**!' Don Patch thought, typing wildly on his laptop.

"YOU BASTARD!" Hatenko swung his key again, but it only tapped uselessly against Yasuke's impregnable ring armor.

Laughing, Yasuke smashed his fist against the side of Hatenko's face, almost knocking him unconscious. Without a moment of pause, Yasuke then slammed his other fist into Hatenko's jaw.

"Ha ha ha! Die, you worm, die!" Yasuke taunted, and he continued his onslaught.

After about his fifth punch to the face, Hatenko used the momentum to push himself back a few inches, and then ran backwards to put a bit more distance between them.

"WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO, HATENKO? BLOW SHIT UP?" Bobobo asked.

Trying to stay focused, Hatenko shook his head. "No...I'll have to unleash one of my newest techniques!"

Bobobo gasped, followed by Jelly Jiggler gasping, followed by Gasser gasping, followed by Don Patch with his doggy apparel glancing up from his food bowl.

Raising his key high into the air, Hatenko shouted, "FIST OF THE KEY: X-LL7 KEY CANNON!"

The key began to glow a bright shade of yellow that soon engulfed all of Hatenko's arm. When the light faded away, Hatenko's whole right arm was replaced with a large golden sniper rifle. 'どうしてそんなに深刻ですか？' was printed on both sides of the gun in green ink.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? IT'S AWESOME!" Gasser exclaimed.

"It's my ultimate key-based weapon; the X-LL7 Key Cannon!" Hatenko explained the obvious, and he brought the scope of the rifle up to his eyes. Peering in, he aimed it exactly at Yasuke's forehead.

"You think I'll just let you hit me? Think again!" Yasuke snapped, and as he was about to move...Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler suddenly leaped into the fray and started biting on his legs.

"WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF! GET OFF! GET THE FUCK OFF!" Yasuke ordered, but Don Patch just crawled up his leg and started nibbling the poor man's neck.

"Mmm...you taste so good..." Don Patch purred, his lipstick smeared.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN IT!!...You really think so?"

Without a word, Hatenko pulled the gun's trigger, which fired off a single key that pierced right into Yasuke's forehead, locking his brain and defeating him completely. Muttering something unintelligible, Yasuke's body froze and he collapsed.

Closing his eyes, Hatenko's rifle vanished into particles of light, leaving only the key in his hands.

"I did it, Don...I did it..." Hatenko whispered, tears forming in his eyes. He didn't seem to notice Don Patch sitting on top of Yasuke's frozen body, alive and well while he smoked a cigar and played Uno with Jelly Jiggler. As usual, they were wearing make-up and drag.

Spitting to the side, Bobobo snapped, "Alright, enough of this moany-weepy bullshit! Let's just get going already! We got better-looking bastards to fight!"

As the remaining members of the Bobobo Group departed (Beauty, Softon, Rice and Dengakuman were still gone), Wadokei stood over his fallen apprentice for a moment and sighed.

"I'm going to find the boss...and kill him for what he did to you and Shinai..." Wadokei said quietly before turning around and following the others.

Little did he, or anyone else for that matter, know of the shocking developments soon to come...


	11. Big Girls You Are Beautiful

_A recap of the last chapter..._

Don Patch, decked out in a leather jacket and cool shades, was busy bragging to his classmates. He had just finished saying how he took down forty guys with a broken can opener when the door suddenly swung open. Immediately, everyone in the room quickly rushed back to their seats and pulled out their textbooks, pretending to study. Don Patch, ever the rebellious one, leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the desk as the teacher walked in. She was a large, dark-skinned woman with funky glasses and a giant blonde afro. She wore a blouse and a knee-long skirt. The only thing that made it hard to believe it was a woman was that she had six pack abs and no breasts. The moment she took her seat, she noticed Don Patch.

"DON JEREMIAH RICARDO PATCH!"

"...Yes, Ms. Bobobo?"

"Get your feet off your desk right now!" Ms. Bobobo snapped, slamming her ruler against the chalkboard.

Don Patch just smirked and replied, "No. I don't want to."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PUNK?"

Turning to the door, Ms. Bobobo screeched, "WALLACE...WE GOT ANOTHER BAD BOY WANNABE IN HERE!"

Don Patch gasped. 'Who the hell is Wallace?'

After a moment of silence, a giant baby wearing a leather jacket, cool shades, a red Mohawk on his head, and a jagged scar across his fat face came rolling into the room on a black tricycle. The temperature of the entire planet dropped 3 degrees.

"Hmph…another wannabe, huh? How pathetic." the baby grunted in a low, rugged voice.

"W…WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WHO IS THIS FREAKY BABY?" Don Patch cried out.

"This is Wallace, an old student of mine," Ms. Bobobo explained, "He went to jail a few years ago for being caught with illegal substances, but now he's a changed man…and he's here to beat the shit out of anyone who tries to act like a 'bad boy'!"

In all his years as a professional 'bad boy', Don Patch had never sensed such a deadly bad boy aura as he did from that giant baby.

Throwing all of his dignity on the floor, Don Patch screamed like a little girl, jumped out the window, and ran as far away from the school as possible.

"GET 'EM, WALLACE!" snapped Ms. Bobobo, and Wallace drove out the same window, and chased poor Don Patch all the way, pushing the pedals of his tricycle as hard as he could.

Turning back to the rest of the class, Ms. Bobobo smiled sweetly and said, "Alright, everyone, now turn to page 43 and we'll begin today's lesson..."

* * *

"HOLD ON!" Gasser exclaimed, "NONE OF THAT STUFF HAPPENED LAST CHAPTER!"

"Yeah...just keep telling yourself that..." Wallace said, but Gasser just ignored him and continued walking.

Placing a hand on Wadokei's shoulder, Bobobo asked him, "Wadokei-gakou-kun-sensei-moho, why do you hesitate to fight your comrades? We ain't gonna do all the fighting for ya! If we are...you better pay us!"

Wadokei sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Bobobo-dono, but I only wish to fight the boss of Sabaku Guardian Corps., as he is the one responsible for brainwashing Shinai and Yasuke..."

"You're a sad case, Wadokei. No matter what you do, your happiness is over...shall I write a sad song for you?" Jelly Jiggler remarked, decked out in gothic attire.

"So...who's the last faggot - I mean, bad guy left?" asked Don Patch while he sat atop Hatenko's head and smoked a cigar.

Wadokei thought for a moment and replied, "If all of my comrades had been manipulated by the boss as I fear, then R is left..."

"R?"

"Yes. R is second-in-command, and very close to the boss. He owes everything to the boss. In fact, they're so close, that there are rumors going around that they're secretly lovers..."

"I was right when I called him a 'faggot' then!" Don Patch noted, but he just got a boot to the head.

"R's real name is Richard Rules," Wadokei continued, "But he wanted to be called 'R' because he thought it sounded cooler. His Super Fist style is-"

Suddenly, Bobobo stopped him by placing a hand over his mouth.

"Bobobo! Stop it!" Jelly Jiggler snapped, "We were just gonna find out how to beat that 'R' faggot!"

"I know, but it's my fighting policy to never learn an enemy's Super Fist style beforehand, even though I do break that policy sometimes." Bobobo replied.

Handing Wadokei a piece of paper, Jelly Jiggler told him, "Here, just write it down for me..."

Snarling, Wadokei snatched the paper and tore it in two, bringing poor Jelly Jiggler to tears.

"Anyway, let's stay focused! What about Beauty and the others? We have no idea were they are!" Gasser exclaimed.

"Don't worry! I have a plan!" said Bobobo, "SUPER FIST OF THE NOISE HAIR: PARADE OF HUNTING FLIES!"

Bobobo's afro snapped open, and a horde of flies flew out.

"WWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH?!"

"What's the order, boss?" asked one of the flies to Bobobo.

"FIND THESE PEOPLE: BEAUTY, COLONEL SANDERS, HALEKULANI'S SHOES, AND MY DEAR LITTLE DOGGY!"

"ONLY ONE OF THOSE IS RIGHT!" Gasser exclaimed.

The flies then flew into the sky and split off in different directions around the city.

"Will...will this really work?" Gasser asked the bobonafide warrior.

Bobobo shrugged. "Who can say? Not I."

"DAMN IT, MR. BOBOBO!"

* * *

Softon let out his fifth sigh in the last three minutes as he sat alone in a dingy, wet, cramped jail cell. Snickering at him from the other side of the bars, Dengakuman scoffed, "This is what happens when you don't treat animals with respect...bitch!" Softon pressed his face into his hands and Dengakuman walked away, laughing loudly.

'He's right...I'm a despicable, despicable human being...I hurt a harmless little dog, for fuck's sake! If only I had just fed him daily like I was supposed to...if only I had kept my rage under control...if only I had run away when I had the chance...if only...if only...if only...IF ONLY THAT GODDAMN BUZZING WOULD STOP!'

Looking up, Softon saw a small fly hovering over him.

Gasping, Softon said, "Ah! You're a Hunting Fly! Bobobo must have sent for me! But...I'm in jail. I cannot leave until I have served my punishment for my sins..."

The fly rolled its eyes and, turning around, flew right into the prison bars, shattering them upon impact. After Softon got over what he had just witnessed, he quickly followed after the fly, hoping he won't be too late...

* * *

In the end, the only person the flies were able to bring back was Beauty, who they had to forcibly pull away from a NaruSasu doujinshi.

"YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST LET ME BUY IT FIRST!" Beauty snapped, swatting at the flies, which just flew back into Bobobo's afro.

'Hmm...one of the Hunting Flies hasn't returned yet...' Bobobo noted, but he didn't find it too important.

"Alright...so now what do we do?" Gasser asked the group.

Jelly Jiggler looked around, unsure, and said, "Where should we go? Where should we go? Where should we go?"

"Since we have no idea were the boss is," Wadokei responded, "I think we should first find R and get the location from him. He usually likes to spend time at the Sabaku Greenhouse, where he takes care of most of the plants there."

Dressed like a gangster, Don Patch had a sinister smirk on his lips as he chided, "Yeah, yeah...let's go get the answers outta that fuckin' bastard, then slit his throat, and let all the blood flow out...yeah, yeah..."

"Yeah," Jelly Jiggler giggled, wearing drag again, "Then we can feed his organs to mistreated fighting dogs! Tee hee!"

Don Patch stared at him with a look of disgust. "You make me sick."

"Hey, the Greenhouse is right over there." Beauty exclaimed, pointing at a large white structure with labeled 'Greenhouse'. Just as the others looked over, they saw what looked like the end of a vine slither back into the building, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.

'OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT JUST NOW?'

"LET'S GO, GUYS!" Bobobo exclaimed, and everyone quickly rushed into the Greenhouse, while Beauty reluctantly followed them into the depths. The interior of the Greenhouse was like a jungle; hundreds and thousands of various common and rare species of plants all coexisted as one, feeding each other and feeding off each other.

The moment Don Patch laid his eyes on all this green foliage, he could only think one thing.

'BURN! BURN! BURN! BURN!'

In fact, he even took out a lighter and attempted to set a giant Venus Fly Trap plant on fire, but his idiotic efforts were thwarted by Zetsu, who popped out of the ground and punched Don Patch in the face before disappearing into the soil once again.

"This place is beautiful..." Beauty remarked, kneeling down to examine a flower. When she looked closely, she realized it had Bobobo's face.

"WAAAHHHHH!!"

"What is it, Beauty?" Bobobo asked, walking up beside her. Beauty looked at the flower, then at Bobobo, then at the flower again, and then she lost consciousness.

Noticing the flower with his face, Bobobo just stepped on it.

"Hmm...what amazing plants...I'm impressed..." Jelly Jiggler remarked, wearing glasses and a moustache as he gently (and unknowingly) felt the shimmering leaves of a poison ivy bush.

Suddenly, a high-pitched laughter caught everyone's attention. There was a slight rustle in the trees, and then the sound of someone walking began to become nearer and nearer.

"Who's there? Who's there?" Bobobo shouted, dressed as 'Ms. Bobobo' again.

A man came walking out from the bushes, yet it was a bit difficult for the gang to tell it was a man in the first place; he had his hair tied up in a upwards swirl, and it was bubblegum-pink. This man wore an open sparkling purple jacket that revealed his lean flat chest, and a pair of tight dark green leather pants. Even worse, he wore lipstick and make-up, but it looked better on him than it ever would on Don Patch or Jelly Jiggler.

"Ohh, I'm so glad you all came...especially you, Wadokei-chan." purred the obviously-gay man.

Looking up at Wadokei, Don Patch asked, "So...this guy is R, huh?"

Wadokei nodded, embarrassed by his former comrade's effeminate behavior.

"SO HE IS A FAG! I KNEW IT!"

R laughed haughtily into his palm and then exclaimed, "NOW THAT YOU'RE ALL HERE...I CAN KILL YOU WITH MY SUPER FIST STYLE!"

"Let me guess...it has something to do with plants, right?" Hatenko asked.

"Well, actually..." R began, and a giant rosebud popped out from underneath Hatenko's feet, ensnaring him. Then, another rosebud burst out of the ground and captured Wadokei, who cursed himself for his own stupidity for not having seen that coming.

"I HAVE TWO SUPER FIST STYLES!" R finished, laughing wildly as the entire jungle behind him burst into flames. However, that wasn't apart of showing off his power. It was actually due to Don Patch, who finally succeeded in 'BURNING' everything.

Grabbing the orange man by the head, R shook him violently as he shouted, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKIN' LONG IT TOOK TO GROW ALL THOSE PLANTS? DO YOU? THEY'RE LIKE MY CHILDREN, YOU SON OF A-"

"SMOKEY BEAR SAYS NOT TO START FOREST FIRES, BITCH!" Bobobo exclaimed, and he flying-kicked both R and Don Patch into the flames without a second thought.

Unfortunately for the Bobobo Group, R escaped and stopped, dropped and rolled before the fire killed him.

"YOU BASTARDS!" he screeched, "YOU NOT ONLY RUINED MY MAKE-UP, BUT NOW MY COAT'S BEEN BURNED! I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU WITH MY REAL SUPER FIST STYLE! SUPER FIST OF SWITCHY SWITCH: SUPER FIST SWITCH!"

R's right hand glowed slightly for a moment, and then returned to normal.

After a few minutes of nothing happening, Gasser asked, "...Did you even do anything?"

Suddenly, a loud fart pierced the silence...and it was coming from Beauty.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Beauty's face turned bright red as several more poots came out of her bottom. Soon, she had disappeared in the growing yellow mist surrounding her.

"Hold on, Beauty! I'll save you!" Gasser exclaimed, but as he tried to run over to her, his whole body jiggled like jelly and he lost balance, falling on his face.

Jelly Jiggler used his nose hairs to help Gasser back to his feet, but freaked out when he realized he had nose hairs.

"DAMN IT!" Wadokei cried, only his head sticking out of the rosebud, "HIS SUPER FIST OF SWITCHY SWITCH COMPLETELY ALTERS HIS OPPONENTS' SUPER FIST TECHNIQUES BY SWITCHING THEM BETWEEN PEOPLE!"

"Then who did I get?" Don Patch asked aloud. Opening a compartment on his chest, he looked in and saw a high-tech computer with the words 'BEAUTY' flashing on the screen.

"I GOT BEAUTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Turning to Bobobo, Don Patch saw that the man's afro now had a set of spikes sticking out of the sides.

"...AND BOBOBO GOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!"

R couldn't help but laugh as he watched the insanity unfold right before his eyes...


	12. The Man With A Broken Heart

_Our heroes must contend with this new foe while having each other's powers..._

"GIVE ME BACK MY POWERS, IF I HAD ANY!" Don Patch begged, kicking R hard in the shin. Normally, this would have actually hurt, but because Don Patch now had Beauty's abilities, he was nothing more than a nobody.

Snarling, R slammed his high-heeled boot into Don Patch's face and sent him skidding across the ground back to Bobobo, who hadn't moved a muscle since obtaining Don Patch's powers.

Reaching up to his friend, Don Patch wheezed, "B...Bobobo...please...please help us...please...you can win...right?"

Looking around, Bobobo saw Jelly Jiggler was having too much fun with his new nose hairs to even pay attention, Gasser was getting blasted in the face by Beauty's farts, and Hatenko and Wadokei were still held captive inside the giant rosebuds.

"Nope. We're screwed."

"WE'RE...SCREWED!!" Don Patch cried. He tried to turn into a duck, a turtle, a zebra...anything at all, but it was no use.

"HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS SWITCHEROO?!" R boasted, and his hand flickered again. Looking over at Beauty and Gasser, he then said, "...Look in your pants."

Unsure of what the gay man meant, they did so...and what Beauty saw...and what Gasser didn't see...horrified them both.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Your doggie heard the noise, and came running to greet you!" Don Patch announced in his dog disguise, but Gasser kicked him away before he got too close.

"CHANGE IT BACK NOW! PLEASE! OR I'LL FART ON YOU 'TILL YOU DIE!" Beauty threatened, and R nervously switched it back.

'I wonder what it was they saw...' Jelly Jiggler pondered while wearing his 'scholar' outfit and smoking a pipe.

"WE'RE DEFINITELY DOOMED!"

Snickering, R exclaimed, "VERY WELL THEN! SINCE NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY HOPE, I'LL JUST KILL YOU ALL NOW!"

Suddenly, a familiar voice to the Bobobo gang cried out, "Hold on! We're not done yet!"

"SOFTON!"

Sure enough, the pink-headed man appeared onto the scene, and he was ready to fight!

"What took you so long, poop?" Don Patch snapped at him.

Softon kicked him away and replied, "Sorry...I stopped for some ice cream on the way here..."

"DAMN YOU! YOU DIDN'T BRING ME ANY!" Don Patch then ran out for some ice cream, forgetting about the battle entirely.

No one was sure how to react to that.

"Anyway," Softon said to R as he shifted into a fighting pose, "I will show you the foolishness that you have just concieved for hurting these physical manifestations of flesh that I call my 'compadres'...si, senor?"

"YOU JUST CALLED ME 'GAY', DIDN'T YOU? I'M GETTING TIRED OF THIS!" R screamed, and he ran straight for Softon. Reaching into his chest, R pulled out a large sword with a dragon design on the hilt. Softon didn't stood still, even with the sword's edge coming closer and closer to his face.

"DIE, YOU BASTARD!"

"SUPER FIST OF BABYLON: MATHEMATICAL ULTIMATE SUPREMACY!"

Suddenly, an immense wave of pink energy burst off of Softon's body, and he slammed his right fist into R's gut. A flurry of rapid punches soon followed, snapping bones and causing intense internal damage. R's nose was flattened, and his arms and legs were bent like noodles.

When it was all said and done, Softon landed a final spinning-kick to the crotch area.

Immediately, Blood spewed like crazy out of R's mouth, and he dropped his sword and tried to scream, but the on-flow of blood drowned out his ability to speak. More and more blood continued to pour out like a waterfall, drenching Softon completely. Then...R's body crumbled to pieces.

"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED HIM! AND SO EASILY! AND SO VIOLENTLY!" Gasser exclaimed.

"That's the true power that someone obtains when their compadres are in trouble...la leche?" Softon explained, rubbing his fist. Almost immediately after he had said that, everyone was engulfed in a bright light for a moment, and their powers had returned to their respective owners. The rosebuds containing Hatenko and Wadokei also vanishing, freeing them as well.

"Yay! I don't fart anymore!" Beauty cried happily, and then she farted again.

Clutching his nose, Gasser turned and walked away.

Don Patch then walked back into the Greenhouse, happily licking a vanilla ice cream cone. Bobobo snatched it away from him, handed it to Jelly Jiggler, and then proceeded to tear Don Patch apart for abandoning them.

"I can't believe it..." Wadokei stammered, picking up a piece of R's remains, "You...you totally annihilated him...with a single hit..."

"Yup. That's the power of youth...and I used cheat codes." Softon replied, feeling rather proud of himself.

Wadokei flipped Softon the middle finger as he snapped, "YOU IDIOT! WE NEEDED HIM ALIVE SO WE COULD FIND OUT WHERE THE BOSS IS!"

Suddenly, Jelly Jiggler and Bobobo walked over to the pile of R's pieces and began putting them back together. Everyone watched in silence, wondering what was going to happen. After about an hour, all but one piece had been connected. Unfortunately, that last piece was gone. Luckily, though, Bobobo found a pineapple randomly placed nearby, so he stuck it into the final empty slot.

Thus...R was revived.

"HHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH?!"

R stared at his palms in disbelief. "I'm...I'm alive?"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE BY PUTTING HIM BACK TOGETHER LIKE A JIG-SAW PUZZLE?" Beauty exclaimed.

Bobobo nodded. "But of course. That's how we brought back Stephen Powell, Ronald Reagen, Heath Ledger..."

"NONE OF THOSE GUYS CAME BACK!"

"What?" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, dressed as Batman, "BUT I SAW THE DARK KNIGHT, AND HEATH LEDGER WAS AS THE JOKER!"

"They had filmed the whole movie BEFORE Ledger died..." Gasser said, trying hard not to weep.

Jelly Jiggler was hit so hard by the news that it sent him flying through the air.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? HEATH LEDGER'S DEAD? I LOVED HIM! LITERALLY!" R cried.

Wadokei punched his gay comrade in the face, grabbed him by the neck, and snarled, "Tell me, you traitorous sonuvabitch, where's...the...boss?"

Coughing, R breathed, "He's...at the Government Complex Tower. But...but be warned...he's hired foes from..." he glanced at Bobobo, "...from that man's past. That's all...I know. I've lost, Wadokei-chan. I'm...I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." Wadokei whispered, tears in his eyes.

Suddenly, Don Patch, dressed as Harry Potter (scar, glasses, robe and all), leaped in front of them, aimed his wand at R, and shouted in a ridiculously thick British Accent, "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"

Now, if you've read the Harry Potter books, then you know that the 'Wingardium Leviosa' spell is supposed to make things levitate. However, when Don Patch used it, a beam of light erupted from the tip of the wand, which shattered R into pieces once again the moment it came into contact with him. It also caused Don Patch to shatter to pieces as well.

"WAAH! HE'S DEAD AGAIN!" Beauty exclaimed.

Pumping his fists in the air, Bobobo shouted, "OKAY, EVERYONE! WE GOTTA HURRY TO THE GOVERNMENT COMPLEX TOWER!"

"There it is!" Hatenko announced, pointing to a large white building that looked exactly the same as every other building around the area. Just then, the building Hatenko was pointing at blew up, including several others around it.

'Oh yeah,' he thought with a grin, 'I forgot that we're fighting terrorists for a bit there...'

"DAMN IT, WE CAN'T FIND THE PLACE!" Gasser cursed and slammed his fists onto the ground in hopelessness.

Now fully reformed, Don Patch pulled a card out of his Duel Disk and exclaimed, "DO NOT FEAR, FOR I HAVE...RANDOM YU-GI-OH CARD! GO!"

Don Patch slapped the card down in face-up position, and voices began to emit from within:

"MY VOICE GIVES ME STRENGTH!"

"BEN AFFLECK WOULD BE ASHAMED...IN AMERICA!"

"SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME!"

"SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE MONEY!"

"SCREW THE YULES, I HAVE MONEY!"

"DOES MAKO TSUNAMI HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?"

"BRAINNNNNNNNNNS..."

"IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE 'WANG' MEANS PENIS!"

"BURN THE WITCH!"

"HOLY (BEEP) ON A SANDWHICH WITH (BEEP) ON TOP...AND A SIDE HELPING OF (BEEP)!"

"I FOUND OUT I'M SECRETLY A FURRY!"

(A/N: Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged dialogue, fyi.)

Unable to take anymore, Softon snatched the Duel Disk away and snapped it clean in half.

It seemed the group had no way of finding the Government Complex Tower...when a locomotive made of rice parked out in front of them, being driven by none other than Rice and Dengakuman! For some reason, they both had looks on their faces resembling Chuck Norris.

"WAAAAAAGAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!" Beauty exclaimed.

"Where did you get this awesome mode of transportation?" Jelly Jiggler asked, taking a piece of the rice train and sticking it in his mouth.

"Well," Rice began, "It all started about fifteen minutes ago..."

* * *

_Fifteen minutes earlier..._

_Rice and Dengakuman were walking through the city together, when Rice noticed a pet store. Grabbing his little tofu buddy by the head, he whined, "OH, DADDY! I WANT A PUPPY! CAN I GET A PUPPY? I'LL TAKE REAL GOOD CARE OF IT, I PROMISE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?"_

_Wearing a moustache, business suit and glasses, Dengakuman slapped his hand away and replied, "No, you can't get a puppy. Stop being immature."_

_"WAAAH!" Rice rolled around on the ground, crying like a baby, which was making quite a scene. Everyone stopped and watched this disturbing spectacle. One kid even took out his cellphone and recorded it._

_"Stop it!" Dengakuman hissed, trying to calm Rice down, "You're making me look bad in public! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"_

_"I...WANT...A...PUPPY!" Rice bawled._

_"Just get him a damn puppy!" snapped a guy from the crowd._

_Sighing, Dengakuman gave in, and Rice immediately cheered up and happily skipped to the pet store. Once everyone went on their way again, Dengakuman headed inside as well._

_Inside the store, there were cages upon cages of almost every kind of pet imaginable, including some animals that should never be pets in the first place. The employee at the counter, who strangely resembled Not Nice Cream, was busy reading a Polish hentai manga while drinking some gin tonic._

_"Wow! I can't decide what pet to get!" Rice exclaimed._

_"I thought you wanted a puppy..." Dengakuman muttered, but Rice ignored him and continued to explore the confines of the place._

_Soon, Rice returned carrying a rock with a badly-drawn face scribbled on it in permanent ink._

_"I want this! I'll name him 'HellKiller B-B'!"_

_"THAT'S A FREAKIN' ROCK...WITH A FACE DRAWN ON IT!" Dengakuman snapped._

_Walking to the counter, Rice asked, "Good sir...how much for this pet?"_

_"I SAID IT'S A ROCK! WE CAN JUST PICK ONE UP FOR FREE OUTSIDE!" Dengakuman snapped again._

_The man at the counter, whose nametag read 'TED', tossed his porno away and muttered, "Eh...today, we're having a sale; it'll be 500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 dollars."_

_"That's cheap! Buy it for me, daddy! Please?" Rice exclaimed._

_'YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!' Dengakuman thought as he took out his credit card and handed it to a very bored-looking TED._

_After scanning the card, TED told them, "Uh...it seems your bank account only has 30 bucks, 5 pennies, and a diry jockstrap used by Bill Murray in it. Sorry, but you don't have enough money to purchase it."_

_"DAMN." Rice cursed aloud as he tossed the rock aside, but then he pulled out a turtle from behind his back and asked, "...How much for this turtle, then?" _

_"5 cents."_

_"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Dengakuman exclaimed, but Rice just paid the money quickly and ran outside to play with his new turtle...which then stabbed him through the head with a machete._

* * *

Both Rice and Dengakuman had nostalgic looks on their faces as they recalled those events.

"Yeah..." Rice said happily, "Good times...good times..."

"ARE YOU KIDDING?" Gasser snapped, "THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RICE TRAIN AT ALL!!"

"Let's just get on-board already!" Bobobo said, and that's just what they all did.

As the rice train began to move, with Dengakuman and Rice as the conductors, Beauty asked aloud, "Just how did you guys find the Government Complex Tower, anyway? All the buildings here look alike!"

Don Patch was wearing drag again as he giggled and slapped Beauty hard in the shoulder without any explanation.

"ALRIGHT," Rice shouted over a speaker, "WE'RE GONNA GO INTO HYPER-DRIVE!"

Pressing a button on the dashboard, all of the rice on the rice train shook off, revealing it to actually be a roofless jet!

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Beauty and Gasser cried at the same time.

The jet then burst off into the air...and crash-landed right in front of the Government Complex Tower a minute later.

When Gasser pulled himself out of the rubble, he found Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler impaled on a rotor blade.

"WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

Bobobo, however, came out completely unharmed for some reason and helped Hatenko, Softon and Beauty get up onto their feet. Then, he ran over to the front of the Government Complex Tower and slammed his foot forward.

Kicking down the front doors, Bobobo exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, MISTER BIG BAD ASS BASTARD BOSS, I'M COMING FOR...YOOOOOOOOU!"

Walking up to the afro man, Wadokei said, "Remember, Bobobo-dono, R said that several enemies from your past will be waiting here to not only halt our progress, but to kill you as well! You must be prepared!"

"Feh! I beat them once...I can beat 'em again!" replied Bobobo, smacking Wadokei away without a second thought.

Entering the building of their final destination, the Bobobo Group found their first group of opponents already waiting for them...

...it was Hanpen (A.K.A. General Lee Fishcake in the dub) and Rem!

"Hey, guys! Long time no see!" Hanpen said, waving at them.

"HOLD ON! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE? I THOUGHT WE BECAME ALLIES BACK IN THE ORIGINAL SERIES!" Beauty exclaimed.

Rem nodded. "Yes, about that...THIS ISN'T THE ORIGINAL SERIES, IS IT? HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED I HAVEN'T EVEN FALLEN ASLEE-" Then, she fell asleep.

An awkward silence filled the room.

"Anyway," Bobobo said, pressing his palm against his face, "What are you two doing here together? And why are you two wearing wedding outfits?"

It was then that Gasser and Beauty actually realized Hanpen was wearing a tux, and Rem had a beautiful white wedding dress on.

Suddenly, Rem woke up again and replied, "Well, we're engaged! Yeah, that's right! We're gonna get married!"

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" That scream didn't come from Beauty or Gasser, but from high above. Suddenly, the ceiling exploded, and a giant bloody pelican crashed to the ground, being ridden by none other than Lambada!

'OH YEAH! I FORGOT! HE WAS KIDNAPPED BY A GIANT PELICAN A WHILE AGO!' Beauty recalled.

"YOU TRAITORS! HOW COULD YOU TWO DO THIS TO ME? AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH...YOU TWO GO AND GET HITCHED WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME?" Lambada cried at both Hanpen and Rem, who were shocked at the sudden return of their former friend.

Rem glared at him and snapped, "You had your chance, Lambada, and you blew it! We're getting married...and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Lambada wasn't about to give up so easily. "We'll see about that," he said, and then he glanced over at Bobobo, "Let me fight these guys! I have a score to settle with them!"

'When will I get to fight for once?' Bobobo wondered.


	13. Shortest Chapter So Far

_Last time we left off, an enraged Lambada has challenged his former comrades to battle!_

"DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN BEAT ALL THREE OF US?" Don Patch snapped, now standing between Hanpen and Rem. He was wearing a large demonic golden armor, but it all broke apart when Hanpen kicked him back over to Bobobo's side.

Lambada threw his hands into the air and screamed, "I'LL FUCKIN' KILL BOTH OF YOU!"

"Wow...Lambada's pissed...but I think something's weird, though. This is unlike him. And why would Hanpen and Rem suddenly be our enemies again?" Gasser said aloud.

"Hmm...maybe it has to do with those glowing strings attached to their heads...it was the same for everyone else we've fought so far in this city..." Hatenko remarked, and sure enough, two long strings sticking out of the shadowy darkness were attached to the backs of Rem and Hanpen's heads.

"I NEVER NOTICED THOSE BEFORE!" Gasser cried.

"Lambada, I think you be happy for us...at least be happy for me!" Rem exclaimed.

"NO!" Lambada snapped, "I WON'T REST UNTIL I KILL, KILL, KILL YOU ALL!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?" Beauty cried.

Bobobo pulled out a bottle of pills and said, "I slipped a handful of Don Patch's drugs into Lambada's breakfast this morning."

"WHAT? REALLY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

Bobobo shrugged. "For kicks, I suppose."

Throwing his hands into the air, Lambada began to create a huge formation of polygons over his head.

"SUPER FIST OF THE POLYGON: DEADLY POLYGON ENCASEMENT!"

A number of polygons flew over and encased themselves around Hanpen and Rem, making a barrier of sorts around them. Then, the polygons poured a poisonous gas into the barrier, strong enough to easily kill anyone locked inside.

"HA HA HA HA! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKERS?" Lambada cackled; his eyes were dilated and a trail of saliva poured down his chin. He was going cock-nut bonkers!...whatever that means.

Suddenly, the polygons blew apart and revealed...Hanpen and Rem were standing at a wedding alter, holding hands.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

The giant pelican from before was now dressed as a priest, and he asked Rem, "Do you, Rem, take Hanpen here as your lawfully-wedded husband?"

"Yes." Rem replied with a smile.

"NO!" cried Lambada, gripping at his face in horror.

"And do you, Hanpen," the pelican asked the fishcake-headed man, "Take this slut - I mean, Rem here as your lawfully-wedded wife?"

"Sure. Why not?" Hanpen replied.

"NO NO!" Lambada cried again. He was starting to pull his hair out in frustration.

"NOW...KISS, YOU GAY FAGS!" The pelican snapped, and he smashed Hanpen and Rem's heads together, forcing them to kiss.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Lambada created two polygon-drills that attached to his arms, and then he charged straight for Hanpen and Rem, but they easily dodged the attack, causing Lambada to kill the pelican instead.

"NO! THAT PELICAN WAS THE FINEST OF HIS GENERATION!" Jelly Jiggler cried from the sidelines, tears running down his face.

"HE USED THE DRILL THAT PIERCES THE HEAVENS! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?" Don Patch exclaimed, dressed like Kamina from _Tengo Toppa Gurren-Lagann_.

Dengakuman, dressed as Simon, jumped in and bawled, "ANIKI!"

Then, they both looked over to Jelly Jiggler, who was dressed as Yoko, expecting him to say something...but he said nothing.

"ALRIGHT! TIME TO FIGHT BACK! SUPER FIST OF FISHCAKE: FISH CAKE BARRAGE!" Hanpen announced, and he landed two powerful punches to Lambada's face before being knocked back by a polygon smacking him in the face.

"Oh no, my love!" Rem cried, "Are you okay?"

Hanpen wiped some blood from his face and grunted, "Y...Yeah, I'm okay..."

"Oh...Hanpen..."

"R-Rem..."

"ARGH! STOP ACTING SO LOVEY-DOVEY!" Lambada snapped, "IF YOU DON'T STOP...OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER!"

"Our friendship already IS over because you're been ridiculously violent, Lambada!" Rem told him.

Lambada gasped; Rem was right. It was all his fault...all his fault...all his fault...

"THEN I GUESS I WON'T FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT KILLING YOU GUYS THEN!" He boasted.

"JUST HOW MANY DRUGS DID YOU PUT IN HIS FOOD AGAIN, BOBOBO?" Beauty asked the afro-sporting hero.

Bobobo opened the lid of the bottle, and poured the contents out into his hands...it was empty.

"All of 'em, I guess. About 45 capsules were in here last time I checked..."

"WHAAAAAA-?! YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING, BOBOBO, BEFORE LAMBADA REALLY KILLS THEM!"

Bobobo thought for a moment in panic, and then he came up with a great idea.

"TIME TO FUSE! LET'S GO, DENGAKUMAN!" Bobobo exclaimed, and his body began to glow as the top of his afro snapped open.

Tossing his ink pad aside, Dengakuman happily dived into Bobobo's hair.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Beauty fell on her ass as Bobobo's body was engulfed in flames, and then with a mighty flash...Denbo-chan was standing in his place.

"Hey, Everyone! How's it going? Long time no see! HEE HHE!" The cheery pre-teen pop idol exclaimed in a cheerful tone.

Don Patch gasped when he saw her. Picking up a random axe from the floor, he hissed, "MUST...KILL...SINGER."

"HOLD ON, DON PATCH! FIGHT BACK THE MEMORIES! FIGHT BACK THE MEMORIES! FIGHT 'EM BACK, MAN!" Jelly Jiggler told his friend as he held him back.

"So...what's the deal, bitches?" Denbo-chan asked to no one in particular.

"Denbo-chan, you need to stop Lambada from killing Hanpen and Rem!" Beauty told her.

"...Derr?"

Sighing, Beauty muttered, "I forgot...she's a dumb blonde...look, just go beat up all three of those guys over there..."

Pulling out her nunchucks and swinging them wildly, Denbo-chan screamed, "YEAH! I'LL KILL ALL THOSE FUCKIN' BASTARDS WITH MY FUCKIN' NUNCHUCKS! FUCK...YEAH!"

Suddenly, seeing this crazy blonde bitch, Lambada hatched a sinister plan to break up Hanpen and Rem with a single attack!

"SUPER FIST OF THE POLYGON: SUPER FIST OF LOVELY-LOVE IMPERSANATION!"

Snatching two polygons from above, Lambada infused them with the power of love and tossed one into Denbo-chan's chest and the other into Rem's chest.

For a moment, nothing happened, and then...

...Rem and Denbo-chan began making out passionately.

"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!" Beauty cried, covering her eyes. She only liked seeing men make out, nothing else!

"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" Don Patch, Rice, Softon, Wadokei, Jelly Jiggler, Gasser and Hatenko all said in unison.

"NOOO!! REM, WHAT ABOUT US?" Hanpen moaned in pain, but Rem just pushed herself harder against her new lover's body. Taking this moment to attack, Lambada ran over and kicked poor Hanpen hard in the spleen, knocking him out.

"THIS BATTLE WAS RIDICULOUSLY EASY!" Gasser exclaimed.

...Or was it?

Suddenly, the 'LOVE' polygon fell off of Rem's body, and she immediately realized she was making out with Denbo-chan...and she liked it.

"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"


	14. Once An Enemy, Never A Friend

A/N: From this point, Bobobo's name will be as 'Bo-bobo', since I realized that's how it's really supposed to be written.

* * *

_Continuing where Denbo-chan was pulled into a lesbian affair by Rem, who left poor Hanpen cold and unconscious..._

Lambada laughed like a madman both at poor unconscious Hanpen and Rem, who was still busy experimenting with Denbo-chan. In fact, he laughed so much that he went into conniptions and was wheeled away by Rice and Dengakuman on a stretcher for a spleen transplant.

"We gotta do something to end this battle!" Gasser exclaimed. However, Softon and Wadokei were playing cards, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were playing pachinko, Beauty and Hatenko were playing Yaoi Doujin games, and the fat Arabian man was playing the Piccolo Flute.

Sighing, Gasser walked into the battlefield to bring an end to things all by himself.

Denbo-chan and Rem were still making out when Gasser reached them. Turning around, Gasser bent over and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF THE BACKWIND: GAS EXPLOSION!"

The resulting release from Gasser's ass sent both Denbo-chan and Rem flying into the wall. That seemed to have snapped Rem back to reality, as she quickly realized what was going on and ran over to help her dear husband Hanpen. Denbo-chan, though, was left a quivering, bleeding mess on the floor.

"OH NO! HANPEN-CHAN! I'M SO SORRY! IT WAS THAT BASTARD LAMBADA'S FAULT! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" Rem cried, squeezing Hanpen's face against her breasts.

"It's...it's okay...still love ya...too..." Hanpen grunted; he was awake after all!

Then, she fell asleep on top of him and a giant sand worm burst out of the ground and swallowed the two lovers...

...and the battle was over.

"THAT WAS THE WORST FIGHT YET," Don Patch complained, "GASSER WAS ABLE TO WIN IT FOR US, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! FUCKIN' GASSER!"

"Well, they ARE actually good guys. It would be in bad taste to beat them up so violently like usual..." Beauty explained with a shrug.

"At least I finally got to do something this time! Unlike SOMEONE..." Gasser said, glaring at Wadokei.

'Is he trying to make me look bad in front of Beauty?' Wadokei wondered.

'I am SO trying to make him look bad in front of Beauty...' Gasser thought.

'I am currently NOT taking money from Gasser's wallet...and I'm currently NOT rubbing it all over my body in a feverish manner...' Jelly Jiggler thought, tossing Gasser's wallet aside.

Bringing his face close to Gasser's, and looking absolutely pissed, Wadokei growled, "Hey, punk...you talkin' about me?"

Smirking confidently, Gasser replied, "Yeah, I am...you useless asswipe! We've been doing nothing but fight your battles!"

"Yeah, well...I can only use Time, for crying out loud! That's not even a real weapon!"

"OF COURSE IT IS! IF YOU USE IT CORRECTLY!"

"ARE YOU INSINUATING I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE MY OWN ABILITIES PROPERLY?"

"YES! YES I AM!"

Before they could argue anymore, Beauty whistled loudly in their ears and snapped, "Stop acting like children, both of you! It's annoying!"

Pulling on Beauty's shirt, Don Patch picked his nose and cooed, "Hey, mama, can I get some ice cweam?"

"NO! YOU ALREADY HAD ICE CREAM TODAY!" Beauty roared, and she karate-chopped poor Don Patch right on the head, causing blood to spurt out his nostrils.

"Wow...you're really strong, Beauty-chan..." Wadokei remarked with a wink. Beauty blushed slightly and quietly thanked him before running over to the unconscious Denbo-chan and kicking her awake.

Patting Gasser on the shoulder, Wadokei turned and walked ahead as he said, "See...that's how ya do it, kid. You gotta compliment the ladies...and be as smooth as ice...of course, it's not very hard to impress a girl like her..."

Gasser couldn't take it anymore; he was sick of being weak, he was sick of being nervous around Beauty, and he was sick of dealing with this pompous jerk!

"HOW ABOUT A FIGHT THEN, WADOKEI? TO SEE WHO'S STRONGER?...and worthy of Beauty?"

Wadokei froze in his tracks. Glancing over his shoulder, he asked, "...You're kidding, right? This isn't exactly a good time to be challenging one of your own ALLIES to a battle, Gasser-kun..."

"I DON'T CARE, YOU CRAZY BASTARD!"

Wadokei wasn't what to do about the situation, but he wasn't about to walk away after being insulted.

"Very well, then. We'll fight...for the rights to Beauty, anyway." he said, cracking his neck and fists.

Beauty realized what was happening and cried, "HOLD ON, WHAT'RE YOU TWO DOING-"

Suddenly, Bo-Bobo placed a hand on her shoulder. "Let them fight it out. Their anger is empowered by jealousy, and words cannot quell that rage. You can stay here if you want, but the others have already gone ahead..."

Looking over to the doorway, Beauty saw Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Hatenko and Softon sitting around and watching the news on a wide-screen TV.

'THEY HAVEN'T MOVED AT ALL!'

"This just in," announced the reporter, who suspiciously resembled OVER, "An insane, flesh-eating homicidal maniac has been spotted in the city of Konoha! FUCKIN' RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!" Then, the TV exploded into pieces.

"Wow...that's scary..." Don Patch said as he nibbled on Hatenko's arm hungrily.

"Uh-huh. Good thing I stopped catching new victims there since last month..." Softon remarked with a nod.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?!" Bo-bobo snapped, and he slammed his feet against Don Patch, who knocked into Hatenko, who knocked into Jelly Jiggler, who knocked into Softon, and they were all sent flying into the next room, blood pouring out of their mouths.

Beauty glanced back over at Gasser and Wadokei for a moment, bite her lower lip, and ran after Bo-bobo and the others.

When the doors slammed shut behind them, Wadokei said, "You do know you're making a huge mistake, Gasser-kun. I'm not your enemy..."

"SHUT UP!" Gasser snapped, swiping his hand in anger, "EVER SINCE YOU JOINED US, I'VE SENSED SOMETHING DARK ABOUT YOU! YOU CERTAINLY DIDN'T SEEM TOO UPSET AFTER KILLING SHINAI AND WATCHING BOTH YOUR APPRENTICE AND YOUR OTHER COMRADES FALL AT OUR HANDS! JUST WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING? AND, ON ANOTHER NOTE, I WON'T LET YOU HAVE BEAUTY! NEVER!"

Wadokei shrugged. Smirking, he removed the glove on his right hand, revealing a black star-shaped jewel to have been embedded into his palm. "Do you see this?" he asked, holding it up for Gasser to see, "This is the source of my Super Fist."

"Wh...what? So...your Super Fist Of Time Warp is from an artificial source?" Gasser asked.

"Yes. It was implanted into my heart when I was first born, and it gradually moved through my body until it reached my hand." Wadokei replied as he put his glove back on.

"Why did you show me that? What're you trying to tell me?" Gasser snapped, getting into a fighting position.

Wadokei closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. His face tensed up as if he was in great pain.

The truth is, Gasser-kun...I've always known this day would come."

"...HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"

"Sabaku is considered a 'mistake' by many," Wadokei explained, his eyes still closed, "But...the man who hates this miserable place more than anything...is the very man who created it; my father. In his youth, he was a poor man with big dreams, and he always wanted to make it in the 'real world' and become famous. He was so serious about his ideals that he would turn dangerously violent on anyone who dared question him. After killing a prostitute, he was sent to jail. However, with the help of a man he only called 'Don', he escaped and began creating a utopia in this very desert..."

'Oh god...I think I know who broke out Wadokei's father...' Gasser thought, smacking his palm against his face.

"Anyway," Wadokei continued, "My father finished the city, and began his rise into success. He outlawed all racism and separatism within the city walls, and even welcomed interracial marriages and same-sex marriages, as long as they aboded to the rules. There were no wars, no hatred; only peace and people coexisting. This wondrous place truly became a paradise...but that only drove my father further into madness. My father really was a mysterious being; he demanded peace, but despised it at the same time. At his deathbed, he had five young boys, one of them being me, be empowered with Super Fist styles and certain data-chips that will be inserted into their brains. Do you know what those data-chips were designed to do?"

"...What?"

"On the anniversary of my father's death," Wadokei said, his expression growing more demonic, "The data-chips will activate...and the Sabaku Guardian Corps. will become 'terrorists' and destroy this city. All of it. Thus...I am not your enemy, Gasser-kun. My only role is to destroy this city. Yet, you still insist to fight. Very well..."

"HOLD ON! IF YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE CITY TOO...THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU GONE RAMPANT LIKE SHINAI AND THE OTHERS? And what about Beauty?" Gasser asked, nervous sweat rolling down his face.

Wadokei chuckled, and his eyes suddenly became droopy, yet he still had a wide creepy smile on his face. "Gasser...I am my father's son; I was designed to eliminate all who may impede our progression in bringing the downfall of this city, so I guess you really ARE my enemy, Gasser-kun. So sad...I made a few mistakes in my speech, then. Darn. Oh, and about Beauty...yeah, I just want to fuck her. That's all."

'I...I DON'T GET THIS AT ALL! THIS IS AS BAD AS WHEN POKOMI TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO MARRY ME...TWICE!' Gasser thought in despair.

Then, Wadokei, in his awakened madness, charged at Gasser...

...but was stopped by being palm-smacked in the face by Rice, who was dressed as a wrestling referee. Dengakuman was standing next to him wearing the same outfit.

"Argh...what are you two doing back here?" Wadokei snapped, rubbing her nose.

A mic suddenly fell from above, and Rice caught it without even looking. Holding it up to his mouth, he shouted, "FROM THE GOVERNMENT COMPLEX TOWER IN SABAKU CITY, FOR THE THOUSANDS IN ATTENDENCE AND THE MILLIONS READING AROUND THE WORLD, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND SWORDFISH...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!"

The song 'Rock Lobster' began to play in the background for some reason, and the match between Gasser and Wadokei officially begun!

"SUPER FIST OF TIME WARP: WARP BALL TO THE PAST!"

Wadokei raised both hands and fired off several energy balls, each one of them containing the force to warp Gasser into a previous point in time! Cursing, Gasser leaped back and flipped through the air, and then bounced sideways the moment he landed, allowing him to easily dodge all of the balls before they struck!

"YOU BASTARD! STAND STILL!" Wadokei snarled; his personality had completely changed in a matter of seconds.

Reaching down towards his ass, Gasser knew he had no choice but to win, especially since he was alone now...no one could help him...well, Rice and Dengakuman could've, but they mysteriously disappeared after that little act from earlier.

"SUPER FIST OF TIME WARP: TIME HELL TRIO!" shouted Wadokei, and he slammed his fingers into the ground.

Suddenly, a portal opened up in the middle of the room, and three figures in white cloaks climbed out.

'Damn...this isn't going to be as easy as I had hoped...' Gasser realized.

* * *

In the next room, everyone let out gasps when they saw their next opponents...

"IT'S THOSE THREE CIVILIZATION DORKS FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES!"

Shockingly enough, waiting for the Bo-bobo group was none other than Yellow River, Indus Guy and Mesopotamian Guy!

"Ugh..." Jelly Jiggler muttered, "Not this fuckers again..."

"YES, IT IS US AGAIN: THE FUCKERS!" Yellow River exclaimed, "WAIT...NO! I MEAN...WE ARE HERE TO DESTROY YOU ALL...AGAIN!"

"I thought you guys opened up a restaurant..." Beauty said.

Mesopotamian Guy sighed. "We did, but they closed it down because we were deemed 'less important than minor secondary characters'. So, we all got jobs as mailmen here in Sabaku, but then they realized how unimportant we actually were in the actual series, and now we're being forced to fight again. SIGH..."

'Poor guys...' Beauty thought, frowning.

"ANYWAY, LET'S FIGHT!" Yellow River then jumped forward and swung his hands, sending a giant icicle flying right towards Bo-bobo!

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?" he snapped, "I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO ACTUALLY MAKE MY ICE POWERS USEFUL!"

However, Bo-bobo just pulled a cup of instant-noodles out of his pocket and threw it at the icicle. The top of the noodle cup flipped open, revealing a horse with an apple for a head inside.

"YABBA DABBA!" The horse leaped out of the cup and smashed against the icicle, thus cuasing both of them to explode!

"Hmph...you're still weak..." Bo-bobo smirked.


	15. Enter The Lambada

_The battle between Gasser and Wadokei continues..._

A droplet of sweat rolled down Gasser's cheek as he stared at the three robed beings Wadokei had summoned. All of them wore hoods over their faces, making it impossible to tell who or what they were. Wadokei noticed Gasser's nervousness...and he smirked.

"ATTACK HIM...TIME HELL TRIO!" Wadokei ordered, and the three beings tossed off their robes, revealing their true forms: three different colored collies with katanas!

"...HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Gasser asked.

"I AM HILARY DUFF!" announced the green-furred collie.

"I AM ZANBATO!" proclaimed the red-furred collie.

"I AM MASTER SWORD!" shouted the blue-furred collie.

"AND WE WILL CHOP YOU UP! ...AND SERVE YOU COOKED WELL-DONE WITH A SIDE OF FRENCH FRIES!" all three of them exclaimed together.

"HEY, THIS ISN'T FAIR! FOUR AGAINST ONE!" Gasser cried to Wadokei.

The time-manipulating man just shook his head and replied, "Did you forget, Gasser-kun? I'm your enemy. I don't need to play fair! NOW...DIE!"

Suddenly, just as Hilary Duff was about to plunge his sword into Gasser's face, a fist made out of polygons flew out of nowhere and knocked the evil collie back into the pit.

"OH NO! OUR BROTHER HAS BEEN DEFEATED! ALREADY?!" Zanbato and Master Sword wailed.

Cracking his neck once, Lambada walked out of the shadows and stood next to Gasser, saying, "I barely got to do anything back in that fight with Rem and Hanpen, so I plan to make up for that here! I'll take care of these stupid mutts, while you take down Wadokei!"

"Hold on! You were a psychotic faggot intent on killing his two best friends less than an hour ago! How can I trust you now?" Gasser asked.

"Don't worry...I got the antidote. I plan to apologize to Rem and Hanpen later, too." Lambada replied, and Gasser had no more questions.

"WHAT MAKES YOU SO CERTAIN YOU CAN BEAT US ON YOUR OWN?!" growled Zanbato as he leaped up next to Lambada and prepared to slice him in half. However, a shield of polygons suddenly formed in front of him, and the attack was blocked. Lambada didn't even have to look to see what he was doing.

Jumping back next to his collie brother, Zanbato cursed under his breath and thought, 'Damn it! This guy can protect himself without even paying attention! He's like...like Gaara of the Sand or something! How dare he parody a Naruto character! How dare he!'

After listening in on Gasser and Lambada's conversation, Wadokei pressed his palms up against the wall and closed his eyes. Soon, a portal formed over his hands, and he beckoned Gasser to come inside.

"We'll fight somewhere else...so that there's no distractions..." Wadokei explained before walking through the portal and vanishing.

Gasser glanced at Lambada, who nodded to him, and then he ran into the portal as well. As soon as Gasser was gone, the portal dissipated and all that was left was Lambada and two of the three Time Hell Trio members.

Lambada held out his hands, ready to perform his next attack, when he felt intense pain in his side. Looking down, he saw a small squid chewing on his flesh.

'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!'

Kicking it away, Lambada turned back to the fight, but was surprised to see Zanbato and Master Sword had both disappeared. Then, without warning, two Xs appeared on his chest and burst out in a fountain of blood and he fell to his knees. His clothes and hands now drenched in the red liquid, Lambada tried to push himself back up to a standing position.

'Those goddamn fuckin' dog bastards are fast! Way fast!' Lambada thought. It was bad to take even a single hit in fights like these, but Lambada had already found himself near-death with only one attack!

"You can't find us, can you?" mocked Zanbato's voice.

"We have super special awesome NINJA(trademark) skills!" cackled Master Sword's voice from the shadows.

Cursing, Lambada pressed his hand against his chest and began to fill the wound with polygons to stop the bleeding. When he finished with that, Lambada prepared himself for the next onslaught. Without warning, a kunai flew out of the darkness above and stabbed into Lambada's foot, trapping him.

"DAMMIT!" the polygon-fist master screamed as the two dogs began to descend upon him with their swords drawn. Suddenly, who but Hanpen and Rem burst out of the ground, riding on top of the sandworm.

"SMACK 'EM DOWN, GERALD!" Rem snapped, and the sandworm body-slammed Zanbato and Master Sword into a wall, sending debris and blood flying everywhere. However, the two samurai dogs weren't dead yet, as they then easily sliced the sandworm in half.

Hanpen and Rem jumped off the poor dead sandworm and landed next to Lambada, and then they proceeded to pull the kunai out of his foot.

"THAT SANDWORM WAS THE FINEST OF HIS GENERATION! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, GERALD!" Hanpen weeped into his arm.

Lambada couldn't help but smile as he stammered, "H-Hanpen...R-Rem...you guys came back to save me..."

"Yeah...we were acting crazy before because Bo-bobo put some of Don Patch's drugs in our breakfast too..." Rem explained with a sheepish grin.

"So," Lambada asked, "You guys actually aren't married?"

"No, we're still married."

"DAMMIT!"

"HMPH! EVEN IF IT IS NOW TWO-AGAINST-THREE, WE'LL STILL WIN!" Zanbato snapped, and he charged straight for the three friends, only to be brutally bashed around by a flurry of Hanpen's karate attacks.

"UNO! DOS! TRES! CUATRO! CINCO! SEIS! SIETE! OCHO! NUEVE! ...CATORCE!!" Hanpen exclaimed, and he landed one final powerful karate chop to Zanbato's face, causing the sword-wielding dog to crash through the floor in a spray of blood, dirt and broken floor paneling.

"Wow...he's so dreamy, isn't he?" Rem asked with a glazed look in her eyes and flushed cheeks.

"WHY WAS HE COUNTING NUMBERS IN SPANISH?! AND WHY DID HE GO UP TO NINE, AND THEN SKIP TO 14 FOR THE LAST PART?!" Lambada cried.

All that was left now was Master Sword...but the blue-furred collie didn't seem the least bit worried about his current situation. In fact, he seemed happy about it.

Rem gasped. "Ah! I sense a powerful presence coming from within that blue dog! He's...he's housing two souls inside his body!"

"WHAT?! REALLY?!" Both Hanpen and Lambada cried.

Suddenly, Master Sword raised his sword high into the air...and plunged it into his own head.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Master Sword continued to scream as blood ran down his face and red smoke began to form around his body. His screams grew more and more distorted as his body vanished within the smoke...and then everything became silent.

"W...What the hell is going on inside that red smoke...?" Lambada asked aloud.

Suddenly, a hand popped out of the smoke, but it certainly wasn't a dog's hand; it was a human hand. The smoke then cleared completely, and it was revealed that Master Sword had become...

...a very hairy nudist.

"Yo." he grunted, "The name's Maxy."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Suddenly, this freak named Maxy dashed forward and gently touched Rem's arm.

"EEK! HE TOUCHED ME!" The woman shrieked.

"YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN, YOU BASTARD!" Hanpen snapped.

Suddenly, a growth began to form on Rem's arm. It took on a swollen bubble shape, and it was starting to pulsate and grow even larger. Soon, Rem's entire arm became swollen and oozing with puss.

"W...WHAT THE FUCK IS THISSSS?!" Rem screeched in horror, as she watched her fingers sink into the overgrown flesh that was once her arm.

Maxy chuckled. "That is my evil power: whatever body part I touch, it'll swell until it explodes!"

Then, instead of puss, Rem noticed that blood was leaking out of her giant arm instead. "WAAAAH!"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Hanpen exclaimed, and he smashed his fist into the side of Maxy's face, but it didn't even seem to faze the naked man.

"Look." Maxy said, pointing at the fishcake-headed man's fist.

Hanpen glanced at his right hand and realized it was starting to swell up too!

"NOO!" Lambada screamed, "REM! HANPEN! STOP THIS, YOU NUDE BASTARD!"

Maxy chuckled for a moment, and then that chuckle became a full-blown laugh of insanity.

Lambada had never felt such hopelessness; Rem couldn't even hold up her arm anymore, Hanpen's hand was swelling to huge proportions...everything was going wrong.

Suddenly, something snapped within Lambada's mind. No, he didn't go crazy again...he just started becoming really, really angry. The kind of anger he felt is the kind that lets you become powerful i.e. Super Patch and whatnot. Clutching his head in pain, Lambada threw his head back and let out a powerful deranged scream.

This caught Maxy's attention. "Huh?" Although this was no long Gasser and Wadokei's battle, the 'Rock Lobster' song was still playing in the background, and it was reaching its climax.

Thousands upon thousands of polygons began to form around Lambada, and they all infused into him, enshrouding his body within a veil of light. Then, the light vanished, and Lambada had now taken on a new look.

His hat was gone, and his hair was longer and even spiker than before. He had large polygon-made shoulder guards and wore demonic-looking polygon armor over his legs, arms and chest. A polygon-shaped red dot had appeared in the middle of his forehead. His eyes were now emerald-green, as well.

"What...what the hell is this?" Maxy exclaimed.

Without a word, Lambada raised his left hand and created two light-green polygons. He sent one of them into Rem's inflated arm, and the other into Hanpen's swollen hand. The green polygons sunk into the pulsating flesh and, after a moment, they returned to normal.

"OMG, WE'RE SAVED!" Rem exclaimed, jumping for joy.

"NO WAY! YOU NEGATED THE EFFECTS OF MY ABILITIES?!" Maxy cried in disbelief.

Lambada smirked, and then teleported right behind Maxy.

"See? I can move fast, too..."

Maxy cursed, and then warped behind Lambada.

"Ha! See if you can beat that, you freak! YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS!"

Lambada nodded and then teleported behind Maxy again.

They continued at this for a while, with Maxy warping behind Lambada, who then teleported behind Maxy, who then warped behind Lambada, until they hit into the wall.

"STOP SHOWING OFF AND FINISH HIM, LAMBADA!" Rem snapped.

Lambada sighed. "Very well."

With amazing swiftness, he blasted his fist through Maxy's back and pulled out his heart.

"WAAAH! PUT IT BACK, PUT IT BACK, PUT IT BACK!" Rem and Hanpen both cried.

Lambada stared at the heart for a moment before putting it back in, and Maxy fell to the ground in defeat.

Then, Lambada's armor broke off and he returned to his original state.

By that point, 'Rock Lobster' had stopped playing and Rice and Dengakuman suddenly returned.

Grabbing Lambada's arm, Rice raised it to the sky and shouted into his mic, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...WE HAVE A WINNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!"

Dengakuman handed Lambada a golden trophy, kissed him on the cheek, and ran off to clean out his mouth with soap.

"Way to go, Lambada!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with Bo-bobo and the others..._

"So...what should we draw for the next panel, boss?" Yellow River asked Bo-bobo, who was sitting at his desk, smoking a cigar. He was wearing a janitor's uniform and a yellow moustache for some reason, as well.

Behind Yellow River were several short-leg tables, and Indus Guy, Mesopotamian Guy, Softon, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and Hatenko were all hard at work at drawing and writing various aspects for their new Weekly Jump manga series that would debut next month.

This whole scene had a very 'film noir' feeling about it.

"How many chapters of the manga have you bastards finished so far?" Bo-bobo grunted in response.

Fumbling a bit, Yellow River snatched some papers from Indus Guy and dropped them onto Bo-bobo's desk.

"Umm...about six, boss..." he replied nervously.

"Did you finish the pilot chapter yet?" Bo-bobo asked.

Yellow River thought for a moment. "N...No...we haven't..."

"How much is done?"

"...34 pages..."

Bo-bobo slammed his hands onto his desk, causing everyone in the room to glance up.

"YOU BUMBLING IDIOT!" Bo-bobo snapped, slapping Yellow River hard across the face, "YOU CAN'T JUST ASSUME THAT YOUR MANGA WILL BE A HIT! YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE PILOT CHAPTER FIRST, LEARN ABOUT THE PUBLIC'S GENERAL REACTION TOWARDS IT, AND IF THEY LIKE IT, IT COULD BECOME A FULL-FLEDGED SERIES! I'VE TOLD YOU THIS SAME CRAP OVER AND OVER AGAIN, YET YOU NEVER REMEMBER! YOU RETARD!"

Standing up, Don Patch said, "Hey, boss, calm down. It's only a little mistake. We can just work late and finish up the rest of the pilot chapter's pages, and then-"

"SHUT UP!" Bo-bobo screamed and he grabbed a bust that resembled Beauty's head, and then he threw it right at Don Patch.

The moment it hit him, Don Patch slumped to the floor, and a trail of blood rolled down his forehead. Gasping, Hatenko ran over to the fallen star man and checked his pulse. After a moment, he stood up...and he was crying.

"B...Boss...you killed him...you killed Don Patch!"

_WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?_

* * *

"SO...ARE YOU READY TO FIGHT, BO-BOBO?!" Mesopotamian Guy cackled.

Bo-bobo nodded. "Ready when you freaks are."

'WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THAT WEIRD LITTLE SCENE JUST BEFORE?!' Beauty wondered.

"SUPER FIST OF THE THREE CIVILIZATIONS: PIPE DREAMS!" Several large pipelines burst out of the floor and were about to smash into Bo-bobo, but luckly he used Don Patch as a shield just in time.

"WHY? WHY MUST I SUFFER?" Don Patch screamed, and he sunk his teeth into the pipe...only for it to suddenly grow spikes and tear him apart, leaving a whole lot of patch splatter everywhere. One of his eyeballs rolled over to Beauty, who shrieked and ran away.

"I...I don't really understand what just happened," Bo-bobo remarked, "But it seems you three have become much stronger since when we last fought..."

"Yeah! We're allota stronger!" Indus Guy exclaimed. Walking up to Jelly Jiggler, he then held out the habbard of his sword and unsheathed it so fast that it sliced the poor jelly man in half.

"DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN BEAT US AGAIN?" Mesopotamian Guy snarled.

To his surprise, Bo-bobo nodded.

"HOW ABOUT I JUST TAKE YOU DOWN THE GOOD OL'-FASHIONED WAY!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, and he snatched up both Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler.

"HERE WE GO: TIME FOR THE FUSION TECHNIQUE!"

'OH GOD,' Yellow River thought, his face becoming serious, 'HE'S GOING TO SUMMON...THAT GUY! I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT I ADMIRED HIM!'

Bo-bobo stuffed both of his snackfood buddies down his throat and then began to glow with powerful yellow energy.

"NO! I MUST STOP HIM BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Mesopotamian Guy ran right at Bo-bobo with a knife, but the poor squid man was suddenly smacked back by a sword...with the head of a man on the end.

Shaking in fear, Mesopotamian Guy glanced up and saw the object of many of his nightmares staring back down at him...Bobopatchjiggler!

"Hello there." he chided, his voice switching tone with every word.


	16. Cherry Trees And Onions

_The battle of against the Three Civilizations grows intense when Bobopatchjiggler enters the fray!_

"How are you gentlemen? It's been a long time..." Bobopatchjiggler said with a slight smirk.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! THE MEMORIES OF MY YOUTH ARE RETURNING!!" Mesopotamian Guy shrieked, and he ran out of the room in tears.

Yellow River walked up to Bobopatchjiggler and snapped, "Look what you did! You made him cry! Go and apologize!"

"Aww...do I have to?" Indus Guy muttered.

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!"

"...Are you two morons done?" Bobopatchjiggler asked.

Actually, he didn't even wait for an answer, as he threw his hands into the air and announced, "IT'S...MAJIDE TIME!!"

Suddenly, the entire background transformed into an outer space setting, and Yellow River and Indus Guy started wishing they had ran out along with Mesopotamian Guy as well.

"I don't want to go through this again!" Yellow River weeped.

"THE SCARS STILL HAVEN'T FADED!! DO YOU HEAR ME? THE SCARS STILL HAVEN'T FADED!" Indus Guy screamed into the night sky.

"Ready to feel the pain of MAJIDE?!" Bobopatchjiggler exclaimed.

"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!" Yellow River and Indus Guy both shook their heads violently in response.

"HERE WE GO!! MAJIDE...ACTIVATE!!" Bobopatchjiggler posed like an Egyptian, and began dancing like one for no reason whatsoever.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Yellow River cried, causing a giant cinder block to crash on his head.

Suddenly, right in front of Indus Guy, a hole opened up and a crab crawled out. It then blew up, and a man wearing a radish hat and a bondage outfit appeared in its place.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Indus Guy exclaimed, and several rockets flew out of nowhere and smashed into him.

"YES," replied the radish-headed man as he smoked his pipe, "I AM VERY SERIOUS."

Rubbing his head in pain, Yellow River was contemplating how to escape when Bobopatchjiggler tossed a magazine at his feet. Picking it up, he read the main headline:

'BARRACKS OZAMA VS. JAYLENE MAKAIN! VOTES: 21-12!'

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Yellow River screeched, and a chestburster (_Alien) _popped its head out of his stomach.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS, ARE YOU?!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"Dammit! How can we win this? The power of 'MAJIDE?!' is too strong!" Indus Guy complained to his partner.

"Just calm down! I'll think of something!" Yellow River replied, "Oh, if only Mesopotamian Guy was here!"

"I can help!" exclaimed the chestburster, and it leaped out of Yellow River's belly and immediately transformed into a full-grown Xenomorph.

(A/N: It'd be best to look up about Xenomorphs before continuing if you don't know what they are.)

"Awesome! So you'll help us?" Yellow River asked the frightening Alien.

"I JUST SAID I WOULD, DUMBASS!" It snapped, and it punched Yellow River in the face in retaliation.

Bobopatchjiggler gasped at this scene and unsheathed his sword. 'Dammit, never thought I'd have to fight a Xenomorph again...'

"HAVE AT YOU!" The Xenomorph then charged right at Bobopatchjiggler, and easily leaped over the first sword swing. Unsheathing its claws, it scratched wildly at the fusion man's face before being smacked away by a second sword swing. Blood was pouring down Bobopatchjiggler's face now, and he looked absolutely pissed.

"Damn...this guy is tough!" The Xenomorph grunted, wiping a trail of blood from its mouth.

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Yellow River encouraged, dressed as The Townie from_The Waterboy_.

"Why...why do you have so much confidence in me?" The Xenomorph asked.

"Because," Yellow River replied, smiling with tears in his eyes, "I gave birth to you, didn't I? I love you...my son."

"D-Daddy..."

"My son...you've grown up to become everything I'd hoped you'd become..."

"WAAAAHH!" Sobbing like crazy, Xenomorph jumped into his father's arms and hugged him.

While those two were having a touching moment, Indus Guy and Bobopatchjiggler were deep in a sword fight. Their swords clashed and clanged with every strike. Neither could hit the other.

"You're...quite strong..." Bobopatchjiggler commented.

"Hmph! I won't let you 'MAJIDE?!' us anymore!" Indus Guy snapped in response.

Suddenly, Bobopatchjiggler said, "Your wife doesn't love you anymore either."

Indus Guy gasped.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

At that moment, Indus Guy realized his mistake, but it was too late as a pile of Swedish donuts soon collapsed on top of him.

"ARGH! DAMN YOU FOR HURTING MY UNCLE!" The Xenomorph snapped, and it charged at Bobopatchjiggler once again.

Suddenly, another Bobopatchjiggler appeared, and then another, and another, and soon the Xenomorph found itself surrounded by an entire crowd of Bobopatchjigglers!

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?"

One of the Bobopatchjigglers stepped forward and explained, "You see, Mr. Alien, this world is completely under my control. You cannot strike me for you do not know which one is the real me! You cannot help but say 'ARE YOU SERIOUS?!' due to the immense insanity and ridiculousness of it all!"

The Xenomorph grunted and punched Bobopatchjiggler in the face, and it turned out to be the real one after all.

Coughing into his fist, Bobopatchjiggler picked himself back up to his feet and exclaimed, "VERY WELL, IF YOU THINK HITTING ME IS NO DIFFERENT FROM HITTING THE ICE CREAM MAN, THEN I MUST SHOW YOU THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS! HERE WE GO...SUPER FIST OF THE EYELASH: LIGHT SHOW OF THE HEAVENS!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EYELASHES!"

Thousands of beams of light became to burst out from below, exploding and erupting everywhere. More and more beams continued to fly about in random directions, destroying anything in their path.

"WAAH! IT'S COMPLETE CHAOS!" cried Yellow River as he barely dodged one of the beams. Indus Guy and the Xenomorph were also having a bit of trouble, too.

Bobopatchjiggler, however, just stood still with his eyes closed. He seemed to be singing a song under his breath as several lasers zipped by his head.

"...In you and I, there's a new land. Angels in flight...My Sanctuary, My Sanctuary, yeah...where fears and lies melt away. Music will tie...what's left of me, what's left of me now..."

The Xenomorph couldn't take it anymore. With amazing speed, he slid and leaped over several lasers flying towards him and body-slammed against Bobopatchjiggler, screaming, "STOP SINGING KINGDOM HEARTS SONGS WHILE WE'RE GETTING OUR ASSES KICKED!!"

Bobopatchjiggler immediately snapped his eyes back open and brought his hands together. "LIGHT SHOW OF THE HEAVENS...COME TO ME!"

All of the lasers then broke off and began forming into Bobopatchjiggler's hands, creating a powerful shimmering sword of light.

"I'LL DESTROY YOU!" The Xenomorph shrieked.

"SUPER FIST OF THE EYELASH: EXODUS ULTIMATUM!"

Bobopatchjiggler then smashed the sword down onto the Xenomorph's head, causing blood to gush out of its mouth. The poor Xenomorph staggered for a moment before collapsing to the ground, defeated.

"That...that had nothing to do with...eyelashes either..." the alien grunted before losing consciousness.

"OH NO! MY SON! HE WAS THE FINEST OF HIS GENERATION!" Yellow River cried.

"YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU?!" Indus Guy snapped.

"Hmph, both of you shut up," Bobopatchjiggler said, "Before I defeat both of you once again, I would like to show you two a moment of the past we shared..."

"...Huh?"

Bobopatchjiggler reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pink cellphone. A 'Hello-Kitty' key strap was attached to it.

"...Do you remember this?" he asked.

Suddenly, a flood of memories began rushing through Yellow River's mind. Tears started to leak out of his eyes and roll down his cheeks. The same went for Indus Guy, as well.

"I...I don't remember it at all." They both said at the same time.

Bobopatchjiggler gasped, and then shook his head in disappointment. "Very well, then..."

Without another word, he deactivated his sword and it reverted back into the lasers, which all crashed into Yellow River and Indus Guy, defeating them for good.

"May the Saints of Bulgaria have mercy on your souls..." Bobopatchjiggler muttered as the room returned to normal. Then, with one final sigh, he diffused and in his place now stood Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler once again.

"ALRIGHT! YOU GUYS DID IT!" Beauty exclaimed happily, "BUT...WHAT ABOUT MESOPOTAMIAN GUY?"

Suddenly, Mesopotamian Guy came back into the room drinking a soda. "Meh...what'd I miss?" he asked, but Don Patch just ran over and punched him in the gut, which knocked him out and it spilled his soda.

"No one can be the main heroine but me!" Don Patch snapped, wearing make-up and a dress.

"NO ONE WAS EVEN TALKING ABOUT THAT, YOU IDIOT!" Beauty snapped.

"Alright," Bo-bobo said, cracking his neck, "Now we won that one, all that's left is one more room and then we can fight the leader of the Sabaku Guardian Corps.! And, if we're lucky, he'll give me a cup...OF SUGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Jelly Jiggler, dressed as Japanese Yankee with a pompadour and all, pumped his fist and exclaimed, "YEAH! LET'S GO KICK SOME GOOD-OL' BROOKLYN-ACCENTED ASS! THEN, WE'LL ALL MAKE GUEST APPEARANCES IN 'CHAGECHA'!"

Bo-bobo walked up ahead and pushed open the next set of doors. Instead of it being another room, it was a staircase leading to the next floor.

As everyone began to make their way up, Beauty took one last glance at the room before and thought, 'Oh...I hope Gasser is alright...and Wadokei too, of course...'

After using a rather unwilling Don Patch as a surfboard, the Bo-bobo group reached the next floor, and their next opponents were already waiting for them.

There were two women; one was wearing a bathing suit and the other had on a bathrobe.

"Hello, Bo-bobo," said the woman in the bathing suit, "It's nice to see you again. Do you...remember us?"

Bo-bobo thought for a moment, then gasped. "NO, IT CAN'T BE! SUE AND ANN, MY THIRD-GRADE TEACHERS?! I ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR BRINGING IN MY MATH HOMEWORK 34 YEARS LATE!"

"34 years late?! That doesn't even make sense, considering you're only 28!" Beauty exclaimed.

"W'ERE NOT YOUR TEACHERS, YOU IDIOT! WE'RE GIGA'S FANGIRLS! REMEMBER?" The two women both snapped.

Bo-bobo and Don Patch both smirked and shrugged. "GOOPA-GOOP."

"DAMN YOU, BO-BOBO! WE'LL KILL YOU!" Both women then dashed at him, but stopped in their tracks when Serviceman suddenly landed in front of them.

"AHH! SERVICEMAN! WHAT'RE YOU GOING TO DO? BLOW UP SOME SHIT?" Bo-bobo asked his cloth-wearing buddy.

Serviceman shook his head...and then lifted his drape. Giga's fangirls got one look of it, and both of them spat up blood and fell to the ground.

"Ugh...it's so...so big..." the woman in the bathrobe grunted before she lost consciousness.

"WOW, THAT WAS EASY...EASIER THAN THE OTHER BATTLES!" Beauty exclaimed.

"That was amazing!" Bo-bobo said in awe of Serviceman, "Thank you so much, Serviceman-sama!"

Serviceman smirked, and punched Jelly Jiggler hard across the face before jumping away into oblivion once again.

"Uh...I guess we should just head for the top then." Softon suggested, still a bit shaken by how easily that battle was just won.

Suddenly, before anyone could really react in time, the tower began to shake violently and the floor underneath gave way. Everyone cried out in horror as they plummeted into the darkness below. Using his nosehairs, Bo-bobo blocked any debris from hitting Beauty, but he was more than happy to use Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler as his own personal shields if needed.

'I HOPE GASSER IS HAVING AS MUCH TROUBLE AS WE ARE RIGHT NOW!' Don Patch thought as a particularly large boulder smashed into his face.


	17. All About Gasser

_Meanwhile, back with Gasser and Wadokei..._

"Just...just what is this place?" Gasser gasped, looking around nervously. He had willingly followed Wadokei through the portal, which brought them to a large platform resembling a clock floating through a neo-green parallel dimension.

"Do you like it?" Wadokei asked, stretching out his arms, "This is my own private sanctuary, where I train relentless every day and become even more and more powerful! In this place, my Super Fist Of Time Warp's powers are magnified many times over!"

"THAT'S TOTALLY NOT FAIR!" Gasser exclaimed.

Wadokei smirked. "REMEMBER, I'M EVIL; I DON'T HAVE TO PLAY FAIR! NOW...SUPER FIST OF TIME WARP: TIME BRACELETS!"

Wadokei held out both palms and then closed them. Within that single second, Gasser found large golden bracelets attached to both his shoulders and both his thighs.

"H...How did you...?"

"Heh! Now...witness the power of my Time Bracelets!" Wadokei said, waving his hands around flamboyantly.

Gasser let out a cry as he watched his right arm begin to shrink and his left arm begin to grow larger. At that same time, the same process was happening to his legs.

"AHH!" he cried, "WHAT...WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?"

"My Time Bracelets are warping your arms and legs through time. One arm is reverting back to when you were 3 years old, while the other arm is now that of a full-grown man. The same goes for your legs, too. You won't be able to fight at all now!" Wadokei explained, laughing at Gasser's situation.

Gasser couldn't hold his balance anymore, and he collapsed onto the floor, now looking like some sort of distorted freak man-child.

'Dammit! Dammit dammit dammit!' Gasser thought, banging his adult arm on the ground uselessly, 'I barely even did anything, and I've already lost! I'm so useless...so weak...so pathetic. Beauty doesn't deserve someone like me! I...I'm just a loser. I...I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!'

Suddenly, quite possibly the greatest stroke of luck, a small bundle rolled out of Gasser's pocket and stopped right in front of him. It was the Nu Handkerchief for some reason, and when Gasser unraveled it, a single pill fell onto the floor. Gasser recognized it immediately.

It was the Zenmetsu-gan, the pill he had used to amplify his power during his time as Neo-A Block Leader.

'Why do I have these? I thought I destroyed them all! And...why were they in Jelly Jiggler's hanky?' Gasser wondered, but then he came to a realization that these evil-inducing pills might just be his ticket to winning this fight!

'I wonder what he's doing?' Wadokei pondered.

'If I overdose again, I might end up killing him. Not that I would mind doing that, but I can't kill people. That's against my code,' Gasser thought, 'At least one pill will hopefully be enough...'

Popping a pill into his mouth, Gasser closed his eyes and swallowed it...and a sudden rush of power burst within him.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHH!!"

Wadokei was almost knocked onto his back by the immense energy that began to emit from Gasser's body. The Time Bracelets shattered to pieces and Gasser soon returned to normal, and he pushed himself back to his feet.

"Heh heh heh...it seems your Time Bracelets weren't so strong after all..." Gasser chided, his expression and overall personality now similar to Wadokei's. Also, dark gas streams now flowed around his body like an aura of sorts.

Wadokei was horrified. "Gasser-kun...is...is that you?"

"Shut up." Gasser said bluntly, and he practically warped in front of Wadokei and punched him hard in the gut.

"Gaah..." Wadokei barely had time to react before Gasser then kicked him in the jaw with both his feet. Blood and a tooth spewed out of Wadokei's mouth as he began to fall backwards onto the floor. However, Gasser wasn't done with him yet.

"STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!" Gasser reached behind him, pulled out a large black-colored ball of gas and slammed it against Wadokei's face, sending the poor guy flying across the platform and then crashing to the floor with blood squirting from between his lips. As that happened, Gasser didn't notice that one of the three pills had been knocked out of his pocket and landed in Wadokei's palm before he clenched it closed.

Gasser shook his head in disappointment. "Wow, that was really pathetic..." Chuckling, he turned his back and began to walk away.

Coughing up more blood, Wadokei grunted, "No...no...I can't lose...this is too much...I can't lose...I can't..." Without even thinking, he brought his hand up to his face, and the pill he was holding happened to fall down his throat. For a moment, nothing happened, and then...Wadokei felt a surge of power.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Gasser spun around to see what had happened, but all the air in his lungs blew out when Wadokei pressed his knee into his chest.

"HA HA HA! WHO'S THE STUPID MOTHERFUCKER NOW?!" Wadokei snapped, as he pressed his palm against Gasser's face and slammed him into the ground.

"YOU STILL ARE, BASTARD!" Gasser exclaimed, still lying on the ground, and he did a spin-kick and knocked Wadokei to the side. However, the time-fist user wasn't very fazed by the attack.

"HA HA HA! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT PILL WAS, BUT IT SURE IS DAMN GREAT!" Wadokei exclaimed, laughing maniacally, "I'VE NEVER FELT SO AMAZINGLY POWERFUL IN MY WHOLE LIFE!"

"Hmph...that's the power of the Zenmetsu-gan for ya." Gasser remarked, wiping some blood from his mouth.

Wadokei nodded and traded a few more blows with Gasser; they punched, they kicked, they even body-slammed. At the final part of their little bout, Gasser smashed his fist into Wadokei's jaw, kneed him in the crotch, and then head-butted him three times in the face.

Puking onto the floor and clutching his stomach, Wadokei grumbled, "VERY GOOD! NOW...DIE! SUPER FIST OF TIME WARP: HEART BEAT BEAT!"

Suddenly, the sound of a heart beat began to fill the air. Oddly enough, the heart beat was similar in tune to one of Gasser's favorite Linkin Park songs 'Faint'.

"...What exactly is this going to do?" Gasser asked after a minute of nothing happening.

"Just wait." Wadokei said, smirking.

Without warning, a glowing elephant with a baby's face flew out of nowhere, heading right for Gasser. He didn't even have time to react, and in a moment of stupidity, he pulled out the NU Handkerchief to protect himself.

'WAIT, WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING? I'LL BE FUCKIN' KILLED!'

Instead, the elephant shattered to pieces the moment it hit the hanky.

'Wow...I bet Jelly Jiggler would be amazed to hear about this...'

"DAMMIT, THAT ATTACK NEVER FAILED BEFORE!" Wadokei cursed.

"THAT WAS A STUPID ATTACK!" Gasser snapped.

Wadokei sighed and brushed a few hairs out of his face. "No matter," he said, "I'll kill you for good, and then I'll go back and decimate the entire city! I cannot be stopped!"

"You're a disappointing opponent. I think it would be best if I just finish this now..." Gasser said, taking out the last of the three pills left.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Wadokei threw several more time balls to kill Gasser, but he just destroyed all of them with a few black gasballs and then swallowed the pill.

"NO! NO! STOP IT!" Wadokei bellowed, but it was too late. Gasser closed his eyes and his hair lost its luster, and then he threw his head back and screamed as a huge eruption of power burst out of his body. Once again, he recalled many memories of his past as a member of the Bo-bobo gang...

...and many of them contained Beauty.

"WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

The smoke cleared and Gasser's demon form had returned; he had four curved horns sticking out of his head, long messy hair, wild bulging red eyes, a demonic pattern on his chest, and a forked tail.

Smiling wickedly with a mouth full of spiked teeth, Gasser said, "NOW...TIME TO FINISH YOU OFF FOR GOOD, WADOKEI-SAN."

For the first time in his life, Wadokei felt true fear. However, he wasn't about to accept it, so he ran straight for Gasser, screaming bloody murder.

"SUPER FIST OF THE TIME WARP: TIME SPEAR OF BLAME!"

"SUPER DEVIL FIST OF THE BACKWIND: COMPLETE DEATH ERADICATION!"

Just as the 'Time Spear of Blame' formed into Wadokei's hands, Gasser turned his back to him and unleashed his attack. A massive eruption of black gas fired out of his ass, completely overcoming Wadokei. Screaming in horrible pain, blood burst out of every hole on his body (including his pores) and his spear was torn apart. Even all of Wadokei's clothes and his hair were ripped off, leaving him bald and naked.

When the blast was finally over, Wadokei was still standing, drenched in his own blood and sweat. Smirking, Gasser grabbed the poor man by the head and tossed him over the platform. He watched in silence as Wadokei fell forever into nothingness.

"Heh...see ya, faggot boy."

Then, he reached up, snapped off the horns on his head, and he reverted back to his original form.

Gasser let out a sigh and muttered, "Thank god I remembered to do that...I can't believe I won though...I guess I'm not as pathetically emo as I thought..." Wiping the sweat from his brow, he looked around and realized he was stuck here without Wadokei's help.

'Dammit! Beauty...we'll be together again soon. I promise.'

Remembering that patience is always the key to success, Gasser sat down in a folded-legged position and meditated. Hopefully, he would figure out a way back to the real world soon...

* * *

_Back at the ruins of the Government Complex Tower, with Bo-bobo and the others..._

Bo-bobo was sitting on top of the ruins, smoking a cigar and reading the news, while Softon and Hatenko were busy trying to pull Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler out of the rubble.

"C'mon, Bo-bobo!" Beauty snapped, "You could at least help! It IS your fault they're stuck in the first place!"

Bo-bobo shrugged. "Nah, I'll do it on Sunday."

"...ON SUNDAY?!"

Suddenly, a familiar voice cackled, "Oh, Bo-bobo...still as cruel as ever to your 'buddies' I see...hee hee..." Then, a figure stepped out from be the shadows, smirking proudly and wearing an emblem that only belonged to the boss of the Sabaku Guardian Corps.

"OH MY GOD!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, tossing a rabbit and a squirrel into the air.

"It's...It's..." Beauty couldn't believe it.

The person standing before the group was the one responsible for the acts of terrorism on Sabaku City, and the one who is known as the 'boss'...

...it was Pickles.


	18. Death To The Pickle

_Anyway, we last left off where the evil boss of Sabaku Guardian Corps. was Pickles!_

"NO WAY, IT'S PICKLES!" Bo-bobo cried.

"NO WAY, IT'S PICKLES!" Beauty cried.

"WHO THE HELL IS THIS LOSER?" Softon, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and Hatenko cried.

Not realizing a seagull was pecking at his head, Pickles laughed and exclaimed, "Now you remember me, Mr. Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo! You evil, pickle-hating swine!"

"Oh...so you remember when I stole your cat and forced your son to eat broccoli?" Bo-bobo asked, suddenly dressed as a samurai.

"YES!" Pickles snapped, the seagull now flying off with a large chunk of his head, "I REMEMBER HOW YOU BLATANTLY REFUSED ME ACCOMPANYING YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE PICKLES! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT TO ME, ESPECIALLY SINCE I'D DONE NOTHING BUT BE NICE TO YOU!"

Bo-bobo tore a small piece of Jelly Jiggler's face off, stuck it into his mouth, and grunted, "Nah. I don't remember stupid little things like that."

'Wow...I can't believe Pickles is the villain...' Beauty thought, and she just happened to glance over to Don Patch. The poprock man was walking alongside a row of ducks, giving each one a high-five as he passed them. At the end of the line was a seal and a walrus, who were licking their lips mischievously and waving electrified batons around.

Beauty sighed and turned back to watching Bo-bobo and Pickles argue, but now it seemed the two of them were arm-wrestling.

"I...WILL...DEFEAT YOU!" Pickles shouted, and he began to push Bo-bobo's arm over.

"NO...YOU...WILL NOT!" Bo-bobo snapped, and then he completely snapped off Pickles' arm.

Suddenly, Bo-bobo was wearing a dress and s(he) shrieked, "EEEEEK! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SO SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW IT COULD COME OFF SO EASILY!!"

Coughing up blood, Pickles wheezed, "Heh...that's alright."

Meanwhile, Jelly Jiggler was now in an artstyle similar to the CD-i Zelda game.

"MAH BOI, THIS HUMOR IS WHAT ALL TRUE WRITERS STRIVE FOR!"

Hatenko kicked him in the head and weeped, "Yeah, you may say that...but that's not even true! You stole that from that other fic by that other guy that has way more reviews than us! You know the one! Bwa...bwa wah wah wah!"

'Man...I haven't said anything for a while...' Softon thought.

"WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Beauty screamed into the heavens.

Then, it showed that Bo-bobo and Pickles were already deep in battle, both of them bruised and bloody.

"WHAT? YOU GUYS WERE ALREADY FIGHTING THIS WHOLE TIME?" Beauty cried.

"PICKLES!!" Bo-bobo shouted, and just as he was about to charge forward, his cellphone began to ring. Beauty noted that it was playing the 'Baka Survivor' ringtone as the afro-wearing warrior pulled it out. Holding up to his ear, Bo-bobo picked a booger from his nose, flicked it onto Pickles' face, and asked, "YEAHHH...WHAT DO YA WANT?"

"Hey, it's me, Bu-bubu!" said the voice on the other line, "Just wanted to let you know that Be-bebe and Byakkyō are dating and I want you to tell Don Patchi-kun that I love him!"

'OMG, THERE'S YAOI?!' Beauty thought happily.

"YEAH...IT'S MY UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER!" Snapping the cellphone in half, Bo-bobo threw both pieces at Pickles' face, knocking the living condiment into the air.

"How'd you like THAT Super Fist attack?" Bo-bobo asked.

"THAT WAS A SUPER FIST ATTACK?!" Both Beauty and Pickles exclaimed.

"So, Pickles," Bo-bobo then said, "What exactly can YOU do?"

"Yeah," Don Patch remarked, licking the edge of his knife and accidentally cutting his tongue, "WHAT CAN YOU DO?"

Pickles reached into his pockets ("HE HAS POCKETS?!" Beauty gasped) and fumbled around for a bit, and he eventually pulled out two pieces of lint and a paperclip.

Bo-bobo threw his hands over himself for protection and screamed, "NO! NO NO NO! IT CAN'T BE...NOT THE DREADED LINT-PAPERCLIP INSTANT-KILL COMBO!"

"OH COME ON! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! THAT WON'T EVEN HURT ANYONE...MUCH LESS KILL THEM!" Beauty snapped.

"...I'll show you then." Pickles said, and he threw the paperclip and the two pieces of lint against Beauty's chest. Nothing happened.

"HA! SEE, I TOLD-"

Then, Beauty's chest exploded and she collapsed onto the ground in a puddle of her own blood.

Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Hatenko, and Softon were all frozen in shock. Pickles, however, ran over to Beauty's corpse, pushed the girl aside, and grabbed the two pieces of lint and the paperclip.

Turning to the Bo-bobo Group, he cackled, "NOW...WHICH ONE SHALL SUFFER MY WRATH NEXT?!"

Suddenly, Pickles felt Bo-bobo place his hand on his head.

"...Pickles..."

"Y...Y...Y-Yes, Mr. Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo?"

Bo-bobo then placed his other hand on Pickles' head...and tore the little bastard right in half.

"I'M...GONNA...FUCKIN'...KILL...YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"

Breaking out of Bo-bobo's grasp, the two halves of Pickles fused back together and he taunted, "HA! YOU THINK YOU CAN KILL ME WITH MY LINT-PAPERCLIP INSTANT-KILL COMBO?! I DON'T THINK SO!"

Jelly Jiggler opened up a compartment on his chest and revealed a bird's nest with three baby eaglets to be inside.

"UH...THANKS FOR SHARING, BUT I DON'T GET THAT AT ALL!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED BEAUTY!" Jelly Jiggler snapped, and he started smacking Pickles across the face with the bird's nest, and the baby eaglets were helping him.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED BEAUTY!" Softon snapped, and he rubbed both of his knees into Pickles' crotch.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED BEAUTY!" Hatenko snapped, and he smacked Pickles in the face with a car tire.

Don Patch, however, was the most upset over Beauty's sudden death. Sure, he had always acted like he couldn't stand the annoying pink-haired prick, but now that he knew that she was gone...his life felt almost meaningless without her. Even wearing make-up and drag wasn't half as fun if Beauty wasn't there to freak out about it.

"BEAUTY...BEAUTY...BEAUTY...NEVER FORGIVE...NEVER FORGET...I WANT FISH CAKE...AND CHICKEN DINNER, STEVE!"

In a blazing glory of fury(?), Don Patch's body erupted with massive inner power, transforming him once again into the amazing golden creature that is Super Patch!

"AWW, YEAH! IT'S SUPER PATCH! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW, PUNK!" Hatenko exclaimed happily, drooling over the awesomeness that is his beloved Don.

'Uh-oh...it's that guy again...' Bo-bobo thought, 'He makes more money than me...'

"I AM SERIOUSLY GONNA KILL YOU!" Super Patch shouted, and he unsheathed a golden green onion, "I'll seriously defeat you with this serious weapon...seriously."

'Wow...he says 'serious' and 'seriously' alot more than before...' Jelly Jiggler noticed; it was getting on his nerves. Suddenly, the jelly man had an idea.

"IF DON PATCH CAN HAVE A SUPER FORM, THEN I MUST HAVE ONE TOO!" he exclaimed, and he began to focus all of his energy on activating his Super Form...but he ended up setting himself on fire instead.

"WAAH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! I HAVE NO SHOULDER PADS AND IT BURNNNNNNNS!"

"I'LL SAVE YA, JELLY!" Bo-bobo said, and he grabbed the flamming jello and tossed him into Pickles, causing both of them to explode!

Wiping some blood off his mouth, Pickles snapped, "YOU...YOU BASTARDS WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL WITH MY-!"

Bo-bobo punched him in the mouth.

"...MY ULTIMATE SUPER-"

Bo-bobo kicked him in the stomach.

"...MY-"

Bo-bobo slapped him across the face.

"STOP THAT!"

Bo-bobo flicked him on the nose, and then bowed.

"...MY ULTIMATE SUPER FIST TECHNIQUE!"

"Sorry, but I seriously won't let you do that!" Super Patch remarked, yet he didn't do anything but stand there.

"SUPER FIST OF SABAKU: THE GREATEST CITY DEATH MACHINE!"

Suddenly, the ground began to shake violently, and everyone's eyes practically popped out of their heads as they watched all of Sabaku City flew into the air and began connecting to form some large robotic being. Soon, it was revealed to be...a giant Sunflower!

"AHHH!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Pickles cried, "ANYTHING BUT A STUPID SUNFLOWER! TURN INTO SOMETHING ELSE! NOW, I SAY! NOW!"

In retaliation, the giant Sunflower fired a beam of flames and burnt poor Pickles to a crisp. Then, it turned its focus on Bo-bobo and the others, and started firing at them. Luckily, the giant Sunflower was already low on batteries, so after setting Hatenko's scarf on fire, it shut off.

"Alright, Pickles, time to die for killing Beauty! You bastard!" Bo-bobo shouted and pulled out a pistol.

"Whoa, 'fro-man!" Super Patch exclaimed, "That is seriously hardcore...seriously!"

Then, Bo-bobo turned the gun on him and shot him several times in the face. "Shut the hell up. You don't know anything."

'These guys are nutjobs! No wonder Mr. Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo didn't let me come along!' Pickles thought, dusting himself off.

"So, Pickles...ready to die?" Bo-bobo pressed the barrel of the gun up against Pickles' forehead and wrapped his finger around the trigger.

Pickles smirked, and kicked Bo-bobo in the crotch. However, the afro-man only keeled over for a moment, and then smacked Pickles down onto his back and held the gun up against him again.

"Am...Am I really going to die...?" Pickles asked, salty hot tears pouring down his cheeks like waterfalls.

"Yes, you are. You took an innocent life...no, you took many innocent lives, Pickles. You allowed your envy and greed to control you, and now look...an entire city has fallen because of you."

Pickles gasped. "You're right, Mr. Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo. I'm an evil pickle. Even if I apologize, it won't make up for it. Kill me...please."

"Goodbye...Pickles." Bo-bobo pulled the trigger, a single gunshot was heard, and the battle was over. The giant Sunflower in the sky lost all its petals and deformed back into the city of Sabaku, safe and sound.

Super Patch reverted back to Don Patch, suddenly realized he actually didn't do anything, and that allowed him to turn into Super Patch again.

Lifting Beauty's bloody corpse, Bo-bobo whimpered, "Oh, Beauty...what's going to happen...when Gasser sees what happened to you...?"

Weeping profusely, Jelly Jiggler cried, "Since when was Bo-bobo so serious? I bet he just thinks that by acting this way, he'll make alot of money like Super Patch!"

Suddenly, a familiar voice said, "Uh...hey, guys. What's up?"

It was Gasser.

Bo-bobo stood up and turned to face Gasser, and the white-haired boy's eyes immediately fell upon Beauty, who was lying limp in the Bo-bobo's arms.

"Oh...oh my god...B-B-Beauty...she's...she's..." Gasser stammered, and he fell to his knees.

"I...I couldn't save her this time...I couldn't..." Bo-bobo said, shaking his head and failing in keeping himself from sobbing.

Throwing his head back, Gasser wailed, "BEAUTYYYYYYYYY!!"

Everyone, even Softon and Hatenko, were crying over the loss of their beloved friend. Don Patch, however, was wearing his dog-face and busy digging something up. Then, he found it, and ran over to Bo-bobo, barking along the way.

"W...What is it, boy?" Bo-bobo asked. Don Patch barked again and placed an item into Bo-bobo's hand: it was a Phoenix Down!

"AHH...FINAL FANTASY REFERENCES FOR THE WIN!"

Bo-bobo placed the Phoenix Down on Beauty's chest, and everyone watched in amazement as the item sunk into her body...and her eyes slowly began to open.

"-YOU!" she exclaimed, ending up finishing the sentence she had said at the time of her death.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH! IT WORKED!" Jelly Jiggler gasped. Behind him, Don Patch was mumbling under his breath and wearing drag, now back to his old Beauty-hating self.

"BEAUTY! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Gasser cried, and he pulled her into a hug and kissed her passionately on the lips without thinking.

When they separated, both of them were blushing deep red. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, taking it all in, and Beauty said...

"I love you, Gascan."

"...I...I love you too, Beauty."

Then, they kissed again, and everyone but Don Patch went 'aww' at the scene.

Turning to his pointy-round friend, Bo-bobo asked, "Don Patch...can I borrow five bucks."

Don Patch flipped him the bird and replied, "Sure. But you have to stop being so serious...seriously."

"Dammit!"

Meanwhile, Rem and Hanpen were also making out, while Lambada watched on in envy. Rice and Dengakuman disappeared and were said to have least been seen being taken away by a group of mad circus clowns...

...only time can tell on what crazy adventures the Bo-bobo Group will go through next.


	19. The Emo, The Hajikelists, And The Koalas

A/N: Yeah, people, I know I'm torturing you all with this, but please live through it, because this'll probably be one of my last Bobobo fics ever. It's the third and final arc of Kyokusetsu Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo, and it'll be longer than the others for sure! And many important Shinsetsu characters will also be making appearances, so make sure you know about them too.

Check out the Bobobo wiki for some good info about the series and characters...or just go to Wikipedia. Also, chapters might take a bit longer to finish since I'm busy playing Disgaea 3!

Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and most of the others are (SHOCKINGLY) going to be gone for a few chapters, so it won't be as CRAZY as usual...

* * *

It had been 3 months since the battles in Sabaku City.

Gasser was sitting alone in his room, sobbing into his chest, with a empty can of beer in one hand and a tear-stained photo of Beauty in the other. The lights were off, and dark/depressing songs like 'Mad World' and 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' continued to play over and over on his radio.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "Gasser, it's been three frickin' months already; get the fuck over it...and give me back my booze! You're underage, aren't ya? I dunno, since I don't keep count..."

"SHUT UP, DAD!" Gasser snapped.

"Stop cryin' over lost love, you moron! That girl was a slut! You'd barely been together for a week before she left you!"

"SHE'S NOT A SLUT! SHE'S NOT! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL AND CARING AND LOVING AND...SHE'S NOT A SLUT, OKAY?"

SCOOP didn't answer; he just sighed and walked away, and Gasser went back to his moping.

Suddenly, without warning, a rock crashed through the window and hit into the radio, destroying it.

"Damn kids! I'll get them one day!" Gasser exclaimed, and just as he was about to reach for his rifle, he noticed a piece of paper tied to the rock. Unraveling the paper, Gasser was surprised to find it completely blank. Then, he glanced down at the rock and saw someone had scribbled something on it.

Holding it up to the light, Gasser read it aloud, "You are hereby invited to the wedding of Be-bebe and Byakkyō...no, wait, it says: COME TO 'THE NEW HAJIKELIST UNION' EXTRAVAGANZA FESTIVAL, AND MEET OTHER FREAKS JUST LIKE YOU! COME TO THE MARUHAGE KINGDOM AND JOIN THE FUN TODAY! FREE POODLES NOT INCLUDED."

'Interesting,' Gasser thought as he chucked the rock back outside, accidentally hitting a small child in the head, 'I'm not a Hajikelist, but maybe I can get my mind off my sorrows by checking this place out! And I bet good ol' Don Patch'll be there, too!' This is how Gasser thought; he didn't give a damn about what his dad says, even if it is good advice that he ends up following on his own.

And so, Gasser, along with his sister Pokomi, headed out together to the train station. The only passenger train there resembled a large albino iguana, but Gasser paid that no mind as he bought their tickets and got on-board.

As they took their seats, Pokomi exclaimed, "Onii-chan, this is so exciting! I've never been on a train with YOU before!"

"You've been on a train with other people?" Gasser asked her.

"Nope. Only with you..." Pokomi replied, rubbing affectionately against her brother's arm.

"Well, I wanted you to come along since I think it's time you actually appeared in this fic, and I definitely don't want to leave you home alone with dad!"

"OOH, YOU'RE SO SWEET, ONII-CHAN! I LOVE YOUUUUU..."

Suddenly, a familiar female voice said, "Eww...Gascan, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing...with your own sister, for crying out loud?!"

Gasser gasped. 'Is that...could it be...Beauty?'

He turned his head and looked at the person sitting in the seat across the aisle from them...it was a koala dressed like Beauty, pink wig and all.

"WAAH! I REMEMBER YOU! YOU'RE...YOU'RE...YOU'RE GAOH, RIGHT?!" Gasser exclaimed.

The koala nodded, removed his clothes, and lit a cigarette. "Indeed, I am. Your powers of perception never cease to amaze, Gasser-kun."

"Well, you are the only talking koala I know of." Gasser replied, "Anyway, what the hell are you doing here on this train?"

"Aww...he's so cute! Just like you, Onii-chan!" Pokomi cooed.

Gaoh sighed and puffed out smoke from his mouth and nostrils.

"I was apart of the Bo-bobo Group a while before this fic even began, and for some strange reason, Don Patch stuck me in a box with no air holes and mailed me back to Australia so I could return to my family. They were a lovely bunch of storks, I admit, but I soon grew tired of my peaceful life and wished to return to fighting and killing. So, I put myself up for adoption so that someone could take me back to the Maruhage Kingdom and, lo and behold, I was bought. I'm just guarding the seat for my new masters right now..."

"You're...new masters?" Gasser asked.

Suddenly, three figures came walking down the aisle and took their seats alongside Gaoh. Gasser was left completely speechless when he saw that the "kind" people who had adopted Gaoh...

...were Hīragi, Jati and B.B.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Jati and B.B. still looked the same, basically just darker-colored versions of Beauty and Bo-bobo, but Hīragi now wore a crocodile outfit, complete with a crocodile head that had a hole in the neck part so he could poke his head out.

The moment Jati turned her eyes to him, Gasser immediately thought of Beauty, and he broke down into miserable sobs.

* * *

After noticing each other, the whole group moved to the diner cars, where it was cooler and easier to have quiet conversations. Gasser had stopped crying and now just stared out the window, watching as they passed over a bridge in the blink of an eye.

Hīragi dunked a sausage in his coffee for a few moments, before tossing it away and nibbling on a donut. "So...what's got you weeping, bitch?" he asked.

"...I don't want to talk about it..." Gasser mumbled.

"C'MON, TALK ABOUT IT!" Hīragi snapped.

"Beauty disappeared from my side one night after we'd been going out for only three days...I never found her, and I left Bo-bobo's group..."

"Whatever." Hīragi said with a shrug, ignoring what Gasser had just said, "Not my problem if you don't feel like sharing it with us. However, I will let you know, that your pitiful luck has been the bane of a thousand warhorses..."

"...Huh?"

"Exactly!"

Jati placed a hand on Hīragi's shoulder and told him, "Just leave him alone, Hīragi-kun. He's obviously near the edge of contemplating suicide. Give him some room."

"YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN! YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN!" Hīragi shrieked, waving his hands and kicking his feet like he was a child.

"So...what have you guys been up to?" Pokomi asked cheerfully as her brother began to reach for one of the plastic knives.

"Well," Jati said, "After Czar Baldy Bald the 3rd was defeated, the Maruhage Kingdom became pretty peaceful. The Hair Hunts came to an end, and now the place is just another neighboring country. It got boring quick, though, so all three of us went on a long vacation around the world, and during that was when we found and bought Gaoh here."

"'ALLO, GUV'NER!" Gaoh exclaimed, saluting like a Nazi.

"Anyway, we all ended up receiving about 'The New Hajikelist Union' festival taking place in the Maruhage Kingdom, so we decided to head back and check it out." Jati explained.

Pokomi glanced over at B.B., who was busy dressing up his nose hairs in doll clothes, and she found herself blushing. 'Wow...he's kind of...he's kind of...he's kind of weird...'

Meanwhile, Hīragi was watching in interest as Gasser tried to cut himself with the plastic knife. Unfortunately, it was too dull, so he just cursed under his breath and tossed it over his shoulder.

"La la la la...la la la la...la la la la loserrrrrrr..."

Now Gasser was beginning to wonder why the hell he wanted to go on this trip in the first place.

Suddenly, Gaoh sniffed something, and he jumped onto the table and began barking wildly.

"Uh...G-Gaoh, you're not a dog..." Pokomi tried to tell the little koala, but he just smacked her in the face and continued to bark. Suddenly, the doorway into the diner cars swung open, and a man walked inside. He wore a long brown jacket completely made out of pockets; he had so many pockets, even his shirt, pants, hat and shoes were covered in them! There was even a small pocket on his moustache.

"So...you must be the man who has mastered the very difficult Super Fist Of Pockets style...Ricodome, I persume?" Hīragi said as he stood up from the table.

The man named Ricodome grinned, flashing a large set of jagged golden teeth. "Ah, so you've heard of me..."

Hīragi got into a fighting pose and snarled, "Hey, how about I just kill you now and get this over with?"

"HOLD ON! WHY ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING? YOU'VE JUST MET FOR THE FIRST TIME!" Jati cried.

"Leave them be," B.B. said.

"WHAT?"

"Their fighting aura is at maximum...if they don't unleash now, they'll explode."

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

Cracking his neck and spitting onto the floor, Ricodome grunted, "Very well, mister faggot. I will enjoy tearing out your throat and eating it with a side of orange-flavored yogurt..."

"Hmph! I was just thinking the same thing!" Hīragi chuckled.

Suddenly, the interior of the train began to bend and fold, and soon the group found themselves standing in a lush field of grain.

Looking around wildly, Jati exclaimed, "UH...WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!"

"This is where the fight shall commence," Hīragi replied, "Since we definitely can't fight on a train. It's too cramped and all those people would get in the way. This is...the Super Hajike World!"

Meanwhile, Gasser was trying to cut himself with the plastic knife again, but to no avail.

"HA HA HA! THIS IS THE SUPER HAJIKE WORLD? HOW PATHETIC!" Ricodome mocked, grabbing a handful of the grain and tearing it to shreds as he laughed.

Hīragi's face shadowed as he muttered, "...You shouldn't have done that...the farmers won't like it..."

"WHAT FARMERS? THIS IS IDIOTIC! JUST DIE-"

Before Ricodome could even use his first attack, a giant armadillo burst out of the ground and head-butted him in the stomach.

"HOW DARE YOU RUIN OUR CROPS?!" the armadillo screamed, and then several more armadillos and a tucan burst out of the ground and began beating up on poor Ricodome. After punching and kicking him around a bit, one of the armadillos ran to the shed and drove out on a tractor.

"THIS...THIS IS RIDICULOUSSSS!" Ricodome screamed as the tractor smashed into him, causing blood to burst out of his mouth as he was sent flying through the air.

"Of course it's ridiculous," Hīragi said as he sipped an ice-cold beer, "This is the Super Hajike World!"

"I...I WON'T BE TAKEN DOWN SO EASILY! SUPER FIST OF POCKETS: A THOUSAND POCKET WEAPONS!" Ricodome snapped, and a huge barrage of items flew out of his pockets, ranging from cellphones to beepers to pencils to pens and even cooking ladles and instant-ramen packets.

"Hīragi-kun...get on the hydra's back!" Gaoh advised.

With his eyes shut, Hīragi just raised both his hands and stood still as the downpour of weapons came closer and closer.

"NOOO!" Jati cried, covering her face in despair, "DON'T JUST STAND THERE, HIRAGI! DO SOMETHING!"

Then, just as othe first pencil scrapped against his cheek, Hīragi snapped his eyes back open and exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF HILARIOUS COMEDIAN: THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE!"

Ricodome gasped. "The World's Funniest Joke?! Are...are you serious?"

Suddenly, Hīragi teleported behind Ricodome and stabbed him in the back with a sword. "Nah...not really."

Coughing up blood and bile, Ricodome fell to the ground.

"Wow...Hīragi won pretty easily!" Pokomi remarked as the area returned to nomral, and the group was back inside the train's diner car.

Opening up the train's side door, Hīragi tossed Ricodome out and watched him bounce along the traintracks like a rag-doll full of blood.

Turning back to the others, Hīragi then said, "Alright, everyone! Now that that distraction is out of the way...it's time to...PARTAYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

Everyone on the train put on 80's style dance clothes and began to boogie to the groove. Gasser, meanwhile, huddled himself into a corner and continued to weep over lost love. Suddenly, a hand placed itself on Gasser's shoulder, causing him to look up: it was Sad Sack.

"Don't worry...you'll find happiness one day..." The bag-wearing emo said comfortingly.

In response, Gasser sliced Sad Sack's chest open with the plastic knife.

As Sad Sack rolled around on the ground in pain, Gasser headed back into the diner car and laid on one of the seats, eventually drifting off to sleep, the rockin' Elvis music still booming in his ears...


	20. Monkeys! Chapters Now Have 2 Titles!

A/N: Fun Fact - Beauty actually isn't a slut!

* * *

"Gasser...Gasser...wake up!"

Gasser slowly opened his eyes and saw Gaoh standing over him.

Sitting up and yawning, Gasser asked, "Hey, Gaoh...what's wrong?"

Suddenly, the entire train cocked sideways, and Gasser let out a scream as he flew forward into the wall.

Gaoh, who had landed up alongside him, grinned sheepishly and replied, "Yeah...I wanted to tell you that the train's about to fall off a cliff overlooking some woods."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! SERIOUSLY?!" Gasser exclaimed.

Glancing out the window, Gaoh nodded. "Yup, looks like it. I guess we made a wrong turn or something, ya know? It's tilting, it's tilting...IT'S TILTING!"

Gasser gasped. "Wait...what about my sister? Where's Pokomi?"

"Ah, she and Hiragi and Jati and B.B. are busy trying to save everyone!" Gaoh explained.

"Really?"

"Yup! Forty-two sticks of dynamite and a whole lotta matches! WE'RE GONNA GET SAVED!"

"OH MY GOD!"

A huge eruption came from the back, and Gasser found himself suspended in mid-air for only a second before the entire train crashed into the forest below. Debris and dirt flew everywhere; luckily, most of the passengers had actually departed at an earlier stop.

After Gasser and Gaoh crawled out of the burning wreckage, they saw B.B. and Jati land next to them by flying in pigeon suits; since Hiragi wasn't in a pigeon suit, he just jumped off the cliff and fell into a puddle of quicksand, and he immediately sank into it.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU GUYS USE FREAKIN' DYNAMITE?!" Gasser snapped.

B.B. punched him in the face and sobbed, "SHUT UP, MAN! I WAS...I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAVE YA, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!! DEAL WITH IT."

"So...now what do we do?" Jati asked, brushing a few pieces of dirt out of her hair.

Wiping his face, Gasser realized something. "HOLD ON; WHERE'S MY SISTER?"

B.B.'s afro opened up, and Pokomi was shown sitting inside and having a tea party with a stuffed bear and the Lone Locust Of The Apocalypse.

"Just let her be for now." B.B. said, his hair snapping shut.

"Oookay then..." Gasser muttered, blinking a few times in confusion.

Looking around a bit, Gaoh picked up a random piece of flan and asked, "How exactly did the train end up dangling over a cliff in the first place?"

Suddenly, Hiragi burst out of the quicksand and landed in between B.B. and Jati, several piranhas gnawing at his flesh. "I CAN TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED...VIA FLASHBACK! YES, I CAN! SINCE I ONLY USED THE FIRST, AND WEAKEST, LEVEL OF SUPER HAJIKE WORLD, I STILL HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO DO THAT!" he exclaimed loudly.

* * *

_2 hours ago..._

_The conductor was happily driving the train when his pencil slipped out of his pocket and fell on the floor. He quickly bent down to pick it up, and as he lifted his head...he saw a giant purple nosehair with a thunderbolt-yellow moustache sitting on top of the controls, eating nattō._

_"Bleh..." the talking nosehair man gagged, "This shit is terrible. Why do I keep eating it, though?"_

_"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" the conductor was so horrorified he quickly pulled out his AK-47 and aimed it at the strange monster's head._

_"Who...who are you? What are you? How did you get in here?" the conductor snapped._

_Smirking, the giant nosehair quickly finished off the rest of the nattō, tossed the empty bowel over his shoulder and proclaimed, "I AM KING NOSEHAIR, THE MAN WHO TURNED THE SLINKY INTO A MUST-HAVE HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE! GAZE UPON MY SEXY EXTERIOR AND TREMBLE! TREMBLE, I SAY! TREMBLE! WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU TREMBLING? NO ONE EVER TREMBLES WHEN I TELL THEM TO! WHY NOT? WHY? WHY? WHY?"_

_While this big freakish nosehair continued his idiotic tantrum, the conductor couldn't help but watch the scene in both awe and bewilderment._

_"Are you...happy?" King Nosehair suddenly asked, his attitude becoming calm and patient without warning._

_The conductor thought for a moment. "Yes, I believe I am."_

_King Nosehair smiled widely...and then nattō began to shoot out from between his teeth. Within seconds, the conductor found himself tied up in nattō strings, and the evil nosehair quickly snatched him up and threw him into a closet, which he then locked._

_Laughing maniacally, King Nosehair began to mess around with the controls, not giving a damn about what would happen next..._

* * *

"...And that's what happened." Hiragi finished, taking a bite out of the sausage from last chapter.

"KING NOSEHAIR WAS THERE?! SERIOUSLY?! THAT STORY MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT ALL OF THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, ANYWAY?!" Gasser exclaimed.

"Hmph. You just don't appreciate me." Hiragi muttered, pouting his lips.

"Whatever. Let's just get going." Jati said, and she made her way into the forest.

'Where exactly are we going, though?' Gasser wondered as he and the others followed.

The group walked together in silence for about an hour, and they saw nothing but trees upon trees upon trees. After finishing off his sausage, Hiragi began smoking a licorice cigar that let off mint-scented smoke. Gasser was staring sadly at his photo of Beauty, and B.B. was wondering when the hell Pokomi would get out off his hair. Gaoh, though, was making himself comfy by clinging onto Jati's chest, who didn't seem to really mind it at all.

Smiling perversely, Gaoh thought, 'Heh heh...they may be clones, but Jati sure is more 'developed' than Beauty...heh heh...'

Suddenly, without warning, a huge log flew out of nowhere, and it was headed straight for Jati!

"AAH! JATI!" Gasser suddenly felt like he was trying to save Beauty once again.

However, before anyone could do anything, Gaoh leaped into the air and, dressed as Ryu from Street Fighter, shouted, "HADOUKEN!" He held his palms in a Kamehameha-like position and smashed them against the log, blowing it up into thousands of wooden shards.

Landing back onto the ground, Gaoh posed victoriously and said, "Ken...! What's happened to you?"

"WOW!" Gasser exclaimed, "THAT WAS FREAKIN' AMAZING, BUT...WHO'S KEN?"

Jati pulled Gaoh into a hug and fawned all over him. "Aww, you saved me! You're such a good boy! Yes you are! Yes you are! You're so kawaii!"

'Dammit...that little koala bastard is so LUCKY!' Hiragi thought, clenching his licorice cigar so hard that it snapped in half.

'Dammit...that little koala bastard is so LUCKY!' B.B. thought, clenching Gasser's wrist so hard that it broke.

'Dammit...that little koala bastard is so LUCKY!' the monkey thought, clenching his banana so hard that it got squished in between his fingers.

Then, Gasser glanced down at the monkey standing next to him.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH?! THERE'S A MONKEY HERE?!"

The monkey smirked and leaped up onto a tree branch high over everyone's heads. It snickered and then exclaimed, "My name is Kuma! You disgusting humans...and beautiful lady...have trespassed onto our sacred ground! We, the Montana Clan, will eliminate you post-haste!"

'Wow...he speaks pretty good for a monkey, although it's weird that his name means 'bear' in Japanese...' Gasser thought.

"Bring it on," B.B. announced, "We'll kill all your stupid monkey asses back to Route 456!...Bitch!"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN TRY?! SUPER FIST OF THE SARU-SARU: FLAMING DEMOLITION!" Kuma threw his hands into the air and fireballs shot off of his body.

"THAT ISN'T AN ATTACK MONKEYS SHOULD KNOW!" Gasser cried as one of the fireballs smacked into him.

"ARGH! POKOMI...I CHOOSE YOU! USE BUBBLE BEAM!" B.B. exclaimed, and Pokomi leaped out of his black afro.

"POKO POKO POKOMI!" the little magical girl shouted as she swung her wand and fired off a barrage of bubbles, effectively destroying all the fireballs. One of the bubbles even smashed into Kuma's face before popping.

"POKOMI POKO KOMI POKOMI!"

"WAAH?! MY SISTER'S BECOME A POKEMON?!" Gasser cried.

Kuma cursed under his breath, having underestimated his opponents' abilities. 'Damn, I can't believe that black guy actually has a Pokemon! What am I supposed to do now? I left my Bulbasaur back at home, and I happen to be the weakest of my brothers! But...if I back out now, I'll never be considered one of the elite!'

"Just give it up."

Kuma gasped and turned around, to see Gaoh standing before him with a serious look on his face. He was still wearing his Ryu outfit.

"What...what the hell do you mean? I can't give up!" Kuma said.

Gaoh shook his head in disappointment. "Don't you see? Your words...your actions...you don't have alot of self-confidence, do you? The only technique of the Super Fist Of Saru-Saru you know is that fireball one...and they weren't even strong enough to set trees on fire. Face it; you're weak, and you will always be weak."

"HEY, NO NEED TO BE SO BLUNT, YOU JERK!" Hiragi exclaimed.

Soon, tears began to pour down Kuma's face. Kneeling before Gaoh, he sobbed, "You're right...you're right...I'm just a stupid loser...I was lucky enough just to be able to actually use that attack, but...but...but if I don't win, my brothers...they'll...they'll..."

"...JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Gaoh snapped.

"S-SHUT UP! MY BROTHERS...THEY'LL...THEY'LL KILL ME IF I FAIL!"

Suddenly, after speaking, Kuma completely froze up. His eyes grew wide and every hair on his back stood on end. Clutching at his face, he began to mumble something under his breath over and over again. Gaoh, in shock and confusion, reached out to help him, but Kuma then slapped his hand away and ran off into the deeper parts of the forest, howling and screeching like the monkey he is.

"Well...that was weird." Gaoh remarked as he hopped down back to the others.

"Should we follow them?" Gasser asked.

Jati shrugged. "Why not? We don't have any other leads on how to get out of here and back on the road again. If we're lucky, we might even get to kick some monkey ass too!"

"WOO-HOO! I LOVE ANIMAL ABUSE!" Hiragi proclaimed, pumping his fists into the air.

And so, Gasser, Pokomi, Gaoh and the former Three Great Kings ran off after the fleeing monkey, not knowing the life-or-death situations they would soon find themselves in...

* * *

A/N: Okay, so the final arc is basically split up into several mini-arcs. This is the first mini-arc, and it doesn't actually have anything to do with 'The New Hajikelist Union' at the moment. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and the other rebels won't appear until probably the second mini-arc. So, please review and enjoy!


	21. Babuu Returns! Why Is He Only A Head?

A/N: Gasser's becoming a really important character in this fic, isn't he? And it's not over yet for him...

...Also, I finally decided to do with Beauty, since I actually wasn't sure how to explain her mysterious and sudden disappearance. But now I do.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bo-bobo series nor any song lyrics mentioned in this fic.

* * *

"My life is brilliant...what, was I too early? Sorry. Should I...Do you want to start over? Or, keep going? Okay, now? Now? ...My life is brilliant, your life's a joke. You're just pathetic. You're always broke. Your homemade star-trek uniform. You're suffering from delusion of adequacy. You're pitiful. You're pitiful. You're pitiful, it's true. Never had a date that you couldn't inflate...and you smell repulsive, too. What a bummer being you. Well, you just can't dance, and forget romance. Everybody you know still calls ya farty pants-"

"STOP SINGING THAT SONG WORD FOR WORD!" Gasser snapped at Hiragi, who was riding alongside him on a tricycle. Pokomi was also running alongside him, but she was on all fours and chewing on a piece of Rare Candy to level up.

Hiragi stuck his tongue out at the fart-wielding boy and cackled insanely before crashing into a tree.

"Dammit, how far did that little monkey go? Will we ever catch up to him?" Jati asked aloud. They were all out of breath and stopped to rest, and there was still no sign of Kuma anywhere.

"DON'T WORRY, MY LOVE!" Goah exclaimed, "I'LL FIND HIM!"

Sticking his hand into the ground, Gaoh struggled for a moment...and then he pulled out Kuma by the tail.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! HE WAS HIDING UNDERGROUND?!"

"...You bastards found me." Kuma muttered in disbelief.

"YEAH, YEAH! JUST TELL ME WHY YOU RAN AWAY AND WHERE YOUR LEADER IS, OR I'LL CUT YOUR DAMN THROAT!" Goah sneered, suddenly dressed as a gangster.

When Goah let go of Kuma's tail, the monkey didn't try to run away again. Instead, he just sighed and sat down on the ground with his legs folded and tears in his eyes.

"Before I speak," Kuma said, "Can I have five bucks?"

Gasser dug out his wallet and handed the monkey a five-dollar bill, only to watch in horror as he tore it into pieces.

"Okay, now I'll talk..."

"H-HOLD ON! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! WHY? WHY? THAT MONEY WAS TO BUY LUNCH, YOU FUCKIN' MONKEY!"

A shiver crawled up Kuma's spine as he explained, "You see, I am the youngest child of the head family of Saruyaka, a powerful primate-based dynasty."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Gasser exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah! I've heard of Saruyaka before!" Jati interjected.

"Yeah, us too!" added Gaoh and B.B.

"C'MON, YOU GUYS, THIS ISN'T FUNNY! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! THERE CAN'T ACTUALLY BE A PRIMATE DYNASTY!!" Gasser wailed.

"Anyway," Kuma continued, "Things have been pretty crazy back home after my oldest brother, Iruka, was assassinated. My other brothers fear it could be one of their own people who committed the murder, and now everyone in my family must become stronger to protect themselves from possible future threats. The problem is, my brothers, especially Inu, are very strict in this ruling, and-"

Suddenly, a large figure stepped out of the bushes. It beared great resemblance to Big-Foot, and it was carrying a large bloody hatchet in its right hand. A long C-shaped scar ran across its belly. Judging from the fact it was only wearing pants and no shirt, Gasser and the others figured it was male...whatever it was.

"Geh...Kuma-bitch, whatcha doin' out here, talkin' to humans?" the giant furry monster snarled.

Kuma shuddered. "Uh...h-hey, Inu-onee-chan..."

"THAT'S YOUR ONEE-CHAN?! HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A MONKEY AT ALL!" Gasser cried.

The behemoth swung his hatchet once around a full 360 degrees, and all the trees surrounding them shattered into pieces.

"...What'd you say, punk?" Inu grunted.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"

"HELL YEAH! LET'S KICK HIS ASS!" Without even thinking, Gaoh leaped forward and slammed his foot against Inu's jaw, knocking the giant monkey man to the ground. Then, after that, Gaoh sat down, wore clothes and hair similar to Light Yagami, took out a bag of potato chips, pulled out a single chip, and bit off a piece of it in a serious, flashy manner.

'I'll take a potato chip...AND EAT IT!'

Secretly hoping Inu had been killed, Kuma ran over to check his pulse, only to have one of his older brother's fists smash into his face and sending him flying backwards.

"YOU BASTARDS! HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME! I'M-"

Rolling her eyes, Jati replied, "Blah, blah, blah. We know, we know. You're one of the siblings in the head family of a primate-based dynasty, your oldest brother was killed, and now you all need to prepare for possible future assassination attempts. We got the jist of things down pat, thank you VERY MUCH!"

Inu was speechless. 'How...How do they know? Did they read ahead in the story? Did they? Those jerks...I'll never forgive them! NEVER FORGIVE...NEVER FORGET...STEVE, I'M - No, wait, what am I thinking? God, I need to stop monologuing before I end up hurting myself...'

"Hey, can I use Super Hajike World again? I want to kill this guy!" Hiragi demanded, waving around Babuu's robotic head for no explicate reason.

Then, he stopped and realized he was holding Babuu's head.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

"...Hmph. Haven't see you Kansas City faggots in quite a while..." Babuu said.

Not knowing what to do, Hiragi tossed Babuu's head right at Inu, who prepared to swing his hatchet again.

"GO GET 'EM, YOU FREAK!"

Tears were streaming from Babuu's eyes as he flew through the air at high speeds, but then...he smirked.

Opening his mouth wide, Babuu exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF BABY: BUILD-A-DOLL WORKSHOP!"

The talking head's tongue took on the form of a strange bird creature, and it pierced its beak into Inu's chest. The poor monkey man could only scream pitifully as he was transformed into a small doll, which Babuu violently tore apart using his teeth.

"WOO-HOO! I KNEW IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE YOUR HEAD ALONG!" Hiragi boasted.

"WHAAAT?! BUT THEN...WHAT IT SAID A FEW LINES AGO ABOUT YOU BEING FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT WAS A LIE?!" Gasser cried, horrified that the writer would do such a thing to him.

Lifting Babuu's head into her arms, Jati hugged it tightly and giggled, "Thanks for saving us, Babuu-kun. I appreciate it..."

Babuu was actually blushing a bit as he tried to think of something to say, but then Jati suddenly tossed him onto the ground.

"NOW...DIE!" she snapped, and she began stomping all over his face.

"I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT...I HOPE MY BOYFRIEND WON'T MIND IT..."

Turning to Hiragi, Gasser asked, "So what should we do with this guy? I don't like Babuu in the slightest, but I would hate to leave him at Jati's wrath..."

"Hey, NO ONE likes Babuu, so you aren't alone my friend!" replied the master Hajikelist.

Hiragi thought for a moment, and then he suddenly had an idea. He ran over to Kuma, slapped him awake, and then placed Babuu's head over his. After a long struggle and a lot of curse words from both Babuu and Kuma, they eventually were forced to become one; Babuu would be Kuma's eyes and ears, and Kuma would be Babuu's hands and feet.

"I CALL IT 'SPEED RACER X-99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999...2'!"

"Uh...that wasn't exactly what I had in mind..." Gasser murmured as he watched Babuu scream at Kuma for walking them straight into a tree.

"ALRIGHT, TIME FOR ME TO SPEAK!" B.B. exclaimed, "I THINK-"

He stopped when he realized the others had gone on ahead without him.

Sighing, B.B. looked down at Pokomi, who was still with him, and said, "At least you'll listen to me..."

Then, she ran off too. "POKO POKO POKOMIIIIIIIII!"

Falling to his knees, B.B. threw his hands into the air and proclaimed, "LOUISE...WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!"

"We're going to that monkey dynasty place now...are you coming?" Jati asked him in annoyance.

"WEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

Smiling widely and wearing a dress, B.B. happily skipped alongside his "friends". After walking for a few more hours, Gasser noticed the sun had begun to set.

'Wherever Beauty is, I hope she's happy...' Gasser thought, bittersweet memories of his short-lived love life returning to him.

'Wherever Louise is, I hope she's dead...' B.B. thought, bittersweet memories of shogi and go and other Japanese board games returning to him.

'Wherever my wallet is, those bastards better not be looking through it...' Kuma thought, his mind devoid of bittersweet memories.

'Wherever Bob Saget is-'

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Hiragi snapped, stuffing the rest of the previous sentence down his throat, "LET'S JUST CONTINUE ONWARDS!"

Suddenly, the group finally reached their destination: a huge, ancient Mayan City. Thousands of different primates could be seen walking through the city streets, conversing, shopping, working, and doing everything else in between. It was a primate paradise of sorts.

'OH MY GOD...IS THIS GOING TO BE ANOTHER 'SABAKU CITY' SCENARIO?!' Gasser wondered in horror as Kuma (and Babuu) lead them inside.


	22. The Monkey City! Alaskan Tuna Returns!

A/N: On a quick side-note, and since a chapter just doesn't feel completely without a bit of commentary on my part, I'm not a Beauty X Gasser fan, but I use it to keep the fic more in-character and maybe because more people would read it unlike if it had Beauty X Suzu or Bo-bobo X Gasser or something in it, not that this fic was ever going to have those pairings in it.

Also, I'm skipping out on playing Disgaea 3 so I can work on this fic...that's how much I care about this thing.

* * *

The first thing Gasser noticed when he walked through the main gates of the 'monkey dynasty' was that it was a city, not a 'dynasty', which couldn't be possible, although Kuma was apart of a dynasty. The second thing he noticed was a certain blue jelly man waiting to be sold off by a baboon wearing a suit.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"

Running up to them, Gasser exclaimed, "J-Jelly Jiggler, is that...is that really you?"

"Nah. The name's Scatman." replied the baboon, smoking his pipe.

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!" Gasser snapped, and then he looked back at Jelly Jiggler and-

"My name is Tokoro Tennosuke. Who's this 'Jelly Jiggler' fellow?" asked the jelly man with a clueless grin.

Gasser was silent for a moment.

"Uh...Jelly Jiggler...?"

"MY NAME IS TOKORO TENNOSUKE!" Roaring like a beast, and with a face to match, Tokoro Tennosuke smashed his 'fist' against Gasser's face...only for it to fall apart.

"GWAAAAAAAAH! MY ARM! YOU DESTROYED MY ARM! YOU MEANIE! WAAAH!" Tennosuke sobbed.

"Uh...I didn't do anything." Gasser said.

"Here's some tape." Scatman grunted, tossing a roll of it at Tennosuke's face before walking off to take a dump somewhere.

After taping his hand back together, Tennosuke got back into his battle stance, which was the same as Jelly Jiggler's.

'Does this guy seriously not believe he's Jelly Jiggler?' Gasser wondered in confusion.

"I'LL DESTROY YOU WITH MY INCREDIBLE 'YAN-KI'! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! I MADE A CHAGECHA REFERENCE, PUNK!" Tennosuke, dressed as Chagecha himself, charged at Gasser and kicked him in the leg, but it didn't do anything. He kept going at it, though, but eventually Gasser got tired of it and walked off to find the others.

"COME BACK HERE, MASATO!" Tennosuke snapped, and he leaped onto Gasser's back and wrestled him to the ground.

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" shouted Gasser. Leaning forward, he blasted Tennosuke away with a powerful fart attack.

"...Are you two being stupid again?" Babuu asked while Kuma was scratching his behind.

"NO! THAT GUY...THAT'S JELLY JIGGLER, RIGHT?" Gasser pointed over to Tennosuke, who was weeping into his NU hanky over a scratch he got on his knee.

Babuu squinted his eyes and stared at the jelly man for a moment. "Damn. I don't have a clue who he is."

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! Oh, wait...that's right. Jelly Jiggler wasn't on our team during the only time we fought you."

While Gasser and Babuu were dealing with this puzzling conundrum, Jati, B.B. and Hiragi were just checking out the area in general. Pokomi was being kept on a leash, and she just sniffed the ground and barked every now and then.

"...Isn't this gag going on for a little too long? It's been three chapters already." Jati remarked, "I mean, you're making her act like a dog for damn's sake! She's only 13 years old!"

Sighing, B.B. nodded. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry." Unfortunately, as soon as he unhooked Pokomi's collar, the magical girl went racing down the street and disappeared around the corner.

"I TOLD YOU TO KEEP HER ON A LEASH! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID? NOW WE LOST HER!" Hiragi snapped.

"BUT...BUT...BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULTTTTTTTT!" B.B. whined as he ran off after Pokomi.

Jati shook her head and rolled her eyes, way too used to her friends' weirdness to be surprised anymore. She looked over a few fresh fruits a Snow Monkey was selling when she realized one of the apples in the bunch had a pair of eyes staring right back at her.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

The apple, which also had a mouth since it was screaming back at her, then jumped up and exploded in a puff of smoke. Out of the smoke came a small Marmoset monkey wearing a turban and a purple vest. It's right eye was a beautiful golden-yellow, but its left eye was the color of sludge and grime mixed together in a bag of sewage.

Pulling a long bamboo stick out of nowhere, the monkey pressed the end of it against Jati's throat and hissed, "MY NAME IS SA-ME! WHO ARE YOU? HOW DID HUMANS GET INTO OUR SACRED CITY? ARE THERE MORE OF YOU?"

Jati placed her hand on the stick, and in minutes, it had completely frozen over. Grunting, she then tapped the frozen weapon and it shattered into pieces.

Sa-Me blinked a few times in confusion before running off.

'Geez...that was weird...' Jati thought. Suddenly, Sa-Me flew out of nowhere and kicked her in the back of the neck.

"HA! DID YOU REALLY THINK I RAN AWAY? STUPID STUPID STUPID!" cackled the little Marmoset as he hopped around merrily.

Rubbing the back of her head in pain, Jati looked to Hiragi and exclaimed, "Argh...H-Hiragi, skin this little bastard for me, will ya?"

Hiragi nodded, but then he back-flipped into a barrel of melted butter and drowned.

"Ugh...I guess it's up to me..." Jati mumbled as she turned to face Sa-Me, who was still boasting about his apparent "victory".

"SUPER FIST OF THE ICY STRAIGHT MAN: MICHELE THE CAT...AND SOME OTHER STUFF!"

For a moment, nothing happened, and Sa-Me just stared at Jati with a cocky sneer. Then, a white cat wielding the Alaskan Tuna back from the first three chapters popped out of the ground and began pummeling poor Sa-Me with the fish. After about five direct hits, Michele then landed a roundhouse kick to Sa-Me's face, and the little monkey was sent flying into a pudding stand.

"Ha ha ha! That made absolutely no sense." Jati remarked, maintaining her 'straight-man' persona.

"YOU...HOW DARE YOU! I AM ONE OF THE MAIN CHILDREN OF THE SARUYAKA FAMILY, THE LEADERS OF THIS UNNAMED PRIMATE CITY!" Sa-Me snapped as he climbed out of a huge pudding cup. Pressing his hands together, he focused for a moment, and then a long blue energy sword formed on the tips of his fingers.

Michele sighed and twisted the Alaskan Tuna's tail, causing a red energy sword to come out of its mouth.

Sa-Me let out a powerful scream and lunged forward. The two energy swords clashed, and sparks of light flew everywhere. Jati just sat back and watched with a bored look on her face as the monkey and the cat continued their pseudo-lightsaber battle. With every swing Sa-Me made, Michele blocked it with ease. It was like the cat was just toying with him!

'Argh...this damn cat,' Sa-Me thought, gritting his teeth, 'She's reading my moves like an albino sheep with indigestion reads braille! Okay, maybe that's a bad analogy, but still...I'M GETTING MY HAIRY LITTLE PINK ASS WHOOPED!'

At that moment, Michele saw an opening, and took it...slicing off Sa-Me's right hand and destroying his energy sword.

"Ahh...Ahh..." Falling to his knees, Sa-Me stared into Michele's eyes in horror, and the cat brought the tip of her energy sword only inches from the monkey's neck.

"...Will you join the dark side?" Michele purred.

Sa-Me shook his head wildly. "No! I'll never join you! Never! Never never never never!"

Michele sighed and raised her energy sword to kill him, but keeled over when a robotic hand burst out of Sa-Me's right arm and punched her hard in the gut.

"HA HA HA! YOU THINK I DIDN'T PLAN AHEAD?!" Sa-Me cackled, his new robotic hand taking on the form of a spear, "I HAD A SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME ROBO-ARM SET INSIDE MY BODY JUST IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES LIKE THIS!"

"Oh, really?" Jati asked from the sidelines.

Suddenly, just as Sa-Me was about to finish Michele off, strange things began to happen: giant worms with human heads and goat feet began flying past them, two pink soap bars were eating ramen, a backscratcher and a paperclip were robbing a meat bank, a huge box with spider legs crawled by and gave birth to baby chicks, some statue of Yoshio Sawai was being worshipped by a bunch of people on the Internet, and so on.

"WHAT...WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!" Sa-Me exclaimed.

Chuckling, Jati walked over to them and said, "Don't you remember? My attack was 'Super Fist Of Icy Straight Man: Michele The Cat...And Other Stuff'! This is the 'other stuff'..."

"BUT, UH...THIS IS KIND OF EXTREME ON THE WEIRDNESS SCALE, DON'TCHA THINK?!" Sa-Me replied when he noticed a curved horn was growing out of Jati's forehead.

Jati shook her head, and her horn suddenly grew to gigantic proportions, completely overshadowing tiny little Sa-Me with its size.

"Nah. I think it's just right."

"WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH?!"

Then, Jati smashed her horn down on top of Sa-Me...and the battle was done.

With Sa-Me now lying on the floor a twitching bloody mess, the area returned to normal and Jati's horn vanished. Handing Michele ten bucks and a bumper stick, she said, "Thanks for the help, Michele. Call me when you get home, m'kay?"

"YOU AIN'T THE BOSS OF ME!" the cat snapped before teleporting off to who-knows-where.

By that time, B.B. finally returned with Pokomi who was hanging onto his big afro with her teeth.

Hiragi also crawled out of the barrel of melted butter, barely alive and dressed in a two-piece swimsuit.

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

When Gasser and Babuu finally met up with the group again, they both seemed a little...upset.

"What's wrong?" Jati asked.

"Well," Gasser explained, "It seems we've got another freeloader on our hands..."

"HEY, I'M NOT A FREELOADER!" snapped Tennosuke in drag, who leaped onto Gasser's back and began smacking him in the face with his NU purse. Hiragi laughed at the scene for a moment before he noticed something strange.

"Hey...where's Gaoh-kun?"

Everyone was silent for a moment...before they all burst out laughing.

Then, Kuma furiously tore off Babuu's head and threw it far off into the mountains.

"There, that's better." he muttered, brushing back his hair.

* * *

_In the deepest reaches of the ancient city, within one of the many stone towers surrounding the area..._

Gaoh was standing in the middle of a stage, a single stage light blaring down on his head. He was wearing a plaid shirt, glasses kept together with duct tape, and a heavy black sweatshirt. As the music began, he nodded his head slightly a few times before he began to sing.

"They see me mowing my front lawn, and I know they're all thinking I'm so white and nerdy! Think I'm just too white n' nerdy! Think I'm just too white n' nerdy! Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy? Look at me, I'm white n' nerdy-"

"NO! NO NO NO! STOP SINGING! STOP SINGING!" A howler monkey wearing a baret stomped onto the stage and smacked Gaoh across the face with the script book, "THAT WAS TERRIBLE! TERRIBLE, I SAY! YOU NEED TO PUT FEELING INTO YOUR WORDS! C'MON! STEP IT UP! YOU'RE A SINGER, MAN! A SINGER! A SINGER! A SINGER! DON'T MAKE ME SAY 'SINGER' AGAIN, GOT IT?"

Gaoh just nodded and watched the director storm back to his seat in a huff. Suddenly, the koala realized something very, very important.

'WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?'


	23. To The Tower! Gasser The Magical Boy!

A/N: ...Naruto references ahoy.

* * *

"Thanks for buying me! So...WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT CAN I DO? DO YOU LIKE CORN? WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT CAN I-"

"SHUT UP!" Hiragi snapped, slamming his foot into Tennosuke's crotch. Falling over in pain, Tennosuke started crying again.

'God...Jelly Jiggler is being such a crybaby lately.' Gasser thought. He still stood by his belief that Tennosuke really was Jelly Jiggler, despite no one else thinking so.

Now that Kuma had finally freed himself of that 'vile head', he was able to lead the others in the right direction. "My family lives in that tower over there..." he said, pointing to a giant stone tower. Flags of various countries were hung on the outside walls of the building, and upon closer inspection, one could see Gaoh was busy scaling the structure.

"So, when we get there, what do we do?" B.B. asked, "Bust open some heads?"

Kuma sighed and placed his hands behind his head. "We're probably going to have to, especially since you bastards killed my brother Sa-Me."

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL HIM! HE PROVOKED ME!" Jati snapped.

"Whatever," Kuma replied, "What we need to do now though is find a way to get to that tower as quickly as possible."

"Heh! I haven't been this excited to fight monkeys since back in elementary school!" Hiragi remarked, now back in his crocodile suit and cracking his knuckles.

'Wow...I wonder what Hiragi's school life was like...' Jati pondered, and her imagination soon got the best of her...

* * *

_Many years ago..._

_Mr. Pato waddled into the classroom and sat down at his desk. In his wonderful classroom 3-A, there were four rows of desks, all of them clean and spotless. And at every desk was a well-behaved fowl, all born with the highest pedigrees and richest families. Mr. Pato almost wanted to break down into tears at how wonderfully perfect his little classroom was...and then a spitball hit him in the beak._

_"Natto...arigato."_

_Looking up, Mr. Pato saw the single being he despised more than his own mother, the boy who has done nothing but ruin his utopia, the true demon child of hell...a young Halekulani, who was dressed like Pop-Eye the Sailor._

* * *

"...What the hell have I been drinking?" Jati muttered, staring at the water bottle in her hand. Flipping the bottle around, she read the label on the back:

'NARU-JUICE, FOR NARUTO LOVERS ONLY! IF YOU'RE NOT A YAOI-LOVING NARUTARD, THEN THIS DRINK'S SIDE-EFFECTS WILL TURN YOU INTO ONE! BELIEVE IT!'

Jati let out an ear-splitting shriek and ran off to cleanse her mind and soul before it was too late.

"Heh...she's done for." B.B. said with a smirk.

"POKO POKO POKO...MIIIII!" Pokomi cried, and she fired off a random lightning bolt.

"I THOUGHT SHE WASN'T A POKEMON ANYMORE!" B.B. was burnt to a crisp.

"AH! HURRY, GASSER! GIVE ME A THUNDER STONE SO I CAN EVOLVE POKOMI TO HER NEXT FORM!" Hiragi shouted at the white-haired boy, drooling all over him in the process.

Gasser shrugged. "Sorry, I only have a Leaf Stone."

Hiragi fell to his knees and sobbed loudly, banging his fist on the ground every so often. "Why...why...WHYYYYYYYYYY?!"

"...Would a piece of Hershey's Chocolate help?" Gasser asked, holding out the candy bar.

Hiragi quickly snatched it away and hid behind a bush so he could eat it in peace.

While Pokomi was licking herself clean, Gasser suddenly heard the sound of someone singing.

"Captain Planet, he's our hero...gonna bring pollution down to zero..."

Turning around, he recognized Suzu of all people coming towards him, and he let loose a fart.

'OH GOD, IT'S BEAUTY'S PERVERTED FANGIRL - I MEAN, IT'S MY GOOD FRIEND, SUZU-CHAN!' Gasser thought in horror.

Looking up, Suzu saw Gasser and ran over to him, smiling widely. "Hey, Gasser-kun! Haven't seen you in a while!...Where's Beauty-chan?"

"Uh...I don't know. I've been hanging out with these guys as of late..." Gasser replied, motioning his head to Hiragi and B.B., who were trying to housebreak Pokomi.

Suzu sighed and had a look of disappointment on her face. "Damn...I was really hoping to see Beauty. I bet she's filled out quite nicely since last time we met. I've only been able to keep myself happy with a pair of her panties lately..."

Gasser tried to push that disturbing, if not somewhat alluring, image out of his mind as he said, "Anyway, Suzu-chan...what're you doing here of all places?"

"You know, I was just warping around," Suzu explained, "I went to Pewter City Gym, Namek, Domino City, Cyber City, New Jersey, Hajike Festival Forums, Nevada, Tatooine, Pomade Ring, Hogwarts, Konoha, Beauty's house of course, uh...the Shadow Realm, Alabasta, Corkscrew Hampshire, Temple of Time-"

"...And you just ended up here?" Gasser asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"YUP!"

Gasser sighed. Glancing over at B.B. and Hiragi, he watched as they were being brutally tortured by Pokomi in S&M gear. Suddenly, this bizarre and frightening scene oddly enough gave Gasser a good idea. Turning back to Suzu, he asked, "Suzu-chan, do you think you could warp all of us to the top of that tower of there?"

Suzu stared at the tower for a moment, and then nodded. "Sure, but if you guys happen to have to fight enemies up there, I'm warpin' back to 'Miso Soup for the Insane Mind' Forums! Got it?"

"Whatever! I don't care! JUST DO IT!" Gasser snapped.

"HOLD ON, SUCKAHS!" B.B. proclaimed, his body covered in bruises and blood, "WE CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT JATI! WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?"

"YES! WHERE IS THE PEDESTRIAN I CALL MOTHER?" Hiragi, who was also badly beaten, demanded to know.

Then, Tennosuke came walking up to the group dragging along a cardboard box. Apparently, something was inside the box, considering how violently it would shake every now and then.

"WHAT'CHA GOT THERE, SONNY? SOME CHEEEEEESE?" B.B. asked, now dressed as a high-school principal.

Looking at the box as if it held some kind of demon spawn within, Tennosuke said, "If only this was cheese, my friend. If only. What I have in here is the sad, pitiful remains of our good friend Jati..."

Hiragi gasped. "YOU DON'T MEAN...SHE-BANG, SHE-BANG?"

Tennosuke shook his head. "Nah, she's just a Narutard."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"SHE WAS SO YOUNG!" Kuma sobbed into B.B.'s shirt, who then kicked him away without a word.

"...Let me see her. A once great kindred spirit has now become one of the many monsters responsible for our dying breed...it's so sad..." Hiragi begged, wanting to pay his last respects to his dear, dear friend.

Tennosuke nodded, lifted one of the top flaps of the box ever so slightly, and peeked inside.

"GAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"SO MUCH COOL! WHAT IS IT?"

Raising the box to his face, Tennosuke's right eye could been seen peering out of the huge hole in the bottom.

"SHE'S ESCAPED!" Gasser cried, looking around wildly for any sign of the Narutard girl.

Tennosuke was freaking out now. "WHERE COULD SHE BE? WHERE COULD SHE BE?"

"...I'm right here..." purred a voice from behind, and Tennosuke was suddenly frozen solid. Lifting the ice-cold jelly man into her arms, Jati ran off towards the stone tower, laughing wildly and screaming about yaoi, ninjas, sexual innuendo, and more yaoi.

"OH NO! WE GOTTA SAVE JELLY JIGG- I MEAN, WE GOTTA SAVE TOKORO TENNOSUKE!" Gasser exclaimed, "FOLLOW THAT NARUTARD!"

"No! We won't be able to catch her! The power of gay ninjas are strengthening her resolve! No matter what, the only thing we can do is to get to the tower before her!" Hiragi said, tapping his framed glasses repeatably.

"...Why is she even going to the tower, though? What would drive her towards such a place?" B.B. asked aloud.

Almost immediately, everyone knew the answer: "NaruSasu doujinshi."

"Hey, guys! I can get you there quickly...as long as I get something in return!" Suzu proclaimed.

Hiragi promised he'd get her a signed photograph of Jack Black, and Suzu agreed to warp them over to the tower.

Everyone stood close to Suzu as she closed her eyes, pressed her palms together, and said, "...TELEPORT."

--

Within moments, the group found themselves suddenly on top of the tower, heavy winds and high altitudes taking affect on them. The middle of the tower's roof was a large open space with four tall white cylinders sticking out. Looking over the edge, Gasser felt uneasy when he realized they were even higher up than most of the clouds around them.

"W...WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING ON TOP OF THIS GODDAMN TOWER? WHY IS THE WORD 'TOWER' USED SO MUCH?! ANSWER ME, SUZU!" Gasser shouted.

However, Suzu was gone, and now three cloaked figures were standing on the cylinder structures. Two of them were about Gasser's size, but the third one behind them was even taller than B.B. The middle-sized figure on the left took a step forward and proclaimed in a shrill voice, "So you must be the humans who have trespassed into our city!"

"H-Hold on there, doods!" Hiragi exclaimed, "Kuma, the youngest son of the Saruyaka Family, has requested outside help to solve the mysterious case of eldest son Iruka's death and find his murderer and bring peace and calm back to the head dynasty! Believe it!"

'What...that's why we're here? I had no idea...' Gasser thought as he awaited the three cloaked figures' reactions.

"Like we give a damn. We're not even members of the Saruyaka Family! We're just their three head guards, the Rippogakusha ('Rabies' in Japanese)!"

The other middle-sized figure nodded. "Yeah, and like every villian character before us, we are overconfident in our abilities and believe we can easily kill all of you, despite your status as 'Main Characters'! So...we'll do Two-On-One battles!"

Suddenly, the other middle-sized figure's black furry hand stretched far out of his robes, wrapped around B.B. and Hiragi, and the cylinder he stood on descended down into the tower's interior, taking the two Hajikelists with him.

"AH! HIRAGI! B.B.!" Gasser tried to run to them, but the large robbed figure blocked his path. Chuckling in a deep voice, he said, "My name is Kutabare. Sorry, boy...but you and the girl are my opponents! DROP DEAD!"

Gasser looked over to Pokomi, and sighed in despair as she was writing names on all of her toes in Chinese letters.

The last of the three robed figures glanced down and said, "Ah, the black-haired girl and the jelly man have arrived...I shall dispose of them." And with that, he vanished from sight.

'Ah...Jati and Jelly Jigg - I mean, Tokoro Tennosuke have arrived now as well...' thought Gasser as he prepared for battle. Still chuckling, the large robed figure finally removed his dressings, and revealed himself to be...

...a giant Proboscis Monkey with a cannon sticking out of its belly.

"WHY CAN'T I EVER FIGHT ANYONE NORMAL?!" Gasser screamed into the heavens.

"I AM NORMAL! HOW DARE YOU! DROP DEAD!" Kutabare rose both his fists high into the air, and brought them crashing down on Gasser's head...only to realize the boy had disappeared.

"Huh?"

Gasser blinked a few times; he hadn't expected to be saved by Pokomi, who had finally snapped back to reality. She was still holding him tightly when she pulled out a long syringe and injected a strange glittery pink fluid into Gasser's neck.

Leaping away from her, Gasser rubbed his neck and cried, "WHAT...WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

Pokomi smirked and tossed the now-empty syringe over her shoulder. "That was my special brand of magical fluids! It'll help increase your fighting capabilities by 5 percent!"

"Really? Oh, thanks, Pokomi!"

"...And you'll start to turn into a magical boy, too!"

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!"

Gasser suddenly felt 'magically pretty' for just a moment, and he knew that his life just got even worse than it already was. Kutabare snarled and aimed his belly-cannon right at Gasser's face.

"DIE, YOU PUNK! DROP DEAD!" A powerful beam of energy burst from the cannon's barrel, and Gasser became fearful. But then, all of the sudden...he created two butterfly-shaped wings out of farts. Giggling like mad, he flew up into the air and easily dodged the attack.

"YAAY! YAAY! MAGIC IS THE TRUE FORM OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP!" Gasser cried as he flapped around, leaving trails of glitter and roses in his wake. Even his eyes and face had become all shoujo-like.

'Yes, that's right, Gasser...give in to the magic,' Pokomi thought with a sneer, 'Soon, you will be just like me, and we will be...INVINCIBLE!'

Landing next to his beloved sister, Gasser struck a flamboyant pose and exclaimed, "MAGIC...IS POWER! HEE HEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEE!!"

Kutabare wasn't sure if he even wanted to fight anymore; this farting weirdo was freaking him out!

Digging his fingers into the floor, Gasser pulled out a large stone slab and smashed it across Kutabare's face. "MAGIC IS POWER!"

'How...how was that magic?!' the giant Proboscis Monkey wondered as he quickly regained his balance.

"LET'S GO AND WIN THIS, POKOMI-CHAN!" Gasser said to his sister, and the two of them charged straight for Kutabare.

"HA! DROP DEAD!" Once again, Kutabare fired off his cannon, but Gasser and Pokomi didn't even bother dodging it. Instead, Gasser covered his sister in 'magical gas', and threw her right into the energy beam coming towards them. Somehow, the gas covering her protected her body, and Pokomi jabbed her magic wand right into Kutabare's cannon, causing it to explode.

"MAGIC...IS...POWER!"


	24. One Down, Two to Go! The Truth is?

A/N: Magical Girl Gasser credited to aura723. Any future appearances will be given credit to her.

* * *

_Where we last left off..._

When the smoke cleared, Pokomi was the last one left standing. Kutabare was lying unconscious on the floor, his beloved stomach-cannon now a big burnt piece of plastic. Gasser, who was now wearing a Sailor Scout uniform, happily skipped over to Pokomi and exclaimed, "YAY, WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE WON! MAGIC IS POWER! YAY!"

"YEAH, WE DID IT, BROTHER!" Pokomi cried happily.

"WOO-HOO! I LOVE MAGICAL GIRL LYRICAL NANOHA! LESBIANS ROCK! YAAAAY!" Gasser exclaimed, making a 'V' sign with his fingers.

Suddenly, Pokomi clenched her fingers around his neck and hissed in a deep voice, "THAT IS NOT THE WAY A MAGICAL BOY SHOULD ACT."

"...Fine, I'm sorry." Gasser muttered, now back to his usual self.

"Very good. Now...BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG HUG!"

"GAAH! G...GET OFF OF ME!! WAAHHH!!"

Gasser spat up blood and fainted, but Pokomi didn't stop hugging him.

* * *

_Meanwhile, inside the tower, where B.B. and Hiragi were currently located..._

The two Hajikelists' opponent had removed his robes to reveal himself to be a Spider Monkey with the ability to stretch any body part to incredible lengths named Lightener.

(A/N: 'Lightener' is such an awesome name, isn't it?!)

"So...you're basically a idiotic parody of Monkey D. Luffy?" Hiragi asked him inquisitively.

"Luffy even has 'Monkey' in his name for crying out loud! It just gets worse and worse!" B.B. exclaimed.

Lightener snarled and snapped, "NO! I AM NOT A PARODY OF NO ONE AND NO THING! I AM ME! ALL OF ME!"

Hiragi rolled his eyes. "At least we know one thing...you really suck at basic English."

"NO! YOU SUCK MORE! YOU SUCK MOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Lightener screeched as he stretched out both his arms at amazing speeds and slammed both his fists into Hiragi's face.

"ONII-CHAN!" B.B. squealed, dressed like Pokomi.

The ground underneath Hiragi suddenly gave way, and he plummeted into the chasm. Lightener laughed maniacally as B.B. sobbed over his teammate's sudden death.

"NOW...TO FINISH YOU OFF!" Lightener charged at B.B., who was too distraught to fight, when suddenly...

"I CAN'T DIE HERE! I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"

Hiragi leaped out of the pit and landed next to B.B. with ease. He was now wearing a monkey outfit and a 'Softon' mask over his face.

"HUH? HOW CAN YOU BE BACK?" Lightener asked.

Hiragi held out his arms in the same manner as Softon's fighting pose and proclaimed, "If you want to beat a monkey, you need to be a monkey!"

'THEN...WHY DOES HE HAVE A MASK OF POOP?' Lightener wondered.

B.B. nonchalantly brushed dirt off himself and said, "Hiragi, let me bring his HP bar down to the red zone, and then you come in for the Fatality! Got it?"

Dressed as Sub-Zero, Hiragi nodded and replied, "You do that. I'll be buying some stereotypical donuts." And with that, he was off.

Lightener tried to chase after him, but B.B. blocked his path and exclaimed, "Oh no, you don't! SUPER FIST OF THE BLACK NOSEHAIR: MOUTH BEAM!"

B.B.'s jaw snapped open and a huge beam of energy burst out of his throat, but Lightener dodged it barely.

"Ha ha ha! You miss me!" cackled the spider monkey insanely.

"ARGH...I'LL TRY IT AGAIN!" B.B. shouted, and he fired out another energy beam from his mouth...only this time it was made out of nosehairs.

"WAAAAAHH?!" Lightener tried to escape, but he found himself tangled within the nosehairs and he was smashed against the wall.

Wiping blood from his chin, Lightener yelled out in fury and flung his fists at B.B. again.

"Heh...that's all you can do?" B.B. snickered. He then leaped high into the air and said, "SUPER FIST OF THE BLACK NOSEHAIR: SOUP IN A CAN!"

B.B. reached behind him and pulled out a small can of Chef Boyardee's chicken noodle soup. Snapping off the top of the can, he splashed the whole thing on Lighteners' face, who freaked out the moment it touched his skin.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! IT'S HOOOOOTTTTTT!!"

"EAT IT, YOU PUNK!" B.B. snapped, and he bashed his fist into Lightener's gut, then wrapped his arm around the back of the monkey's neck and slammed him into the ground.

"RAAGH!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE BLACK NOSEHAIR: VIOLENCE IS OVERRATED!" Then, B.B. smacked Lightener on the head with a dictionary multiple times before kicking him to the side.

"ARGH!"

B.B.'s afro snapped open and a large balding old man with glasses and a sweater vest popped out and jabbed Lightener multiple times in the face with both his kneecaps.

"BUGA-BUUUH!"

Unleashing both his nosehairs, B.B. dashed forward and sliced at the monkey's chest to bring an end to the assault.

"GAAAAAAAHHH..."

Blood burst out of Lightener's mouth as he rolled across the floor and then came to a stop, breathing heavily and clutching his stomach and face in pain.

"You...you are abusive of the animal..." Lightener coughed.

B.B. cracked his knuckles and sneered, "I'm gonna be the one to finish ya, instead of that bastard Hiragi..."

Suddenly, Hiragi back ran into the room with a donut dangling in between his legs.

"SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS COMEDIAN: DEEP FREEZE UPPERCUT!"

!--FINISH HIM--!

Still dressed as Sub-Zero, Hiragi pressed his hands against Lightener, freezing him completely. Then, Hiragi preformed a powerful uppercut and Lightener's body shattered to pieces.

"DAMMIT! I WANTED TO KILL HIM! YOU MEANIE!" B.B. whined like a baby.

"I SAID I'D GET TO KILL HIM, SO THAT MEANS I GET TO KILL HIM!" Hiragi snapped, slapping B.B. across the face.

B.B. started to sob, and he fell to his knees, shaking in fear. He was now wearing a dress, skirt and lipstick, and Hiragi was wearing a fancy suit.

"You...you don't love me anymore, baby...?" B.B. sobbed.

Hiragi shook his head. "No...I never loved you in the first place..."

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!"

"NOW, WE MUST FIGHT FOR HONOR! SPANKEN-HEIMER SAYS 'AH'!"

While this 'tragic soap opera' was taking place, Gaoh was standing in the corner, eating popcorn. 'This is just like Broadway...but it's better!' he thought as B.B. and Hiragi then began a deadly ninja battle against one another.

Suddenly, their fight was interrupted when Gasser and Pokomi entered the room. They didn't want to waste any time, so Gasser was still dressed like a Sailor Scout.

Hiragi took one look at the farting boy's dress and exclaimed, "THOSE ARE MY PAJAMAS!"

"So, you guys won too?" Pokomi asked.

B.B. nodded. "Yeah. When your opponent's only ability is to stretch out his arms, there's not much of a challenge."

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GO SAVE JATI AND TOKORO TENNOSUKE!" Hiragi announced, and everyone ran ahead to were the last of the Rippogakusha had taken their two missing friends.

However, what they found shocked all of them; several bodies were lying on the floor in puddles of blood, two of them being Jati and Tokoro Tennosuke. There were three other bodies, and they were all monkeys. And, standing over all of them, was a lanky hairless chimpanzee with long blood-stained claws and mechanical wings protruding from its back. Snickering, the demonic-looking primate chided, "Heh...two of the intruders and three members of the Saruyaka family in only five minutes! That's a new record for me...Teti!"

"N-N-No way..." Gasser stammered, "T-This freakish monkey...he not only beat Jati, but he even killed three of the very family he was hired to protect?!"

Teti cackled like maniac and explained, "Hey, I'm from a whole different ballpark compared to Kutabare and Lightener. I'm under direct orders of Shimizu, the new head of the Saruyaka dynasty, to eliminate all in his way...including his own family!"

"So...it was Shimizu who murdered Iruka-onii-chan?" Kuma exclaimed; the others, and even the author himself, had all forgotten that he was even with them.

"Indeed it was. That power-hungry bastard is willing to do anything to be #1; he couldn't just sit around and wait for Iruka to die, so he went ahead and finished him off. Then, he asked me specifically to follow his orders. It only makes sense since, after all...I am the strongest of the Rippogakusha!" Teti explained, and a swirling darkish-purple aura seemed to radiate off his body.

Tears began to flow down Kuma's cheeks; his own brother...wanted to kill him. Gasser stared at the poor monkey in pity for a few moments before a powerful surge of rage filled his very soul. 'How dare they...how dare they!'

Clenching his fists, Gasser snapped, "You bastards...how dare you treat something as precious as life without a second thought? We'll take you and Shimizu down for good! I DON'T WANT TO SEE KUMA CRY ANYMORE!"

"Eww...I didn't know you were like THAT, onii-chan..." Pokomi commented from behind him.

"FINE! IF THAT'S HOW YOU WANT TO PLAY...COME AT ME!" Teti snarled, and the battle was on!


	25. A Death Of A Friend! Gasser's Rage!

A/N: For people who are getting tired of Gasser being focused on so much...please get over it. After this, he'll only get to do one more actual battle during the second mini-arc anyway. Bo-bobo and the others will take over from there.

Also, the most serious chapter ever.

* * *

_Last time we left off, Gasser personally challenged Teti to a fight!_

Gasser reached behind him and unsheathed several explosive balls of gas, which he threw directly into Teti's path. However, the cybernetic chimpanzee just ran through the smelly explosions with ease and swung his claws at Gasser's face; luckily, the white-haired boy was able to use a fart to propel himself to the side just in time to dodge the attack.

"RAAH!" Teti opened his mouth and actually tried to chomp down on Gasser's face, but the boy dodged once again and only got his shoulder slightly grazed.

They exchanged a few more attacks after this, without a single hit landing.

'Damn...being a Main Character is tough...' he thought to himself.

"GO FOR THE CHEDDAH! THE CHEDDAH!" Hiragi shouted, dressed like a mobster.

"YOU HAVE NO CHANCE; TAKE YOUR TIME!" Teti took another few swings at Gasser, but they were all narrowly avoided. Gasser then covered both his fists within his own gas and punched Teti in the stomach, but it had no affect. So far, neither opponent was dealing nor receiving any damage.

Personally, Hiragi was getting a little sick of it. Grabbing Gaoh by the head, he tossed him into the battlegrounds, screaming, "GOOD LUCK, GAOH-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"WAAAGH! THIS ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!" Gaoh cried, tears flowing from his eyes as he flew through the air.

Gasser turned around to see who had cried out, and Gaoh smacked right into his face.

Seeing that Gasser was distracted, Teti took this chance to attack; dashing forward, he raised both his claw hands and prepared to strike. Gasser immediately regained focus, and realized the attack would most likely hit him and Gaoh, so he stood in front of the koala with his arms out, ready to risk his life to protect him.

Gaoh saw this, and gasped. "GASSER...NO!"

Gasser let out a scream of pain as Teti's claws tore into him, sending blood and torn pieces of his shirt flying everywhere. When it was over, Gasser's chest was visible, and it was drenched in his own blood. He coughed once...and then fell to his knees and hands.

"YOU...BASTARD!" Gaoh screamed, and he took a swing at Teti while dressed as L, but Teti leaped back and cackled insanely at the fallen warrior.

Gasser could feel his life draining out of him as he laid on the blood-stained floor. The wounds weren't as deep as he had feared, but blood loss was definitely going to kill him, if anything. Gaoh was shouting inane things in his ear and smacking him with a bowl of soba noodles, but nothing helped.

Smirking, Teti snarled, "NOW...TIME TO DESTROY BOTH OF YOU!"

"DAMN! IF ONLY WE DIDN'T HAVE TO FOLLOW THE CODE OF THE WARRIOR! THEN WE COULD JUST JUMP IN AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THIS GUY RIGHT NOW!" Hiragi cried, cursing the basic laws of Shonen Manga.

The limiters on Teti's claws snapped off, and his robotic wings spread outwards, showing off their full wing-span. Small slots opened on the top of the wings, and smoke began to arise from within the holes. Soon, thousands of tiny missiles emerged from the slots, and turned their aim onto Gasser and Gaoh.

"DIEEEEEEEEE!!"

The missiles fired off, and charged straight for Gasser and Gaoh. Since he wasn't injured in any shape or form, the little koala just simply jumped into a taxi and drove off to leave Gasser to be killed. Closing his eyes, Gasser braced himself for death...

...but death didn't come.

Slowly opening his eyes, Gasser saw that all the missiles had been blocked...by Tokoro Tennosuke. When the smoke cleared, he just stood there, and then blood burst out of his body like crazy, and he fell backwards next to a stupefied Gasser.

"J...J...Jelly Jigg - I mean, Tokoro Tennosuke...why...why...?"

Tears forming in his eyes, Gasser crawled over to Tennosuke and raised the upper half of the jelly man's body in his arms. Coughing up blood, Tennosuke forced a small grin and replied, "I...I had always dreamed someone would...would buy me and...and be my friend. You were that someone, Gasser. I know...I know we barely even knew each other, but...I'm glad I met you...good-bye..."

Then, he took his final breath, and his eyes slowly closed. Gasser quickly pressed his ear against Tennosuke's chest and realized...that he was dead.

Teti cursed loudly and grumbled, "That stupid jelly freak...he ruined my whole 'super-death' attack! Fine! I'll just have to kill fart boy here with my own hands instead!"

Gasser, however, was still holding Tennosuke in his arms. A few stray tears rolled down his cheeks and landed on Tennosuke's face, and then...something inside Gasser snapped.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! JELLY JIGG - I MEAN, TOKORO TENNOSUKE!! NOOOOOOOOO!! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

A huge burst of yellow energy erupted from within Gasser's being, catching Hiragi, B.B., Kuma and Teti off-guard. As Gasser continued to scream, his hair began to distort and flow like it was alive, and it soon formed together to create a snow-white afro. Then, a pair of large shades materialized over Gasser's eyes and he became a bit more buff...and the transformation was complete.

"...The name's Gas-gagaga Gas-gaga! I will tear out your colon with my teeth!" Gasser announced, making a flashy pose very similar to our beloved afro-sporting, nosehair-wielding hero.

An awkward silence filled the air.

"...HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

"W...What the hell is this?" B.B. exclaimed, "Why the hell is Gasser acting like Bo-bobo?!"

Stepping forward and dressed like a scholar, Hiragi said, "It's simple; Gasser has awakened the piece of 'Bo' within his soul. You see, Bo-bobo is a man full of immense power, but too much power contained inside a single body would destroy it. Thus, unbeknownst even to Bo-bobo himself, a shard of his being has been transfered within every person he has come across, including me, you and Jati. Only under certain, extreme conditions can this piece of 'Bo' be awakened and infused into the soul of the user."

"THAT'S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!" B.B. snapped.

"Of course it is. This is Kyokusetsu Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo, is it not?" Hiragi replied, and B.B. just sighed and crossed his arms in annoyance.

"Yeah, but...why does Gasser get all the transformations, though?"

While Gas-gaga was busy combing his new afro, Teti just stared at him in complete and utter confusion.

'WHAT...THE...HELL?!'

Noticing Teti staring at him, Gas-gaga blushed and started to swing back and forth nervously. "Are you...checking me out?" He asked in a feminine voice.

"WHAT?! NO WAY! DON'T BE DISGUSTING!" Teti snapped.

Gas-gaga gasped in horror and began sobbing into his hands. "You...you hate me? I never even did anything to you! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

"AH! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Teti said, trying to comfort him, "I, UH...I THINK YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL, OKAY? HOW ABOUT THAT?"

Suddenly pissed off, Gas-gaga immediately smashed his fist into Teti's face and screeched, "THAT'S DISGUSTING! ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?"

'HUUUH...?' Teti spat up blood as he flew through the air from Gas-gaga's attack.

"IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE GLOVES OFF!" Gas-gaga exclaimed furiously, and he tore off what was left of his shirt in an instant. He had a well-toned body and physique, even if it was still covered in his own blood.

'(Cue the squealing Gasser fangirls...if he has any.)' was what Hiragi wrote on a flashcard that he then held up in front of the screen.

"HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME, YOU CHEAP IMITATION OF THE REAL THING!" Teti screamed as he charged at Gas-gaga with his claws poised.

Sliding his feet and raising his hands into a fighting position, two long nosehairs emerged from Gas-gaga's nostrils. However, these weren't just any old nosehairs; these were nosehairs made out of farts!

"SUPER DUPER FIST OF THE BACKWIND NOSEHAIR: HONORABLE FARTING NOSEHAIRS OF BABYLON!"

Teti screamed in pain as the fart-nosehairs slashed him all over his body, destroying his claw gloves and mechanical wings in the process. Blood exploding from between his clenched teeth, Teti was then smashed to the ground by a powerful fart-nosehair whip to the face, and the battle was over.

"Heh heh...not bad. Not bad at all." Gas-gaga said, smiling.

Tearing off his shades and cracking them in his hands, Gas-gaga's hair reverted to normal, and he was now 'Gasser' once again. Wobbling in place for a moment, Gasser then collapsed and lost consciousness. Having maintained his 'Bo' form for even such a short amount of time had excruciating effects on his mind and body.

Hiragi and B.B. stared at Gasser for a moment, and then glanced at each other.

"YAY! NOW WE GET TO FIGHT AGAIN!" They both exclaimed happily as they ran ahead, leaving everyone else behind...


	26. Utilize Your Power! Go for it, Guys!

A/N: Only two chapters left for this mini-arc, and then an intermission chapter between the first two mini-arcs, and then Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler finally return! And Hatenko and Softon, too.

* * *

When they entered the final room, B.B. and Hiragi were left speechless in amazement. The room was completely paved white, with what resembled human skeletons hanging from the walls. The ceiling was so high that it vanished within the darkness. In the middle of the room was a staircase that lead up to a large golden chair. And, sitting on that chair with a smug look on his face, was Shimizu, a large Silverback Gorilla.

"So...you've finally made it." Shimizu said, smirking.

"...C'mon, open it! Open it!" B.B. exclaimed as he watched Hiragi carefully tear off the plastic wrapping on their newest issue of Shonen Jump. Snapping it open, Hiragi quickly checked the table of contents.

"Hmm...they have 23 Naruto chapters in this one. Damn, they always have another chapter added with every issue. Let's see if we can find what we REALLY want to read!"

Hiragi flipped through the pages for quite a while, muttering under his breath. B.B. was practically going into constipations due to his overwhelming excitement. Eventually, Hiragi found what they were looking for: a new chapter of Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo!

"Ha hah ah...man, Don Patch, is there anything you CAN'T do?! Ha ha!" Hiragi said aloud as they read the chapter to themselves. Then, as soon as they had started, it was over. Hiragi blinked a few times, unsure what to say. B.B., however, knew how to speak his mind.

"WHY DO WE ONLY GET ONE GODDAMN CHAPTER?!" The Bo-bobo clone shouted furiously, tossing the Shonen Jump away and causing it to smack into Shimizu's face.

"It's so...it's just so wrong...it's not fair, man..." Hiragi weeped.

"ARGH! YOU TWO ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MAKE MY BIG EVIL SPEECH YET!" Shimizu snapped as he tore the Shonen Jump in half and stuffed it down his gullet.

"Ha! That was exactly what we planned!" Hiragi exclaimed. However, a book entitled 'HOW TO TRICK YOUR ENEMIES INTO THINKING YOU ACTUALLY PLANNED YOUR ATTACKS' suddenly fell out from behind him and he scrambled to pick it up.

"Why'd ya do it, Shimizu-onii-chan?" Kuma asked, "Why did you kill Iruka-onii-chan?"

Shimizu chuckled and replied, "Dearest little brother Kuma...do you wish to know? I'll tell you...I wanted power and recognition. Before our parents passed away in that freak mining incident, they always saw Iruka as their number-one favorite, and I was just 'the other kid'. I hated being ignored like that, especially by my own parents..."

"But...they treated ALL of us like that!" Kuma replied.

"Yes, but I am the only one of us who actually did something about it!" Shimizu snapped, "I killed Iruka and had Teti kill the others because I was afraid one of them would find out and try and kill me so they could be head of the family instead! Do you understand now?"

"Argh...our whole family has been ruined...because of our greed and desire for power..." Kuma fell to his knees and began to sob.

Suddenly, B.B. kicked Kuma away and said, "Stop your moping. We'll take care of this guy first, and THEN you can cry!"

Lifting himself from his throne, Shimizu tore off his cape, revealing a large shell-like contraption on his back, with pipes flowing a strange liquid in and out of his body. Large puffs of steam blew out of an opening on top every now and then. Hiragi and B.B. stared at him for a while before they burst out laughing.

"SHUT YOUR MISERABLE LITTLE TRAPS!" Shimizu snarled, and he rolled up into a ball and slammed right into B.B. and Hiragi, knocking them into the air.

"THIS GUY IS LIKE FIGHTING A LEVEL 9 CPU BOWSER IN SUPER SMASH BROTHERS BRAWL...WHILE BEING DRUNK AND HIGH AT THE SAME TIME!" Hiragi exclaimed as he hit into the wall and blood burst out of his mouth.

B.B., however, softened the impact by using a plate of fried chicken.

Getting back to their feet, Hiragi glanced to his friend and said, "It looks like we'll need to combine our attacks if we hope to beat this guy!"

"I AGREE!" B.B. exclaimed, "HERE WE GO! SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS BLACK COMEDIAN-"

"HEY, THAT NAME'S KIND OF RACIST!" Shimizu said.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, BOY!" B.B. snapped, "SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS BLACK COMEDIAN: SALTY SUSHI SPINNER!"

Grabbing Hiragi by the feet, B.B. began to spin him around at high speeds. Hiragi opened his mouth and pieces of sushi flew out everywhere, pelting not only Shimizu, but Kuma and Gaoh as well.

Taking a bite of it, Gaoh gasped and exclaimed, "IT'S SALTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS BLACK COMEDIAN: SPICY SUSHI SPINNER!"

B.B. and Hiragi performed the same attack as before, but when Gaoh tried a bit of it, he gasped and exclaimed, "IT'S SPICYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"ARGH! STOP MESSING WITH ME, YOU IDIOTS!" Shimizu then took a swing at B.B., but his attack missed entirely when B.B. suddenly shrank to the size of an ant out of nowhere.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Then, B.B. immediately returned to normal size and punched Shimizu gut, causing the giant ape man to stagger slightly. Hiragi now took this moment to land another attack!

"SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS BLACK COMEDIAN: UBEDA-JEDA GAZOON!" Then, Hiragi's body began to glow with a dangerous aura.

'WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME OF AN ATTACK IS THAT? WHAT WILL IT BE? WHAT WILL IT BE?' Shimizu wondered in horror.

Reaching down, Hiragi opened up a small compartment on his chest, and about 40 pencils poured out of it. Whistling to himself, B.B. dipped each pencil in a pan of water and then rolled it in a pile of dough. Once all the pencils were completely covered, B.B. stuck them into an oven and set it for 500 degrees. Then, the oven exploded and all the pencils flew right into Shimizu's face.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!! HOT PENCILS IN MY FACE! HOT PENCILS IN MY FACE!"

B.B. and Hiragi skipped around happily and high-fived each other while poor Shimizu was clutching at his face and screaming in pain. Tearing the pencils out and crushing them to pieces, Shimizu roared and charged at B.B. and Hiragi once again. This time, though, when Shimizu rolled into a ball, his body became covered in spikes.

"PROTECT ME, SPIDER-B.B.!" Hiragi cried to B.B., who was now dressed as a certain web-slinging hero.

"A PARODY LIKE THIS IS ONLY POSSIBLE IN ENGLISH FANFICTION!" B.B. exclaimed as he jumped in front of Hiragi to save him, only for both of them to end up being rolled over.

"AUGH! M. J.! NOOOOOOO!"

"...Stop being so stupid..." Gaoh mumbled as he flipped a page of the NaruSasu doujin he found lying around.

Snickering, Shimizu threw his hands into the air and boasted, "Ha ha ha! Even with all your ridiculous attacks, you cannot beat me! With my X-SHELL attached to my body...I am invincible!"

Wiping blood off his mouth, Hiragi cursed under his breath and thought, 'Damn, this guy sure can take alot of damage, and then just shrug it off like nothing! What can we do?'

Suddenly, B.B. placed a hand on his shoulder and nodded to him, a confident grin on his face. Hiragi understood what the Bo-bobo clone was trying to tell him, and he agreed to the idea. Standing up together at the same time, the two-man team began their next attack.

"SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS BLACK COMEDIAN: KYOKUSETSU - FALSE THEORY ATTACK!"

"IT'S SO HARD I CAN'T EVEN TURN IT ON!" Hiragi added.

Shimizu gasped. 'What?! Kyokusetsu?! The title of this fic! Just...just what are they planning to do?!'

Soon, it was revealed just what B.B. and Hiragi were planning to do: they both were wielding a double edged blade, with another blade attached at 90 degrees to it. This was attached to roughly 18 feet of rope which then ended in a large metal ring.

"YOU IDIOTS, THOSE ARE KYOKETSU SHOGE!" Shimizu exclaimed furiously.

(A/N: Type in 'Kyokusetsu' on Google, and 'Did you mean: Kyoketsu' appears at the top.)

"RAAH! FEEL THE POWER...OF KYOKUSETSU!"

"IT'S...KYOKETSU SHOGE!"

B.B. and Hiragi roared out as they spun the blades and tossed them at Shimizu, stabbing him and tearing at his body. Blood spurted out of his mouth and nose as he fell backwards onto the ground. The two Hajikelists threw their weapons aside and squealed like little girls who just lost their virginity...or something like that.

"WOO-HOO! WE WON! AND...WE GOT COUPONS FOR BARNES & NOBLES!" B.B. exclaimed happily, holding up his new coupon to prove it.

Pulling out a flamethrower, Hiragi exclaimed, "Yeah! Let's go and burn down the Naruto manga display stand!"

They were just about to that, however, when Shimizu suddenly got back on his feet. His hefty hairy primate body drenched in blood and sweat, Shimizu had a maniacal grin on his face, and cracks were beginning to form all over his X-SHELL.

Then, the shell shattered to pieces, and Shimizu said, "Now...I can use my Super Fist style and destroy you all...hee hee hehe heheheheeheheh..."

Hiragi gasped loudly and a dove flew out of his mouth. 'DAMMIT! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THAT THING RAW!'


	27. Hiragi Strikes Back! Pay The Toll Now!

A/N: It's the Monkees and a Spongebob song!! YAY!

* * *

_Where we last left off, Sasuke was busy licking Naruto's navel and - Oh, wait, I meant to say Hiragi and B.B. were now going into PART 2 of their fight against Shimizu..._

A powerful, black aura was flowing out of Shimizu's back, where his X-SHELL once resided. It seemed to have a life of its own, twisting and twirling like the ocean's currents. Suddenly, the aura then fused together and swelled, taking on the form of a large bubble on the ape's back.

"Ugh...you should really see a doctor about that..." Hiragi suggested with a disgusted look on his face.

"I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!" B.B. exclaimed as he ran towards Shimizu while dressed like a doctor. Reaching into his chest pocket, he unsheathed a scalpel and then leaped high into the air. Laughing insanely for no apparent reason, B.B. thrust the scalpel into the dark growth...but he ended up sinking into it.

"WHAT?! WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO HIM?!" Hiragi asked.

Shimizu smirked and replied, "Whoever is absorbed into my dark sphere is broken down into pure energy, which is then infused into my body and making me even stronger!"

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! B.B.! NOOOOOOO! HE WAS THE FINEST OF HIS GENERATION!" Hiragi cried wildly.

"That phrase is way too overused in this fic! CUT IT OUT!" Shimizu roared, and his very voice sent a shock-wave blasting through the entire tower. Hiragi gritted his teeth and kept his ground, trying not to make it obvious that he just pissed his pants right now.

'Dammit...that mechanical shell limited his powers, but also kept his mind under control too! Even worse, B.B. is gone! I guess I'll just have to win this fight myself!' Hiragi thought, moving into a fighting position. Suddenly, Gaoh stepped up next to him. He had a very serious look on his face, as if he was drawn by someone completely different than Yoshio Sawai.

"Uh...Gaoh?"

"This ape-man you are fighting, he is now nothing but a guppy in a dried-up stream. He cries and cries for a kind passer-by to save him from his dying fate, but none stop to aid him. He is left as a turbulent monster of his former self..."

Hiragi thought about it for a moment. "That sounds cool and all, but what does it mean?"

Gaoh's face immediately became very simplistic and he replied, "DERR...ME DUNNO!"

"NOW YOU IDIOTS ARE JUST PISSING ME OFF!" Shimizu's dark orb on his back suddenly sprouted long dangly arms that quickly made their way towards Hiragi and Gaoh.

Hiragi gasped and exclaimed, "GAOH, WE GOTTA USE _THAT_ TECHNIQUE!"

"H-HUH? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU MEAN!"

Without answering, Hiragi grabbed Gaoh by the head, and the little koala suddenly turned into a spirit flame. In Hiragi's other hand was a can of roasted peanuts.

"GAOH...INTEGRATE INTO THE PEANUTS!" Hiragi shouted, thrusting the Gaoh Spirit Flame inside the can. The powerful burst of light that erupted from integration disintegrated the evil arms, and now Hiragi was wielding a giant pretzel stick in his right hand and a remote controller in his left hand.

"THIS...IS...MY...OVERSOUL!" Hiragi announced, and Shimizu was left speechless.

'This...this doesn't make any sense at all...' he thought, 'Did he just make a Shaman king reference? Dear god...am I gonna get my arse kicked all over this wide, wide world?'

Hiragi dashed forward and swung the pretzel stick so fast that Shimizu was caught off guard by how hard it smacked across his face. Next, the ex-master Hajikelist jabbed the remote controller several times in Shimizu's gut before leaping back to examine the damage he'd done.

Spitting blood onto the floor, Shimizu snarled and said, "Stop mocking me...stop mocking me...stop mocking me...YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!"

Then, just as Shimizu was about to attack, the orb on his back burst open, and several bear leaped out, soon followed by B.B. himself, who was wearing a Goofy hat and drinking a soda. One of the bears turned to him and said, "Be careful out there, young warrior. It was good meeting with you."

B.B. nodded, and watched somewhat tearfully as the bears ran off into the sunset, ready to live out their new freedom and become valuable members of society...

"WHAT IS THIS CRAPPY SOB STORY?!" Shimizu snapped as he kicked B.B. in the back and sent him flying into the wall.

Seeing that B.B. was now free, Hiragi tossed the pretzel stick to him, shouting, "B.B...catch it, and fight with me!" However, it just smacked B.B. right in the forehead and knocked him unconscious.

"...BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Hiragi started to laugh evilly.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!" Shimizu cried.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Hiragi then dug both his hands deep into his pants and started fidgeting around nervously.

"...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Shimizu asked in disgust.

"...H-Hold on..." Hiragi grunted, and after a bit more of this disturbing scene, he pulled out a very, very long sword from the confines of his underwear.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Shimizu decided it would be better not to ask about the sword, so he just charged right at Hiragi and swung his fists like mad. Smirking, Hiragi swung his blade, its edge aiming at Shimizu's neck. However, it turned out the sword was made of rubber, so Shimizu came out unharmed while Hiragi ended up having a fist uppercut into his lower jaw.

'THAT...DIDN'T GO AS I HAD PLANNED!' Hiragi thought as he fell backwards onto the ground.

Shimizu threw his head back as he raised his foot and prepared to bring it crashing down on Hiragi's neck. However, just before Hiragi was smashed underneath the gorilla's foot, he quickly slid away and jumped back to his feet.

Putting on clown facepaint, a korean headband and a curly moustache, Hiragi exclaimed, "ALRIGHT! TIME TO GET SERIOUS! AWAKEN...SUPER HAJIKE WORLD, LEVEL 2!"

Suddenly, the entire room around him began to warp and meld into becoming...a dance club! There were various colored lights flashing like crazy and there was barely any moving room. Shimizu felt a little nervous as he realized he was now standing in the middle of a huge crowd of shoddy teenagers and wannabes. Standing on the main stage in front of them was a band playing music, and Shimizu just happened to recognize them instantly.

'ARE THOSE...THE MONKEES?!'

Hiragi climbed up onto the stage and walked over to Michael Nesmith and whispered something into his ear. Then, he whispered something to the other members of the band, and they all turned furious glares towards Shimizu, who was rather easy to spot in the crowd. Suddenly, the Monkees and Hiragi leaped impossibly high into the air and began spinning at high velocity.

"SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS COMEDIAN AND THE MONKEES: SPINNING DRILL PECKER FLYING SMASH KICK!" Then, Hiragi and the Monkees flew down and smashed their feet into Shimizu's body at the same momentum.

"AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH..." Blood exploded out from Shimizu's throat as he was knocked backwards before crashing to the ground, defeated. Taking out amicrophone from nowhere, Hiragi and the Monkees began singing as they stood on top of the unconscious ape man:

"_Mr. Sun came out and he smiled at me. Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see!  
Jumped out of bed and I ran outside feeling so extra exstatified!_

_It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)  
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)_

_I'm so busy got nothing to do, spent the last two hours just tying my shoe.  
Every flower every grain of sand, is reaching out to shake my hand._

_It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)  
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)_

_Sometimes the little things start closing in on me, when I'm feeling down I wanna lose that frown I stick my head out the window and look around.  
Those clouds don't scare me they can't disguise, this magic that's happening right before my eyes.  
Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright so the best day ever will last all night.  
Yes the Best day ever's gonna last all night now._

_It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)  
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)  
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)  
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)  
(Best day ever)  
(Best day ever...)_"

When the song was done, the Super Hajike World vanished along with the Monkees, and Hiragi found himself standing back in Shimizu's throne room once again. Brushing tears from his eyes, he whispered, "Thank you, Monkees...thank you for making me feel alive again...and thank you for teaching me that you can never take too many free samples at the drug store..."

B.B. had also woken up, but no one cared.

Now that it was all over, Hiragi slipped a cigarette in between his lips and lit it. He glanced back into the room where he had left Gasser and Jati...

...and saw a goat with jellyfish legs, duck wings, and giant bulbous eyes pickpocketing everyone.

The freakish goat-mutant only stared back at Hiragi for a moment before rushing down the hallway, roaring like a lion and leaving a trail of blood behind it.

"Well, at least we're done..."


	28. Shortest Chapter! Explode Saga Cameos?

A/N: The first mini-arc has ended, and it's already been as many chapters as the complete Sabaku City Arc had been in length! That's 10 chapters long, just so you know. Next chapter...the Bo-tector returns!

Also, the characters known as 'Crosk' and 'Ima Iki' belong to Many Form Man and Nugirl respectively. They'll now be sub-characters who don't have much importance except for a few scenes, and they have no fights; basically just like Beauty, only they don't freak out all the time.

Plot Development FTW.

* * *

"Gasser..."

"Gasser..."

"Buscha..."

"Gasser..."

Just as Gasser was beginning to open his eyes, Hiragi suddenly kicked him hard in the stomach.

Coughing violently, Gasser sat up and gasped, "W...Why the hell did you do that? I was just regaining consciousness, you bastard!"

When he looked up, a cubicle had been built in front of him, and Hiragi was sitting inside, dressed like a stereotypical business nerd and working hard on the computer. Without even moving his eyes from the screen, Hiragi picked up a coffee cake and stuffed the whole thing into his mouth. He then washed it down with a quick swig of Mountain Dew.

"Code Monkey, huh?" Gasser muttered to himself, and then he glanced around the room for the others.

Jati was still unconscious, and Gaoh was taking advantage of this by groping her while having a demonic look on his face. B.B. was painting a small section of the wall for no good reason, Pokomi was running around the room trying to escape from her new perverted fangirl Suzu, and Kuma was sitting in the middle of the floor, crying silently to himself.

Sighing, Gasser was truly relived it was all finally over. Now, they just needed to get to the 'New Hajikelist Union' festival before it was too late. Standing up, he clapped his hands together and exclaimed, "ALRIGHT...LET'S GO, TEAM!"

He immediately regretted saying anything when everyone gave him disturbing death glares in response. Even Jati woke up just to glare at him, and she then punched out Gaoh for touching her.

"...Uh, did I say something wrong?"

"Oh, you've said and done alot of things wrong...Emo Boy."

Gasser recognized that voice; spinning around, he found himself face to face with one of the few (many) people who hate him for absolutely no good reason...it was Crosk.

"WAHHHHHHHHH! IT'S...IT'S YOU, THAT CRAZY GUY WHO HATES ME! W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Gasser asked him, slowly stepping back. He definitely didn't want to end up being caught within Crosk's hammerspace powers again.

Smirking at Gasser's disraught face, Crosk replied, "Well, I was just looking for you, of course. I haven't brutually tortured you in such a while. Plus, Ima Iki wanted to see her 'beloved' Jelly Jiggler again..."

Looking over Crosk's shoulder, Gasser saw Ima standing over Tennosuke's body, frozen at the spot. He wanted to tell her that that wasn't even Jelly Jiggler at all, but Crosk had different plans for the fart-fighting teen.

"You want to get to the 'New Hajikelist Union' festival, correct?" Crosk asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yeah. We pretty much finished up here." Gasser explained.

Suddenly, B.B. walked up from behind Crosk and wrapped his arms around him. "Hey, man."

"What're you...?"

Yelling loudly, B.B. bent backwards quickly and smashed Crosk headfirst onto the floor before letting him go.

"W...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Gasser cried, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

B.B. shrugged and started cleaning out his ears. "For kicks, I guess..."

Then, Hiragi (cosplaying as Uchiha Sasuke) started dancing around Crosk and tossed little balls of mud at his face while giggling like a school girl until Pokomi and Suzu kicked him away.

Running over to Crosk, who had a trail of blood running down his forehead, Gasser knelt next to him and nervously exclaimed, "L-L-Look, man, I...I didn't tell him to do that! Seriously, I didn't! You're...you're not mad, right? Right?"

Without a word, Crosk pulled a kitchen knife out of hammerspace and stabbed it in between Gasser's eyes.

Getting up and wiping the blood off his forehead, Crosk turned to Ima and saw she had not only finished performing a proper burial for Tennosuke, but was about to commit seppaku to forever be close to her 'beloved'.

"Uh, that's not Jelly Jiggler...that's his Japanese twin brother, Tokoro Tennosuke." Crosk told her; how he knew this was unknown, but hearing it cheered up Ima considerably and she was back to her perky Jelly-loving self.

"So...we gonna go and grab ourselves some female companionship or what?!" Gaoh asked, dressed like a Japanese Yankee, pompadour and all.

"THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!" Suzu exclaimed while she tried to keep Pokomi from breaking out of her hugging grip.

Closing his eyes, Crosk began to focus on opening the more complicated, deeper sections of hammerspace. By that point, Gasser walked up to be with the group, and he had a large band-aid over where the knife had been, but Crosk just kicked him in the crotch as he continued to focus.

Eventually, Crosk's eyes snapped open and a large hippie van, decorated with various colors and flower symbols and motivational memes, formed out of nothingness. He motioned for everyone but Gasser to get on; the white-haired boy would have to walk.

"See ya...Emo Boy." Crosk snarled as he closed the bus doors and slammed his foot on the gas pedal, allowing the bus to crash through the wall and make its way down a road that just happened to suddenly be there.

Sighing, Gasser was about to start his long, long journey, when he felt someone tug on his sleeve. Looking down, he saw that it was Kuma, and he was staring up at him while tears were pouring down his little primate face.

"G-G-Gasser-kun...thank you for everything."

Gasser smiled and nodded to him. "Yeah. I'm glad I was able to help, Kuma."

And so, his mind set on things to come, Gasser walked towards the setting sun, the bus already miles ahead of him. By the time he had almost walked an entire mile, though, he realized something...

"WHY COULDN'T SUZU JUST WARP US THERE?!" He cried, throwing his hands into the air and cursing his fate.


	29. Bobobo is back! And so is Beauty?

A/N: Second mini-arc begins! The 'New Hajikelist Union' Tournament!

Also, a Reference index will now be added at the end of each chapter with the references numbered and described in order!

* * *

"Here we are, Shining Stars, here we are..."

It had been about three hours since the group had left the ancient monkey city behind them. Crosk had accidently gotten himself sucked into hammerspace again, so Gaoh took over as driver. He even put on an outfit to look more official.

"...Do you even have a license?" Ima asked him. Reaching into his pocket, Gaoh held out a small card. It was his official card of membership in the Duck Lovers Club.

"THIS ISN'T A DRIVER'S LICENSE!" Ima exclaimed.

"WELL, I'M A GODDAMN KOALA, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? NOW, SIT DOWN!" Gaoh roared, his teeth showing, and Ima immediately followed his orders without hesitation.

Hiragi was humming 'Wild Challenger' to himself when he happened to glance out the back window. A strange white spiky thing was coming over the hill they had just passed, and it soon came apparent that it was actually Gasser. He was riding on a flying cloud made out of farts(1) and wearing cool shades.

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

Turning to Hiragi, who was now dressed like a Japanese highschool girl, B.B. asked, "What's wrong, Hiragi-chan? What's wrong?"

"THAT PERVERT IS CHASING AFTER US!" Hiragi screeched, pointing at Gasser, who happened to notice this despite being so far away.

B.B. growled and replied, "I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT JERK!" He kicked his window down and climbed out onto the roof of the bus.

'Wow...B.B.-kun is always there to protect me...' thought Hiragi, blushing.

"GOOD LUCK, ONII-CHAN!" Pokomi called out to her brother.

With the wind whipping against his back, B.B. held his ground on the top of the bus and exclaimed, "I'LL DESTROY YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL, YOU PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU LOOK UP GIRLS' SKIRTS AND GROPE THEM WHEN THEY AREN'T LOOKING!"

"HUUUUUUUUUUUH?! IS HE...IS HE TALKING ABOUT ME?!" Gasser cried, "IT WAS ONLY THAT ONE TIME! I SWEAR! BESIDES...SHE SAID SHE LIKED IT!"

"NO EXCUSES!" B.B. sucked air into his nostrils, and then exhaled violently, causing a microphone and a small black notebook to fall into his hands.

Holding the microphone to his lips and opening the book, B.B. began to read it aloud. "Dear Diary, I saw Beauty today, like I do everyday, and I thought she looked really hot like usual-"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! THAT'S MY DIARY! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?!" Gasser snapped.

"-I wanted to peek in on her while she was taking a shower, but I changed my mind at the last moment. That was really stupid of me...I should have done it."

"STOP READING IT!"

However, B.B. ignored him and continued to read. "Since I had nothing to do, I went through all of Beauty's dirty laundry and stole it so I could wear it to bed later tonight..."

'Oh, wait...THAT'S SUZU'S DIARY?!' Gasser thought.

"GIVE IT BACK, YOU BASTARD!" Suddenly, Suzu jumped out from behind B.B. and started strangling him while trying to get her diary back at the same time.

"NOOOOOOO!" B.B. sobbed, "IT'S MINE, IT'S MINE, IT'S...MIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEE!!"

Gasser sighed and tried to ignore the randomness by closing his eyes and thinking of his 'Happy Place'...

* * *

_Thousands of old hairy men in ballerina outfits were dancing around and laughing merrily, Hiragi was cooking ramen, and a giant flying Turkey was shooting fireballs down onto the city of Gigli. People were running around screaming, but one man stood his ground and fired a large block of tofu out of his mouth at the giant Turkey. The attack was super effective, and the Turkey exploded and it began to rain chocolate pudding..._

* * *

Gasser snapped his eyes back open and gasped. 'WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!'

A while later, after Suzu finally got her diary back, the group finally saw what was most likely the location of the 'New Hajikelist Union' festival. It was a huge city filled with flashing lights, firework explosions and the sounds of people enjoying themselves. A large banner hung from the main building that read 'WELCOME, HAJIKELISTS'. Seeing that place brought a smile of hope to Gasser's face.

'Maybe...maybe I'll not only find Mr. Bo-bobo and Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler there...but I'll find Beauty again too...'

With these desires in mind, Gasser and the others made their way into the city. However, unknown to them, a dark figure was watching them from atop the city walls.

"Heh heh. They've finally made it..."

Then, he warped off to report their arrival to his boss...

* * *

The 'New Hajikelist Union' festival was split into several parts that were located all over the city. The 'carnival' section was were the gang was currently located, as it was also the entrance area. The other areas were 'Tournament Grounds', 'Food Court', 'Government HQ' and 'Ice Castle'.

"...I can't believe you blew up the bus..." Hiragi grunted as he wiped some soot off his costume.

Gaoh stuck a fox-tail in between his teeth, tipped his hat slightly, and replied, "Meh...git r' done, my friend. Git r' done." (2)

Since there had been no empty parking spaces, the koala had decided it better to dispose of the bus itself instead of pay extra for special parking privileges. Luckily, no one was badly injured, except for some random tofu man Suzu used as a shield from the explosion.

"Argh...I can't believe we're already at this point in the story, though," B.B. said, "Now none of us are going to be important anymore..."

Snickering, Hiragi licked his lips and cackled, "Not necessarily, my good man. We...we could 'eliminate' Bo-bobo and his friends and keep hold of our place as 'Main Characters'!"

B.B. liked the idea, and he pulled out a large blood-stained kitchen knife while grinning evilly.

"H-HOLD ON! YOU'RE NOT KILLING ANYBODY! THIS IS MR. BO-BOBO'S STORY, NOT YOURS!" Gasser snapped; even though he too would lose his status as a 'Main Character' now, he accepted it, since being a 'Main Character' was alot of hard work anyway.

Suddenly, Jati let out a gasp, pointed forward and exclaimed, "It's...it's Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo!"

Gasser looked to where she was pointing and gasped as well. Standing within a large crowd of people was a T-Rex with a blond afro and sunglasses, a robot that resembled Don patch, and Yononaka Namero with a bandanna that said 'JELLY JIGGLER' on it in Chinese.

"...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?!"

The T-Rex let out a powerful roar, to which the DonPatch-bot nodded and replied in a robotic voice, "YES, IT IS QUITE BEAUTIFUL OUT TODAY. I AGREE COMPLETELY."

"...It's too hot for a jelly man like me," Namero said, wiping his sweaty brow, "I might melt if I'm not careful..."

Pulling out a pistol from his pocket, Hiragi held it up to his own head and pulled the trigger. (3)

"C'MON OUT, PERSONA!!" Suddenly, a giant turnip flew out of Hiragi's body and smashed down on top of the Bo-bobo T-Rex, causing a large explosion of dust and dirt. When it all cleared, Bo-bobo and Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were just standing there with bored looks on their faces and cosplaying as Softon.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WORKED, BUT IT DID!" Gasser exclaimed.

"YAY! JELLY JIGGLER!" Ima dashed at full speed towards the gelatinous man, only to end up running right through him by accident.

"AUGHHHHHHHHH!!" Blood burst out of Jelly Jiggler's mouth and he fainted.

Running up to Bo-bobo, Gasser said, "Mr. Bo-bobo, it's so great to see you again! How have you been?"

"...You catch any good catfish lately?" the Bo-tector asked.

"Uh...no."

"Damn."

Bo-bobo had only one other thing on his mind at the moment. "Hey, Gasser...isn't Beauty with you?"

Gasser shook his head. "N-No. She...she left me. I thought she went back to travel with you guys..."

"...I haven't seen her since Chapter 18...I hope she's okay..." Bo-bobo muttered.

Gasser's worst fears had been realized; if Beauty wasn't even with Bo-bobo, then where could she possibly be?

Suddenly, without warning, a loud gong was heard, and the entire crowd fell silent. Turning around, Gasser let out a gasp when he saw three figures standing on a small floating platform in mid-air. There was a tall muscular man with a light-blue mullet and another man with long hair and a mask over his face, but the person Gasser was truly focusing on the person standing in front of them, with her eyes closed. It was...

...Beauty.

"B-"

Gasser started to cry out to her, but Beauty's eyes snapped open, revealing her irises to now be blood-red. A cape with a large 'H' symbol embedded into it fell from the sky and draped over her back. Then, she began to laugh, but it wasn't her normal sweet laugh; it was a deep, demonic laughter of pure insanity. A powerful surge of energy began to flow around her body, and her hair curved upwards, similar to the main hero of Yu-Gi-Oh 5D (4).

Still chuckling a bit, Beauty threw her hands out and exclaimed, "THE 'NEW HAJIKELIST UNION' TOURNAMENT WILL BEGIN SOON! WHOEVER COMES OUT VICTOR WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO BATTLE ME FOR TITLE OF 'THE KING OF HAJIKELISTS'! I AM THE ONE AND ONLY ORIGINAL KING HIMSELF...RICHTER!"

That was last thing anyone in the Bo-bobo group had expected.

* * *

**_REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1): Like Kintoun/Flying Cloud from DB and DBZ.

(2) Larry the Cable Guy's catchphrase thing

(3) In Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3, you summon Personas by shooting yourself

(4) Look it up for an idea of what Beauty/Richter's hair looks like at the moment, only it's pink.


	30. Huh? The Tournament Is Over?

A/N: Yeah, Richter is back, and is the final villain! He IS the original 1st Master Hajikelist, after all! Also...although Richter said he was 'Wiggin Specialist' back in his first appearances, it's now changed to being 'Hajikelist' like it should be, okay?

Another thing: The Reference Index will now also point out name puns and such too, okay?

A/N2: Sorry! I put this up so fast before I didn't even realize I was missing the Reference Index!

* * *

Gasser couldn't believe it; Beauty was alive and well, which was good, but… now she was under the control of Richter AGAIN?!

"H-HOLD THE DANG PHONE!" Don Patch exclaimed with a bushy moustache on his face, "I THOUGHT WE KICKED THAT GUY'S ASS BACK IN CHAPTER 8?"

"Yeah, we even sang an Eminem rap! That was so long ago..." Jelly Jiggler added, ignoring Ima as she held him tightly and rubbed her cheek affectionately against his shoulder.

Overhearing their conversation, Beauty smirked and said, "Dear, dear nemeses of mine…it is so good to see you all again after so long. Ah, and you too, Gasser, isn't it? I hope you weren't too upset when I left so suddenly…heh heh…luckily I was able to perserve a small part of my soul within the girl, and it eventually fully reformed after that whole escapade in Sabaku City..."

'So…it's because of HIM that Beauty left!' Gasser realized, and his entire body began to shake violently.

"Hey, man, stop talking to those dorks and explain what you were saying about a tournament!" snapped a random bystander, who was then bashed in the head with a spring onion by Don Patch.

Beauty nodded and coughed into her fists. Then, she exclaimed, "The Tournament is split into three parts; the first part of the tournament will go on until 12 people are left, and they will fight one another until only 6 are left. Then, the semi-finals, and the last battles will be against my four henchmen and myself…"

"Well, where are the other two?" Bo-bobo asked.

Beauty pointed over towards the cotton candy vendor, and everyone turned their heads to see. A bishounen wearing a large paper bag in replace of clothes was stuffing a large piece of cotton candy down his throat, and a small little creature that resembled a big candy-corn with wings, a cute face and devil horns was just hovering over his head.

Jelly Jiggler gasped and his face became very serious. "That man…the bishounen…I recognize him well...he is Sad Sack's older brother, Ero-san."

Don Patch gasped and his face became very serious. "That thing...the candy-corn...I recognize him well...he is Bungi, an old classmate of mine."

Hiragi gasped and his face suddenly turned into Simon Cowell's. "That song...the dance...I wish not to recognize it...at all."

"HEY, YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO DO STUFF LIKE THAT ANYMORE!" Bo-bobo snapped, kicking Hiragi in the face.

"Heh heh...still as unfaithful to your 'friends' as ever, I see..." Beauty chuckled.

"INDEED I AM," Bo-bobo replied, "BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?"

Suddenly, Don Patch, wearing his famous lipstick-eyeliner combo, latched onto Bo-bobo's arm and purred, "Oh, baby...you don't wanna know what I'm gonna do about it...oh hohohohoo..."

"YOU DISGUST ME!" Bo-bobo snapped, and he threw Don Patch far off into the sky.

The man standing behind Beauty, the one with the mullet, stepped forward and hollered, "Will you morons stop messing around?! Even if you somehow make it to the finals, I'll definitely crush all of you with my own hands!"

Raising her hand to silence him, Beauty said, "Silence, Riaru(1). No use wasting your anger on these pitiful insects."

"You need to learn to control your emotions." remarked the other henchman with the mask.

Throwing an arm over Riaru's shoulder, Bo-bobo remarked, "Yeah, man, no use getting mad."

It took Riaru a moment to react to Bo-bobo standing next to him. Roaring furiously, he swung his fists wildly at Bo-bobo's face, but the afro-man just bent backwards and easily dodged all of the strikes.

Leaping off the platform, Bo-bobo used Jelly Jiggler to soften the landing, something that Ima wasn't exactly happy about.

Turnign his gaze back up to Beauty, Riaru and the other henchman, Bo-bobo exclaimed, "You think you can beat us? Just try it! We'll end up winning no matter what...because we're 'Main Characters'!"

Riaru scowled. 'Damn those Main Characters! I hate them! I hate them all! I'm just an OC, but...I'll definitely bust open their heads!!'

Suddenly, the man with the mask grabbed Riaru's arm and squeezed it so tightly that blood started to leak out. "I said that you need to control your emotions..."

Gasping, Riaru nodded nervously and stammered, "Y-Y-Yes...I'm sorry, Age of Aquarius(2)..."

The man known as Age of Aquarius then let go of Riaru's arm, and the injuries from before had strangely disappeared.

Meanwhile, Don Patch was busy feeding Ya-kun. "Aww, such a cute little baby...aww..."

* * *

The 'Tournament Grounds' area of the festival was large spacey area with only some sideline benches and four large stage arenas where the battles will take place. A large billboard was also there, with a blank match-up sheet hung on it. After signing up at the registration desk (which was oddly enough being run by a kappa), the Bo-bobo gang took their seats on the benches to wait until they were called up to fight.

Breathing in the smoke of his cigar, Jelly Jiggler asked aloud, "Tell me something...why do we even have to go through with this stupid tournament? Couldn't we just go and kick their butts now? I mean, seriously..."

Ima, who was busy giving the jelly man a massage, gasped and snatched the cigar away from him. "SMOKING CAN KILL YOU, YA KNOW? AND I DEFINITELY...DEFINITELY...DON'T WANT YOU TO DIEEEEEEE!" she bawled, pulling Jelly Jiggler into another tight hug. Bo-bobo and Don Patch couldn't help but laugh at their friend's apparent 'torment'.

"...He's right."

Everyone stopped and looked at Gasser, who was bent over and clenching his fists together tightly. Lifting his head, Gasser said, "We shouldn't be wasting our time with something so stupid like this! If we don't hurry, Beauty will...she'll be completely taken over by that Richter bastard! We need to save her NOW!"

Bo-bobo nodded. "You're right. We're wasting time!"

Pressing his hand against his ear, Bo-bobo quickly hid under a box and whispered, "Colonel...Colonel...are you there? I need help in sneaking past the enemy..."(3)

"WILL YOU STOP JOKING AROUND! WE GOTTA BE SERIOUS!" Gasser snapped, pulling up the box...only to see a cat with Bo-bobo's head taking care of several kittens and a baby pig.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Slapping Gasser across the face, Don Patch (wearing lipstick again) shrieked, "HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU!"

Then, hsi face became calm and a single tear flowed down his cheek as he quietly said, "...how dare you."

"H-Hold on! I...I don't get any of this!" Gasser cried.

Suddenly, back as a human, Bo-bobo stood up and pointed at a flickering light in the sky. "...Just watch and see what I did."

Gasser stared at the light for a while, and realized it was getting bigger. Soon, he was able to tell what it was: it was an entire space colony city!

"WH...WH...WH...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IS THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!" Gasser exclaimed in horror.

"It's the amazing space colony Mass Effect Halo(4)! It has a population of over 1,000,000 people!" Bo-bobo boasted as the giant space-age city came closer and closer to impact.

"WAIT! AREN'T...WON'T ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE SPACE COLONY DIE WHEN IT CRASHES?!" Gasser asked, afraid that lives might be lost.

"Don't worry. Ony cows live on that planet!" Bo-bobo replied, giving a thumbs-up.

"C-COWS?!"

Don Patch scoffed and said, "That Bo-bobo is a pretty cool guy, eh fights with his nosehairs and doesn't afraid of anything..."

"THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO BE MAKING INTERNET MEME JOKES!" Gasser snapped, kicking the poor Don in the head.

Unfortunately, no one besides the Bo-bobo Group noticed the giant space colony, and when it finally crashed into the ground, all that happened was a little poof of smoke...and then it blew up.

"IMA...DO IT NOW!" Bo-bobo shouted. Nodding, Ima activated her Jacket Shield and protected everyone in the arena from the explosion...unfortunately, Jelly Jiggler was a bit too late in getting in, and he was blown to pieces.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Ima cried, tears for her 'beloved' flowing from her eyes.

When it was all over, the arena had now been reduced to a large smoking crater covered in splotches of what was once Jelly Jiggler. Much to Ima's glee, and Bo-bobo's dismay, the pieces soon reformed and the jelly man was back to normal...and then he realized Ero-san and Bungi were standing right behind him.

Screeching like a little girl, Jelly Jiggler ran for safety behind Ima, who was more than happy to be his shield.

Giggling, Bungi waved his little wooden spoon around and exclaimed, "Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo, we will kill you and your allies for ruining our tournament!"

Bo-bobo nodded and got into fighting position. "BRING IT ON...PUNKS!"

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - 'Riaru' means 'Real' in Japanese

(2) - 'Age of Aquarius' is one of the twelve astrological ages. In this case, it is also a reference to the song 'Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In' by 'The Fifth Dimension'.

(3) - Metal Gear Solid Reference

(4) - The video games Mass Effect and Halo both have space colonies in them.


	31. Ero, Ero, Ero, Jelly

_Where we last left off, the Bo-bobo Gang must face off against the tag-team of Ero-san and Bungi..._

Everyone who had planned to participate in the tournament, as well as most of the passerby, all stopped and froze to the spot as they watched a sure-to-be-amazing battle between Super Fist specialists commence...

Bungi tossed his wooden spoon onto the floor, bonked his head playfully, and exclaimed in his little high-pitched voice, "Okay...I give up now."

An awkward silence filled everyone's hearts for a moment.

"...HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

"W-What are you saying, Bungi-chan?! I can't fight all these guys by myself!" Ero-san cried.

Suddenly, Bungi's face became very grumpy and more outlined as he snapped, "Shut up. Why should I help a whiny loser like you? I definitely don't want to die."

"I...I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!" Ero-san was practically on his knees, begging for his teammate to help him. Looking closely, you could see he was actually wearing a pair of suspenders underneath his bag costume.

'Aww...that candy-corn guy is so kawaii...' Pokomi thought with a small smile.

Cracking his knuckles, Don Patch glanced at Bo-bobo and said, "It seems this battle might be easier than we thought."

"Hmm. Maybe..." Bo-bobo remarked, and then he grabbed Don Patch and threw him straight at the enemies, "WHY DON'T YOU GO AND FIND OUT IF IT'S EASY OR NOT FOR US THEN IF YOU'RE SO SURE?!"

"WAAAAAAAA-" Don Patch wailed as he flew through the air, but he was immediately brought to a halt when Ero-san suddenly brought his foot up and kicked him in the face. Blood spurting out of his mouth and nose, Don Patch fell to the ground. Ero-san then kicked Don Patch back to Bo-bobo (dressed like a baseball player), who ended up catching him with his own stomach, knocking them both out for a moment.

"Do you really think you could have caught ME off-guard with such an old-school technique?" Ero-san asked, feeling quite full of himself. Meanwhile, Bungi walked off with a bag full of PlayBoy Bunny Magazines and cigars and went to get a tan.

"In case you haven't noticed," Jelly Jiggler exclaimed with an evil sneer, "You've been abandoned by your own teammate, and now it's you alone against all of us! Do you really think you can win?"

Suddenly, Ero-san started crying.

"...Huh?"

Trying to wipe away the tears, Ero-san said, "I...I know...I know my little brother is the one with all the fame, all the fortune...I mean, he's a real creation of Yoshio Sawai, and I'm obviously not. Yet...yet...I just...I just want to be respected, ya know? I want...I want respect..."

Ima scoffed and snapped, "Oh, please! That's a load of crud! As if we even care about you OR your feelings! Right, Jelly Jiggler?"

However, when she turned to look at Jelly Jiggler, he was crying too. "He's...he's the same as me. We just want respect..." Jelly said, dabbing at his eyes with his NU handkerchief.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! What are you saying, Jelly Jiggler?" Ima cried in shock.

Tossing his hanky aside, Jelly Jiggler began running towards Ero-san with open arms. Then, Ero-san did the same, and of course it was all in beautiful slow motion. However, when they were only a few inches away from hugging, Ero-san grinned widely and smashed his head against the poor jelly man's face.

The hit was so hard that it actually sent Jelly Jiggler crashing through the ground and disappearing from sight. Ima let out a horrified cry and fell to her knees...but then the flames of rage emerged within her eyes. She was even about to unleash one of her jacket techniques when Bo-bobo stopped her.

"Ima, even if you put all your fury into your attacks, they would just be easily stopped by this opponent of ours...let us take care of him, and we'll request your help at one point. I promise...and I'll bring back Jelly Jiggler, too."

Impressed by Bo-bobo's seriousness, Ima agreed to mainly stay on the sidelines. Once she was out of harm's way, Bo-bobo dug his hand into the dirt and suddenly pulled out Jelly Jiggler, who was busy playing Nintendogs on his DS.

"Aww..." he cooed, "You're so cute when you give me your paw, Himawari(1)..."

"HE WAS ALRIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME?!" Gasser and Ima both cried.

Bo-bobo snatched the DS away from Jelly Jiggler, tossed it over his shoulder, and asked, "Jelly, this enemy could actually kill us...you know what we gotta do..."

"YEAH! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Jelly screamed furiously, and then he put on a traditional Japanese Miko outfit and a long black-haired wig. Don Patch also put on the same kind of outfit, but he wore a long blonde-haired wig. Then, the two cosplayers wrapped their arms around one another and leaned in to kiss(2).

"NOT THAT, YOU IDIOTS!" Bo-bobo shouted, burning Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch with a flamethrower.

Wiping blood off his chin, Jelly Jiggler snapped, "Well, what ARE we supposed to do?"

Suddenly, everything became dark without warning. Then, a single light shined over Bo-bobo, and he was now dressed like a 1970's Elvis. He was even posing like him too, with his finger pointing high into the air.

"WHY...WE HAVE TO DANCE, OF COURSE!" he replied. Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch dressed like the miko girls again and began dancing side-by-side to Bo-bobo as 'The World'(3) played in the background.

"WILL YOU GUYS PLEASE JUST BE SERIOUS FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR OR SOMETHING?! ALSO...USE A SONG THAT ACTUALLY FITS IN A FIC LIKE THIS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Gasser snapped.

"ARGH...I JUST CAN'T GET IN THE GROOOOOOOOVE!" Bo-bobo cried, and he, along with Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler, charged straight for Ero-san, all of them ready to fight to the fullest all of the sudden.

Smirking, Ero-san closed his eyes, and then he snapped them back open, causing a sudden surge of immense power to flow into the very air itself. It was so strong, Ero-san's very unleashed presence, that Ima and Gasser found themselves falling to their knees and having trouble breathing. Even the dirt underneath Ero-san's feet began to rumble underneath his feet. The crowd watching the battle had to disperse and run off just to save themselves.

"...Do you understand the true power of those that follow under the orders of Master Richter?" Ero-san asked with a smug look on his face, "It was only a farce, me begging Bungi to stay. I could've easily killed you all by myself...and I will."

'Damn...this...this is impossible...how could Richter have found such powerful allies...?' Gasser wondered, clutching at his chest in pain.

Ero-san took a single step forward...and a long white gloved arm popped out of his chest.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Soon, Don Patch's entire head stuck out, and he was wearing glasses and a moustache. Taking out a permanent marker, he began writing mathematical equations all over Ero-san's bishounen face.

"Hey...Hey...HEY! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"

"Hmm...2 divided by 2 is 13...which, when added with 5, equals 6, so then I..."

"THAT MATH IS COMPLETELY INACCURATE!" Ero-san snapped, pulling Don Patch out of his body and threw him over back to Bo-bobo and Jelly Jiggler, who were just sitting around and eating corn-dogs.

'Dammit...this guys are totally random...how are they not affected by my awesome power...?' Ero-san wondered, ignoring the huge gaping wound that was now in the middle of his stomach.

"It's because we have...THIS!" Jelly Jiggler sneered, holding up a 'David Wright' limited edition baseball card. Bo-bobo also had the same card, but Don Patch had a 'Blue Eyes White Dragon(4)' card instead.

Ero-san gasped. "OF COURSE! IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE!"

"Uh, dude...no, it doesn't." Gasser commented, sighing at the stupidity of this battle.

Bo-bobo smirked evilly and thought, 'KEE HEE HEE...WE'LL KILLA YA GOOD!'

"HEY, YOU'RE THE GOOD GUY," Ima exclaimed, "DON'T ACT LIKE THAT...DON'T YOU DARE TAINT MY BELOVED JELLY JIGGLER TO ACT THAT WAY, EITHER!"

Bo-bobo shrugged. "Impa(5)...always puttin' me down."

"MY NAME IS IMA!"

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - The name of the main female character rcently introduced in Yoshio Sawai's new manga 'Chagecha'.

(2) - A reference to 'Kannazuki no Miko', an anime about lesbians and mecha.

(3) - One of Death Note anime's opening themes

(4) - The infamous Yu-Gi-Oh card of Seto Kaiba

(5) - Impa is a character from Legend of Zelda games, most notably Ocarina of Time


	32. Horror Manga Reference! Ima Fights a bit

_Continuing where we left off..._

Bo-bobobo's spiky mohawk bounced slightly as he bobbed his head up and down to the music. Don Patch was banging his knuckles on the keyboard while screaming out random lyrics about things that no one should ever know about. Jelly Jiggler was dressed like a go-go girl, banging a tambourine and dancing like a moron.

"THIS IS A...TRIALLLL!" Don Patch sung in a violent fashion, "I'M MAKKKKKING A NOTE HERE...HUGE SUCCESSSSSSSSS! IT'S HARD TO ALWAYS STATE...MY SATISFACTION!!"

"Yeah, Patch-baby! Sing it! Sing it!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

"ANYWAY, THIS CAKE IS GREAT...SO DELICIOUS AND MOIST!! UH...SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN'...ERR...I CAN'T REMEMBER THE REST...AH! ...AND BELIEVE ME, I'M STILL ALIVE! I'M STILL ALIVE! I'M STILL ALIVE! I'M STILL ALIVE! I'M STILL ALIVE! I'M STILL ALIVE!"(1)

Gasser, who along with Ima were the only people sitting in the stands, turned to her and said, "...He really is quite good, you know."

"Stop lying." Ima growled at him.

"I'm sorry." Gasser replied, bowing his head and feeling incredibly stupid about saying such an obvious lie.

"HEY...CAN WE GET BACK TO THE FIGHT NOW?!" Ero-san snapped, and then the scenery quickly reverted back to its previous state at the end of the last chapter.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"(2) Bo-bobo shouted furiously, and he smashed an apple pie into Ero-san's face, sending him flying across the crater.

At that moment, Gasser realized something odd. "Hey, Mr. Bo-bobo...whatever happened to Softon and Hatenko, anyway?"

As soon as they heard those names, Bo-bobo and Don Patch began to weep.

"Oh, Gasser...dear, dear sweet Gasser..." Bo-bobo wiped his eyes, "Hatenko...he and Softon...they...they..."

"They, what? What happened to them?"

Reaching into his pocket, Bo-bobo pulled out a photo of Hatenko in a white suit standing next to Softon, who was wearing a wedding dress and blushing heavily.

"THEY'VE...THEY'VE GOTTEN MARRIED! AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN INVITE US TO THE AFTER-PARTY!" Bo-bobo cried, and he fell to the ground and curled up into fetal position.

Gasser stared at the photo in complete disbelief; the fact that his jaw was hanging all the way to his knees was evidence of his shock. He was also expecting Ima to freak out with him, but she didn't seem disturbed by it at all. In fact, during the short time she had been with their group so far, she hadn't freaked-out to every single thing like Beauty usually did.

"...Uh, you're not gonna freak-out?" Gasser asked her, showing her the photo.

Ima shrugged. "Why? Should I? It's just two guys getting married...it's no big deal."

Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and Gasser couldn't help but smile. 'Ah, she's so much better than that annoying bitch Beauty...'

"ARGH! I'M SICK OF BEING TREATED THIS WAY!" Ero-san snapped, and he dug his fingers into the ground. Letting out a powerful roar, he pulled out a huge ball of dirt and soil and held it high over his head. Laughing at the surprised looks on his opponents' faces, Ero-san exclaimed, "DO YOU LIKE IT? I'LL CRUSH ALL OF YOU WITH ONE ATTACK! HA HA HA!"

Then, he swung it and the ball began rolling straight for Bo-bobo and the gang!

"DON'T WORRY! I'LL STOP IT!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, and he was suddenly dressed as The Prince(3). Holding out his hands, Bo-bobo was somehow able to not only stop the giant dirt-ball from crushing them, but he even rolled it back into Ero-san, knocking him into the air.

"LA...LA LA LA LA LA...LA LA LA LA LA...KATAMARI DAMACYYYYYY..."

When Ero-san crashed down onto the ground, blood burst out of his mouth and it splattered all over his face and hair. He just laid there for a while, trying to contemplate what had just happened. 'Am I...am I...am I actually losing?'

As Ero-san got back to his feet, he noticed that a large puddle had formed in front of him. Blinking a few times in confusion, he walked closer and peered down to get a better look. Suddenly, he saw a face looking back at him, and he jumped back.

Emerging from the puddle was Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler gasping like fish, and they were all attached to these strange walking mechanisms with spider-like legs(4). Bo-bobo opened his mouth and Ero-san was suddenly overcome by a disgusting smell.

"WAAAAAAAAGH!" The poor bishounen could only cry out as the three transmuted Hajikelists tore at his flesh.

"Wow...poor guy..." Gasser and Ima both muttered at the same time.

After a while, Bo-bobo and his teammates had reverted back to normal, and poor Ero-san was lying in a puddle of his own blood. Bo-bobo made a hand sign by pressing the middle and pinky fingers down while leaving the other fingers sticking out, and then exclaimed, "GWASHI!"(5)

'Why...why am I being duped by these morons...?' Ero-san wondered, struggling to push himself up.

Suddenly, Don Patch stepped in front of him and held out his hand.

"Take my hand, you silly bastard."

Overwhelmed by the orange man's kindness, Ero-san happily took his hand...and then found himself tossed high into the air once again.

"BEAT 'EM UP, KANYE WEST!" Don Patch exclaimed.

"I SAID MY NAME IS IMA!" Ima snapped as she leaped into the air high enough for Ero-san to be exactly in her attack range. Aiming herself directly at the enemy, she exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF THE BLACK JACKET: FLY...FULL SPEED!"

Bursting forward with a rush of air, Ima body-slammed into Ero-san, and as the poor guy was spitting up blood and still falling in mid-air, Ima performed the next stage of her assault.

"SUPER FIST OF THE BLACK JACKET: CONSTRICTING CLOTH!"

The arms of Ima's jacket wrapped tightly around Ero-san's body, and as they were plummeting closer to the ground, Ima swung him downwards. Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler then performed the final hit.

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: UZUMAKI...THIS AIN'T NARUTO!"(6)

The three Hajikelists all transformed into disgusting spiral-shaped beings and squeezed Ero-san so hard that an X-Ray showed his entire skeletal frame bursting apart.

Now, dropping the nearly-alive Ero-san into a pit and quickly burying him, Bo-bobo figured the battle was finally over...

...or was it?

"...That was tough..." Jelly Jiggler commented, sipping a cup of tea and looking quite jolly.

"Yeah...it was a scream." Don Patch remarked as he was putting on his make-up.

Turning to Ima, Bo-bobo said, "Thanks for the help back there...Steve!"

"MY NAME IS IMA! WHY DID YOU SUDDENLY FORGET THAT AND TURN IT INTO A RUNNING GAG?"

"...Uh..."

Suddenly, without warning, several giant fingers rose from the ground, one of them knocking up Jelly Jiggler in the process. Soon, Ero-san himself dug out of the makeshift grave and laughed maniacally. His face and hair were covered in dirt and blood; he had a look of pure insanity and hatred in his eyes.

"I WILL KILL YOU ALL...WITH MY SUPER FIST OF THE FINGERS!"

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX (A lot of horror manga references today):_**

(1) - 'Still Alive', the main theme of the popular game 'Portal', with only a few of the lines sung by Don Patch.

(2) - The infamous 'Portal' meme: "THE CAKE IS A LIE".

(3) - The Prince from 'Katamari Damacy', practically the game equivalent of Bo-bobo!

(4) - A reference to 'Gyo', a horror manga by Junji Ito.

(5) A reference to horror/comedy manga artist Kazuo Umezu and the infamous catchphrase used in many of his works.

(6) A reference to 'Uzumaki', another horror manga by Junji Ito.

--

Also, just so you know, Hatenko and Softon are OBVIOUSLY not really married.


	33. Jelly's True Rage! The Return of an OC?

_Ero-san has unleashed his true power: Super Fist of The Fingers! Also, Gaoh, Pokomi, Jati, Hiragi and B.B. left to do something else since they're not important anymore... _

"...Should we really be afraid of something like this?" Jelly Jiggler asked, patting a rather large pinky finger next to him.

"YES! YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID! VERRRRRY AFRAID!" Don Patch cackled, dressed like an evil witch, "YOU WILL DIE THE MOMENT YOU TOUCH ITTTTTTTT..."

"WAAAAAAAAAH!" In horror, Jelly Jiggler tried to belly-flop to escape, but Ero-san had different plans for them.

"SUPER FIST OF THE FINGERS: VIDEO-GAME FINGERS!"

Bo-bobo stopped eating his soba noodles and looked up. "...HUH?"

Suddenly, the giant fingers began smacking down repeatably on the three Hajikelists, as if they were hitting buttons on a videogame controller! Ima was able to dodge it, but another large finger burst out of the ground behind her.

Seeing this, Bo-bobo grabbed Jelly Jiggler by the hand and he threw him over to Ima. "JELLY JIGGLER...YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOUR FANS!"

"I DOOOOOOOOO?!" Jelly Jiggler cried as he ended up flying in the path of the giant finger, just as it was about to crush Ima.

Pulling out his NU handkerchief, Jelly Jiggler snapped, "TASTE THIS, YOU EVIL FINGER...MY LUCKY HANKY OF DOOM!"

Shockingly enough, the giant finger exploded into pieces the moment it came in contact with the hanky. 'That was unexpected...' Jelly Jiggler thought as he fell into an extremely happy Ima's arms.

"YAAAAAAAAY! YOU SAVED ME, JELLY JIGGLER-CHAN!" Ima exclaimed happily.

"Ahh...ahh...squeezing...too hard...cannot...cannot breathe...waah..."

Ero-san cursed under his breath; he couldn't believe that the NU handkerchief still existed!

'That hanky...it was known for having single-handedly brought the downfall of an entire nation! How...how could that stupid jelly man actually have it in his possession? I MUST OBTAIN THAT HANKY...AND THEN MY VICTORY WILL BE ASSURED!' Ero-san thought, deciding his next plan of action.

"...Are you alright, Mr. Bo-bobo?" Gasser called from the sidelines.

Wearing a toga made of sardines, a pink Hawaiian shirt, and a duck hat, Bo-bobo coughed and grunted, "Y-Yeah, I...I think I'll be okay." He also had on blood-red bunny slippers and a page from the sports paper in his hands.

"...Oh, that's good."

Not wanting to take any more chances, Ero-san waved his hands around and exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF THE FINGERS: CHINESE FINGER TRAP!"

Suddenly, several more large fingers rose out of the ground, flicked Ima away, and captured Jelly Jiggler in their grasp. Luckily, Gasser was able to catch Ima before she hit the ground, but the hit from the giant finger had knocked her out as well as left a bloody gash on her forehead.

"DESTROY HIM AND BRING ME THAT HANKY, MY EVIL FINGERS!" Ero-san commanded.

"LEAVE POOR JELLY JIGGLER ALONE!" Bo-bobo wailed, and he smashed Ero-san in the back of the head with a vintage guitar, shattering it upon impact.

"YEAH! LEAVE HIM ALONE! WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET TO BEAT HIM UP!" snapped 'female' Don Patch, slapping Ero-san in the face with a pair of panties.

Ero-san smacked the two idiots away and quickly dashed over to Jelly Jiggler, who had lost consciousness from some reason. Chuckling to himself, Ero-san reached out to grab the NU handkerchief, and as his hand clamped onto it...

...Jelly Jiggler's eyes snapped open.

"Hey...are you takin' my lucky hanky?"

"YES! OF COURSE I AM!" Ero-san snarled, sick and tired of dealing with these idiots. However, his fate was sealed the moment he pulled the hanky out of Jelly Jiggler's grip.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! GIVE IT...GIVE IT BACK!" Jelly Jiggler cried, struggling to break out of all the giant fingers lying on top of him.

"GWAH HA HA HA HA! IT'S MINE NOW!" Ero-san cackled, and he clenched the handkerchief tightly in his fist, boasting his newest achievement.

'...Is this guy for real?! IT'S JUST A FREAKIN' USELESS HANKY!' Gasser, Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Gaoh all wondered. None of them understood the true power behind that hanky.

Suddenly, as he watched his beloved hanky be fondled around with those greasy disgusting hands, something within Jelly Jiggler's normally peaceful mind snapped. With a surge of amazing strength, he lifted all of the giant fingers off of his body and tossed them far off into the distance without even breaking a sweat.

"You unforgivable bastard...you beat me up...you hurt my only fangirl...and now you take my one-of-a-kind NU handkerchief from me...I'M GONNA COMPLETELY DESTROY YOU!"

Jelly Jiggler screamed in rage like a DBZ character, and a huge eruption of dust and sand blew up around him, obscuring him from view. Actually beginning to panic a bit, Ero-san cried, "W-What happened? What's going on? What is he doing?"

When the dust cleared, Jelly Jiggler was no longer there. Instead, a tall handsome man with long spiky light-blue hair wearing a business suit stood in his place. In his hands was a Cuisinart Blender with a long hook-up cable hanging out of the back.

"I am...Jammin' Jelly Jiggler, my super form. You can just call me 'Jelly', nipah(1)." he explained.

"...HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP..."

Quickly shaking Ima awake, Gasser cried, "Ima! Ima! You gotta see this! You won't believe what happened to Jelly Jiggler!"

Ima snapped her eyes open, sat up, starred at Jelly for a few moments, screeched loudly, and then lost consciousness again. She was hoping this was all just a bad dream; what happened to the jiggly jello man she knew and loved?!

"This has seriously got to be a joke?! I thought you guys only become human when fused with Bo-bobo!" Ero-san exclaimed.

Brushing back a few locks of his beautiful light-blue hair, Jelly replied, "Normally, that is true, and Don Patch only turns into a golden form of himself when in super mode, but...I'm stronger than him, nipah."

Don Patch tugged on Bo-bobo's pant leg and weeped, "No! That can't be true! He can't be stronger than me! He can't be! Tell me it's all a lie! Tell me it's all a lie! He's gotta be lying, right? PLEASE TELL ME IT'S ALL A LIE!"

Sticking his finger up his nose, Bo-bobo grunted, "...You annoy me."

Don Patch gasped, and he immediately turned to stone.

"WHATEVER!" Ero-san snapped, charging at Jelly, "As long as I have this handkerchief in my position, nothing can stop me!"

Bending down, Jelly scooped a handful of dirt into the blender. Then, he walked over to Bo-bobo, hooked the cable into his afro, and then turned on the blender. Curious to see what would happen, Ero-san just watched and waited as the dirt was sliced and spun around within the blender. After a moment, Jelly turned the blender off and took off the top.

"SUPER FIST OF CUISINART: BLENDER MIX Z-D-3445!"

Ero-san let out a cry of horror as an entire flock of sheep bursted out of the blender like gunfire. Soon, he found himself buried under a mountain of bawwing sheep, and a shepard included.

"H-HOLD ON HERE!" Gasser cried, "YOU PUT A BUNCH OF ROCKS AND DIRT INSIDE THAT BLUNDER...AND IT ENDED UP MAKING SHEEP?!"

Jelly smirked and said, "Nipah, nipah, nipaaaaaaah..."

"ALRIGHT! SHUT UP NOW!"

'Wow...Jelly is so cool...' Bo-bobo thought, dressed like a school girl and blushing.

Tossing the sheep off, Ero-san stood up and furiously exclaimed, "YOU...YOU STUPID FREAK! I'LL CRUSH YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

"Oh, I was hoping I had finished you off with that last attack, nipah. I guess I'll just have to use my other two techniques..." Jelly sighed. Just as he was reaching down to grab more ingredients A.K.A. anything on the ground, Ero-san decided to strike first. Laughing insanely, he summoned several large fingers out of the ground and had them head straight for Jelly!

"DON'T YOU DARE INTERRUPT MY COOKING LESSONS!" Jelly snapped, and he opened the lid of the blender, despite nothing being inside of it, and it fired off a powerful energy beam that completely decimated the giant fingers as well as burn Ero-san a bit.

Placing his hand against his head and making a pose, Jelly quietly said, "...That was my second technique, nipah."

"IT WAS?!" Gasser asked.

Ero-san pretty much gave up by now, realizing that the NU handkerchief can only work for the 'chosen one' at the most dire of moments. Of course, that was just a lie he made up so he wouldn't actually have to accept that he lost, but what works works.

Unfortunately for him, though, Jelly wasn't done yet.

Jelly quickly grabbed Don Patch (who was still a stone statue) and somehow stuffed him into the blender. After a moment, it was finally done. Aiming the blender towards a bleeding, whimpering Ero-san, and taking off the top, Jelly shouted:

"SUPER FIST OF CUISINART: MISSILE LAUNCHER!"

A giant orange missile fired off and crashed directly into Ero-san, catching him within a huge explosion and defeating him once and for all. As the defeated villain fell to the ground, the NU hanky blew out of his hands and came to a rest at Jelly's feet. Smiling, Jelly picked up the handkerchief and rubbed it against his face. When he removed it, his face was now covered with his enemy's blood.

"Ah...my beloved hanky." Jelly's body was then enveloped with light, and he soon returned to his normal food-based self. Then, Bo-bobo suddenly punched him in the face.

'WOW...I CAN'T BELIEVE JELLY JIGGLER ACTUALLY WON!' Gasser thought in amazement.

Suddenly, a familiar voice from behind said, "Well, Gasser-kun...that was quite an interesting battle. You and your friends have become quite strong..."

Spinning around, Gasser let out a loud gasp when he saw that it was...Wadokei, and he seemed to have completely healed after that beating he got from Gasser. He even had all his hair back. Behind the eye-patch wearing man were also two other familiar figures: Hatenko and Softon!

Getting into a fighting stance, Gasser shouted, "W...What are you doing here, Wadokei?"

"Well, I found THESE TWO," Wadokei motioned to Hatenko and Softon, "Floating around inside the time stream for some reason. I used my time powers to return myself to my original handsomeness and saved them as well..."

"So...are you mad at me, still?"

"I'm absolutely pissed."

Gasser nodded and looked over at Hatenko and Softon, who both seemed a little confused about what was going on.

"HEY, GUYS! How's the marriage going? Bo-bobo said you didn't invite him to the afterparty..." Gasser asked them quickly.

Hatenko and Softon both gasped and ran over to beat the crap out of Bo-bobo, who was still busy beating the crap out of Jelly Jiggler for no reason.

'I knew it...them getting married was just a stupid joke, after all...'

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - 'Nipah' is the catchphrase of the character Rika Furude from 'Higurashi no naku koro ni'.


	34. The Gang's All Here! Or Is It?

A/N: I'm not writing this for my health, people! Please review (I THRIVE ON REVIEWS...SERIOUSLY). I'll try to use references that you also will probably ACTUALLY KNOW, too. I'm trying the best I can, too, especially when I'm writing my own non-canon sequel to a series that bases itself around visual gags, which aren't exactly easy to show off in text form.

Well, I should be glad people are even reading it all, but still...I LIKE REVIEWS! THEY FUEL MY DESIRES TO ACTUALLY CONTINUE THE STORY! It's not like I'll just stop writing this if I don't get any reviews, but who knows what I'm capable of doing?

* * *

_With Ero-san defeated, Bungi, Rairu and Age of Aquarius are left!_

"...So, what you're saying is that Beauty is under control by Richter once again, and we're gonna have to defeat her and her henchmen in battle?" Hatenko asked after he, Softon and Wadokei had been filled in on the current situation. They were all sitting around in a circle formation with their legs crossed, like they were having a meeting in an elementary school class or something. Gasser was currently gone, as he had taken Ima to get her injuries mended by a White Mage(1).

Bo-bobo nodded. "Yeah, but really, it'll be me, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler who'll be fighting. You guys can watch."

Grabbing the Bo-tector by the shirt, Hatenko snapped, "OH NO, YOU DON'T! I HAVEN'T MADE AN APPEARANCE SINCE CHAPTER 18, AND I WANT TO SHOW MY FANS I'M STILL AROUND!"

"Oh, please!" Bo-bobo replied, "Hatenko, the anime's been over for about 3 years now, the manga almost two years now, and you're staring in a crappy low-grade fanfic (IT'S NOT REALLY)! YOU'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM IN YOUR CAREER! WE ALL HAVE!"

The blond boy gasped in shock. "You're...you're right. YOU'RE RIGHT! BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T KILL YOUUUUUUUUU!!"

"WHAT?"

Reaching behind him, Hatenko unsheathed a large key-shaped blade(2) and laughed insanely as he swung at Bo-bobo, slicing his afro in two. Inside, two squirrels were lying in bed together, making out.

"THAT'S...DISGUSTING!" Hatenko roared, and he held the edge of his blade dangerously close to Bo-bobo's neck.

No one dared to make a move; anything could drive Hatenko even further into his sudden madness, and Bo-bobo may end up losing his life.

After about a minute, Bo-bobo sighed and said, "...Hatenko."

"W-What is it?"

Reaching into his pocket, Bo-bobo pulled out a small withered daisy. "Your mother told me she still loves you..."

Staring at the daisy like it was a precious gem, tears began to leak out of Hatenko's eyes. Falling to his knees, he pulled Bo-bobo into a powerful hug and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Bo-bobo...oh god, Bo-bobo...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."

Patting Hatenko on the back, Bo-bobo whispered, "It's okay...I forgive you."

'WOW...THIS IS SO TOUCHING!' Jelly Jiggler thought happily, wiping the tears from his face with his beloved hanky.

When Gasser and Ima returned, however, they saw that Hatenko and Bo-bobo were lying on the ground in puddles of blood, covered in injuries and various weapons were sticking all over their bodies.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?" Gasser exclaimed.

"...Give me...back my eggroll..." Hatenko grunted as he pushed himself to his feet, hot sauce dripping down his arms and face. Bo-bobo also stood up, but now he was wearing a red hat and shirt, a moustache and blue overalls(3).

"I NEVER STOLE YOUR EGGROLL!" Bo-bobo exclaimed as he leaped into the air and landed right onto Hatenko's head with his feet, "SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: JUMPMAN(4) IS BACK, BABY!"

Coughing up blood, Hatenko collapsed and lost consciousness.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Bo-bobo smirked and said, "That guy didn't stand a chance in getting his eggroll back..."

"SO YOU DID STEAL IT!" Gasser exclaimed.

Softon walked up next to Gasser and, with his arms crossed, explained, "Don't you understand? What they just did was an ancient ritual to help provide good luck in battle and in obtaining winning lottery tickets. Only once in every million years can this ritual take effect..."

"I see..." Gasser replied, "...WAIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"Hey, at least it's more believable than most things..." Ima remarked with a shrug. Gasser had to agree with that.

Suddenly, several black hairs flew out of nowhere and wrapped around Hatenko and Wadokei. They struggled to break free, but the hairs dragged them down into a pit that had opened up in the ground. Bo-bobo laughed like a madman at their fates, until two figures rose out of the hole...

...it was Be-bebe and Bu-bubu!

"GAAH! BE-BEBE...BU-BUBU...WHAT'RE YOU TWO DOING HERE?!" Bo-bobo cried, dressed as a baby in wet diapers.

"BO-BOBO, YOU JERK! YOU NEVER TOLD US ABOUT THIS FIC! WE COULD HAVE MADE AN EARLIER APPEARANCE, Y'KNOW?!" Be-bebe snapped, his leg hairs flailing around dangerously.

"YEAH! YOU TOLD ME DON PATCHI-KUN WENT OFF TO GERMANY TO FIGHT AGAINST THE JAPANESE FOOD ADMINISTRATION! YOU LIED TO ME!" Bu-bubu added.

"THAT'S RIGHT...YOU SAID DONALD TRUMP AND COLONEL SANDERS WENT OFF TO GREENLAND TO FIGHT AGAINST THE ONCOMING GREMLIN/GARDEN GNOME INVASION! YOU LIED TO ME, TOO!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, suddenly standing between Bo-bobo's two enraged siblings.

Unsure of what to say, Bo-bobo turned around to run...but he smacked face-first into a large metal block floating about three inches off the ground.

"Whoa. Didn't see that coming." Bo-bobo muttered, rubbing his nose.

A small compartment door on the top of the floating block opened up and a coffee cup with limbs climbed out. He took out a sheet of paper from his head and looked it over for a moment, taking glances at Bo-bobo and the gang every now and then. Finally, he put his hands on his sides and asked, "HEY...ARE YOU GUYS THE BO-BOBO GROUP?!"

Don Patch shook his head and smiled innocently. "No...we're the Don Patch group."

The coffee cup peered closer and took a better look at Bo-bobo. "If what you say is true," he asked, "Then why do you have Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo with you?"

"Look again." Don Patch said.

The coffee cup did indeed look again, and he saw a small flower with Bo-bobo's head in replace of the afroed warrior. For some reason, it was blowing little bubbles out of its mouth.

"WHAT...WHAT...WHAT KIND OF FLOWER IS THAT?" the coffee cup asked in awe.

Reaching down, Don Patch plucked it, causing blood to spurt out of its roots. Hovering up next to the coffee cup, the orange pop-rocks man held it up to his face.

"C'mon...sniff it." he said. The poor flower was spitting up more blood now, and it was even getting on the coffee cup's face too.

As the coffee cup leaned in to smell the dying flower, Don Patch flashed an evil smirk...and smashed the flower into the coffee cup's face.

"WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH! MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYES!"

Don Patch leaped backwards, hoping to land on his feet and strike an awesome pose, but he ended up falling in between Bu-bubu's breasts, which he noted have gotten bigger since they last saw each other.

Wiping the remains of the flower out of his eyes, the coffee cup exclaimed, "YOU...YOU Motha(insert favorite curse word here)s! How dare you! I, Cocktail, servant of Age of Aquarius and wondrous Hajikelist King Richter, will bring about your deaths!"

"...AND WE WILL HELP TO AVENGE OUR FALLEN MASTER ERO-SAN!" announced two figures that had suddenly teleported in out of nowhere by Cocktail's side. One of them was a peach with limbs, and the other was a man in a tight blue jumpsuit with a red cape.

"I AM DEIDEI!" said the peach.

"MY NAME IS GEOFFREY!" the man in the super-hero costume introduced himself.

"WE WILL KILL YOU ALL!" All three of the new enemies exclaimed together.

Smirking and slipping a lit cigarette in between his lips, Be-bebe remarked, "Ah, yeah...I've been feeling a bit rusty lately...time to get back in the groove, Bu-bubu!"

However, when he turned to his sister, he saw she was busy making out with a very reluctant Don Patch. He was trying to escape her clutches, but she held him in place with her armpit hairs. When they separated for breath, a trail of saliva hung from her lips.

"DAMMIT, BU-BUBU! COULDN'T YOU HAVE WAITED UNTIL _AFTER _THE FIGHT?! JEEZ, HAVE SOME CONTROL OVER YOUR HORMONES, WOMAN!"

Jelly Jiggler's eyes rolled disturbingly and he shouted, "Ha! I roll my eyes at you!"

Pulling out a small remote control, Cocktail pressed the large red button in the middle of the panel and chuckled deviously as the metal block began to shake violently.

Something was happening...but what?

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - White Mage is the main healing class from the Final Fantasy series.

(2) - Hatenko uses the keyblade, the iconic weapon from Kingdom Hearts.

(3) - Yeah, he's dressed as Mario.

(4) - Mario's original name was Jumpman in the arcade game 'Donkey Kong', his first appearance.


	35. Now The Gang Is All Here! Time To Fight!

_Continuing right where we left off..._

Bo-bobo, who had revived himself using magic and the pure form of love itself, was speechless as he and the rest of the gang watched Cocktail's giant floating block begin to transform before their very eyes.

"WHAT...WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

Cocktail smirked and replied, "You fools, you brainwashers of Bageddon, you disgusting patriots of Hellion...MY SUPER ROBOT TAISEN(1) WILL CRUSH YOU ALL TO BITS!"

Don Patch's mouth took on the shape of a lemon and he held up a white picket sign that said 'WHAT YOU SAY' on it in hiranaga.

"No...but, I destroyed Super Robot Taisen many years ago!" Be-bebe proclaimed, "It can't still exist! If you actually awaken it, it will mean the end of the world!"

Cocktail shrugged and giggled like a school girl. "I don't care."

"WHAT? YOU ACTUALLY FOUGHT THAT THING BEFORE?!" Gasser exclaimed, actually rather interested in hearing this tale.

Be-bebe nodded. "It was back in 1979, during the Cold War. Now that I think about it, it really WAS cold during that war. Anyway, the Soviet Union had an unfinished version of 'Super Robot Taisen' that was supposed to be capable of firing off seven nuclear missiles to any area in the entire world at one time. Well, me and a few soldier buddies were sent by the government to infiltrate the lab where this robot was being created, and by the time we completed the mission, I was the only survivor in the ruins of what used to be a multi-million-dollar research facility. I had to eat my own legs and type random posts on Hajike Festival Forums to keep myself alive as I waited three months for someone to rescue me..."

Gasser was silent for a moment.

"...I BELIEVED YOU UP UNTIL YOU SAID YOU ATE YOUR OWN LEGS!" he cried.

"BUT...BUT I DID!" Be-bebe exclaimed, and he pulled up his pants, showing he had two mechanical legs with hairs growing out of them.

Gasser's eyes bugged out of his head, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

By the time Be-bebe and Gasser finished their conversation now, Super Robot Taisen had already awoken. It was...a giant floating piece of cooked tofu wrapped in seaweed.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Laughing, Cocktail asked, "Well, do you like it, Be-bebebe Be-bebe?! This is the true, ultimate form of Super Robot Taisen!"

The moment Be-bebe laid his eyes on the giant tofu, he fell to his knees and stammered, "It...it...it's really here...just like I remembered it...we're all doomed..."

"C'MON, MR. BE-BEBE! DON'T GIVE UP ALREADY!" Gasser remarked, trying to cheer up Bo-bobo's older brother.

In response, Be-bebe just covered his eyes, curled up into a ball, and started weeping. The memories of his painful past were just too much for him to bear.

Gasser cursed under his breath, and turned to the others. "Guys, we gotta do something...quick!"

However, it seemed Bo-bobo and the gang were too bsuy playing Go Fish to care about the tofu doomsday device.

"GO FISH!" Softon exclaimed.

"GO FISH!" Bo-bobo exclaimed.

"I SUMMON...LUCARIO(2)!" Don Patch exclaimed, slamming down a yellow '5' UNO card.

Everyone (except Bu-bubu, who had mysteriously disappeared) stared at the card for a moment before all smashing their fists into the poor orange man's face. Then, they began to beat up each other.

Scoffing at their opponents' idiocy, Deidei glanced at Cocktail and said, "Heh. We might not even need to use Super Robot Taisen after all! They'll just kill off each other! Hee hee hee!" Geoffrey belched in agreement.

"Now, now...we can't let that happen, can we?"

Deidei let out a gasp as he felt a pair of long silky black hairs flow around from behind and wrap tightly around his neck. The same happened to Geoffrey also, and Cocktail watched in horror as his two allies were then tossed far off into the distance by the armpit hair of a rather pissed-looking Bu-bubu.

With her face shadowed in so her eyes looked like two creepy glowing balls, Bu-bubu stepped forward and hissed, "Hmm...how shall I deal with you, then?"

Falling on his rotund ass, Cocktail cried, "H-Hold on here, missy! W-W-Why are you doing this? We...we never did anything to you!"

"OH, NO?" Bu-bubu roared, her body covered in flames of rage, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY DEAR DON PATCHI-KUN!"

Glancing over to Don Patch, Cocktail saw that he had become an orange sasauge that walked on all four limbs and barked like a dog every now and then.

"...HOW THE HELL IS THAT MY FAULT?!" Cocktail snapped back at Bu-bubu, but she kicked him in the face and he fainted instantly.

Jelly Jiggler tapped Bo-bobo on the shoulder and whispered, "...Hey, I think your, uh, hot sister just won the fight for us..."

"YOU CHECKIN' OUT MY SISTER, YOU PERVERT?!" Bo-bobo shouted, holding a bunch of scones dangerously closer to Jelly Jiggler's face.

"Uh...no?" Jelly Jiggler replied, hiding several photos of Bu-bubu panty shots that he had taken behind his back.

"Okay, then. That's good."

Hopping back down to the ground, Bu-bubu ran to Don Patch and sobbed, "Waah...I was soooo scared...hold me, Don Patchi-kun...waah...waah..."

"HEY! DON'T DEGRADE YOURSELF LIKE THAT JUST TO GET HIS ATTENTION!" Ima snapped.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Softon said, "Well, at least we won, and that's all that matters..."

Suddenly, the Super Robot Taisen began to shake violently. A giant face emerged on its side and smiled widely as it said in a thick Spanish accent, "YOU HAVE ALL DONE WELL, MY STUDENTS."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Bo-bobo gasped. "MASTER Q-WAN?! IS THAT...IS THAT YOU?!"

The giant tofu roll replied, "Si, senor. It es mi...Master Q-Wan."

'WHO THE HELL IS MASTER Q-WAN?' Gasser and Ima both wondered.

Falling to his knees, Don Patch bowed and said, "Oh, great Master Q-Wan...what reasons do you have to grace us with your marvelous presence?"

"My former students...a great evil has appeared on this planet. It will stop at nothing to obtain its desires of total world domination. I trust you all have the strength to stop this evil, and bring true everlasting peace. Can I count on you?"

Bo-bobo nodded and said, "Of course we can do it! We're 'Main Characters' after all! We'll defeat the enemies, send Richter back to where he came from, and save Beauty! All in one day, 'cause that's how we roll!"

Master Q-Wan smiled and was about to say more, when he noticed something speeding towards him for far away. It looked like a small sparkle, but as it grew closer, a familiar voice was heard.

"I DEFINITELY NEED TO BE APART OF THIS FIGHT...BECAUSE I'M A TORPEDO!"

Suddenly, none other than Torpedo Girl smashed right through Master Q-Wan's face, causing him to explode, destroying Super Robot Taisen once and for all.

"YAAY! CANDY!" Don Patch cried happily as several pounds of burnt seaweed fell on top of him.

Skidding to a stop next to Softon, Torpedo Girl posed and exclaimed, "TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL...RIGHT?"

'Dammit, not HER again!' Quickly, Softon grabbed his suitcase, put on a hat and coat, jumped into a taxi, and drove off to Pakistan. However, he didn't get very far when he realized the driver was Jelly Jiggler, so Softon jumped out of the car and ran back to join the group again.

'Yeesh...if I had to pick between Jelly Jiggler and Torpedo Girl...I'd definitely pick Torpedo Girl!'

Hatenko also climbed back out of the pit, apparently uninjured, but poor Wadokei was never to be seen again.

Now that they were all together again, the Bo-bobo group headed into the deeper sections of the festival. The first thing they noticed was a large dark pillar covered in swirling portals that rose up to the skies within the middle of the city itself.

"Huh...that must be where Richter is..." Bo-bobo noted.

However, an invisble barrier had been placed around the pillar, so there was no way to enter it just yet. A map was left for them on the floor, though, that told them the locations of the remaining three members of Richter's group.

Riaru was located within the 'Government HQ' area, Bungi was supposedly tanning at the 'Food Court' area, and Age of Aquarius was awaiting opponents inside the 'Ice Castle' area.

After thinking for a moment, Bo-bobo came up with the teams to take on these three powerful enemies.

"Don Patch, you and Bu-bubu and Gasser will go after Bungi. Jelly Jiggler, Be-bebe and Torpedo Girl will fight Age of Aquarius. And...everyone else will come with me to take out that Riaru guy."

"HOLD ON! THAT'S TOTALLY NOT FAIR! WHY DO YOU GET SO MANY ALLIES WHILE WE ONLY GET TWO?!" Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler cried, dressed as women once again.

Bo-bobo scoffed. "C'mon, do you really think Ima, Hatenko and Softon will even be helpful? Please...that's ridiculous to even say!"

"HEY! SHUT UP, YOU JERK! WE'RE WAY BETTER THAN YOU!" Hatenko, Softon and Ima snapped, but Bo-bobo just stuck his fingers in his ears and ignored them.

Now that the teams were set, the Bo-bobo group split up and headed to their destinations, ready for the fights of their lives! The world, their lives, and a slice of vanilla cake were all at stake here!

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - The Japanese name of the popular mecha video game series 'Super Robot Wars'.

(2) - Lucario is a Steel/Fighting type Pokemon from the Diamond/Pearl generation, and Don Patch summons him the way someone would bring out a monster in the Yu-Gi-Oh TCG...despite the fact he's supposed to be playing Go Fish.


	36. Battle In The Food Court! Bungi Is Evil

A/N: Yeah, I realized that Bo-bobo's name is actually written as 'Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo' instead of 'Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo', but it doesn't really matter as long as he's called Bo-bobo, right?

* * *

_To start off the few final battles, we'll begin by following Don Patch's group for a bit..._

"YEAAH! YEAAAAAH! YEAAAAAAH! WE'RE GONNA KICK SOME LILY-LICKING BUTT! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!"

As Don Patch and Bu-bubu entered the 'Food Court', they were both dressed as Japanese Yankees, walking in a squatted position and wielding wooden swords. Gasser, however, came in normally, and apologized to the passerby for his friends' disturbing behavior.

Looking around, Gasser thought, 'Alright, we're at the Food Court...now where did that Bungi guy go?'

Suddenly, he found the little candy-corn guy being beaten up by two Kangaroos in baseball uniforms.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

"C'MON, WHERE'S OUR MONEY, YOU PUNK?! WE'RE GETTING IMPATIENT!" snarled one of the Kangaroos, kicking little Bungi onto the ground.

Coughing up blood, Bungi pleaded, "Please...please...just give me a few more days! It's hard making alot of cash when your boss is an evil, power-hungry tyrant! I promise I'll bring the money...eventually! Just...I need more time!"

The other Kangaroo grunted and punched Bungi across the face before he and his cohort walked off. The poor candy-corn man just laid on the ground for a while, and Gasser actually felt kind of bad for him. Dressed like an old granny, Don Patch suddenly kneeled down next to him and asked, "Are you okay, little one?"

Sniffling, Bungi sat up and said, "Y-Yeah...I think I'm okay..."

"Good! Now...TASTE MY FISTS!"

Bungi didn't even have time to react as Don Patch smashed his fist into his face, sending him flying halfway across the room. Laughing insanely and looking demonic, Don Patch exclaimed, "I WILL SEND YOU TO RUSSIA, FORCE YOU TO EAT SLAGWORM...AND THEN I WILL KICK YOU AGAIN! BWA HA HA HA!"

"Yeah! You tell 'em, Don Patchi-kun!" Bu-bubu cheered.

"HEY, WHY ARE YOU GUYS SUDDENLY BEING SO MEAN TO HIM?!" Gasser asked.

Struggling to his feet, Bungi cursed under his breath and thought, 'Darn...I hadn't expected these guys to show up so soon. I guess Ero-san was no match for Bo-bobo's group! Ah, well...I'm stronger than him, so it doesn't matter...'

Gasser was already amazed with this fight; he could practically see the powerful battle aura flowing off of Don Patch and Bungi. Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted when a voice from behind exclaimed, "Hey...you're Gasser, aren't you?"

Gasser spun around and saw Rem and Hapen walking towards him...and they were holding the hands of a small 2-year-old boy with spiky blond hair.

"Uh...hey, Rem, Hanpen." Gasser said, suddenly feeling awkward, "What're you guys doing here?"

"Why, we wanted to take our wonderful little son Keiichi to the festival, of course!" Rem replied happily. Hanpen nodded in agreement.

"HUH?! THAT KID IS YOUR SON?!" Gasser cried, pointing at the little blond boy.

Taking his hand out of his mouth, the boy held up his palm and said, "Yo."

Hugging him, Rem cooed, "Aww...isn't he just adorable?"

"H-HOLD ON! BUT...YOU GUYS ONLY GOT MARRIED 3 MONTHS AGO!" Gasser exclaimed, "AND...HOW OLD IS THAT KID?"

"He's 2." Hanpen said.

"SEE? EXACTLY MY POINT! IT MAKES NO SENSE! PLUS...HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE EITHER OF YOU! UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, HE ACTUALLY KIND OF LOOKS LIKE MR. BO-BOBO! AND...WHY DOES HE HAVE LITTLE ORANGE SPIKES HIDING UNDER HIS HAIR TOO?" Gasser snapped at them.

"HEY!" Bu-bubu snapped, slapping Gasser in the back of the head, "STOP FLAPPING YOUR GODDAMN GUMS AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE FIGHT! DON PATCHI-KUN MIGHT NEED OUR HELP!"

When Gasser turned to see how the fight was going, he saw it was now two middle-aged businessmen, one wearing red and the other wearing blue, fighting with blood-stained katanas.

"CAPCOM...WILL BE...NUMBER ONE!" screamed the businessman in blue.

"NO! YOU ARE WRONG! KONAMI SHALL BE VICTOR!" the red businessman snapped, nimbly blocking another blow with his sword.

"ACTUALLY..." Suddenly, Don Patch and Bungi burst out of the ground and smacked the two businessmen in the faces with washing pans, "NINTENDO MAKES MORE SALES THAN EITHER OF YOU!"

"YOU...LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" The two businessmen were sent crashing through a wall, and Don Patch and Bungi went back to continuing their fight.

Crossing his arms and smirking, Bungi said, "So, Don Patch...it's been a long time since we've last seen each other, back at college graduation..."

"Yeah. You've sure changed alot." Don Patch remarked, "I guess you shaved your dreadlocks and goatee, huh?"

Unsheathing his wooden spoon from behind, Bungi got into a fighting stance and replied, "Yes...but that matters not anymore. I'm going to kill you here and now!"

Don Patch then took out his green onion sword and chuckled. "Oh, we'll see abut THAT!"

"YAY! YOU CAN DO IT, DON PATCHI-KUN!" Bu-bubu called, dressed as Luigi.

'...I hope he can do this...' Gasser thought, gulping.

Suddenly, weird Finnish music began to play in the background, and Don Patch was spinning his leek and singing along(1). Riding over to Bungi on a unicycle, Don Patch had a simplistic look on his face as he continued to sing and smack the spinning green onion against the candy-corn adversary's face. Bu-bubu even started dancing to the music, much to Gasser's chagrin.

"Nuapurista kuulu se polokan tahti  
jalakani pohjii kutkutti.  
Ievan äiti se tyttöösä vahti  
vaan kyllähän Ieva sen jutkutti,  
sillä ei meitä silloin kiellot haittaa  
kun myö tanssimme laiasta laitaan.  
Salivili hipput tupput täppyt  
äppyt tipput hilijalleen-"

Sick and tired of this annoying song, Bungi snatched away Don Patch's green onion.

'Damn! My jokes just don't have as much of an effect without Bo-bobo or Jelly Jiggler around! Why did I have to be stuck with a female pervert and the straight-man? CURSE YOU, BO-BOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBOBO!' Don Patch thought.

Suddenly, Bungi snapped the leek in half and crumbled it up in his hands before spilling it out onto the floor.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Don Patch cried, cradling the shattered remains of his beloved leek in his hands.

"STOP MESSING AROUND AND FIGHT ME!" Bungi shouted, and he smashed his fist into Don Patch's face. Several people nearby winced at the sound of bones crunching.

Covering her eyes in horror, Bu-bubu shrieked, "NO! DON PATCHI-KUN!"

"HOLD ON, BU-BUBU!" Gasser suddenly cried, "IT'S NOT OVER YET! LOOK!"

Looking over, Bu-bubu gasped when she saw that Bungi's fist had actually been caught inside Don Patch's mouth!

"Mmm...tastes like candy-corn..." Don Patch then started to pull Bungi even further into his mouth. Screaming like crazy, Bungi quickly smashed Don Patch across the face with his wooden spoon and jumped back when he finally broke free.

Wiping Don Patch's saliva off of his arm, Bungi exclaimed, "YOU SICK FREAK! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST ACTUALLY TRIED TO EAT ME!"

Don Patch licked his lips. "Well, I can't absorb your powers if I don't eat you, now can I?"

'WHAT? HE CAN ABSORB MY POWERS BY EATING ME?!' Bungi realized, gasping loudly.

"However..." Don Patch stood up and dropped the pieces of his destroyed leek onto the floor, "You have gone and made me angry. You know what happens when I get angry, don't you?"

Bungi pondered it for a moment. "Uh...you apologize and make me cupcakes?"

"Sorry." Don Patch tossed a cupcake to Bungi, who happily caught it and stuffed it down his throat.

Then, Don Patch's eyes suddenly became serious. "NOW THAT THAT'S DONE...TIME TO TRANSFORM!!"

"HUUUUUUH?! SO YOU DO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE CUPCAKES WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY?!" Gasser asked in confusion.

Roaring in fury, Don Patch's body was enveloped in a powerful golden aura...and he had taken on the form of 'Super Patch' once again!

Smirking, Super Patch said, "Ah...et's time too get sewious, eh?"

'HUH? WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S TRYING TO SPEAK CANADIAN AND FAILING MISERABLY?' Gasser thought.

"WOW! HE'S SO SMEXY!" Bu-bubu exclaimed, blood literally pouring out of her nostrils. In fact, so much blood poured out that she lost consciousness.

Bungi was surprised for a moment, but then he spat to the side and smirked cockily as he put his hands on his hips. "You think you're so cool, turning into a crappy Super Sonic/Super Sayian parody?" he mocked, "Heh...I have a transformation too, ya know."

Still smirking, Bungi took out two small pills from his pocket. Super Patch immediately recognized them as the Zenmetsu-gan, something he had never thought he'd see again.

"Bungi...don't tell me you plan on taking those pills...they're too dangerous!" Super Patch exclaimed.

Not heeding his former friend's words, Bungi tossed the pills into his mouth and swallowed them.

Super Patch held out his hand in shock as Bungi's body began to transform. "STOP THIS! DON'T DO IT, YOU IDIOT!"

Bungi's body flipped upside down, his horns became a halo, and his little angel wings became devil wings instead. When the dust cleared, he was now the complete opposite of his original self...he was now Ignub!

"I'm hungry..." Ignub grunted, scratching his butt without a care in the world.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS RIDICULOUS EXCUSE FOR AN OPPONENT?!" Gasser exclaimed.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Don Patch thought, 'This guy might just be my hardest foe yet!'

Suddenly, Bu-bubu started to run over to Super Patch, holding up a T-shirt she made. It had the words 'SUPET PATCH' stitched into it. "I MADE IT JUST FOR YOU, MY LOVE!" she giggled.

"UH...YOU SPELLED THE WORD 'SUPER' WRONG!" Gasser remarked from the sidelines.

As Bu-bubu was trying to fit the T-shirt over Super Patch's spiky head, she never noticed Ignub warp behind her...and stab his hand through her chest.

"...GUH." Blood spurted out of Bu-bubu's mouth and it landed onto the T-shirt, staining it.

Super Patch's eyes widened in horror, and the poor woman collapsed onto the ground in front of him. Standing over her was Ignub, with an insane look of pure evil in his eyes. She was still clutching an extra T-shirt, another one she had made so she and Don Patch could wear matching clothes.

"BU-BUBUBU BU-BUBU! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chuckling, Ignub thought, 'Poor guy...he doesn't even have the slightest idea of the truth about what has just happened...heh heh...'

"What exactly does Ignub mean by that? And...what will happen to Bu-bubu and Super Patch? FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN CHAPTER 37 OF KYOKUSETSU BO-BOBOBO BO-BOBO!" Gasser announced, wearing wide glasses and shouting into a microphone.

Suddenly, the two businessmen from earlier rose out from underneath and pulled poor Gasser through the ground, leaving the microphone as the only evidence of his existence...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Don Patch acts out the infamous 'Loituma-Leek Spin' meme.


	37. PopRocks Vs CandyCorn! Who Will Win?

_We shall continue right where the last chapter left off..._

With Bu-bubu's bleeding body lying in front of him, Super Patch tried to keep himself calm. "I...I need to stay calm...stay calm and serious...I must...stay calm..."

Suddenly, Gasser burst out of the ground, the two businessmen still clinging to him, and he shouted, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SUPER PATCH? DON'T TRY AND STAY CALM! GET ANGRY AND UNLEASH ALL YOUR RAGE OUT ON THE ENEMY! C'MON! WE'VE ALL DONE THE SAME THING BEFORE!"

"That's exactly why I cannot do it," Super Patch replied, "If I become super strong out of anger just like Jelly Jiggler, Bo-bobo and you, then I'll be considered the same as them! And that is something I cannot live with! So...I will calm down and think of Bu-bubu's death as a minor, unimportant inconvenience..."

"DUDE...THAT'S TERRIBLE! YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!" Gasser snapped at him.

"I...will remain...calm..." Super Patch chanted under his breath, and he closed his eyes and began to meditate. The blood seeping from Bu-bubu's wound was beginning to stain his shoes. Ignub was hovering around his head, laughing at him and making rude faces.

"C'MON, FIGHT ME!" Ignub cackled, "HEY, DON PATCH! DON'T BE LOSER NOW! FIGHT ME, YOU CHICKEN! FIGHT ME! FIGHT ME! FIGHT ME! SHOW ME HOW STRONG YOU ARE! HEY!"

'I wonder what he's going to do...' Gasser pondered as he watched Super Patch continue to stand in place with his eyes closed, not reacting to anything or anyone. Suddenly, as Ignub began to smack him repeatably with his wooden spoon, Super Patch's concentration began to weaken.

Noticing this, Gasser quickly formed a gasball and tossed it into Ignub's face, gaining his attention.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE! I'LL BE YOUR OPPONENT NOW!" Gasser exclaimed, trying his best to be brave.

Ignub scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You? Fight me? That's a laugh. Kid, do you not realize that you're one of the most pitiful main characters ever! You're a one-trick pony who can only fight with his farts!"

"SHUT UP!" Gasser pulled out a handful of mini fart-bombs and threw them all at Ignub, but the evil candy-corn just smacked them all away with his wooden spoon, causing them to hit into innocent bystanders instead.

"HERE I COME, BRAT!" Pressing a small button on the bottom of it, Ignub's wooden spoon became covered in spikes, and he flew directly at Gasser! Cursing, Gasser began running backwards, tossing as many gasballs as he could to stop Ignus' descent upon him, but to no avail.

Blood burst out of Gasser's mouth as the wooden spoon sliced across his chest, and Ignub laughed at the poor boy's painful expression. Ignub continued to bash Gasser around, and Gasser himself was beginning to lose consciousness due to the pain.

"WAAHAHA! DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Ignub screeched in maniacal glee.

Suddenly, Super Patch's eyes snapped open. "I GOT IT NOW! THE TRUTH BEHIND EVERYTHING!" Taking out a F-Cup Cookie(1), he ate it...and a Big Daddy(2) burst out of the ground, a spellbook(3) tied to its back.

"H-HEY!" Gasser coughed, "YOU...YOU JUST MADE THREE REFERENCES/PARODIES IN ONE SENTENCE! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

Super Patch smirked and shook his head in disappointment. "You don't get it, dear Gasser. IT'S COMPLETELY POSSIBLE TO DO SUCH A THING...IN ENGLISH FANFICTION!"

"WHAT ABOUT FRENCH FANFICTION? OR SPANISH FANFICTION? I'VE READ JAPANESE FANFICTION THAT MAKES MORE SENSE! JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

Snatching the spellbook, Super Patch quickly flipped it open and, reading a page, exclaimed, "The third spell...HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI(4)!"

The Big Daddy roared and a small subway train flew out of its stomach and smashed into Ignub's side, sending him flying across the room and saving Gasser from a deadly fate.

'THAT'S NOT HOW BIG DADDIES FIGHT!' Ignub thought as he crashed into a licorice stand.

Then, the Big Daddy nodded, took the spellbook, and was suddenly dragged underground by the businessmen.

Stumbling over to Super Patch's side, Gasser glanced down at Bu-bubu's motionless body and asked, "Tell me...what did you find out while meditating?"

"It's so obvious; haven't you noticed?" Super Patch replied, "Look around..."

Gasser scanned the entire area around him. For a moment, he had no idea what Super Patch meant, but then he realized it...everything around them had come to a complete halt. People were just standing in place, not moving a muscle, and even the clocks on the wall seemed to have froze in place.

"WHAT...WHAT IS THIS?!"

Super Patch flipped Bu-bubu over with his foot, and revealed that Bu-bubu's face had been replaced with a simplistic-looking face made out of Japanese characters(5).

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!" Gasser cried, staring at "Bu-bubu" in shock and disbelief.

"The moment Bungi transformed into Ignub, we were warped into an alternate 'space-screen' dimension, where the laws of reality take a nose-dive, and outside presences cease to be affected by our battles..."

"UH...I DIDN'T REALLY GET ALL OF THAT!" Gasser cried.

"Basically, we're stuck in a small pocket of time and space that Ignub has created. Only you and me were warped here; Bu-bubu just thinks we have suddenly vanished."

Gasser let out a breath of relief. "So she's okay then? Phew! That's good...even though it kind of sounds like a cheap plot device to keep a major character alive after you've just killed him/her off..."

"That's because it IS!" Super Patch exclaimed, and then he flew over to Ignub, who was lying in the middle of the floor, just staring at the ceiling with nothing to do.

"Ignub."

"...Yes, Mr. I-Have-A-Loser-For-A-Fangirl?"

Without warning, Super Patch smashed his fist into Ignub's stomach. The punch was so powerful that it actually caused Ignub to spit up the Zenmetsu-gan, reverting him to his original form of Bungi! At that moment, everything began to move again, and Bu-bubu suddenly appeared standing next to Gasser, uninjured and rather confused about what had just happened.

"Insult the fans...and you get your neck cracked. Remember that. I learned that the hard way with the Narutards..." Super Patch said, smirking at Bungi, who was speechless in shock.

"BUT...BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A NECK!" Bungi shrieked.

Taking out two cans of soda, Super Patch tore off the stay-tab openings and shook them violently for a moment. Then, he grew more, longer curved spikes and his torn wristbands became more unraveled. A huge aura of energy flowed off of his body, causing Bungi to become so afraid that he started to run away.

"AH! IT'S...DODON PATCH!" Gasser exclaimed.

Now as Dodon Patch, he quickly teleported in front of the fleeing Bungi, and said, "Sorry, but it's the end of the line for you."

"AHH...AHH...AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"FEEL THE WRATH...OF MY MOUNTAIN DEW X COCA COLA EXTREME JUSTICE SLASHER!"

Soda burst out of the soda cans like geysers and, wielding them like katanas, Dodon Patch sliced a large 'X' across Bungi's body, and he did a backwards flip and landed a powerful downward slice on Bungi's face. Then, he landed one final horizontal slice...and it was all over.

Blood burst out of the candy-corn's mouth like a waterfall, and he collapsed onto the ground, defeated. Drinking what was left of the sodas, Dodon Patch sighed and muttered, "Hmph...that guy didn't even last for as many chapters as Ero-san. How pathetic."

"YAAY! YOU DID IT, DON PATCHI-KUN!" Bu-bubu exclaimed happily, wrapping her arms around Dodon Patch and pulling him into a deep kiss.

Looking around, Gasser realized that Rem and Hanpen had left, but that wasn't important, since he knew they were lucky enough to even get another appearance at all.

'Still...I hope the others will make it out okay like we did...' Gasser thought.

"GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF...OF...MEEEE!" Don Patch, now back to his original orange self, whined as he struggled to pull himself away from Bu-bubu.

However, none of them knew that Bungi had truly been the weakest of Richter's henchmen...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - They're real. I'm serious.

(2) - The iconic enemies from the awesome FPS 'BioShock'. I'm gonna buy the PS3 version since I gots no X-Box 360.

(3) - Reference to the manga/anime series Zatch Bell and the mamodos, who fight via 'spells' read from their books.

(4) - The Japanese name of the popular manga/anime series 'Full Metal Alchemist'.

(5) 'Henohenomoheji' is the famous little face made out of Japanese hiranaga. Look it up for an actual reference.


	38. Leave Age of Aquarius Alone!

_With Bungi now defeated at the hands of Don Patch, we switch our focus to the Ice Castle, where Jelly Jiggler, Be-bebe and Torpedo Girl must fight the evil and mysterious Age of Aquarius! Also, this battle happened to be taking place at the same time as Don Patch Vs. Bungi, just so you know for future importance... _

"LAST ONE IN IS A ROTTEN PRIME MINISTER...OF CALIFORNIA!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed as he ran into the giant ice tower. However, he ended up slipping and crashed headfirst into a wall. Grunting at his teammate's idiocy, Be-bebe cautiously entered the area, using his leg hairs as supports to keep himself from falling.

Torpedo Girl just flew straight in, crashing into Jelly Jiggler and causing the poor guy even more pain. Looking around, Be-bebe saw that the place was indeed like a castle; two curved sets of stairways laid in front of them, going upwards to the higher floors. Several unlit torches were pressed up against the walls.

"WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ESTATE...OF CALIFORNIA!"

Suddenly, three figures leaped from a high balcony and landed right in front of Be-bebe, Torpedo Girl, and Jelly Jiggler. The figure in front was obviously Age of Aquarius, but the other two figures were a strange black wraith with a mask, and the other was a large oversized rodent of sorts. Age of Aquarius himself still looked the same as he did in his last appearance; he had long white hair and wore a strange Ying-Yang mask over his face.

"Say hello to my two henchmen," Age of Aquarius announced, "No-Face(1) and my neighbor Totoro(2)!"

"HELLOOOOOOOOO, HENCHMEN!" Jelly Jiggler said with a dopey look on his face.

Be-bebe lit a cigarette and remarked, "So...you're Age of Aquarius, huh? Do you really think you can win against 'Main Characters'?"

Surprisingly, Age of Aquarius shook his head. "Actually...no, I don't. I pretty much believe I'm most likely destined to die here."

"That's...depressing."

"Indeed it is. Indeed it is." Age of Aquarius made a pose and pressed his palm against his mask. "However...what do YOU believe?"

"I believe...that you're an idiot." Jelly Jiggler said, smirking with an evil look in his eyes.

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE? I BELIEVE JC PENNY'S WILL HAVE A SALE ON PANTS THIS THURSDAY!" Be-bebe snapped, and he unleashed several powerful leg hairs, and had them fly straight at Age of Aquarius. However, just as the leg hairs were about to hit, Age of Aquarius just reached out, and grabbed all of them at once.

"THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF AQUARIUS!(3)" he snapped.

"...What?!"

Age of Aquarius clenched tightly, and the leg hairs shattered to pieces in his hands. Blood burst out of Be-bebe's mouth and he fell on one of his knees. "You...you...YOU DESTROYED MY LEG HAIRS! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE, THOUGH! THEY'RE AS STRONG AS TITANIUM!"

"Sorry, I forgot to finish my sentence earlier..." Age of Aquarius replied coolly, "I believe...we are ALL destined to die here."

"UH...I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN YOU SAID YOU BELIEVED ONLY YOU WOULD DIE!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

"ENOUGH OF THIS IDIOCY! DIE!" Torpedo Girl charged at the masked opponent, but she was knocked back when Totoro jumped in the way and she bounced harmlessly off his belly. Be-bebe quickly caught the falling female torpedo and said, "Damn! Not even this freakish torpedo lady can tear these guys apart!"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME FREAKISH JUST BECAUSE...I'M A TORPEDO!" Torpedo Lady snapped, slapping Be-bebe repeatably across the face.

No-Face just stood in one spot, breathing heavily...WHY DID I WRITE THAT?

'This...this isn't good!' Jelly Jiggler thought, 'These guys are SCARY! I gotta do something!'

Then, a brave and outrageous plan began to be formed within the jelly man's mind...

* * *

_Inside Jelly Jiggler's mind.._

Chibi Jelly #54 quickly ran through the sliding doors and cried, "BOSS...THE RESULTS ARE IN!"

Inside the building were several more Chibi Jellys working in food store aisles, setting up cans and boxes, with a man with the 'NU' symbol for a head overseeing their progress. This man is named NUmaka, and he is the head manager of 'NU-Mart'.

"Oh? The results of the popularity poll held in Okinawa, Japan?" NUmaka asked, rubbing his fuzzy chin, "Tell me, my dear employee...what place did lychee-flavored gelatin come in?"

Chibi Jelly #54 sighed and shook his head sadly. "It came in 7th out of 10."

"WHAT?! THEN...WHAT PLACE DID TOFU COME IN?" NUmaka cried in horror.

"It...came in 3rd place, behind ramen noodles and natto(4)..." Chibi Jelly #54 replied, glancing at the sheet of paper in his hands.

NUmaka fell to his knees, threw his hands up and looked to the skies above as he wailed, "WHY? WHY? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH LYCHEE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH LYCHEE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH LYCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!"

Trying to console his weeping boss, Chibi Jelly #54 said, "If it makes you feel any better, boss...I'll let you play Earthbound for a while on my SNES(5)."

That immediately cheered NUmaka up considerably.

"HEY...I WANNA PLAY TOO!" cried one of the other Chibi Jelly.

"YEAH! US TOO!"

"WE WANNA PLAY EARTHBOUND TOO!!"

"YEAHHH!!"

Soon, a huge fist fight started over who got to play Earthbound first...

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Noticing that Jelly Jiggler was standing around and not doing anything, Be-bebe ran over and started shaking him violently.

"JELLY JIGGLER! JELLY JIGGLER! C'MON, JELLY JIGGLER! YOU GOT DO SOMETHING! WE'LL ALL DIE IF WE DON'T FIGHT BACK! DO YOU HEAR ME, JELLY JIGGLERRRRRRRRRRR?!"

Unfortunately, Jelly Jiggler just started drooling with a goofy grin on his face, so Be-bebe threw him into the wall.

"Jeez...that guy gets more and more useless with every chapter..."

Chuckling from behind his mask, Age of Aquarius said, "Listen, my dear opponent, I believe in fairness and equality in battle, so, as you have revealed your Super Fist abilities to me, I shall reveal mine to you...but I can't."

"HUUUUUUUUH?!"

"You see," Age of Aquarius continued, "I was born with a legendary Ancient Super Fist style that had been locked away at the end of the great Super Fist War(6) long, long ago. My Super Fist is so powerful, it could easily wipe out everything in a 400-mile radius, so I keep my powers locked away by wearing this mask. Originally, when I had no control over my powers, I would end up destroying everything in my path. I was a walking time bomb; I was afraid of my own power, but I had no way to control it. Then, after accidentally obliterating an entire city, I met HIM...the man who saved my life...and taught me how to unlock the true 100 percent capacity of my Super Fist style..."

"...Who was this man?" Be-bebe asked.

Age of Aquarius was silent for a moment, looking off to the distance. Then, he turned back to Be-bebe and replied, "You would know him. His name was...Ba-bababa Ba-baba."

Be-bebe let out a loud gasp in surprise. Torpedo Girl gasped as well, although she had no idea why.

'No way...Ba-baba trained this punk? Dammit...I knew the fact he never appeared in the actual series meant he was up to no good!' Be-bebe thought, beads of nervous sweat rolling down the side of his face.

Age of Aquarius laughed again at the look on Be-bebe's face and said, "You should feel lucky, though; I don't plan on using my Super Fist style for this fight. I also happen to be a master martial artist, as you saw when I easily snatched those pitiful leg hairs of yours. Also...just to see you squirm even more, I'll tell you one more thing. Riaru, that muscular guy with the mullet and an anger problem...he's even MORE dangerous than me."

As Age of Aquarius had expected, Be-bebe and Torpedo Girl looked even more shocked than a moment ago; however, he didn't expect to see Jelly Jiggler glance up from his book (he was just...chilling!) and scoff like it was no big deal.

"You see, I definitely have more destructive power," Age of Aquarius explained, "But...his Super Fist has the ability to negate any attack, no matter how absurd or how insane, and turn even the strongest opponent into nothing but a living corpse about to be torn apart limb from limb. If we fought, it would only take Riaru about a minute to come out as the victor."

Jelly Jiggler stuck his tongue out at the thought. "Eww...that's gross."

Torpedo Girl gasped and exclaimed, "WAIT! MY DARLING SOFTON IS ONE OF THE PEOPLE FIGHTING THAT RIARU PUNK RIGHT NOW!"

"Indeed." Suddenly, a barrier of black ice formed over the entranceway, trapping them!

"That is 'Black Ice'. It cannot be destroyed by anything. If you three can somehow beat us...then you may leave." Age of Aquarius said, feeling rather proud of himself.

"HMPH! THIS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD!" Be-bebe told his two teammates, "We have to fight a weird black puppet, an oversized rat, and an ambiguous overly-polite weirdo that won't even use his own Super Fist style! We can win this easy!"

Age of Aquarius smirked from behind his mask. "You think so, huh? No-Face...time to absorb them!"

Nodding, the creature known as No-Face slithered over to a small panel on the wall, and opened it. After pulling a lever, a hole in the ground opened up and a platform with a cage rose up. Inside the cage were two familiar figures...Rice and Dengakuman!

"Now, No-Face," Age of Aquarius ordered, "...ABSORB THEM!"

Without a word, No-Face's entire body spread out into a large moving black mass that soon overlapped Rice and Dengakuman, who were screaming for help.

Be-bebe and Torpedo Girl just stared as they watched No-Face begin to take on a new form right before their very eyes.

Putting on his 3-D glasses and taking out a bowl of popcorn, Jelly Jiggler thought, 'Wow, this is getting pretty good!'

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - It's No-Face from 'Spirited Away', an awesome anime movie by Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki. And, he will actually do more in this fic then just stand around and act creepy!

(2) - The titular character from 'My Neighbor Totoro', another great anime movie by Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki.

(3) - Another reference to the song "Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In", which Age of Aquarius was named after.

(4) - Not the results of an actual poll.

(5) - A popular and somewhat strange RPG series known as 'MOTHER' in Japan, but only one game in the three-game series was released in the US.

(6) This 'Super Fist War' is the same one Melon spoke about in Chapter 4.


	39. Entrance of Byakkyo! No Parodies here!

A/N: I kind of think about this long fic the same way Yoshio Sawai claims he feels about Bo-bobo; I'm not too happy with the earlier chapters, especially because I really did overuse the cussing. I don't even really remember why I had them curse so much, either. Anyway, starting from chapter 19 I'm more proud of it.

Also, I just realized how little Bo-bobo himself even appears during this arc so far. It's kind of sad, but I'm saving him as the main character for the final two fights, which are very long and take place once this is all done with!

* * *

Be-bebe was afraid he was going to puke as he watched No-Face's pulsate, bulge, deflate and every other kind of disturbing movement it made. After about a minute, the dark mass finally began to shrink and take on an actual shape. Soon, No-Face now resembled a black palette version of Rice, only his creepy dead-eyed mask was covering where the face should have been.

"So...do you like it?" No-Face asked. His new voice now sounded somewhat like Rice's, but it was higher in pitch like Dengakuman's.

'He...He's absorbed both of them into his body!' Be-bebe thought in horror.

"HE MUST BE...A TORPEDO!" Torpedo Girl exclaimed, striking a pose.

"W-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? TORPEDOES DEFINITELY CAN'T DO THAT...CAN THEY?" cried Be-bebe.

Jelly Jiggler chuckled as he pressed some buttons on his Gameboy and said aloud, "Oh, my dear Pikachu...why is it that when I tell you to use 'Thundershock', you decide to just tackle the Lv. 78 Dragonite instead? Silly, silly..."

"STOP PLAYING AROUND!" Be-bebe snapped, and he snatched Jelly Jiggler's Gameboy away and snapped it in half with ease.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?! WHY DID YOU BREAK MY BELOVED GAMEBOY-SAN?!" Jelly Jiggler bawled, smacking Be-bebe on the chest with his jelly fists, which had no effect whatsoever.

Deciding to take advantage of poor Jelly Jiggler's apparent stupidity, Be-bebe pointed over to Age of Aquarius and his henchmen and said, "...Actually, they were the ones who broke it."

Jelly Jiggler gasped...and he donned a large demonic-looking suit of armor, complete with a giant blood-stained blade and cape.

"I'LL DESTROY THEM!!"

Leaning over to Age of Aquarius, Totoro whispered, "Uh, boss...I think we might have one dangerous retard on our hands..."

Age of Aquarius nodded. "Don't worry. I know how to deal with his type..."

Reaching into his pocket, Age of Aquarius pulled out a small tube of wasabi paste. Then, he tied the end of it to a piece of string and began swinging it back and forth like a pendulum.

"Uh...what're you-"

"Just watch."

Suddenly, the moment Jelly Jiggler laid his eyes on the swinging wasabi tube, he froze at the spot.

"WHAT'RE YA DOIN', JELLY JIGGLER?!" Be-bebe shouted at him, "C'MON...GO DESTROY THEM LIKE YOU PROMISED! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE LIED TO ME, MR. JJ! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

However, Jelly Jiggler just tossed off all of his armor and quickly ran over to Age of Aquarius, practically drooling at the mouth. Getting down on all fours, Jelly Jiggler begged, "GIMME! GIMME GIMME GIMME! GIMME THE WASABIIIIIIIIIII..."

"...HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Age of Aquarius unscrewed the top and poured the wasabi paste into an anxious Jelly Jiggler's mouth. Nothing happened for a moment, but then Jelly Jiggler realized his mistake...but by then it was too late, and flames were bursting out of his mouth.

"AUGH! T-THIS ISN'T EVEN PICKLE-FLAVORED W-WASABI PASTE!!" Jelly Jiggler cried as he rolled around on the ground in pain.

"NOW...TIME TO USE THE NEW COMBINED SUPER FIST I'VE OBTAINED FROM ABSORBING THOSE TWO IDIOTS! SUPER FIST OF RICEY TOFU: TOFU WATERFALL!" No-Face held out his palms, and a huge downpour of miniature tofu blocks rained down on poor Jelly Jiggler, crushing him.

Be-bebe sighed and shook his head. 'I guess it's up to me and Torpedo Girl...'

Glancing over to Torpedo Girl, he saw that she now had spiky brownish-yellow hair and wore checkered pants, a striped tie, and a dark-green suit top. She looked back at him, and her tongue rolled so far out of her mouth that it touched the floor.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH?! ARE YOU...TORPEDO GIRL?!" Be-bebe exclaimed.

"...Shut up. You're annoying me." Torpedo Girl snapped in a serious tone.

"WHY, YOU-" Without thinking, Be-bebe kicked Torpedo Girl straight for Age of Aquarius and No-Face.

"SUPER FIST OF THE WOBBLY TONGUE: SCOURGE OF DEVIL'S BEINGS!"

Waving her long tongue around and crossing her eyes, Torpedo Girl tried to hit Age of Aquarius, but he easily dodged the attack and had No-Face take the hit instead. Although he spat up some blood and a tooth or two, it seemed it would take more if they were going to get Rice and Dengakuman out of that freak's stomach!

"WAIT...THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO?! YOU WERE TRYING TO FREE THEM WITH THAT FREAKISH ATTACK?!" Be-bebe asked Torpedo Girl when she returned, having discarded the clothes and hair and back to her normal self.

"BUT, OF COURSE!" Torpedo Girl replied, "BECAUSE...I'M A TORPEDO!"

'THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.' Be-bebe thought as he forced a small chuckle, despite the fact he was sweating like a pig about to be roasted.

Wiping the blood off himself, No-Face turned to Totoro and shouted, "C'MON, TOTORO! LET'S TEAM UP AND SHOW THESE IDIOTS WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!"

"...I'm made of love and cotton..." Totoro whimpered.

"GET IN THERE...OR SONIKKU HERE GETS THROWN INTO THE FURNACE...AGAIN!" No-Face threatened, holding up a small hand-made Sonic the Hedgehog doll.

Roaring like a beast, Totoro finally got the hint and he charged at Torpedo Girl with a wide mouth full of huge jagged teeth. Suddenly, as the furry monster grew closer, Torpedo Girl reached into Be-bebe's pockets and pulled out two potatoes.

"HEEEEY...THOSE WERE FOR DINNER TONIGHT!" Be-bebe cried.

"I'LL EAT YOU WHOLE!!" Totoro barked as he was about to clamp down on Torpedo Girl. However, just as his teeth were going to pierce into her metallic flesh, Torpedo Girl spun the two potatoes around in her hands for a moment...and then smashed them both violently down Totoro's throat.

'THE POTATOES ARE DANGEROUS!' Be-bebe thought.

Coughing on the deadly spuds, Totoro fell to the floor, and Torpedo Girl just rolled him back to the other side of the room where Age of Aquarius and No-Face still stood. Sighing, No-Face slammed his fist once into Totoro's stomach, and the oversized rodent spat up the potatoes with ease.

"TOTOROOOOOO!! YOU'RE SO DAMN USELESS!" No-Face growled, kicking his 'ally' in the side multiple times.

"WAAAH! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

Age of Aquarius, however, just stood still. Glancing up at his boss, No-Face thought, 'Wow...the boss is so cool! Even when we're getting our asses kicked, he stays calm and collected! I want to be just like him when I finish high school!'

However, No-Face soon heard snores coming from his boss, and he immediately took back everything he just thought with a depressed sigh.

"You did great, Torpedo Girl! Way to stick to the man!" Be-bebe complimented his teammate.

"BARK! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A PATHETIC CHILD! WHY DO YOU NOT FIGHT?! BARK!" Torpedo Girl replied, suddenly acting like a dog and wagging her...tail.

'She's right...' Be-bebe realized, 'Why am I just standing on the sidelines? I should be helping...I don't wanna, but...I should...however...who would be the straight-man then?'

Meanwhile, Jelly Jiggler was still trapped underneath all the tofu. His lower half was being crushed while the upper half (his face) just laid back and was reading Gintama Volume 5.

'Hey! This stuff is much funnier than what we come up with! Damn them!' Jelly Jiggler realized.

Suddenly, Be-bebe had an idea. Taking out his cellphone, he quickly called up an old buddy of his to come and help them out.

"...Hey, Byakkyo? Do you think you can swing down to my current location and give us a helping hand? They're alot of fresh bodies here for you to dissect! Really? You will? Thanks!"

Then, as soon as Be-bebe finished the call, an explosion could be heard high above at the top of the tower.

"Huh?" Glancing upwards, No-Face ended up being pelted in the head by a large chunk of falling debris. Several more clumps of debris collapsed from the ceiling, but only No-Face ended up getting hurt for some reason.

When the smoke cleared, a man was standing on top of the rubble. He was a man with red hair and a seemingly emotionless face. He wore a white surgeons' outfit with three orbs aligned vertically down his coat. Suddenly, his lips twisted and curved, and he cackled wildly to himself, his tongue flailing about.

Hoping over to Be-bebe, the man said, "...It's been a long time, Be-bebebe Be-bebe."

Be-bebe grinned. "It sure has...Byakkyo."

No-Face pushed himself back to his feet and cursed loudly. "Stupid piece of shit architecture, stupid piece of shit ice castle - HEY, WHO'S THAT FREAK IN THE WHITE COAT?"

"You are SO slow." Age of Aquarius muttered with a sigh.

Totoro nodded his head in agreement.

'I mustn't cry...' No-Face told himself, 'I mustn't cry...I mustn't cry...I mustn't cry...I mustn't cry...I mustn't cry...waah...'

Suddenly, as Byakkyo was about to get ready to fight, he noticed Torpedo Girl applying make-up...and his cheeks flushed.

Falling to his knees and weeping, Byakkyo cried, "I CANNOT DENY NO LONGER...I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!"


	40. Broken Heart, Surgeons and Dolls! Oh My!

_Last time on Kyokusetsu Bo Z, Byakkyo has joined the battle, but...now he's in love with Torpedo Girl?!_

"BYAKKYO...DEAREST BYAKKYO...YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! YOU ONLY LOOKED AT TORPEDO GIRL FOR ABOUT TWO SECONDS AND THEN YOU SAY YOU CANNOT DENY YOUR LOVE FOR HER ANY LONGER?! YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET BEFORE!" Be-bebe exclaimed, trying to talk some sense into his friend.

Byakkyo, however, didn't listen. Instead, he pulled out a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolate and placed them at Torpedo Girl's feet.

Torpedo Girl stared at the offerings for only a second before kicking them off into the distance. "Sorry," she snapped, "But my heart belongs to Softon and Softon only!"

"You...you can't be serious!"

Torpedo Girl slapped Byakkyo hard across the face and shouted, "OF COURSE I AM...BECAUSE I'M A TORPEDO!"

Byakkyo gasped...and his heart cracked in two.

"HEART-BREAK!!" he cried pitifully before blood burst out of his mouth and he slumped onto the floor. Be-bebe tried to shake him awake, but nothing happened.

Sighing, he said, "I guess there's only one thing left to do..."

Suddenly, the scene changed to that of an ancient castle. Byakkyo was now wearing a dress, resting peacefully on a platform covered in beautiful flowers. Entering the room was Be-bebe wearing fancy medieval clothes only designed for a prince such as himself. Be-bebe walked over to Byakkyo's side and stared down at his peaceful, yet solemn sleeping face.

'Princess Byakkyo...I will revive you here and now...'

Leaning down, Be-bebe mentally prepared himself as he neared Byakkyo's face. As their lips touched, Torpedo Girl burst out of the ground and smashed into both of them, screaming, "YOU TWO MAKE ME SICKKKKKKKK!!"

Be-bebe and Byakkyo quickly landed on their feet and struck triumphant poses. "WE WILL NOT BE...TAKEN DOWN BY YOUR ATTACKS!"

Jelly Jiggler glanced up from his book and thought, '...What the hell are they doing...?'

Grabbing Be-bebe by the shirt, Byakkyo wailed, "Why? Why does she hate me, Be-bebe? Why does she hate me like the sun hates fried onions? Tell me whhhhhhhhhy..."

"...It's because you're annoying." Be-bebe replied truthfully.

Byakkyo gasped and fell backwards onto the icy floor in defeat.

Meanwhile, No-Face and Totoro were at a complete loss on how to deal with these odd bipolar enemies of theirs.

"Can I just shoot them?" No-Face asked his boss, holding up an AK-47.

"That would be too easy," Age of Aquarius replied, "We need to give them time to act all silly and stupid first."

"I can live with that...dawg-e-dawg." Totoro replied, making a 'V' sign with his fingers.

No-Face, however, wasn't interested in waiting any longer. Raising his hands into the air, he shouted, "SCREW WAITING! I'M GONNA KILL THESE FOOLS NOW! SUPER FIST OF RICEY TOFU: GALLOPING PENGUINS OF TROPICANA!"

A large spear made out of tofu and rice formed in No-Face's hands, and he charged straight for Byakkyo, who was starting to get up from the floor. Suddenly, just as the tip of the spear was about to plunge into his head, Byakkyo spun around and sliced open No-Face's belly with a scalpel. Distracted by the shock, No-Face froze for a moment, giving Be-bebe enough time to slap him back with his leg hairs.

"Heh heh...you got pwned." Age of Aquarius chuckled. No-Face cursed under his breath and held his arm over the wound; instead of blood, strange black goop was being to pour out.

"Ever since you started speaking, you've been nothing but a jerk!" Totoro whined at his ally.

Now fully standing, an evil aura seemed to be flowing off of Byakkyo's body. His eyes had a dangerous glint of madness, and he seemed completely unfazed. "This as bad as the time I tried to go and meet Gregory House(1), and several of his fangirls jabbed pencil erasers in my back just to get to him first..."

"That's a really bad comparison." Jelly Jiggler remarked.

Placing a hand over his face, Byakkyo's voice grew angrier as he said, "I've been rejected, broken-hearted, hit, smacked, pummeled, hated, insulted, devoured, disemboweled, beheaded, licked, punched, strangled, and nearly stabbed in the head...I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!"

"UH...SOME OF THOSE THINGS DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN TO YOU!" No-Face exclaimed.

"LET'S BEGIN THE OPERATION(2)!" Byakkyo announced, and he tore off his shirt, revealing several small dolls embedded all over his body. All of the dolls seemed rather plain and uninspiring, but one of them...happened to look just like No-Face.

"Wow...that looks just like you, No-Face!" Totoro stated the obvious.

"SHUT UP!" No-Face snapped at him, and then he turned his attention back to Byakkyo, "So...what's up with the dolls? Do you like playing with dolls? I didn't know you liked playing with dolls-"

"Yeah! Neither did I!" Be-bebe added.

"ALL OF YOU, BE QUIET NOW! SUPER FIST OF THE SURGEON!" Byakkyo shouted, and everyone immediately silenced. Pulling out a new, clean scalpel from his pocket, Byakkyo smirked and began slicing criss-cross patterns across the No-Face puppet. At that same moment, No-Face cried out in pain as cuts erupted all over his body, sending black gooey blood flying everywhere.

Byakkyo even carved a bloody heart-shaped scar into No-Face's back in hopes that Torpedo Girl would notice it, but she was too busy applying even more make-up.

'Wow...' Be-bebe thought, shaking in horror, 'He's like a surgeon...for the very first time(3)!'

Falling onto the ground and flailing about as more and more cuts opened up, No-Face cried, "WAAAAH! BOSS! BOSS! HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP MEEEEEEEEE..." He even reached out in hopes his boss would pull him up.

Instead, Age of Aquarius kicked his hand away and snapped, "No. You don't deserve my help. You can just die like the dog you are."

"...WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT?!"

Laughing insanely, Byakkyo then thrust the scalpel deep into the puppet's stomach, and No-Face's chest exploded, spewing out not only some of his guts but Rice and Dengakuman as well. The poor guy coughed up a bit more blood before losing consciousness, now back to his original speechless form.

"That was...surprisingly violent." Totoro remarked, picking some black goo out of his fur.

Age of Aquarius nodded. "Indeed it was."

'Hmm...neither of them even care that their own teammate was just defeated! They didn't even bother helping him! ...These guys really know how 3-man teams work!' Be-bebe thought as Byakkyo walked back over to him. The former surgeon of the Reverse Maruhage Kingdom was breathing heavily and a wild look was in his eyes.

"Uh, are you okay, Byakkyo?" Be-bebe asked him.

Still panting, Byakkyo replied, "If a woodchuck did have the apparent ability to chuck wood, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck such a wood?"

Be-bebe thought about it. "Is the answer...blue?"

Byakkyo sighed and muttered, "Yep. I'm not crazy, after all..."

Be-bebe had no idea what Byakkyo meant...and neither did the author.

Slapping Totoro confidently on the back, Age of Aquarius exclaimed, "ALRIGHT! GOOD LUCK OUT THERE, TOTORO! I'M ROOTING FOR YA!"

Totoro froze for a moment. "...HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! I have to fight now?!"

"OF COURSE! I'M THE FINAL BOSS IN THIS ICE CASTLE, AND YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE MINI-BOSSES, RIGHT?!" Age of Aquarius joyfully replied, and he sent Totoro flying towards Byakkyo and Be-bebe with a single kick.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Tears flew from Totoro's eyes as he sped through the air, especially when Byakkyo finally noticed him.

"SUPER FIST OF SURGEON: HEALING TOUCH(4)! TIME SLOW-DOWN!" Byakkyo snapped, and a star-shaped sign formed in the air. Suddenly, everything but Byakkyo began to slow to a snail's pace. Byakkyo took his time as he walked over to Totoro, who was now going at a speed of 3 miles an hour, and smashed his knee into Totoro's gut. Then, time returned to normal, and the poor oversized rodent was sent crashing through the roof and into the skies above.

On a side note, Jelly Jiggler had freed himself from the clump of tofu and rice, but he was now the shape of a square.

For the first time during this whole fight, Age of Aquarius was a bit surprised. 'Hmm...No-Face is pretty much dead...Totoro has just taken a one-way trip to my mother's house...and now I'm alone, facing off against a crazy surgeon, a wimp with leg hairs, a female torpedo, and a man made out of jelly that hasn't done anything whatsoever. Could it be that I...no...it's not possible...will my prophecy of me dying here actually come TRUE?! Damn...I always said that just to sound cool, but now it might really happen!'

"Heh," Jelly Jiggler smirked, "It seems that Age of Aquarius is finally breaking down due to our relentless attacks on his buddies..."

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!" Be-bebe snapped at him.

Jelly Jiggler shrugged. "Whatever...as long as we don't break off that mask of his and unleash his ultimate destructive instant-kill Super Fist style, then we're good to go! Right, Byakkyo?"

However, when he looked to Byakkyo, he saw that the sadistic red-head was now digging his scalpel into the face of a puppet that resembled Age of Aquarius. Suddenly, the mask on the doll broke off and fell to the floor. At that same time, Age of Aquarius' actual mask shattered to pieces, and his face was revealed; he was a handsome pale youth with shimmering light blue eyes. Blood was pouring down his face from where Byakkyo had cut the doll.

Unfortunately, though, now his Ancient Super Fist style was going to be unleashed.

"OH, YOU STUPID MOTHERCLUCKER!" Jelly Jiggler snapped while wearing a chicken suit.

Byakkyo smiled happily and stuck his tongue out. "KAWAIIIIIII..."

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Gregory House, from the popular medical drama 'House M.D.'. He's a surgeon.

(2) - This is the catchphrase said before every operation by Derek Stiles from the video game series 'Trauma Center'.

(3) - A reference to the Weird Al song 'Like A Surgeon'.

(4) - Derek Stiles can use the 'Healing Touch' to slow down time and make it easier to perform certain steps in an operation.


	41. YinYangYin! Next Chapter Will Be Longer!

_OH GOD, THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE SUPER FIST STYLE HAS BEEN UNLEASHED! SHAVE THE DOG, NEUTER THE CAT, AND LOCK GRANDMA IN THE CUPBOARD! QUICKLY!_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"

Age of Aquarius clutched his head as he fell to his knees and screamed in pain.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"

Jelly Jiggler clutched his head as he fell to his knees and screamed in pain.

"STOP JOKING AROUND!" Be-bebe snapped, kicking poor Jelly Jiggler into the wall. Then, looking around for Torpedo Girl, he cried, "MISS TORPEDO GIRL! WHERE DID YOU GO?!"

Suddenly, Age of Aquarius' screams were interrupted when Torpedo Girl flew out of nowhere and smashed into his gut. Age of Aquarius staggered for a moment before falling backwards onto the floor, apparently unconscious.

"YOU DID IT, MY FORBIDDEN LOVE!" Byakkyo cheered.

'Now she's his FORBIDDEN love...?' Be-bebe noticed.

Byakkyo ran over to Torpedo Girl in an attempt to hug her, but she elbowed him on the head and then slammed his face to the ground.

"DON'T YOU EVER TRY AND TOUCH ME AGAIN...BECAUSE I'M A TORPEDO!" Torpedo Girl snapped before flying off to find her darling Softon and save him from Riaru. Thus, Jelly Jiggler's team was now down by one person. Luckily, once Byakkyo got over heart break again, he could just fill in for her.

Now back to his original form, Jelly Jiggler asked, "We won, huh? As I expected! So what do we do now?"

"...How about we cut poems of lost love and betrayed ambitions into our wrists?" Byakkyo meekly suggested, tears still rolling down his face.

"Good idea...but we'll save that for when we're selling used cars." Jelly Jiggler muttered, scratching his non-existent chin as he tried to think of an idea.

"If you ask me," grunted Smoothie IV, "I think we should go and conquer Europe while riding some noble steeds. I loves me so noble steeds!"

Suddenly, Be-bebe noticed something odd. "Ehhh...how come Age of Aquarius is standing up...and not dead?"

Sure enough, Age of Aquarius was back on his feet, and he was holding a large book in his hands. Jelly Jiggler gasped and thought, 'N...No way...is that...is that the official Explode Saga(tm) RPG Strategy Guide?! I've spent a 1,000,003 years searching for it!'

Smirking, Age of Aquarius clenched the book a bit and it burned up into ashes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jelly Jiggler cried, falling to his knees. Quickly regaining his composure, the jelly man lifted himself back on his feet and pulled out...a Death Note(1).

"W-WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?!" Be-bebe exclaimed.

"I bought it on E-bay, where everything can be obtained!" Jelly Jiggler replied as he flipped open the black notebook, "I'm gonna write this jerk's name down...and he'll die!"

Laughing insanely, Jelly Jiggler quickly scribbled a name down. "THERE! NOW HE'LL DIE OF A HEART ATTACK IN 45 SECONDS!"

"...45 seconds?"

"Yeah. I wanted to give him a bit more time to say his final prayers..."

"YOU MORON!" Be-bebe snatched the Death Note out of Jelly Jiggler's hands and read it. The moment he opened it and saw what the jelly man had written, his face fell.

Turning to Jelly Jiggler, Be-bebe was shaking with fury as he quietly said, "...Why did you write 'Bill Cosby' in here instead of 'Age of Aquarius'?"

"Because I'm stoopid!" Jelly Jiggler replied happily.

"YOU SURE ARE!"

Reaching behind him, Jelly Jiggler then pulled out a large needle-like contraption. "Don't wory, though! Because...I got Plasmids!"

Injecting an orange liquid into his body, Jelly Jiggler soon became totally orange. Then...a swarm of bees flew in and started stinging his face(2).

"AAHHH! BEES! BEES! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY BEES! I'M BEING ATTACKED...BY BEES! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Suddenly, Age of Aquarius appeared standing right in front of the three-man group, his arms crossed. His shirt was now gone, revealing a large yin-yang symbol had been carved into his chest. Blood seeped from his empty white eyes, forming red lines running down his cheeks. Two small spirits were spiraling slowly over his head; one of 'yin', and the other 'yang'.

"Let me tell you something," he said in a raspy voice, "The truth is, I was born with two Super Fist styles within my soul: Super Fist of Holy Light and Super Fist of Satanic Darkness. These two Super Fists were complete opposites, and they fought constantly over full possession of my body. Thus, I ended up unleashing their powers without even wanting to. I suffered for so long, losing everything that was important to me, all because of these powers, but...Ba-baba offered to teach me how to master both of my Super Fist styles. After so many years of training, and wearing that mask, my two Super Fists have now combined...into the Taiji(3) Super Fist."

"Oh, I see what you did there! I wish you didn't have to be killed off next chapter..." Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, his face covered in swollen bumps.

"NOW...DIE!" Age of Aquarius smashed his palm against Jelly Jiggler's face, and a huge blast of energy erupted outwards, completely eradicating a side of the tower. Be-bebe and Byakkyo's mouths hung open as a huge pile of icy rubble crashed down before them. However, what they really noticed was that Jelly Jiggler was now completely gone.

"Heh...barely even 20 percent..." Age of Aquarius noted.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! THAT STUPID IDIOT IS GONE!" Be-bebe and Byakkyo cheered.

Age of Aquarius then grabbed the two floating symbols above his head, and threw them at his last two opponents. The 'yang' symbol entered Be-bebe's chest, while the 'yin' symbol was unwittingly absorbed by Byakkyo.

Clutching at his chest, Be-bebe cried, "W-What did you just do to us?!"

"...Just try and use your attacks..." Age of Aquarius snarled.

Be-bebe attempted to do so, but as soon as he summoned his leg hairs, they turned into snakes with chicken heads. Byakkyo also tried to stab his dolls again, but now he was just stabbing bags of cotton taped to his chest.

"W...WHAT THE HELL?!"

"I've inserted yin-yang into your attacks...now they are useless!" Age of Aquarius declared.

"THAT'S MAKES NO SENSE!" Be-bebe cried.

Smirking, Age of Aquarius motioned his neck upwards...and about 50 small energy balls formed in the air around him. Then, he swung his hands and pointed right towards Be-bebe and Byakkyo.

"...SEE YA."

Be-bebe and Byakkyo could do nothing but hold up their arms in a pathetic attempt to save themselves from being blown apart. However, just before the energy balls hit them, a long hook-up cord flew out of nowhere, wrapped around Be-bebe and Byakkyo, and pulled them to safety. The energy balls smashed into the floor, and blew a huge hole into the ground where they had just been standing.

Looking up, Be-bebe saw that the person who had saved them...

...was Jammin' Jelly Jiggler A.K.A. Jelly, the Jelly Jiggler's human super form!

"Let's get it on...Age of Aquarius."

Smirking, Age of Aquarius held out his palms and created a large yin-yang symbol in front of him. "I'll destroy you with all of my attacks...at once! You'll be in even worse trouble when I unlock my TRUE form of death!"

"GOOD LUCK, SENOR!" Be-bebe exclaimed as the blue-haired man stepped forward for his turn to battle.

Hooking his Cuisinart blender into Byakkyo's bellybutton ("HEY!"), Jelly was finally glad he had paid extra for the extension cable...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Death Note. Need I say more?

(2) - In the FPS game 'BioShock', there is a Plasmid that lets you summon a swarm of bees to attack for you. Really.

(3) - The yin-yang symbol represents 'Taiji', which translates as 'Supreme Ultimate'. Look it up on Wikipedia for more and better explained info.


	42. Unleash It! Here It Goes! Fly High!

_And now, for something completely different..._

The scene opens up with Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Softon and Gasser sitting inside a car in a huge line of traffic. After a while, Don Patch began to sing.

"Now I've got a confession..."

"HAA HAA HAA HAA!"

"...When I was young I wanted attention..."

"HAA HAA HAA HAA!"

...And I promised myself that I'd do anything..."

"HAA HAA HAA HAA!"

"...Anything at all for the boys to notice me!"

"HAA HAA HAA HAA!"

"...But I ain't complaining, we all wanna be famous! So go ahead and say what you wanna say! You know what it's like to be nameless! Want them to know what your name is! 'Cause see when I was younger I would say..."

Then, Don Patch and the others stood up and began dancing wildly as they sung in-sync.

"When I grow up  
I wanna be famous  
I wanna be a star  
I wanna be in movies!"

"When I grow up  
I wanna see the world  
Drive nice cars  
I wanna have Groupies!"

"When I grow up  
Be on TV  
People know me  
Be on magazines!"

"When I grow up  
Fresh and clean  
Number one chick when I step out on the scene!"

Hopping out of the car, this odd little group, lead by Don Patch, continued to sing as they walked down the sidewalk, passing by hundreds of impossibly beautiful people.

"But be careful what you wish for  
'Cause you just might get it  
But you just might get it  
But You just might get it!"

"But be careful what you wish for  
'Cause you just might get it  
But you just might get it  
But You just might get it!"

However, before they could get any further into the song, it ended.

"I knew we shouldn't have tried to parody a 'Pussycat Dolls' song..."

* * *

_ALRIGHT...BACK TO THE MAIN STORY! Be-bebe and Byakkyo have been rendered useless by Age of Aquarius, and now it's up to Jelly and...a special guest!_

Jelly (remember, it's his human super form) didn't seem the least bit frightened by Age of Aquarius or his omni-disastrous(?) presence.

"...Aren't you afraid?" Age of Aquarius asked, powerful aura flowing off of his body.

Snapping off the top of his Cuisinart Blender, Jelly replied, "Why should I be? So you use the legendary, ancient and super-deadly Taiji Super Fist...so what? I'm not scared at all."

Snarling, Age of Aquarius formed the large yin-yang symbol in his hands into a large black and white shotgun of sorts. Aiming it at Jelly's head, the white-haired maniac cackled, "Heh! My Yin-Yang Shotgun will take care of you and your snotty attitude once and for all!"

Age of Aquarius pulled the trigger, and a single ball of black and white light fired out and smacked Jelly directly in the forehead. However, the blue-haired man only recoiled a bit from the hit before continuing walking.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY CRAP, THAT GUY IS INSANE SUPREME!" Be-bebe exclaimed from the sidelines. Byakkyo and Smoothie IV even dressed up as cheerleaders and danced for their new hero and savior.

Age of Aquarius was at a loss for words. 'How...how the heck did he survive that?!'

Suddenly, blood burst out of Jelly's forehead, and he fell to the floor. "That...kinda hurt..."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! MY HERO! MY KING! MY...JELLY JIGGLER!" Be-bebe, Byakkyo and Smoothie IV all cried at the same time.

"Hmph...what an idiot..." Stepping over to Jelly's motionless body, Age of Aquarius kicked him in the side several times, harder with every swing of his foot. When he was finally done, a large puddle of blood had formed underneath poor Jelly.

"HAH HA HA HA HA! Is that the best you fools can do?" Age of Aquarius chided, "I'LL KILL YOU ALL SO EASILY IT WON'T EVEN BE FUNNY!" He rose his left hand and was about to plunge his fingers into Jelly's chest when another explosion erupted from behind him.

Spinning around, Age of Aquarius stared at the cloud of dust before him and snapped, "...WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY FUN?!"

"That'd be me!" replied a figure standing in the smoke. Quickly, two other figures ran in and used fans to wipe away the dust, revealing themselves...

...it was Shigeki X (a yellow, Don Patch-like being with a V-shaped device above his eyes), Goisu (Captain Battleship's pompadour-sporting little brother) and Wandering Tofu (a ninja with tofu for a head)!

"...Who?"

"WHAT? C'MON, YOU KNOW ME!" Shigeki X exclaimed, "I'M...SHIGEKI X! A HANDSOME DEVIL, SHARP DRESSER, AND MASTERFUL CARD PLAYER ALL ROLLED INTO ONE! ...AND I AM A TRUE PRACTITIONER OF SHIGEKI STYLE!"

Byakkyo shook his head. "Sorry. Don't know ya at all."

Falling on his hands and knees, Shigeki X weeped, "Why...why...why don't they know me? Why...why...why?! Why, Seymour, why?!"

"S...Seymour?!" Goisu quickly said in confusion, "Listen, boss, it's okay...it's okay...you haven't had your afternoon pills yet. Just cheer up...and smile!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" Wandering Tofu chanted in a desperate attempt to brighten up his boss' mood.

'Wow...I feel bad for those two...' Be-bebe thought.

Lifting himself back up, Shigeki X exclaimed, "FINE THEN! I WON'T CRY ANY MORE! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN A BATTLE IS NEEDED TO BE WON!"

Age of Aquarius clenched his teeth in fury. "THIS...IS...RIDICULOUS! JUST HOW MANY OF YOU IDIOTS AM I GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT IN A SINGLE DAY?!"

Goisu shrugged and replied, "Well, the author really wanted us to at least make a nice little appearance, and we couldn't say 'no' to a guy like him, so here we are!"

'Argh...damn that author!' Age of Aquarius was about to go and quickly kill these new annoyances when someone leaped onto his back. It was Jelly Jiggler, now back to his original jelly form!

"NOW...WHERE'S MY PIE?!" He screamed loudly in white-haired man's ear.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Age of Aquarius screamed back.

Shigeki X took this moment to transform into his human form. Shigeki X's hair remained in the same style as his first form's spikes. The V on his head became two long antennas that stretch to the back of his head. He now has two circular shoulder blades, black pants, and wields two large sword-like weapons on his back. The weapons criss-cross each other, giving an "X" appearance. Shigeki X also has two "X" tattoos on his back.

"GOOD JOB, JELLY JIGGLER! NOW I CAN FINISH HIM OFF WITH ONE ULTIMATE STRIKE!" Shigeki X took out one of his swords and charged straight for Age of Aquarius. However, right as the edge of the sword was about to cut into his face, Age of Aquarius spun around, and Jelly Jiggler ended up being sliced in half instead.

"AUGH!!"

Shigeki X laughed victoriously as he continued to slice Jelly Jiggler to pieces. "HOLD ON, BOSS!" Goisu cried, "YOU'RE CUTTING UP THAT WEIRD JELLY GUY! STOP IT!" Blinking a few times, Shigeki X finally realized what he was doing as poor Jelly Jiggler's shredded body laid in a puddle of blood.

"Oh, sorry...I get so excited sometimes, I just forget who I'm cutting up!" he said sheepishly, and Wandering Tofu quickly taped Jelly Jiggler back together.

Standing up, Jelly Jiggler glanced over at Shigeki X and exclaimed, "Okay, so how are we gonna take this guy down for good?! He has the Taiji Super Fist, the most dangerous and lethal Super Fist style ever created! How are we gonna win?!"

Shigeki X shrugged. "Beats me."

"...HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Thrusting his hands into the ground, Age of Aquarius let out a powerful roar as he unearthed a large chainsaw covered with yin-yang symbols. "I'LL TEAR YOU ALL APART WITH MY YIN-YANG CHAINSAW OF BLOODY HELL!"

Shigeki X cocked his eyebrow and replied, "Oh, so you follow the way of Yin-Yang! I guess this is my chance to show you the error of your ways. You see, the only beliefs you should follow...are those of the Shigeki philosophy!"

"OH, REALLY?" Reeving up the chainsaw, Age of Aquarius swung. Shigeki X easily dodged it, but Jelly Jiggler had no chance in jumping out of the way in time...so he blocked the chainsaw with a daikon(1).

Age of Aquarius gasped. "NO...NO WAY! HOW CAN THIS IDIOT BLOCK MY YIN-YANG CHAINSAW WITH A FREAKIN' DAIKON?!"

"It's simple, really," Shigeki X explained as he unsheathed both of his swords, "You don't truly believe fully in your power. You're afraid of yourself, and that's why you haven't gone and killed all of us now; you're scared you might go out of control and end up destroying everything. You're fearful of your own true abilities."

"He's right...Guado." Jelly Jiggler whispered, still keeping the chainsaw attack at bay but now dressed as an old grandmother.

"YOU IDIOTS ARE WRONG! ALL WRONG!" Age of Aquarius screamed furiously. He tossed the chainsaw away and began trying to pummel Jelly Jiggler with his fists, but every punch was blocked by the daikon. It was obvious now that Age of Aquarius was really starting to lose his composure; his attacks were becoming more erratic and less thought-out...and that would lead to his own downfall.

"HOW THE HELL ARE YOU BLOCKING EVERY ATTACK WITH THAT DAIKON?!" Age of Aquarius snapped, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

Jelly Jiggler smirked, and then smashed the daikon across Age of Aquarius' face, causing him to stagger backwards. "The truth is..." Jelly Jiggler said, "...I'M A SAIYAN!"

Spinning around, Jelly Jiggler revealed he actually had a monkey tail!

'...THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE SO GOOD AT FIGHTING WITH A DAIKON!' Shigeki X, Goisu, Wandering Tofu, Be-bebe, Byakkyo and Age of Aquarius all thought.

Snarling, Age of Aquarius clenched down on Jelly Jiggler's 'tail' and tore it right off.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH! MY...MY TAIL!!" Jelly Jiggler rolled around on the ground in extreme pain, clutching at his now-bare bottom. Then...another tail immediately popped out. "Oh, yeah! I forgot I had some gecko DNA in me!"

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!"

Turning to Wandering Tofu, Jelly Jiggler shouted, "ALRIGHT...DO IT NOW! TURN INTO A FULL MOON SO I CAN BECOME A GREAT APE(2)!"

"GOTCHA!" Running over to Shigeki X, Wandering Tofu leaped off his boss' shoulders and focused all of his inner ninja energy to transform into a moon. Instead, he ended up becoming a large glowing tofu block floating high in the sky.

"...DAMMIT, WE NEEDED A MOON, YOU IDIOT!" Be-bebe shouted up to him. However, Jelly Jiggler got one look at the giant tofu block, and he began to grow.

'IT WORKED?!'

After about a minute, Jelly Jiggler had become a huge giant monkey...made out of cheese.

"I...I THOUGHT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MADE OUT OF JELLY!" Age of Aquarius cried out in shock as the large ape began to lower his foot on top of him. He tried to run to dodge the attack, but he found himself stuck in a puddle of jelly.

"DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT! ...When did he put this here?!"

Blood exploded out of Age of Aquarius' mouth and nose as he was crushed underneath the Great Ape's weight. Every bone in his body was nearly smashed to pieces. Then, the Great Ape grabbed Age of Aquarius' limp body, tossed him into the air, and blasted him with a powerful mouth beam.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! YIN-YANG! YIN-YANG! YIN-YANG! YIN...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!WAAAAAGH! THIS IS...THE DAWNING...OF THE AGE...OF...OF...OF...AQUARIUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!"

His eyes whited out, and Age of Aquarius was finally defeated once and for all. To honor his loss, the song 'Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In' began to play in the background.

Grunting, Shigeki X sliced off Jelly Jiggler's tail, and the jelly man reverted back to his original self. However, he was now dressed like a goth and listening to Linkin Park on his i-pod.

"WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!" Be-bebe and Byakkyo cheered, "WE WON!"

"...Actually, we won." Shigeki X said.

"OH, PLEASE! YOU DIDN'T REALLY EVEN DO ANYTHING!"

Glancing at Dengakuman and Rice, who were just lying there, everyone decided it would be best to leave them.

Now that the fight was over, the group left the Ice Castle and hurried over to the Government HQ area in hopes that Bo-bobo had come out victorious as well. As they were running, Shigeki X and his two henchmen were suddenly grabbed by Namco businessmen and pulled underground, never to be seen again for the rest of the fic...until the end, possibly.

When they reached the entrance to the Government HQ area, Jelly Jiggler and the others were surprised to find Bo-bobo, Softon, Hatenko, Ima, Don Patch, Bu-bubu and Gasser sitting around and playing Pokemon Diamond/Pearl together! Also, Don Patch was in a tuxedo and Bu-bubu was sitting in his lap while wearing a wedding dress. Gasser was dressed like a priest for some reason, too.

"W-WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOING?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU FOUGHT RIARU YET, BROTHER?!" Be-bebe snapped at Bo-bobo.

Bo-bobo shrugged. "Hey...I said there's no way I would win with Softon, Hatenko and Ima on my team. So, I decided to wait for you guys. Don Patch's battle was only 2 chapters, so he was able to get here sooner...you guys take way too long to fight..."

"I'LL KILL HIM GOOD! I'LL KILL HIM!" Jelly Jiggler screamed, pulling out a kitchen knife, but Be-bebe held him back.

Then, Byakkyo noticed a torpedo-shaped hole in the doorway. "Uh..Torpedo Girl went in, huh?"

"Yeah. She seemed to have completely overlooked the fact that Softon was standing right out here..." Ima remarked as she wrapped her arms around Jelly Jiggler and hugged him without a good explanation.

"...Hey, wanna trade Pokemanz? I gotz a level 45 Entei..." Softon suddenly asked Byakkyo.

Quickly grabbing out his DS, Byakkyo exclaimed, "YOU KNOW IT!"

"I GUESS YOU GUYS AREN'T ENEMIES ANYMORE...ESPECIALLY SINCE BYAKKYO HAD WIPED OUT ALL THE OTHER BABYLON GUYS BACK WHEN HE WAS A KID!" Gasser cried out.

Softon smirked. "Of course he's still my enemy. I plan to get my revenge by beating him once and for all...with my hacked Level 130 Caterpie!"

Once they were done trading and all that, the now-reunited Bo-bobo group entered the Government HQ, fully prepared to take on anything that comes at them.

'Man...I really hope Torpedo Girl won the battle so we could just go home already...' Bo-bobo thought nervously.

After walking down a long empty hallway, the group found themselves inside a large arena. A single platform was located in the middle of the room, and standing there with a smug look on his face...was Riaru. At his feet laid a familiar figure covered in bruises and blood; it was OVER.

"OH NO! TORPEDO GIRL...AND OVER HAVE BEEN BEATEN!" Gasser shouted.

Riaru swung his arm to loosen his muscles as he said, "Ah...I'm glad you've all finally arrived. It's time to get things started...Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Softon, Hatenko, Jelly Jiggler and others."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF OUR NAMES?!" Bo-bobo snapped.

Riaru smirked and pulled out a book from his pocket; it was volume 1 of the original manga series! "I was a HUGE fan of your series...I have double copies of every volume, even of Shinsetsu, too. It was the only reason I ever bought Weekly Shonen Jump. I know everything about all of you...and it is because of this manga that I want to kill all of you as well."

"...WHY SO SERIOUS?!" Don Patch asked, wearing a messy green wig, pasty white make-up over his face and red lipstick that stretched across his mouth(3).

"IF YOU LIKE OUR SERIES SO MUCH," Gasser proclaimed, "THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL US?!"

"I'll tell you, just so we can start the fight," Riaru explained, suddenly frowning, "When Shinsetsu Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo ended, I felt like a whole part of me had just died. I loved your irrelevant humor and silly gags so much; they inspired me to want and make my own comedy manga series. However, one rainy night, I started thinking...and I realized how idiotic and ridiculous your manga really was. I wanted to see something REAL. I wanted to see something POSSIBLE. I wanted everything to be REAL...and that was how I awoke to my Super Fist of Realism."

"THAT'S IDIOTIC!"

Stepping up onto the platform, Bo-bobo said, "I get it now. You want to fulfill your own personal revenge on me. If that's what you want...then I'll give you a chance to get that revenge. But...you'll need to beat me first...BARNEY."

Riaru chuckled to himself as he got into a fighting stance. "Bring it on...STEGGA."

'What's with these weird names...?' Ima wondered, still holding onto Jelly Jiggler like he was a plush toy.

Meanwhile, Dengakuman was peering from behind the wall, wondering what will happen next...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - A 'daikon' is a long white radish. Jelly Jiggler used it back in his battle against Bobopatch in the original series.

(2) - In the Dragonball series, when a Saiyan with a tail sees a full moon, he turns into a giant super-powerful monkey.

(3) - Don Patch is dressed as The Joker from 'Batman: The Dark Knight'.


	43. Riaru Strikes Back! And So Does Crosk!

_From where we last left off, the battle against Richter's final and most powerful henchman begins! Are Bo-bobo and his crew up to the challenge?_

"...You know what we gotta do, Bo-bobo." Don Patch said, looking serious.

Bo-bobo nodded, and he donned a suit of armor and a helmet. Picking up a spear into his hands, he exclaimed, "WE MUST HUNT DOWN THE DREADED BEAST OF EXNOR!"

Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were now also wearing armor, and they were carrying a sword and a box of donuts respectively. The three warriors were slowly nearing a small cave within a mountain, where the Beast of Exnor was said to reside. Afraid of what was to come, Bo-bobo and Don Patch decided it would be best to have Jelly Jiggler to use his flashlight and look inside.

However, just as Jelly Jiggler took out his little 'NU' flashlight, something walked out of the cave. It was Crosk, wearing a goat costume and nibbling on a large chocolate chip cookie.

'Aww...he's so CUTE...' Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler thought happily.

"HEY, IT'S CROSK-KUN! How'd you get back from hammerspace?" Ima exclaimed in surprise.

"Three words," Crosk replied, "Apple...Cup...Flight."

'...I DON'T GET IT...'

Then, the scene changed back to the Government HQ building, where Bo-bobo and his group were facing off against Riaru. Only Crosk was now on their team all of the sudden.

"Feh...no matter how many you bring out, you'll all end up dead!" Riaru snapped.

Sticking a Q-tip up his nose, Bo-bobo replied, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...every villain we've fought so far has pretty much said the same thing. Can't you guys be a bit more original?"

"It's hard being original when you're an OC villain with zero character development..." Riaru explained.

"I feel your pain..." Gasser muttered under his breath.

"ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER! YOU GUYS WILL DIE, SO IT MEANS NOTHING!" Laughing manically, Riaru charged straight for Bo-bobo. Raising his right hand, it began to glow with a bright red light as he shouted, "SUPER FIST OF REALISM: 'BECOMING REAL' FIST!"

"OH NOOOOOO!" Bo-bobo quickly grabbed Crosk and shouted, "IF YOU WANT TO HIT ME...YOU'LL HAVE TO BEAT UP THIS GUY! AND THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN'T BRING YOURSELF TO DO, RIGHT?"

However, Riaru just punched Crosk right in the face, much to Bo-bobo's chagrin. The poor boy then slumped to the floor and laid there for a bit.

"Crosk! Crosk! Are you okay?!" Ima cried from the sidelines. When Crosk regained consciousness and stood up, everyone was horrified to see...he now looked like a really bad Japanese cosplayer. All of his coolness had been knocked out of him in one shot.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! I THINK MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!" Jelly Jiggler screamed, and his eyes really started to seep a red liquid. Tasting it, Jelly Jiggler realized it was just ketchup.

Staring at his 'REAL' hands in horror, Crosk cried out, "What...WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME, YOU FREAK?!"

Riaru chuckled and replied, "Why, I've turned you REAL, of course. Now you look like someone who actually exists...instead of someone that doesn't."

"YOUR OBSCURE METAPHORS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME!" Crosk snapped, "I'LL DESTROY YOU WITH ONE ATTACK! HERE WE GO! SUPER FIST OF HAMMERSPACE: SUMMON A BATTLESHIP FLEET!"

However, nothing happened.

"HAA HA HA AH HA HA HAH GWAH HA HAH BWAH HAH! DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT WOULD WORK?" Riaru snickered, "WHEN YOU BECOME REAL...YOU LOSE ALL YOUR POWERS! BECAUSE...REAL PEOPLE DON'T HAVE EXTRAORDINARY POWERS LIKE 'SUPER FISTS' AND WHATNOT!"

Crosk gasped, and he fell to his knees. 'He's...he's right...'

Jumping up onto the stage, Gasser exclaimed, "HEY, RIARU! DON'T YOU GO PICKING ON MY FRIENDS! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS FOR THAT!"

An awkward silence filled the room.

"...If that's some pitiful attempt to make me like you more so I'll stop torturing you, it won't work, emo boy..." Crosk grumbled as he walked off to the sidelines in defeat. Bo-bobo shook his head and sighed. "That was probably your worst lines of dialogue yet..."

Blushing in embarrassment, Gasser cried, "W...W...WHATEVER! C'MON, IMA, SOFTON! LET'S TAKE THIS GUY OUT!" Following Gasser's lead, Ima and Softon jumped onto the arena and ran at Riaru, who was just standing there with his arms crossed. Suddenly, Softon smashed his fingertips into Riaru's face...and immediately realized all he was hitting was a Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo graphic novel.

"...Behind you."

Softon cried out in pain as Riaru punched him in the back of the head, completely destroying his poop mask and revealing his HANDSOME (cue the fangirls) long-haired face to the world once again. Don Patch quickly took a picture and made sure to sell it on e-bay later. Now poor Softon had been now turned REAL.

"MR. SOFTON!" Was all Gasser and Ima were able to cry out before Riaru struck them as well, and they both became REAL as well. In only about five minutes, four warriors had already been defeated.

Bo-bobo was at a loss for words. Don Patch was grinning and smoking a cigar. Jelly Jiggler was preparing a new sign to sell himself again. With only them and Hatenko left with the ability to fight, what will happen?

"HEY...WHAT ABOUT US?!" Be-bebe, Bu-bubu and Byakkyo all snapped.

"...If I had a hammer..." Crosk mumbled under his breath, lost deeply within his own thoughts.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW, BO-BOBO?! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING!" Riaru exclaimed triumphantly.

Hatenko cursed loudly and summoned the X-LL7 Key Cannon(1) once again. "I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN, YOU BASTARD!" Hatenko fired several keys from the rifle, and each one pierced into Riaru's skin...but it did nothing to him.

"Heh...what is not real cannot possibly hurt something that IS real..." Riaru said, and the keys crumbled into dust.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! DOES THIS MEAN HE'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT?!" Hatenko cried in despair.

Suddenly, Bo-bobo placed his hand on Hatenko's shoulder. "Don't assume something is impossible...just because you nor anyone else can't accomplish it."

"...But doesn't that mean it IS impossible, then?"

"Yes."

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

Bo-bobo said no more, and pushed Hatenko off the edge of the arena. Turning to Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler, Bo-bobo exclaimed, "Alright, it's time to get serious, guys!"

"YEAH!" Jelly Jiggler remarked, "WE GOTTA BE AS SERIOUS AS NARUTO WAS WHEN HE HAD TO FIGHT SASUKE TO CONVINCE HIM TO RETURN TO KONOHA AFTER HE LEFT TO JOIN OROCHIMARU, WHO PROMISED TO GIVE HIM POWER SO HE COULD KILL HIS BROTHER ITACHI FOR KILLING HIS FAMILY!"

"...How serious WAS he?" Don Patch asked.

Jelly Jiggler shrugged and scoffed. "Who knows(2)? NO ONE READS THAT CRAPPY MANGA!"

Everyone laughed for a while, but then let out depressed sighs.

'If only that were true...'

"SUPER FIST OF REALISM: REALISTIC WAVE!" Smashing his fists into the ground, Riaru sent a powerful shockwave burst through the floor.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Bo-bobo shouted, "SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: ROBOTIC HELL FORCE 9!" Suddenly, a giant robot flew out of nowhere and smashed right into Riaru, sending him flying into the air. However, he wasn't out for the count yet, and Bo-bobo continued his assault.

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: BREAK-DANCE NOSE HAIR CHOP!"

Putting on an old 80's outfit, Bo-bobo began busting some funky fresh moves, unleashing his nosehairs and smacking Riaru around at the same time. Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler joined in, but since they didn't have any nosehairs, Bo-bobo kicked them away in fury.

When the attack was over, Riaru landed on the ground with a thud, and Bo-bobo figured(hoped) he had won.

However, Riaru just flipped up to a standing position and chided, "I already told you...what is not real cannot dream to hurt something that IS real..."

Bo-bobo cursed under his breath. 'Dang...he's tougher than I had thought...'

Don Patch cursed under his breath. 'Dang...this melon is tougher than I thought...'

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Hatenko first used the X-LL7 Key Cannon back in chapter 10 of Kyokusetsu Bo-bobo!

(2) - For the record...he was VERY serious.


	44. Hannah Bobobotana, Rock On!

A/N: On a random note - I just realized how freakin' awesome One Piece is.

...And N&N's is awesome too.

"These aren't the droids you're looking for!" and "I hate you! I love you! I hate you! I love you!"lol

Disclaimer: I do not own any lyrics or songs featured in any of the many chapters of this fic...at all. So don't sue.

* * *

_Last time, Riaru has revealed himself impervious to all of Bo-bobo's attacks...because he's A TORPE-I MEAN...HE'S REAL!_

"Damn...is there anything we can do at all?!" Bo-bobo exclaimed out loud in growing despair.

"Don't you get it, Bo-bobo? You cannot hurt me without being REAL..." Riaru chuckled, "And that is something you and your comrades can NEVER obtain!"

Bo-bobo, in desperate need for an idea, glancing down at Don Patch, who was busy rubbing his finger along his back and then sniffing it. Suddenly, an idea came to him.

"FINE! THEN I'LL JUST FIGHT YOU...WITH REAL-WORLD REFERENCES!" Bo-bobo shouted, and a powerful golden aura formed around his body.

Riaru's eyes widened and he snapped, "NO! THERE'S NO WAY...YOU CAN'T REALLY BE...BE PLANNING ON USING _THAT _TECHNIQUE...ARE YOU?!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: SHALLOW DISNEY POP IDOL DIVA!"

Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were engulfed in a huge ball of light, and Riaru threw up his arms to block the light from his eyes. When the light faded, Riaru found himself standing in the middle of a stage, with a huge crowd of people cheering and screaming. Suddenly, a microphone and a slip of paper landed into his hands.

Holding the microphone up to his mouth, Riaru stared at the paper and meekly read aloud: "NOW INTRODUCING...HANNAH BO-BOBOTANA(1)!"

A hole opened up next to Riaru, and a woman with long blonde hair rose out...okay, so it was really just Bo-bobo wearing a wig and dress, but so what?

"GIVE ME THAT MICROPHONE!" Hannah Bo-bobotana snapped, snatching said microphone out of Riaru's hands. Breathing heavily on it, s(he) began to sing:

--

_"When I was a spider..._

_...sitting along the nile..._

_...the frogs, they come for me..._

_...they eat my daughter, her name was Jessica..._

_her son...was a puppy named Ralf..._

_...and this large penny sticking out of my chest.._

_...it's really not important right now. So tell me..._

_Who do you want...to win the Presidental Election?_

_No, I promised...I promised I wouldn't talk about that..._

_Mai-ha...Mai-yuu...Moo-vee...Hello, Bee, how are you?_

_My father is a monkey, and my mother is a squash..._

_...no tax dollars for me, please...I haven't eaten my bread yet..._

_Hell has no furniture, so I cook rice instead..._

_Now...here is something you should know..._

_Death Note, Shaman King, Zatch Bell, Eyeshield 21, Dragon Ball Z, Misc. Anime/Manga, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, Xiaolin Showdown, Furi Kuri: FLCL, Naruto, Kingdom Hearts, Hamtaro, Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Pokemon, Avatar: Last Airbender, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, Bleach, Final Fantasy VII, Life With Derek, Fullmetal Alchemist, Animorphs, Ben 10, Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario, Danny Phantom, Gorillaz, Star Fox, Yu-Gi-Oh, Super Smash Brothers, Class of 300, Final Fantasy XII, Elite Beat Agents, Zelda, Touch Detective, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, D.Gray-Man, Advance Wars, Trauma Center, Buso Renkin, hack/SIGN, Star Ocean, Xenosaga, Soul Calibur, Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Gintama, Storm Hawks, Claymore, Team Medical Dragon, Air Gear, Final Fantasy X, Ichigo 100, Kappa Mikey, Bokurano, Lucky Star, Mega Man, High School Musical, Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann, Okami, Megami Tensei, 20th Century Boys, Muhyo & Roji, Fire Emblem, Mahou Sensei Negima, MÄR, Pani Poni Dash!, Hellsing, Psycho Busters, When They Cry - Higurashi, Zoey 101, Chowder, Battle Royale, Sayonara Zetsubo Sensei, Happy Tree Friends, Tales of Symphonia, Hannah Montana, Hatsukoi Limited, Cloverfield, Majin Tantei Nōgami Neuro, Fairy Tail, Wario Ware Inc., Earthbound, Metal Gear, World Ends With You, King of Fighters, No More Heroes, Paprika, Rosario + Vampire, BioShock, Half-Life, Rozen Maiden, Star Wars, Akira, Penelope, BioMeat - Nectar, and Disgaea(2) mean nothing to me..._

_Anyway..._

_I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR! I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!_

_LET'S START A WAR! LET'S START A NUCLEAR WAR! AT THE GAY BAR!GAY BAR!GAY BAR!(3)_

_...OBJECTION!(4)_

_...TAKE THAT!(4)_

_...HOLD IT!(4)_

_WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..._

_--_

"NASTY SONG! NASTY SONG! THAT'S A NASTY SONG!" Riaru shouted in fury, kicking Hannah Bo-bobotana off the stage. Suddenly, the entire crowd became quiet, and flashed death glares at the man who had just brutually injured their teen idol.

"...Uh, I'm sorry?"

"LET'S KILL THE SILLY BASTARD!" shouted a girl in the third row as she brandished a blood-stained katana from her pocket.

Rairu let out a high-pitched squeal as about 9,000 people jumped onto the stage and chased after him, weapons drawn. He was about to reach the fire-exit door when two bodyguards stepped in front of him: Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler!

"Hey...where do you think you're going?" Don Patch snarled, ramen noodles pouring out of his mouth.

"Uh...to the bathroom?" Rairu replied, glancing back at the angry mob as it drew closer.

Jelly Jiggler leaned next to his partner and whispered, "I think he's lying...look at that mullet of his. People with mullets always lie..."

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!! SUPER FIST OF REALISM: 'BECOMING REAL' FIST!" Riaru screamed, smashing his fists into both Don Patch and Jelly Jigglers' faces. Suddenly, the surrounding area returned to normal, and they were back inside the Government HQ building. Only, this time, due to Riaru's Super Fist of Realism attack...

...Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were now humans.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Don Patch had become a handsome young man wearing clothes very similar to Hatenko's, only his hair was a bright reddish-orange instead. Jelly Jiggler looked just like he did as his human super form...except this time he had no Cuisinart Blender, and he was pathetically weak.

Bo-bobo had disposed of his outfit and wig, and was horrorified at what had happened to his dear teammates.

Taking out a mirror, Don Patch got a good look at himself and exclaimed, "OH, SNAP...I'M GORGEOUS!"

"BRING BACK THE OLD DON PATCCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!" Bo-bobo cried, punching poor Don Patch hard across the face. The mirror flew out of Don Patch's hands, and landed near Jelly Jiggler.

Grabbing it, Jelly Jiggler looked at himself and exclaimed, "DAMN...I'M GORGEOUS TOO!"

"DIE, YOU FREAKKKKKKKKKKK!!" Bo-bobo cried, punching poor Jelly Jiggler hard across the face. The mirror flew out of Jelly Jiggler's hands and shattered to pieces when it hit into Rairu's muscular chest.

"YOU THINK THAT IDIOTIC TECHNIQUE COULD HAVE BEATEN ME?!" Riaru snapped, "EVEN IF IT WAS BASED AFTER SOMETHING REAL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'LL HURT ME! AND...HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY FAVORITE POP SINGER?!"

"Mr. Bo-bobo Jefferey...it's all up...to you..." Don Patch coughed before losing consciousness.

Bo-bobo nodded. "Yes, Peter...I will make sure to avenge your death...and Larry's, as well."

Tired of this idiocy, Riaru ran over to Bo-bobo and pummeled the afroed man in the stomach several times over. "SUPER FIST OF REALISM: 'BECOMING REAL' FIST!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!"

Gasser, Crosk and the others watched in mock horror as Bo-bobo's big shiny afro lost its luster and became a plain, blond, fuzzy REAL afro instead. Bo-bobo's shoulders shrunk and his legs became wider, to make him look more REAL. Falling to his knees, Bo-bobo was speechless. Now...even the great Nose Hair master had been defeated.

"TETSUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."(5)

"KANEDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."(5)

Riaru laughed like a madman, throwing his head back and enjoying every bit of his apparent victory. Then, he said, "Now...to kill you. SUPER FIST OF REALISM: REALISTIC SWORD!"

Suddenly, a large sowing needle with the words 'LOVE AND WAR' enscribed into it formed in Riaru's hands.

"HEY!" Gasser exclaimed, "THAT'S NOT REALISTIC AT ALL!"

An insane grin spread out on his face, Riaru plunged the tip of the sword right into Bo-bobo's head...

"BO-BOBOBO BO-BOBO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Oh god, it's Hannah Montana parody!

(2) - A reference to Roxius. Yeah, it may sound conceited, but I deserve it!

(3) - Actual lines from an actual song actually titled 'Gay Bar'.

(4) - Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney's famous exclamations (also, the only things he really says that is voiced for the games).

(5) - A reference to the famous and fabulous anime movie Akira, where the two main characters tend to scream out each others' names alot.


	45. Even Bobobo is Beat! Who Will Win Now?

_And now, for something else that's completely different..._

Ima and Crosk entered the room, wearing suits, and loud applause filled the air. Bowing, Ima held up a microphone and exclaimed, "Hello, everyone, and welcome to chapter 45 of Kyokusetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo! Now, to explain what we have for you all today, I'll hand the mic over to my co-host, Crosk!"

Taking the mic, Crosk said, "Today, we're going to introduce pretty much every character who wasn't lucky enough to make an appearance in this fic! So...come on out, guys!"

A curtain rose, and characters began to walk into the spotlight in a single file (if you don't know who they are, look it up! I'm not gonna list every character that doesn't appear, especially not all of the insignificant ones!):

J, Pana, Hydrate, Loincloth Lloyd, Yogurt-Flavored Gum and the dog who ate it, Hell Dolphin, Mean Green Soup Alien, Ruby, Infinite Shoot, Poet, Sonic, Super Rabbit, Puckered Lips, T-500, Kanemaru, Nightmare, Beep, Megafan, Haou, Carman, Wan Ronga, Jeda, Major Minor, Rububa, The Splinter, Roman Samurai, Wild Wister, Halon Oni, The Three Sacks, LOVE, Crimson, Bird of Paradise, Red K, Blue D, Fine, Deus, Bibibi-bi Bi-bibi, Garbel, Kappa, Yuki, Yokohoma Joe, Chairman Pepepebitch, Buta-kun, Porusutoroi, Todoin-sama, Beckenbaur, Plain Bread-chan, The Nagoya Brothers, Yukidaru, Tsurubinya, Jobus, Master JOY, Princess Chinchiro, Runaway Pachinko Boy, Angel 777, Usui, GURA-san, Shiryuen Kamara, and Boomerang Pantymaru.

"Uh...that's alot of people..." Ima commented.

Crosk nodded, and then he pulled a switch...causing the group of ignored characters to fall into a pit of flesh-eating marsupials.

Suddenly, though, Ima realized something.

"WAIT...THEY DID ALL END UP MAKING APPEARANCES, THEN!"

* * *

_Since Bu-bubu, Be-bebe and Byakkyo were of no use for this battle, they decided to leave and get some ice cream, alongside Hiragi, Jati, B.B., Pokomi, Gaoh and Suzu...and now, on with the story..._

Just as Riaru was about to plunge his giant sowing needle sword into Bo-bobo's head, he felt something...or someone land on his shoulder.

"...Service..."

Glancing up, Riaru saw...well, he saw something he wished he hadn't seen.

"OH MY GOD! MY EYES!" Riaru screamed, wildly swinging his sword, slicing off Bo-bobo's afro in the process. However, this mysterious flasher easily dodged the attacks and leaped to the other side of the platform. It was Serviceman!

Still a bit blinded, Riaru snapped, "HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME...YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT!"

"Hmph...save your insults for after the battle..." said Serviceman.

Forcing a small grin, Bo-bobo muttered, "Thanks...Serviceman...go get 'em..." Then, he lost consciousness.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Gasser cried, "SERVICEMAN IS GOING TO FIGHT FOR US?! REALLY?!"

"...I checked the script, and it appears to be true..." Crosk grunted, now wearing a normal set of clothes instead of his original Wiggin' attire.

Softon, who had crawled off the arena and was now lying against the wall, really wished he hadn't picked yesterday to stop sniffing glue.

"Doomed...we're all doomed!" Ima screamed up to the skies and she fell to her knees in despair. Gasser and Crosk soon followed suit, with the latter humming the 'Doom Song'(1) under his breath.

However, their hopes actually rose a bit when they looked up and saw Serviceman landing a bone-cracking kick to Riaru's jaw.

Staggering, Riaru barked, "Argh! How is this disgusting little man so strong...and able to hurt me?!"

Making an awesome fighting pose, Service Man snarled, "It's obvious. It's because...I'm real."

'NO FREAKIN' WAY! THIS GUY IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM BEING REAL!' Riaru, Gasser, Crosk and Ima all thought.

"SUPER FIST OF SERVICE: SERVICE SWEEP OF DEATH!" Letting out a battle cry, Serviceman charged forward. Before Riaru could even prepare himself, Serviceman was smashing his fists into his stomach repeatably. Blood burst out of Riaru's mouth and he fell forwards, but it wasn't done yet. Serviceman landed two more punches to Riaru's face, and kneed him in the crotch.

Then, Serviceman swung his leg against Riaru's neck and slammed him face-first into the ground.

'HE EVEN HAS HIS OWN SUPER FIST ATTACK...AND IT'S STRONG!!'

"...How'd you like THAT service, punk?!" Serviceman grunted.

Wiping blood off his chin, Riaru said, "You...I recognize you...you're 'Serviceman', aren't you? The greatest thing since sliced bread?"

"Oh! I have a fan? For realz?" Serviceman gasped in surprise.

Deciding to take advantage of this, Riaru flashed an innocent smile and replied, "Yes...I am your biggest, most loyal fanboy ever...Dad."

Serviceman couldn't believe it. Someone...someone actually like him! It brought tears to his eyes.

"DON'T FALL FOR HIS GODDAMN TRICKS!" Crosk shouted from the sidelines.

Holding out his arms, Serviceman put on a serious face and proclaimed, "If you want...I can give you a hug, to show my appreciation to you for being my only fanboy..."

Still smiling, Riaru got up and walked over to Serviceman. "Yeah...I'd like a hug...Dad."

"STOP CALLING HIM 'DAD'! HE IS NOT YOUR FATHER!" Ima exclaimed.

They wrapped their arms around each other, and just stood there for a few minutes. Crosk even started weeping a bit at how beautiful and sweet it all was.

Then...

"Heh. Gotcha."

Serviceman let out a roar as he flipped Riaru over and slammed the top of his head into the ground. Riaru cursed loudly as more blood spilled out of his mouth and nose.

Gasser's eyes would have normally bugged out of his head like usual, but since he was REAL now, that was impossible. "WHAAAAT?! WE ALL SERIOUSLY EXPECTED RIARU TO HAVE PULLED OFF THE SURPRISE ATTACK INSTEAD!"

Struggling to get back to his feet, Riaru thought, 'Dammit...dammit...dammit! How...how is he so powerful...so strong...so tough? It can't really be possible...this son of a bitch cannot really be beating me!!'

"There's no chance in winning. I'll be able to hit you before you can even use your Super Fist of Realism. You've lost." Serviceman stated.

"I'LL...I'LL...I'LL...I'LL DESTROY YOU!!" Riaru was practically foaming at the mouth as he charged at Serviceman, fully determined to kill him. Sighing, Serviceman did a quick leg sweep, knocking Riaru off balance, and then he smashed his elbow into his face. Gasser, Crosk, and Ima were at left speechless at this amazing display of Serviceman's power.

'He...he broke my nose...' Riaru thought as blood gushed out of his face before he collapsed to the ground once again.

Serviceman shook his head in disappointment and said, "Riaru...it is because of wanting to be 'real' that you lost this fight. Remember that..." Then, he turned around and began to walk away.

"Wow...Serviceman is actually...kinda cool..." Gasser stammered, blushing slightly.

"NO! STOP IT! DON'T SAY SUCH THINGS! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! SNAP OUT OF IT! PLEASE!" Ima cried as she tried to talk some sense into the white-haired boy.

Suddenly, Riaru stood up...and he had a small pill in his hand; the Zenmetsu-gan.

'Argh...where do they keep getting those pills? We destroyed the laboratory that created them a long time ago!' Gasser thought, clenching his fists.

"YOU...YOU THINK YOU'VE WON?!" Riaru snarled, "YOU THINK...YOU THINK YOU'VE BEATEN ME?! I'LL SHOW YOU! I'LL SHOW YOU! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL THAT I AM THE MOST POWERFUL!!"

Riaru quickly swallowed the pill, and laughed insanely as his power grew to new heights. Horns began to form on his arms, back, shoulders and face, making him look similar to Darth Maul(2). Bulging red veins swelled on his forehead, and his irises shrank, increasing his 'scary' factor even more. Even his voice became more demonic.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!" He barked, and his loud voice alone let off a wave of air that nearly knocked everyone on their butts.

However, Serviceman didn't seem fazed at all. In fact, he just sighed and mumbled, "I guess I'll have to unleash the power of my true form if I hope to win..."

'...What does he mean?'

Reaching up, Serviceman pulled off the cloak that had hid his identity for so long. He tossed the old white rag to the side (it landed over Softon's face) and said, "ALRIGHT, TIME TO FIGHT FOR REAL!"

An akward silence filled the room as they all started at Serviceman in complete shock.

"SERVICEMAN'S TRUE IDENTITY...IS CZAR BALDY BALD THE 3RD?!"

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Gir's Doom Song from 'Invader Zim'.

(2) - The villian with no lines from Star Wars Episode 1.


	46. Soup And Chicken! It's Better Than You

_As it turned out, Serviceman was actually that handsome devil Czar Baldy Bald the 3rd this entire time!_

"HOLD ON!" Gasser exclaimed from the sidelines, "THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE...AT ALL! SERIOUSLY! IT ISN'T!"

Turning to him, Baldy Bald snarled, "Oh, yeah? You think it's not possible? Then...why am I naked?" Sure enough, the former leader of the Maruhage Kingdom was as nude as nude could be.

"AIEEEEEEEEE!! I FEEL SO DIRTY NOW! I'M A BAD GIRL!" Ima shrieked, covering her eyes.

"ME TOO! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!" Crosk snapped.

Baldy Bald shrugged and turned back to face Riaru, whose body was practically sweating with powerful dark energy.

"So...this is your true self, huh? A perverted streaker with a lousy crew cut?" Riaru asked, smiling widely. His over-confident and snotty attitude had once again resurfaced now that he seemed assured he would win this time.

Baldy Bald cracked his neck and worked out his shoulders a bit. "Hmph. You have no idea who you're talking to, you pitiful dumbass..."

"Hey! I have a question! Why are you helping us?" Gasser asked.

With his back still faced towards Gasser, Baldy Bald replied, "...My wife begged me to help you guys in this fight."

"Y...YOU'RE WIFE?!"

"She told me on the day of our wedding that she was in love with me the moment she saw my first appearance in chapter 196. She's a huge fan of the manga series." Baldy Bald explained as he got into a fighting stance.

"WHO'S YOUR WIFE?! WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD MARRY YOU?!"

Glancing down at Bo-bobo, Baldy Bald thought, 'Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo...my geatest enemy...for this one time...I'll fight to protect you...'

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Crosk shouted; he would have dressed as The Townie from _The Waterboy_, but his REALness kept him from doing so.

Riaru raised his hands into the air and shouted, "I BELIEVE NOW IS A GOOD TIME...FOR ALL OF YOU PATHETIC WORMS TO WITNESS MY NEW, UPGRADED POWER! SUPER FIST OF REALISM: REALISTIC SOUND-HELL BARRAGE!"

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Three large black pillars with purple designs carved into them rose out of the floor from behind Riaru. Each pillar had three round holes built into them, and they resembled sound speakers.

"Argh...what...what are you going to do?" Baldy Bald snapped, feeling a little nervous, especially now that a cold breeze just passed by.

Riaru chuckled under his breath. "NOW...BE TORTURED TO DEATH AS YOU LISTEN TO REAL-WORLD MUSIC...AT HIGH VOLUME!"

The giant speakers began to shake, and music started to play:

--

_We are what we're supposed to be  
Illusions of your fantasy  
All dots and lines that speak and say  
What we do is what you wish to do_

_We are the color symphony  
We do the things you wanna see  
Frame by frame, to the extreme_

_Our friends are so unreasonable  
They do the unpredictable  
All dots lines that speak and say  
What we do is what you wish to do_

_It's all an orchestra of strings  
Doin' unbelievable things  
Frame by frame, to the extreme  
One by one, we're makin' it fun_

_We are the Cartoon Heroes - oh-oh-oh  
We are the ones who're gonna last forever  
We came out of a crazy mind - oh-oh-oh  
And walked out on a piece of paper_

(1)

--

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH!! WHAT IS...THAT GAWDAWFUL NOISE?!" Baldy Bald screeched, covering his ears with his hands in pain. Gasser and Ima were also suffering from the loud music, but Crosk was just standing there with a bit of a goofy grin on his face. Then, blood burst out of his mouth and he fainted.

"HA HA HA GWAH HAH AH BWAH HAH AH HA! I JUST LOVE WATCHING PEOPLE SQUIRM WHENEVER I PLAY THIS SONG! HA HA HA!" Riaru cackled.

With his left hand still over his ear, Baldy Bald held up his right hand and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF RED MAGIC: HOCUSCADABRA!" A large red handkerchief fluttered down from the sky, and landed on top of the blaring speakers. Then...they disappeared, and the room was silent once again.

A pig flew by on a motorcycle, smoking a cigar. He screamed, "I GOTZ NO MONEY FOR MAI HONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..."

Riaru was speechless for a moment, but then he just smirked confidently and said, "Ah...that was a good one. However, magic isn't truly real, so none of your attacks will have an effect on me..."

Baldy Bald cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? You think magic isn't real? Well...you'll be thinking differently...AFTER I GUT YOU! SUPER FIST OF RED MAGIC: MAGIC KNIVES!"

Thousands of knives formed in the air, and plummeted down straight for Riaru. He didn't even move from his position as the knives fell into him. Soon, Riaru was completely hidden underneath a mountain of knives. Dressed like a Swedish rock climber, Baldy Bald placed a flag on the top of the pile and exclaimed, "I CLAIM THIS MOUNTAIN IN THE NAME...OF WEINERDORF!" Then, several jets flew overhead and let out a puffs of colored smoke to make everything look more dramatic.

'Yay! He's finally wearing clothes!' Gasser, Ima and Crosk thought happily.

Then, Baldy Bald tore it all off.

'AUGH!'

Suddenly, all of the knives burst to pieces and were sent flying in every direction, and Gasser and the others on the sidelines had to duck for cover. And, standing upright, without a single scratch on him, was Riaru.

"Uh...that's kind of odd," Baldy Bald commented, "Knives are real...aren't they? YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!"

Riaru nodded. "Yes, knives are real, but...it's not very realistic to summon thousands of knives out of nowhere and have them fly into me...now is it?"

Baldy Bald couldn't believe it; no one has ever survived that attack! Well, no one except for...Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo!

Slapping his palm to his forehead, Riaru exclaimed, "YES, THAT'S IT! TO WIN THIS FIGHT...I MUST BE LIKE BO-BOBOBO BO-BOBO!"

"NO! YOU'VE GOT IT COMPLETELY WRONG!" Gasser cried, "YOU HAVE TO BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF MR. BO-BOBO TO WIN THIS FIGHT! DON'T THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY LIKE THIS! JUST STAY SERIOUS! PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!"

Unfortunately for Gasser, Baldy Bald completely ignored him. Of course, that was nothing compared to how Hatenko felt, because although he wasn't turned REAL yet, everyone forgot he was even around.

Closing his eyes and focusing his mind, Baldy Bald shouted up to the heavens, "SUPER FIST OF RED MAGIC: ACTIVATE THE SOUL OF 'BO'!"

Suddenly, a bolt of lightening fired down from the sky, and struck Baldy Bald. When the dust cleared, the former Maruhage Emperor now had a big red afro, a pair of large shades, and an S&M outfit to cover up his nakedness. Striking a pose, he exclaimed, "Bald-bababa Bald-baba!"

'HUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIM?!' Gasser wondered, feeling like he had seen this before(2).

"...Do you really think being even MORE ridiculous than you already were will actually help you win?!" Riaru snapped, "I already told you, only REAL things can hurt me!"

Bald-baba reached behind and pulled out a very long Pringles tube; it was about 6 feet long! "This...is my sword. And it...shall bring about your downfall!"

"THAT'S YOUR SWORD?!" Gasser, Crosk and Ima cried out.

Riaru thought for a moment. "Does it have any chips inside of it?"

"Nope!"

"THEN...DIE!"

The two opponents charged at each other; Riaru swung his fists, and Bald-baba swung his sword.

"SUPER FIST OF REALISM: 'BECOMING REAL' FIST!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DONUT HOLE: PRINGLES...THAT'S THE STUFF!"

"I'M A PSYCHONAUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" Crosk shouted, dressed like Raz(3), "Also, I just read the script over again...and the battle against Riaru is barely even halfway through yet..."

The moment they collided, a huge burst of light erupted, making it impossible to see for a few seconds. When it all cleared, only one of them was still standing...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX: _**

(1) - The first part of the lyrics from the song 'Cartoon Heroes' by Aqua.

(2) - The reason Gasser feels like he's seen it before is because the same thing happened to him back in chapter 25.

(3) - Trying to get his mojo back, Crosk attempts a last minute cosplay as Raz from Psychonauts, as well as use his dialogue from the game. Poor Crosk...


	47. Bobobo is Back! That Was Quick, Huh?

_Cotinuing right where we left off..._

When the light faded away, Gasser and the others were shocked to see Riaru was still standing and unharmed...but Bald-baba had completely disappeared!

"...When are you gonna take that off?" Ima asked Crosk, staring at his 'Raz' outfit.

"Never." Crosk replied, and he left it at that.

Looking around wildly, Riaru cursed under his breath and thought, '...Where did that bastard go? I know I hit him...I felt my fist smash into his nose! So...where did he go off to?'

Suddenly, there was an explosion from above, and Baldy-baba came flying down towards the ground...while riding atop a tank piloted by hippies!

"H-HEY, MAN," called one of the hippies, "THE JET BOOSTERS...THEY'RE FREAKIN' OUT, MAAAN! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TA DO, MAAAN! I'M HAVIN' A REAL HARD TIME HERE, MAAAN!"

Bald-baba didn't answer, and the tank crashed into the ground. Riaru jumped out of the way just in time, but a flying chunk of debris still hit him in the face. Crawling out of the wreckage was a badly bruised Bald-baba, blood dripping down his legs and face. He looked like he was about to drop dead...but he just unzipped his skin and revealed himself to actually be completely unharmed!

"WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?!"

"'How Do You Like That? My Super Fist Of The Donut Hole Is Impossible To Beat!'...that's the name of my Super Fist style while in this form."

"IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!"

Riaru couldn't believe it. 'This idiot...he's actually causing me some trouble! I need to turn him REAL...and quickly!'

Doing a little jig, Bald-baba shouted, "HEY! HEY! HEY HEY HEY! HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED...THAT KING KONG(1) MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A SAIYAN STUCK IN GREAT APE FORM?!"

"No...because he doesn't have a tail."

"OH...YOU'RE SO SMART!" Bald-baba snapped, and he smacked Riaru across the face with a large stick of butter. Riaru fell backwards and rolled across the floor before digging his fingers into the ground and skidding to a stop.

"W...Wow...Bald-baba...he's actually kind of...winning..." Gasser said in amazement.

"I'LL DESTROY YOU!" Riaru swung his fists again, but Bald-baba fired a barrage of rice crackers out of his mouth, effectively stopping the assault...somehow.

They exchanged a few more blows, but Riaru was being completely outwitted by this faster, more agile opponent. Even worse, Bald-baba had to let out these weird groans with every hit he laid on Riaru's face.

"YOU CAN DO IT, SAN-WAN!"

"...SAN-WAN?!"

Jumping into the air, Bald-baba spun around and threw several pieces of toast straight at Riaru. Riaru smirked and exclaimed, "TOAST?! IS THAT REALLY THE BEST YOU GOT?!"

Then, the toast broke apart and revealed kunai to be underneath.

"...OH, CRAP!"

Riaru held up his hands to protect his chest and face as the kunai stabbed into his skin. Roaring in fury, he quickly pulled them out, but noticed that a little bug-man was hanging onto one of them.

"HELLO," it called up to him, "MY NAME IS BOTCHI-CHI. DO YOU HAVE MY MOTHER'S ICE BLOCK?"

Riaru crushed the little creature's head and threw it away like it was garbage or something over his shoulder.

"YOU KILLED BOTCHI-CHI! DIEEEEEEE!!" Bald-baba screeched, and he summoned the Great Spirit of Fire(2) to burn Riaru to a crisp. And that's exactly what it did.

"DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT!" Riaru was really getting pissed now.

Snapping his fingers, Bald-baba suddenly summoned two large bowling balls. He was about to perform some sort of technique with them, when Riaru finally decided to land a preemptive strike.

"SUPER FIST OF THE DONUT HOLE-"

"SUPER FIST OF REALISM: REALISTIC CELESTIAL BRUSH(3) SPEAR!"

Suddenly, a long spear made of light formed itself, and crashed down into Bald-baba before he could even react. Now, the spear was sticking right through his chest, a few inches underneath his heart, and blood poured out of his mouth like a waterfall. Riaru was beginning to feel that old confidence of his returning.

"BALD-BABA!" Gasser cried.

Forcing a grin through his blood-stained teeth, Bald-baba said, "D...Don't worry...this is exactly what I had been hoping for..."

Gasser blinked the tears out of his eyes and asked, "What...what do you mean?"

Without answering, Bald-baba placed both his hands on the spear...and pushed it even further into his body.

"HA HA HA HA! SUICIDAL NOW, ARE WE? HA HA HA! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PULL IT, NOT PUSH IT! BWA HA HA HA!" Riaru continued to mock his opponent without a care in the world.

When the tip of the spear burst out of his back, Bald-baba stopped. Turning to Gasser, he said, "...I needed the right amount of power within me i.e. my own power combined with this energy spear...to activate a certain technique I have...it'll revive Bo-bobo and the others, as well as you guys...back to your original states...but I have to sacrifice myself...so you all gotta kick the crap out of this goddamn bastard...okay?"

Gasser was actually starting to cry. 'This is as bad as when I heard Katy Perry's only other song, which, ironically, also had to deal with homosexuals(4)...'

"Man...you're such a wussy cry-baby, emo boy." Crosk remarked under his breath.

Sticking his hand into his afro, Bald-baba pulled out a small locket and placed it in Gasser's hands. "Please...give this to my wife...and tell her I died like a hero..."

Gasser flipped open the locket, and they saw a photo of Halekulani inside.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"LOOK CLOSER, YOU IDIOTS!" Bald-baba snapped.

Peering closer, they noticed a woman standing rather far away in the back; she looked exactly like Pickles...only she had long blue hair with a bow in it.

'IT'S PICKLES' SISTER, POCKLES?!'

Walking back to the middle of the arena, Bald-baba took off his glasses, held them against his chest, and said, "...SUPER FIST OF THE DONUT HOLE: REVIVE!"

"CZAR BALDY BALD THE 3RD...SERVICEMAN...BALD-BABA...WHOEVER THE HELL YOU ARE, I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!" Gasser exclaimed through the tears pouring down his face.

Throwing his head back, Bald-baba's body exploded into thousands of particles of light. Those light particles then flew all across the room, entering the bodies of Gasser, Ima, Crosk, Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Softon and the rest...except for Hatenko, but he's actually been okay this entire time.

"WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHY DID HE BLOW UP?!" Riaru snapped, totally confused about what was going on.

Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke up from behind him.

"Hmph...I guess your pain is just about to begin..."

Spinning around, Riaru was left speechless; Bo-bobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were back, and in their original non-REAL forms! Also joining them was Softon, Gasser, Ima and Crosk. For some reason, Hatenko had left to drown his sorrows in alcohol.

"HOW...HOW ARE YOU ALL-" Riaru stammered, taking a step back.

Don Patch, who for some reason was dressed as an old man with a cane, coughed into his fist and said, "I am Don Patchi, and I'm here to ask you a question. Is a Hajikelist not entitled to the sweat of his unibrow? 'No!' says the man in Maruhage Kingdom, 'It belongs to us.' 'No!' says the man in the cellar, 'It belongs to New Jersey.' 'No!' says the man in my house, 'It belongs to my wife, who is your wife as well.' I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose...Peanut Butter, a delight where the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, Where the great would not be constrained by the small! And with the sweat of your unibrow, my peanut butter can become your delight as well."(5)

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Bo-bobo snapped, kicking Don Patch far off into the distance.

'Argh...this doesn't look good...' Riaru thought, sweat running down his face...

"THAT'S RIGHT IT DOESN'T!" Dengakuman shouted.

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - For anyone who possibly doesn't know, King Kong is the famous 'Giant Gorilla' of Hollywood.

(2) - The Great Spirit of Fire is the spirit ally of Hao, the main and final villain of the shonen series 'Shaman King'.

(3) - A reference to the awesome video game 'Okami'.

(4) - Just so you know, her other song is "Ur So Gay". Seriously, what's up with her and singing songs about homosexuals? It's kind of...questionable, if you ask me.

(5) - A parody of the famous speech made by Andrew Ryan in the FPS game 'BioShock'.


	48. Enter Hammerspace! The Cheese Is On Fire

_Last time, Bald-baba sacrificed himself to revive Bo-bobo and the others! Now what will happen?_

Bo-bobo nodded to his two food-based allies and exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, GUYS...WE'LL CONTINUE WITH THE ORIGINAL PLAN OF ATTACK: USE REAL-WORLD REFERENCES TO KICK THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!"

"RIGHT!" Don Patch snatched Crosk's helmet and threw it at Riaru...but it just hit him in the chest and bounced off without even doing anything to him.

'IT DIDN'T WORKKKKKKK!!' thought Don Patch, crying to himself.

"Do you idiots really think you actually have a chance of winning now?!" Riaru snapped, "I'll just turn you all REAL like last time...and no one will be here to save you!"

"OF COURSE WE HAVE A CHANCE! WE'LL TAKE YOU DOWN ONCE AND FOR ALL...RIARU-CHAN!" Bo-bobo said, dressed like a highschool girl.

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!! I'LL TEAR YOUR THROATS OUT FIRST!" Riaru shouted, and he ran at the group. Don Patch tried to stop him, but all he did was smash right into him and get smacked away like he was nothing.

Suddenly, Crosk (now wearing his helmet again), jumped in the way and exclaimed, "SUPER FIST OF HAMMERSPACE: THE HAMMERSPACE VORTEX!" Holding out his hands, he created a portal into hammerspace.

Riaru tried to skid to a stop, but he ended up sliding right into a hammerspace portal. Without any time to lose, the rest of the Bo-bobo group quickly followed after him into the hammerspace, leaving Crosk behind to keep the portal open.

"GOOD LUCK IN THERE, GUYS!" Crosk called, "AND...I HOPE YOU DIE, EMO BOY!"

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY..." cried back Gasser's voice, and Crosk just chuckled to himself.

* * *

_Inside the 'Hammerspace'..._

Everywhere he looked, Riaru saw nothing but darkness. He wasn't even sure if he was standing on anything either; he felt like he was just floating in the middle of nowhere. It kind of freaked him out about, actually.

Then, the sounds of footsteps were heard. Slowly, they grew closer, and closer, and closer...

"JEEZ, JUST COME OUT AND SHOW YOURSELF ALREADY!"

Suddenly, Jelly Jiggler stepped out of the darkness, wearing a large red triangular helmet on his head and wielding a giant knife. He also had on a blood-stained smock and was making strangled grunting noises(1).

For a moment, this strange monstrosity just stood there. Then...it charged at Riaru, waving the knife around like mad. Riaru let out a shriek and ran, looking back every now and then to see that Jelly Jiggler was still chasing after him.

However, after about three minutes, Riaru realized that Jelly Jiggler had seemingly disappeared, so he stopped running and took a breath.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Riaru glanced down...and saw he was standing on Bo-bobo's face.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?!"

"SAY HELLO TO...MY LITTLE FRIEND!" Bo-bobo's face shouted, and Hatenko burst out of his forehead, blood spraying everywhere.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME OUT OF MY MOUTH!" Bo-bobo's face cried before dissolving into nothingness.

Hatenko grinned sheepishly and replied, "S-Sorry...I got lost when I fell in, so I just jumped out right on cue..."

Riaru gasped and exclaimed, "HEY! I THOUGHT YOU LEFT BACK AT THE END OF THE LAST CHAPTER!"

"Hmph! That was last chapter! Don't dwell on the past...or you'll end up with gray hair by the age of 43!" Hatenko snarked, taking out his key. They were just about to start fighting, when more faces began to form in the space around them. However, it wasn't Bo-bobo's face this time...it was Don Patch's face (and they all looked disturbingly well-drawn)!

One of the Don Patch faces floated down near Hatenko and said, "HATENKO, WE FUSE...WE FUSE NOW! BECOME HATENPATCH, WE MUST!"

"YES, BOSS! YES! LET'S DO IT! IT'S BEEN MY LIFE-LONG SEXUAL DREAM TO FUSE WITH YOU!" Hatenko cried happily as he and the Don Patch faces were engulfed in a bright light. The lights then formed together and began to become one being.

'HAMMERSPACE MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL.' Riaru thought as he stood there and watched this strange spectacle.

When the fusion was complete, a new character now stood in Hatenko's place: he had spiky pink hair that jutted out in all directions with bells tied to the ends(2), a chain with a lock hanging around his neck, an X-shaped scar in the middle of his face, puffy blue jeans, a 'I LOVE LOSERS' green T-shirt with blood stains on it, and he wore bedroom slippers on his feet. He was also sucking on five different lollipops at the same time.

"My name...is Hatenpatch!" he announced.

"Ugh...do I really have to fight you?" Riaru asked.

Pulling out one of the lollipops, Hatenpatch threw it onto the ground, and it burst into a puff of smoke...and it was now a motorcycle covered in Outer Heaven-Support(3) banners. Hoping onto it, Hatenpatch revved it up as he replied, "Yes. You do have to fight me. I only have four lollipops left, and each one gives me an attack, so I need to finish off my opponent before I use them all up. So...PREPARE TO DIE!"

Before Riaru could do anything else, Hatenpatch drove right through him, knocking the poor guy high into the air. Then, Hatenpatch jumped off the bike, pulled out another lollipop from his mouth, and it transformed into a giant Broadsword(4) and slashed it across Riaru's chest, causing blood to burst out.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"

While Riaru was still falling in mid-air, Hatenpatch took out the last three lollipops and smashed them together, creating a giant slab of meat. Letting out a mighty battle cry, Hatenpatch smacked Riaru over the head with the meat and then swallowed it whole. Also, Ima and Softon came in and landed a few kicks to Riaru's chest before a dragon in mascara grabbed them and flew away.

When they both landed on the ground, Riaru crashed head-first, while Hatenpatch landed nimbly on his feet.

Smirking, Hatenpatch brushed his hands through his hair and said, "Ahh...fresh blood always works well as an alternative for hair gel..."

'This guy...is a psycho...' Riaru thought before losing consciousness.

The battle was finally won! I can't believe it's over -

"HOLD IT!"

Out of nowhere, Bo-bobo came rushing in and he kicked Riaru in the face, waking him back up.

Spitting up a few teeth, Riaru stood up and snarled, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?! I LOST, DIDN'T I?! MY SUPER FIST OF REALISM IS COMPLETELY USELESS NOW!"

Bo-bobo poked him in the head and replied, "Sorry, but I didn't even get to do anything, so...we're gonna beat you up a whole different way!"

"...WHUH?!"

Suddenly, a large hole opened and sucked everyone in...

* * *

...and spat them back out into the Government HQ arena, where Crosk was still holding open the portal...and wearing sunglasses for some reason.

Standing up, Bo-bobo shouted, "ALRIGHT, RIARU! ME, JELLY JIGGLER AND THAT SPIKY PERVERT WILL FINISH YOU OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

Chuckling, Riaru wiped the blood from his mouth and snapped, "Oh, yeah? Just how do you plan to do that?"

Bo-bobo pulled out a TV Channel Guide and opened it up. "Obviously," he said, still flipping through the pages, "I'm...uh...I'm gonna use...ah! Here we go! I'm gonna beat you...BY USING EDUCATIONAL CHILDREN'S SHOWS!!"

Not only was Riaru completely lost in shock, but everyone else was too.

'HE'S GOING TO KILL ME WITH BABY SHOWS?!' Riaru thought in horror.

'HE'S GOING TO KILL HIM USING SHOWS THAT TEACH KIDS IN THE SINGLE-DIGIT AGES HOW TO DO BASIC TASKS AND CRAP?!' Crosk, Ima, Gasser, Softon and Hatenko thought in horror.

'WE HAVE TO DO PARODIES OF NICK JR. SHOWS?!' Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler thought in horror.

Bo-bobo couldn't help but laugh like a madman at their distress.

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Jelly Jiggler is dressed as 'Pyramid Head', the famous monster of the Silent Hill series.

(2) - A reference to Kenpachi Zaraki of 'Bleach' fame, who does the same thing with his hair.

(3) - A reference to Liquid Ocelot's group 'Outer Heaven' from Metal Gear Solid 4.

(4) - It's the main weapon of Cloud Strife, from the famous 'Final Fantasy 7'.


	49. Riaru Is Beaten! Bora The Explorah?

_The final strike upon Riaru begins! Bo-bobo is depending...on educational children's shows?!_

Don Patch punched Bo-bobo across the face and shouted, "LIKE HELL I'M DOING A PARODY OF 'YO GABBA GABBA' OR 'BOB THE BUILDER' OR ANY OF THAT CRAP! CAN'T WE JUST DO A PARODY OF 'DEXTER' OR 'GREY'S ANATOMY' OR 'CSI MIAMI' OR SOMETHING COOLER INSTEAD?! C'MON, MAN! DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE, NOW!"

Bo-bobo smacked his pointy friend over the head with the TV Guide and snapped, "FINE! YOU HATE MY IDEA SO MUCH, THEN WE'LL DO A PARODY OF BLUE'S CLUES FIRST!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Riaru was beginning to panic now. 'I NEED TO STOP THEM...BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!'

Rushing at Bo-bobo, Riaru pulled back his right fist and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF REALISM: 'BECOMING REAL' FIST!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR," Bo-bobo exclaimed, "UNLEASH IT ALL! IT'S YOUR RIGHT...TO BE FREE!"

"THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT NAME FOR IT!"

"Have you noticed that every word they've said or thought so far has been in all caps...?" Gasser asked Crosk, who replied by punching him in the stomach.

Suddenly, the entire room was covered in darkness, and Riaru found himself and the others vanishing from sight.

"THIS WON'T END WELL!" he cried out, before disappearing...

* * *

**_PATCH'S CLUES_**

Riaru's eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up. He was lying in the middle of a room, and Bo-bobo was standing over him while wearing a blue shirt with red stripes(1).

"Hey...have you seen any of Patch's Clues?" he asked, slipping a cigarette in between his lips.

Rairu thought about it for a moment. "Uh...no?"

Suddenly, a speeding orange figure leaped out of a nearby cupboard and smashed its paws into Riaru's chest, leaving a large orange paw-print in place. Then, it ran down the hall and vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

Spitting up blood, Riaru cried, "WHAT...WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

Bo-bobo gasped. "Ah! That was Patch! And...he left a paw-print, which means he's pointing out a clue for something! Thus, we need to write this down in our handy-dandy..." He turned to the audience in hopes they would answer. The only people watching were actually Ima, Gasser, Crosk and Jelly Jiggler.

'Jelly's Clues would have been so much better...' Ima thought in annoyance.

Standing up, Crosk pulled out a megaphone. Holding it up to his mouth, his face became very serious and somewhat scary as he screamed, "NOTEBOOK! NOTEBOOK! NOTEBOOK! YOU NEED...YOUR HANDY-DANDY NOTEBOOK!"

"That's right!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, and he pulled out a small notebook. Oddly enough, it was the Death Note again.

Bo-bobo quickly scribbled down something, and then showed it to Riaru...it was a really bad drawing of something that resembled the cross between a chicken and a deer.

"This is what you look like." Bo-bobo snarled.

"THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE...ME?!" Riaru exclaimed in disbelief.

Grabbing Riaru by the arm, Bo-bobo dragged him into the next room as he shouted, "ALRIGHT...TIME TO FIND THE NEXT CLUE!"

"No! I don't want to find any more clues!" Riaru whined, struggling to get free.

Suddenly, the same speeding orange figure from before burst out of the ground and slapped Riaru hard across the face, leaving an orange paw-print on his cheek. Then, it quickly ran off once again.

"WHY DOES IT ONLY HIT ME?!" Riaru cried, "WHY? WHY? WHY?"

"ANOTHER CLUE!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, and he quickly wrote it down. This time, he drew a very accurate headshot of Yoshio Sawai.

"This is also you." he said.

"STOP LYING! YOU DEFINITELY KNOW THAT THAT ISN'T ME!" snapped Riaru.

Ignoring him, Bo-bobo turned back to the audience and announced, "Alright! Only one paw-print left to find! Can we do it, kids?"

"YEAH!" Crosk shouted into the megaphone, "WE CAN DO IT!"

The last room in the house happened to be the torture chamber, and various deadly devices hung on the walls and ceiling, some of them with victims still trapped inside. There was blood and bones everywhere.

'WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A PLACE IS THIS?!' Riaru wondered in horror.

Suddenly, the iron maiden hanging on the wall sprung open, and Patch leaped out. He was wearing his usual dog-face attire, complete with ears and a wagging tail as well. He didn't seem to mind that his body was full of holes, either.

"I've come...to place the final clue..." it growled with an evil grin.

Riaru knew exactly what was going to happen. 'Oh, god...he's going to hit me AGAIN?!'

Roaring like the beast he's pretending to be, Patch performed a rapid-punch attack against Riaru's chest. "SUPER FIST OF THE PAW-PRINT: RAPID DOGGY CLUE PUNCH!"

Blood burst out of Riaru's mouth as he staggered backwards, his whole body now covered in orange paw-prints. Bo-bobo quickly wrote down the final clue (which he just drew a picture of a rice ball) and said, "Alright! Now that we have all the clues, we need...THE THINKING CHAIR!"

So, he grabbed a large red chair from out of view and smashed it over Riaru's head, knocking him out.

"THE ANSWER IS...IT'S TIME FOR THE 'DORA THE EXPLORER' PARODY!"

"I KNEW IT!" Crosk exclaimed happily.

Then, everything faded into darkness, and the next stage was about to begin...

* * *

_**BORA THE EXPLORAH**_

When Riaru regained consciousness, he found that he had retained his mullet, but his body was now that of a small anthropomorphic blue cow.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" he exclaimed, staring at his hooves in horror.

Suddenly, Bo-bobo walked out from behind a tree...and he was dressed like a certain fat little Spanish girl. Followed closely behind was an grumpy-looking chimpanzee wearing yellow boots and carrying a beer bottle in his hand.

"Ah! It's my good friend, Renny the Philanthropist! It's me, Bora the Explorah!" he asked meekly in a high-pitched voice.

'...WHAT?!'

The chimpanzee grunted and took a swig of beer. "Meh...I'll tear out his guts soon enough."

Bora giggled and exclaimed, "Oh, Bootlegger, you always say the funniest things! Tee hee!"

Bootlegger just grunted again and continued to drink.

Riaru, for some reason known as Renny, was about to run off when Bora grabbed him by the tail and said, "So, Renny...what Spanish-related teaching device shall we utilize today to help educate the youth of America?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Riaru snapped, "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

For some odd reason, a grasshopper, a snail and a frog drove by in a tiny car, and they were all playing instruments.

"...Who the hell were they?" Riaru asked as he watched them drive down the road.

Bora shrugged. "I don't know. They keep appearing every now and then. It's really creepy..."

"ARGH! I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!"

Suddenly, a figure poked its head out of the bushes. It was a mangy fox wearing a blue mask. It had a perverted gaze of lust in its eyes.

Gasping, Bora cried, "OH NO, IT'S SWIPER THE FOX! SWIPER, NO SWIPING! SWIPER, NO SWIPING!"

The fox named Swiper chuckled and jumped out of the bush; he was carrying a PSG-1 Sniper Rifle.

Cackling insanely and foaming at the mouth, he snarled, "DON'T YOU MEAN...SNIPER, NO SNIPING?!"

Aiming the gun, Swiper fired several shots, and Bora and Bootlegger quickly ran away, screaming for help. Riaru tried to escape too, but Bora had at some point tied his cow tail to a tree, thus rending his escape impossible.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!"

"DIEEEE!" Just as Swiper was about to shoot him, Bora came running back again. She reached into her backpack and threw something out of it. "GO! I CHOOSE YOU...MAP!"

'OH GOD,' Riaru thought in horror, 'SHE'S USING THE MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER TO SAVE ME?!'

When the Map landed on the ground, it quickly sat up. For some reason, Map had a long moustache and goatee, and it had the face of a serious Kung-Fu master. "궁둥이..." it snarled in a deep foreign accent.

'THE MAP SPEAKS IN KOREAN?!' Riaru gasped.

Swiper screamed out curses as he aimed the rifle at Map and fired. However, the living piece of paper bounced over the shot, pressed into Swiper's face, and smashed him head-first into the ground. Lying in a puddle of blood and broken teeth, Swiper was defeated.

Then, the map began to sing:

"지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요! 지도예요!!"

However, his song was cut short when Bootlegger grabbed him and threw him far off into the distance. Bora also was kind enough to untie Riaru, even though it was her fault he was tied up in the first place.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Riaru said, "Wow...I actually didn't get hurt at all during this entire scenario! Awesomesauce!"

Then, Dora the Explorer herself flew in and punched Riaru hard in the gut, knocking him out.

"ALRIGHT...ON TO THE NEXT ONE!"

'Isn't it odd how no one spoke Spanish even once during this whole thing...?'

* * *

"FALCON PUNCH(2)!" Bo-bobo shouted while wearing a crappy superhero outfit, smashing his flaming fist into Riaru's face.

"ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!"

* * *

**_THE BO-BOTUBBIES_**

Now standing in the middle of an empty field, Riaru snapped, "Hey, what was with that part that just happened before? C'mon, tell me! That had nothing to do with educational kid's shows whatsoever!"

Suddenly, four figures popped out of the ground in front of him. It was Bo-bobo, Ima, Crosk and Jelly Jiggler, and they were all dressed as Teletubbies, with the face parts removed. Bo-bobo was dressed as Tinky Winky (the purple one), Ima was dressed as Po (the red one), Crosk was dressed as Dipsy (the green one), and Jelly Jiggler was dressed as Laa-Laa (the yellow one). Glancing up, Riaru saw that the sun had Don Patch's face for some reason, too (in the actual show, it's a baby's face).

"HELLO THERE, NEW FRIEND!" Bo-bobo squeaked in a high-pitched voice.

"...This is wrong on so many levels..." Riaru muttered, turning around and beginning to walk away.

"HOLD ON!" Bo-bobo cried, grabbing Riaru's arm, "DON'T LEAVE YET! YOU'RE ALL COVERED IN DIRT AND BLOOD...LET'S GIVE YOU A BATH!"

"WTF?"

Without even undressing him, Bo-bobo lifted Riaru up and dropped him into a pan of water that appeared out of nowhere. While the others were busy scrubbing Riaru down, Crosk took out a small bottle of fish food and poured some of it into the water.

"...Uh, what're you doing?" Riaru asked him.

Crosk smiled widely and replied, "My little fish always has his lunchy-lunch around this time of day!"

"BE CAREFUL...THAT'S NOT EGGNOG YOU'RE DRINKING!" The Don Patch Sun shouted randomly.

Squinting his eyes, Riaru leaned close to see if he could see any fish in the water. Suddenly, a giant shark burst out and chomped down on his head.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"

"YAY! FISHY!" cheered Crosk.

HERE COMES...MY MACHINE GUN!" Jelly Jiggler shouted, and he started firing off bullets in random directions while laughing insanely.

Meanwhile, Ima was busy feeding a cute bunny, and gushing about how adorable it was.

Tearing his head out of the shark's mouth, Riaru quickly threw it away and screamed, "I'M GOING TO MURDER ALL OF YOU STUPID BASTARDS!!"

Then, Bo-bobo smashed a toy car into the back of Riaru's head.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" he exclaimed, "IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT PARODY...THE WIGGLES!"

Riaru gasped in horror. "You...you...you can't be serious! Once you go there...you can never go back! Believe me...I've seen so many good, innocent people destroyed by their evil mind-warping powers! Please...anything but them. Just...I'd rather give up then face a parody of the Wiggles..."

"So...you give up?"

Riaru sighed and got down on his knees and hands, truly tired of fighting. Bowing down, he mumbled, "Yes...I give up...you win, Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo..."

--

The field around them melted away and everyone was now standing back inside the Government HQ arena. They were all in their original clothes again too...yet Bo-bobo was still dressed as Tinky-Winky for some reason.

"Heck yeah! We did it!" Gasser exclaimed, pumping his fists in the air.

Crosk glared at him and snapped, "Unlike me, you didn't do shit, emo boy!"

With his arms crossed and looking serious, despite his current attire, Bo-bobo said, "So, Riaru...how do you feel now that you've lost against the very people who you believed had betrayed you?"

Suddenly, Riaru began crying. "I...I was just so upset...when the series ended...I never had a good social life...and my parents always ignored me...and Yoshio Sawai's manga always cheered me up and made me happy. I felt like someone cared enough to try and make people feel good and entertain them...so when it was all over...I felt like everything that brought light into my life had been taken away...and I grew angry...and I fell into denial...and I decided to convince myself that I never liked Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo in the first place...and now I understand that I was wrong...I still want to become a manga artist...and draw gag manga...that everyone will enjoy..."

Smiling, Bo-bobo placed a comforting hand on Riaru's shoulder and said, "If you stop acting like such a pathetic little baby...I believe you can do it..."

Riaru sniffled a bit and stood up. "Thank you...Tinky-Winky."

Then, the Bo-bobo group turned around and all headed out together, leaving Riaru behind to decide his future on his own...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Bo-bobo is wearing his blue shirt, but the red stripes are of his red shirt from Shinsetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo.

(2) - Captain Falcon! Is any more needed to be said?


	50. The Final Destination! It Won't Be Easy!

A/N: The final mini-arc of the third saga begins! The 'Richter' mini-arc is going to be at least around 10 chapters, maybe more, maybe less. It won't only be just them fighting Richter though, since some other new enemies appear as well.

Anyway, please make sure to review and...I hope you enjoy the oncoming climax of my longest story yet!

* * *

As Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and the others now made their way to the large black tower where Richter was supposedly located, Gasser said, "Wow...I can't believe it's already Chapter 50...it's sure been a long time since this whole thing began, huh, guys?"

"Hmm. Indeed it has..." Jelly Jiggler replied, wearing a 'NU' bathrobe and smoking a pipe.

"I also thought that the ending to the Riaru battle was kind of corny and sped-up..." Don Patch grunted, riding on a tricycle while wearing pants so high that they went over his face.

Gasser had to agree. 'Also, despite being a main character in the original series, Beauty is probably the least seen of any of us!'

Bo-bobo had now disposed of his Teletubbie costume, and was walking with his head high and shoulders out.

Now that Ero-san, Bungi, Age of Aquarius and Riaru were all defeated, the barrier around the black tower had been deactivated, allowing our heroes passage inside. The interior of the tower itself was actually a large spiral staircase that ran upwards for miles and miles. No matter how far he leaned back, Gasser couldn't even see the top.

"So...should we head up, Mr. Bo-bobo?" Gasser asked aloud. When he turned to look at his afroed idol, he saw that he had turned into a rooster, and was busy chasing around Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler who had become worms.

Sighing, Gasser then turned to Hatenko, Softon, Ima and Crosk. "...Let's go."

However, as they began to make their way up the long flight of stairs, the group had no idea of what Richter had planned for them...

* * *

_Up in the top floor of the tower..._

Richter/Beauty (if you forgot what he looked like, refer to the end of Chapter 29) was busy spinning a glass of wine in his palm, staring at the many TV screens that all showed the same thing: Bo-bobo's group running up the stairs toward his lair. He was sitting in a large throne-like armchair, built completely out of bones.

A wizened old man dressed like a mage of sorts stood beside him. His white beard and moustache were so long that they touched the floor, and his big hat and long curved nose blocked most of his face from view. In his greasy, skinny hands was a large crystal ball.

Glancing over at him, Richter grunted, "Oy, Vilidimar...can't you use any of your hocus-pocus junk to make reaching me a bit more difficult for them?"

Vilidimar nodded and walked up to the middle of the room, wheezing and coughing with every step. Sitting down, he placed the crystal ball in front of him and began to meditate. Pressing his hands against the ball, Vilidimar closed his eyes and started to mumble incantations under his breath. Soon, an aura of black energy formed around the old man's body.

Turning his gaze back to the TV screens, Richter watched in anticipation to see what will happen now...

* * *

_Back with the Bo-bobo Group..._

"HEY-YAA! HEY-YAA! C'MON, YOU IDIOT; PULL FASTER! RUN FASTER! JUST HURRY UP, DAMMIT!"

Don Patch, who was dressed like a dominatrix, continued to bark out orders as he sat in his wheelbarrow, whipping his 'horse' Jelly Jiggler every now and then. Bo-bobo was also using an odd mode of transportation to travel up the stairs; he was surfing on a Warp Star.

However, as soon as Gasser had walked onto the 500th step, the entire staircase began to shake violently.

"W...WHAT THE-?!"

Suddenly, large sections of the staircase began to give way, collapsing into piles of rubble far below. More and more of the stairs fell apart until the only section left was the one Bo-bobo and the others were standing on.

"THIS IS TOTALLY CRACK-TASTIC!" Bo-bobo cried.

Then, even that section broke apart, and each piece carried everyone off into different holes that were located all over the walls of the tower. These holes were revealed to be long hallway-like entrances into other rooms inside the tower's interior.

"WHAT...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler...Mr. Bo-bobo...Softon and Hatenko...now we're all split up again...dammit!" Gasser cried, Ima and Crosk standing behind him. They were trying to stay serious, too, but they were also a bit worried about what was going to happen to them.

* * *

"Hmph! That was quite interesting, Vilidimar!" Richter exclaimed, slightly amused, "I wonder what will happen next..."

Coughing violently for a moment, Vilidimar swallowed his saliva and chuckled, "Keh heh heh...that's not all I have planned, sir. I set up some opponents to face off against Bo-bobobo Bo-bobo and most of his separated allies, but...there wasn't anyone to be the opponent for that farting emo kid and those two punks from Explode Saga. Luckily, I found a substitute..."

"Ah. Fill me in." Richter said.

Vilidimar lifted the crystal ball in his hands and hobbled over to Richter's side. "You see," he explained, "After reading their minds, which was quite difficult to do on some of them, I learned that one of Bo-bobo's allies has deep roots of jealousy and hatred within his soul. It is because he never got to do as much as the other characters so far in this fic! He also harbors great dislike towards the farting one! We can use that to our advantage and not only have him kill his own allies, but cause great emotional scars at the same time! We'll kill two birds with one stone!"

Scratching his chin, Richter asked, "Tell me...who is this young man you speak of?"

Vilidimar held the crystal ball up, and Richter peered into it. Soon, a face began to form...it was Crosk.

Nodding, Richter waved him on. "Very well. Make it so, Vilidimar!"

* * *

After a while, Gasser's group ("Why the hell do I have to be apart of a team named after emo boy?") found themselves now standing inside a large wide room...but there was no enemy waiting for them. Stepping off of the floating staircase piece, Gasser and the others just walked around, looking for some hint of a possible ambush. Oddly enough, it didn't seem like anything had been prepared for them.

"This is weird," Ima muttered with a worried look on her face, "Isn't there usually some kind of over-confident wannabe enemy waiting for us?"

"YOU'RE RIGHT!" Crosk exclaimed. Then, he turned to Gasser and snapped, "YOU SET US UP, DIDN'T YOU, EMO BOY?!"

"Huh? No way! Why do you always blame everything on me?!" Gasser said. His tolerance with Crosk's obvious hatred of him was beginning to wear thin.

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE, EMO BOY!"

"YOU CLAIM THAT I THREW AWAY A BAG OF PEANUTS YOU WERE GOING TO EAT BACK WHEN WE WERE KIDS, BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED! WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER UNTIL ABOUT A YEAR AGO, YOU IDIOT!"

The two boys were about to go at it when Ima stepped in between them. "You're both acting like immature brats, so...CUT IT OUT RIGHT NOW!"

Crosk was about to reply, when an intense pain erupted within his head.

"AHH...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"...Crosk?"

Screaming out loud, he fell to his knees and began clutching at his forehead. His eyes were beginning to dilate and drool was pouring down his chin. He continued to scream in pain while Gasser and Ima watched on in a state of shocked confusion.

Finally, Gasser snapped out of it and quickly ran to Crosk's side. "What...what the hell is happening?! Crosk? Crosk? Listen to me! Crosk? Cro-" Gasser was cut off as Crosk's fist smashed into his face. Coughing up blood, Gasser was sent practically flying across the floor.

"OH MY GOD!"

Ima was horrified as she watched Crosk push himself back to a standing position; a large 'L' had now formed in the middle of his forehead, and his entire body seemed to radiate with an amazing kind of power. His hair had also become slightly more spiky, and his helmet had now curved more to resemble devil horns.

Smirking, he raised his hands and bellowed, "NOW...I CAN FINALLY, FINALLY EXACT MY PERFECT REVENGE! AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Ima winced and prepared to fight. 'What the hell is wrong with Crosk, and why does he have an L on his forehead? What a loser...I guess I'll have to beat some sense into him...AGAIN.'

* * *

In another room, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were soon to face their ultimate opponents...'Ne' man and Giant Ya-kun! How will this work out? Find out in the next chapter!


	51. When Every Thing Is Wrong, We Move Along

A/N: I apologize for the stuff from last chapter. It's easier to write about the battles and such then discuss the parts were they aren't doing anything remotely crazy. At least, that's how it is for this fic. This chapter is gonna be full of crazy stuff, tho, especially since it's focusing on Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler!

Also, by the way, the same thing happened to Crosk as happened to Vegeta, when he became Majin Vegeta...y'know? It'll be explained more in depth later on in another chapter when we focus on them again.

* * *

When Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler reached their destination atop the flying staircase debris, they had just finished playing a round of Go(1). Sighing, Don Patch scooped the Go stones into their holding case and said, "That was a pretty sneaky move at the end, sis."

Dressed like an old lady in a kimono, Jelly Jiggler laughed into his fan and exclaimed, "Oh, you boys know just what to say to make an old bird like me blush! Oh ho ho ho ho!"

Hopping off the platform, the two food-based fighters found themselves in a very peculiar room: the left half was a smoldering lava pool filled with large rock platforms, and the right half was an ice tundra with a large frozen lake making up most of it. A metallic barrier of sorts kept them separated.

"W...What is this place?" Don Patch stammered; he was so unnaturally frightened that he started rubbing tanning oil and hot butter all over his face.

Suddenly, a deep voice barked, "THIS PLACE...IS THE PLACE...OF YOUR...DOOM!!"

"I told you not to take so many pauses in between...instead of sounding cool, you made it sound like you have Down Syndrome!" snapped a more younger, teenage-like voice.

Then, without warning, a large figure burst out of the lava and landed on one of the rock platforms, while a smaller figure burst out of the frozen lake and landed safely on the snow. It was...a Giant Ya-kun doll and a man in a thong with the kanji 'NE' for a head!

"Welcome, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler, to the 'Elemental Arena Of Hell'!" announced NE-Man, and a flashy banner with the words 'ELEMENTAL ARENA OF HELL' on it fell down from the ceiling. Some confetti and party favors fell out, too.

Jelly Jiggler gasped. "You're...you're our opponents? You are...NE?! My mortal enemy?!"

NE-Man cackled and exclaimed, "Yes, of course! I've read about you on our LiveJournal profile...and I must say, that it is foolish of you to have an obsession with that idiotic 'NU'!"

"YOU...YOU SON OF A SARDINE! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BELOVED 'NU'! DIE!" Jelly Jiggler reached behind his back, and NE-Man was afraid he was going to pull out a gun or a sword or something...but he just took out a small bottle of Japanese milk instead.

NE-Man just stood in silence as he watched Jelly Jiggler quickly drink all of the milk in one gulp and eat a small shriveled raisin he kept in his pocket. Then, the jelly man erupted into a powerful aura of light, and he now wore a Chozo Power Suit(2).

"I'LL BLOW YOU SPACE PIRATES APART!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

NE-Man barely dodged a few shots from the Power Beam, and quickly ran to the ice side of the arena, where Jelly Jiggler quickly chased after him. "COME BACK HERE, RIDLEY!"

Meanwhile, on the fire side of the arena, Don Patch was hesitant in attacking his opponent, especially because he looked like a giant, talking version of his beloved doll Ya-kun. He was also now wearing lipstick and eyeliner again, too.

Chuckling, the oversized doll said, "Hey...what's wrong? Are you scared...of my...amazingness?"

"Are you...really my Ya-kun?" Don Patch asked. He hadn't seen Ya-kun for so long, and he was beginning to become even more delusional than usual.

"YA-KUN?!" The giant doll man exclaimed, "OF COURSE NOT! MY NAME...IS...KANKURO(3)!"

Don Patch blinked a few times, and then he wiped the make-up off of his face. "THEN THAT MEANS...I CAN KILL YOU WITHOUT GUILT!" Smirking, the evil little pointy man unsheathed his leek sword and held it in one hand.

Its wooden face remaining devoid of emotions, Kankuro bellowed, "A...a leek? You're going to fight me with a stupid green onion? You truly are...NOT A WORTHY ADVERSARY!"

Don Patch shook his head and replied, "No...this isn't a leek, or a green onion, or a negi(4), or even my Don Patch Sword...it's my zanpakutō(5)."

"Z...Zanpakutō?!"

Holding the sword out sideways, Don Patch closed his eyes and whispered, "...Onara(6)."

Suddenly, the leek burst out with a massive explosion of power, and it grew longer and sharper until it had taken on the form of a black bamboo blade. Even Don Patch had changed; he was now wearing long black robes and sandals.

"And this..." he said in a serious voice, "...is my bankai(7)."

Kankuro was left speechless in fear. 'What? What? Is he...is he copying Bleach? Why? Why?'

Now that Jelly Jiggler was empowered by the Chozos and Don Patch had his bankai, was the result of this fight already decided?

NE-Man smirked. 'Nowhere near in HELL is it over yet...'

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Softon and Hatenko had now found themselves walking down a long corridor, with the walls covered in ancient writings and drawings. They had been traveling for almost an hour now, and the hallway seemed endless.

"Jeez...it's like we've ended up inside an Ancient Egyptian Pyramid... " Softon remarked, glancing at the pictures on the walls again.

Hatenko nodded. "Yeah...I really hope we aren't walking straight into a trap."

Softon sighed and muttered, "We probably are..."

Then, as if on cue, the darkness further down the corridor was illuminated by an approaching light. Hatenko gasped and exclaimed, "OH NO...IT'S THE MUMMY OF FUTADORA! HURRY, SOFTON! GIVE ME A FEMALE SACRIFICE SO WE CAN APPEASE HIS HUNGER AND PASS BY WITH ALL OF OUR TOENAILS IN CHECK!"

"...What the hell are you talking about?" Softon asked him.

Hatenko just shrugged in response.

Suddenly, the light source was revealed to just be a lamp, and the person carrying it was a handsome-looking young gentleman in a black suit and pants. He had short, well-combed blue hair and dark brown eyes that seemed to radiate a certain eternal kindness. The only odd thing about him was that he was wearing a glove only on the hand that wasn't carrying the lamp.

"Ah! Why, hello there, chaps! Who might you two blokes be?" the mysterious man said in a thick British accent.

"My name's Hatenko...and this is Softon!" Hatenko said happily; Softon, however, was a bit hesitant in being so immediately friendly towards this man. After all, he could be an enemy, planning on attacking when their guard is down. So, he just gave the stranger a slight nod to show he acknowledged him.

Wiping the sweat from his brow with a napkin, the man replied, "It's bloody good to have finally found other living humans around here! My name is Aidan. I've been stuck in this blasted place for god knows how many days..."

"Aww! Cheer up, new buddy!" Hatenko exclaimed, putting his arm around Aidan, "Listen...if you tickle Softon on the stomach in just the right place, he'll let you call him 'Mr. Poop'! That will make your day, I bet!"

"DON'T BE AN IDIOT!" Softon snapped, smacking Hatenko in the back of the head.

Aidan chuckled. "Alright, you wankers...let us leave this dreaded place! Lead the way, Mr. Poop!"

"MY NAME IS NOT MR. POOP!!"

However, as Aidan walked behind the two of them, his lips spread out into an evil grin, revealing rows of long, sharp, jagger-like teeth...

* * *

'This is really weird...even for me!' Bo-bobo thought as he walked towards a small door labeled 'JANITOR'S CLOSET' at the end of a hallway he had ended up in. Unlike the others' locations, Bo-bobo's area resembled more of a Japanese high school, with windows that looked out over a large thriving city full of people. This made no sense whatsoever, especially because he was just inside a huge spiraling tower only moments ago.

'I hope Gasser, Crosk, Ima, Softon and Hatenko are okay...and I hope Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler die.'

Opening the door, Bo-bobo stepped inside...and found himself now standing not in a janitor's closet, but a gymnasium of sorts. And, sitting atop a large pile of beaten naked bodies, was a fearsome-looking man. He was dressed mainly like a member of a bike gang, leather jacket and all. His clothes were all stained with blood, and the large shades he wore hid his eyes from view. He had a smug grin plastered on that ugly mug of his.

Lighting a cigarette and sticking it in between his teeth, the man grunted, "My name is Hammer. Welcome to the room were you shall die..."

Bo-bobo cracked his neck. "Yeah, we'll see about that...Yamaha(8) man!"

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Go is a Japanese board game where you use black and white stones. 'Hikaru No Go' is a manga series that focuses around this game and was drawn by the artist of Death Note.

(2) - Jelly Jiggler essentially wears the power suit of Samus Aran from the 'Metroid' series, as well as he mentions 'Space Pirates' and 'Ridley'.

(3) - The same name of the Naruto character who uses puppets to fight.

(4) - A 'negi' is the Japanese name for the leek/green onion.

(5) - The type of sword that all Soul Reapers in the series 'Bleach' use.

(6) - 'Onara' means 'Fart' in Japanese.

(7) - The most powerful, unlocked version of a Soul Reaper's sword.

(8) - 'Yamaha' is the name of a Japanese company that makes motorcycles.


	52. You Got Fight For Your Right To Wig Out!

A/N: Just a random thing - My five favorite OCs of mine so far in this fic:

1. Hatenpatch

2. Riaru

3. Age of Aquarius

4. Richter

5. Wadokei

That is all!

* * *

_Where we last left off at the end of chapter 51, Bo-bobo was about to face off against Hammer!_

Hopping off the mountain of his victims, Hammer landed onto the blood-stained gymnasium floor as nimbly as a ballerina. Bo-bobo smirked and said, "So...you're one of them high-strung, overpaid redneck types, huh?"

"...What?"

"Never mind." Bo-bobo got into a fighting position and said, "Come at me with all you got."

Hammer grinned, and then he charged right at the afroed warrior. "YOU'LL REGRET ACTING SO COCKY AGAINST ME, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A SUPER FIST USER!"

Suddenly, Bo-bobo started running towards Hammer, as well. However, he was now dressed as a high-school principal. Hammer was so shocked by this sudden action, that he couldn't escape when Bo-bobo suddenly latched onto him. Leaning close to Hammer's ear, Bo-bobo breathed in deeply before he began screaming:

"YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA!!"(1)

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!"

A shower of blood spewed out of Hammer's mouth, and he fell to the ground in defeat. Climbing off of him, Bo-bobo tore off his costume and muttered, "Hmph...what a sorry excuse for a final-arc villain..."

Now that that annoyance was out of the way, Bo-bobo left to find a way up to Richter...

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler..._

Jelly Jiggler let out a shriek of horror as Ne-Man literally tore off his Power Cannon and crushed it to pieces with his very hands.

"W...WHAT THE HECK?! I...I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WINNING!" The jelly man cried.

Ne-Man chuckled and turned around...revealing two omamori(2) attached to both of his butt cheeks!

"WHEN I ATTACH THE OMAMORI TO MY BUTT, MY POWER INCREASES TEN-FOLD!" Ne-Man explained before immediately spinning back to facing Jelly Jiggler and punching him hard across the face. The punch was so powerful that it even completely shattered Jelly Jiggler's power suit.

'Augh...I should have known...that 'NE' would do something...so vile...as that.' Jelly Jiggler thought as he fell to the ground.

Suddenly, he remembered about Don Patch, and he glanced up to see if his pointy-headed buddy was faring any better. Unfortunately, poor Don Patch was lying on the ground in defeat as Kankuro stood over him with an emotionless look on his face. The shattered remains of Don Patch's sword laid strewn across the ground.

'HUUUUUUUUUUUH?! HOW THE HECK DID DON PATCH LOSE, TOO?! HE HAD A FREAKIN' BANKAI, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!'

"Ha ha ha! Do you understand now?! 'NU' is nothing compared to 'NE'!" NE-Man cackled, pressing the bottom of his foot on Jelly Jiggler's stomach.

Jelly Jiggler couldn't believe it. Even though they've been able to beat strong opponents like Ero-san and Bungi and Age of Aquarius and Riaru, how could he and Don Patch be losing to something as disgusting as a man with 'NE' for a head and a giant talking doll?

"THIS...IS...UNACCEPTABLE!"

"Yay! And neither is this chowder!" Don Patch added, suddenly standing up and throwing a bowl of chowder in Kankuro's face.

Jumping up and landing next to Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, "ALRIGHT! IT'S TIME TO STOP PLAYING GAMES AND GO ALL-OUT! WE'RE GONNA COME OUT THE VICTORS FOR SURE!"

Don Patch suddenly held up a video game cartridge and whined, "Aww...but I wanted to play 'Dragon Quest VIII' first..."

Jelly Jiggler stared at it for a moment, and then nodded. "Alright. We'll play for one hour...and THEN we fight!"

"YAAY!" Don Patch quickly pulled out a PS2 and TV and he began to play.

'IS THIS GONNA BE A WHILE...?' NE-Man and Kankuro both wondered.

"...YES."

* * *

_Elsewhere, back with Ima, Crosk, and Gasser..._

"SUPER FIST OF HAMMERSPACE: CROW INFESTATION!"

Ima created a barrier of wind around herself as a barrage of crows burst out of hammerspace and flew at her. Then, while the crows were still passing by, Crosk took this moment to jump into the mix, and take advantage of the situation. Going right through the wind barrier, which cut at his skin in the process, Crosk punched Ima in the head, sending her falling back down to the ground.

Luckily, Ima quickly regained her composure and landed safely on her feet by using the wind to soften the fall. However, now a trail of blood was rolling down her face. Crosk also landed back onto the ground, and he seemed quite upset that Ima had survived his attack.

"You annoying little bitch...WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SAVE HIM?! WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME FROM KILLING THAT ANNOYING EMO BOY?!" Crosk snapped.

"Crosk, you know you don't want to actually kill him!" Ima replied, "Maybe torture him a little...but never kill him! You're a good person! I know that much about you! SOMETHING...OR SOMEONE...IS SOMEHOW MANIPULATING YOUR EMOTIONS, MAKING THEM MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN THEY REALLY ARE! SO...STOP THIS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Crosk snarled and, with incredible speed, dashed over to Ima and grabbed her by the neck. "SHUT...UP...NOW." Then, he punched her several times in the gut without relent.

Ima tried to break out of his grip, but he was too strong now and the pain searing through her was too much. She could feel her breath leaving her...

"LET HER GO, CROSK!"

Both Crosk and Ima gasped when they saw who it was that had said that. It was...

...Bu-bubu, followed closely behind by Be-bebe, Byakkyo, Gaoh, Pokomi, Hiragi, Jati, Suzu and B.B.!

Dressed like a delinquent, Bu-bubu spat on the ground and combed her pompadour as she snarled, "If you want someone to fight...then fight us!"

Crosk dropped Ima to the floor and his eyes flashed dangerously. "Very well...here I come."

And as soon as he finished saying that, Crosk sent out several huge mechanical arms from hammerspace, and two of them smacked into Gaoh and Pokomi, sending them flying into the wall. The other mechanical arms were easily torn apart by the others, and Crosk cursed under his breath.

"SUPER FIST OF HAMMERSPACE-"

"SUPER FIST OF ARMPIT HAIR!"

"SUPER FIST OF LEGHAIR!"

Crosk cursed again as Be-bebe's and Bu-bubu's armpit and leg hairs wrapped around his arms and legs, ensnaring him. Taking a step closer, Bu-bubu said, "Listen, Crosk, we don't want to hurt you...we just want to help you, 'kay?"

Crosk, however, wasn't interested in help of any kind.

"...RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Suddenly, Crosk's body erupted with a powerful aura, and the bodyhairs holding him fell to pieces.

"AHHH! MY BELOVED ARMPIT HAIRS!" Bu-bubu cried, holding her limp hairs in her hands.

Laughing, Crosk raised his hands into the air and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF HAMMERSPACE: BRING DOWN A STAR!"

A huge space opened up on the ceiling, and a giant ball of flames slowly began to descend. Almost immediately, a rush of intense heat filled the room.

"HE'S...HE'S GOING TO DESTROY US WITH A STAR?!" Byakkyo exclaimed.

Sucking on his lollipop, Hiragi thought, 'Damn...this is probably the most serious we've been this entire fic!'

* * *

_Let's see how Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler are doing, shall we?_

After finally beating the last boss in the game, Don Patch threw his PS2 into the lava and exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, IT'S BEEN AN HOUR! NOW...LET'S FIGHT!"

NE-Man crackled his knuckles and grunted, "Finally!...I still can't believe you beat the whole game in only an hour, though."

Don Patch shrugged. "Meh. I gotz de skillz!"

"WHATEVER. LET'S DO THIS THIIIIIIIIING!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed...and he fired several RPG Missiles out of his mouth. They were all Final Fantasy games too, for some reason.

NE-Man spat up blood as he was sent flying through the air by the resulting explosion, while Kankuro spat up wood-chips instead.

Then, they both fell to the ground with a SPLAT, and the battle was over.

...Not really.

"ZA WAR-!" Don Patch exclaimed, but Jelly Jiggler stopped him and whispered, "Hold on...save that for next chapter..."

"...Fine..." Don Patch sighed.

Getting up, NE-Man wiped the blood from his mouth and thought, 'Dammit! These guys are actually...kinda...sorta...somewhat...really kicking my ass! And Kankuro's ass too, which is odd because he doesn't really have an ass! Damn! What can we do?'

Leaning next to him, Kankuro said, "Hey, I can read your thoughts, and I happen to know just the answer to our predicament...we must fuse!"

NE-Man understood, and he and Kankuro held hands. Then, focusing all of their energy, the two of them were engulfed in a bright light, which formed into a new being...

...and that being was a minotaur, with the left side of his body completely blue, and the right side of his body completely red. "My name is Bucking Bronco Bison. But...you can just call me Phil!"

Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch just blinked a few times. "Uh...huh."

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - This was originally how I planned for Riaru to be finished off.

(2) - Omamori are Japanese amulets dedicated to particular Shinto deities as well as Buddhist Figures. It means 'honorable protector' in Japanese.


	53. BBQ for All With A Side Of Crazy!

_Where we left off, Bucking Bronco Bison A.K.A. Phil was now challenging Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler!_

"...This is the first time we've ever had to fight a minotaur..." Don Patch said, a bit worried.

"You're right," Jelly Jiggler replied, taking a sip of tea, "We've fought pretty much everything BUT a minotaur...how odd..."

"HEY! DO YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW WHY I'M TWO DIFFERENT COLORS?" Phil asked; he had the attitude of an over-enthusiastic gym instructor.

"Not really..."

"I'LL TELL YOU," he exclaimed, "IT'S BECAUSE...I AM A MASTER OF THE ELEMENTS OF BOTH FIRE AND ICE! GREEN FOREST YOUTH...GO!"

Jelly Jiggler thought about it for a moment. "Wait...ARE YOU RELATED TO THAT EVIL SCOUNDREL, SMOKEY THE BEAR?!"

Giving a thumbs up, Phil smiled widely and replied, "...NO! NO I AM NOT!"

"Oh...that's good, then." Jelly Jiggler muttered in response.

Meanwhile, Don Patch was busy playing with his Barbie dolls. He left Barbie and Midge to make out in the hot-tub while Ken was being arrested for child abuse towards Krissy.

"BAD KEN! BAD, BAD, BAD!"

Stretching out his gym shorts a bit, Phil said, "So...shall we begin the fight, then?"

Suddenly, just as Phil was about ready to attack, the floor in front of Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler exploded, scattering debris and dust everywhere.

"WHO...WHO DARES ENTER MY SANCTUARY OF MANLINESS?!" Phil shouted furiously.

Two figures rose out of the newly-made hole and presented themselves...it was Riaru and Age of Aquarius! However, Riaru was now dressed like a stereotypical mangaka and Age of Aquarius was completely covered in bandages...even his eyes and mouth were covered.

"HOLYYYYYYYYYYYYY...IT'S TIMMY AND JAMES!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed.

Flashing a toothy grin, Riaru shouted, "Don't worry, my amazing little gag-manga friends! We shall protect you and all that is incoherently funny!"

Age of Aquarius let out some muffled words and nodded in agreement.

"..." Don Patch (with a very odd face of your own choosing) looked over both of their new allies for about a few seconds, and an idea came to him.

Taking out a clipboard and putting on a pair of glasses, he glanced up at Riaru and asked him, "Tell me...if you could choose any other manga you like besides Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo, what would it be?"

Riaru scratched his head. "Uhh...20th Century Boys(1)?"

"Ah! Very interesting!" Don Patch wrote it down, and then...he took a beam katana and, now with hair similar to Ace Ventura's and wearing cool orange glasses, he swung it like a bat, smacking it into Riaru and sending him flying towards Phil.

"STRAWBERRY ON THE SHORTCAKE(2)!"

Unfortunately, Phil just stepped to the side and easily evaded the attack, causing poor Riaru to fall head-first into the lava. "WAAAAAAGH! IT'S HOT!" He cried, flying out of the burning magma and crashing through the ceiling off to parts unknown.

Smiling wickedly, Don Patch tip-toed over to Age of Aquarius and hissed, "NOW IT'S YOUR TURNNNNNNNNNNNN..."

Age of Aquarius shrieked (or at least, it sounded like a really loud muffled shriek) and he quickly jumped back down the hole he had come from.

High-fiving one another, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, "YAY! WE BEAT THE ENEMIES! WOO-HOO!"

"Actually...I'm your enemy, and I'm still here..." Phil said with an anime-sized sweatdrop rolling down his head. 'Damn...this sweatdrop is really heavy!'

"RIGHT!" Putting a cup of hot ramen noodles on his head as a helmet and pulling out an egg-beater, Don Patch charged at the multi-colored minotaur.

Smirking, Phil held out his palms and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF ELEMENTICA: FLAMES OF RAPTURE, ICE OF CLARICE!"

Suddenly, flames of both fire and ice burst out of his hands, and Don Patch was immediately engulfed within them. He screamed in pain as he was both badly burned and frozen sadly at the same time. Jelly Jiggler wanted to help, he really did, but he was too busy deciding whether he should teach his Golduck the technique 'Surf' or not.

"ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!! IT'S COLD! IT'S HOT! I'M BURNING! I'M FREEZING! I...I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!"

When the attack ended, Don Patch had become...a piece of orange pita bread.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Jelly Jiggler gasped and ran over to what remained of his dear friend. Unwrapping the pita bread, he began eating it as he weeped, "OH, POOR DON PATCH! DEAREST, DEAREST DON PATCH! YOU LIVED LIKE A KING...YET YOU DIED LIKE A MARSUPIAL! WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYY?!"

"Uh...I'm still alive."

Glancing down, Jelly Jiggler saw Don Patch staring back at him from within the pita bread. However, the jelly man just shrugged and quickly tossed the rest of the bread into his mouth.

'HE...HE'S EVIL!' Phil realized.

Luckily, after a moment, Jelly Jiggler spat Don Patch back out, because he tasted like manure...

* * *

_Back with Crosk, he was busy attempting to kill everyone with a giant star...that's original!_

"FEEL MY FLUFFY BUNNY...AND TREMBLE!" Crosk cackled, patting the side of his llama named 'Brisket'.

'Hmm...it seems he's starting to turn back to his old self...' Hiragi noticed.

"ARGH! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STAR!" Be-bebe exclaimed, his clothes already beginning to melt due to the intense heat (somehow, everyone's skin stays completely intact).

Bu-bubu, who was now in only a bra and panties, was busy thinking of a way to counter such a powerful attack.

"YOU WILL ALL DIE HERE AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" Crosk said, and he laughed insanely at his opponents' plight.

Deciding to speak up, Jati said, "You know...you're going to end up dying here too."

Crosk was silent for a few moments. 'I guess he didn't realize...' thought Jati.

"...Well?" B.B. asked aloud.

"I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING! IT'S HARD TO FORM IDEAS IN MY MIND WITHOUT DON PATCHI-KUN AROUND!" Bu-bubu snapped.

"THINK FASTER!"

Suddenly, Bu-bubu came up with an idea. "SUPER FIST OF THE ARMPIT HAIR: ARMPIT SHRINK RAY!"

Raising up both her arms, energy waves fired off of her armpits and hit the oncoming star, shrinking it down to the size of a pebble. Then, Bu-bubu just blew on it, and the now-tiny star was put out.

"...SINCE WHEN THE HELL WERE YOU ABLE TO DO THAT?!" Be-bebe cried.

"OBVIOUSLY," Bu-bubu replied, "THIS WAS LAST-MINUTE THINKING ON THE AUTHOR'S PART!"

"Yeah...how else would we have been able to stop a giant star anyway?" Byakkyo said.

Crosk cursed under his breath and thought, 'DAMN...I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!'

Turning her gaze back to the possessed hammerspace boy, Bu-bubu smirked evilly and snarled, "Now...to deal with you once and for all!"

Gritting his teeth, Crosk tried to think of every possible way to keep himself from losing this fight. After about a minute, something came to him. Smirking, he snapped his fingers, and a large portal opened up behind him. Within that portal was complete darkness...except for two large red eyes staring menacingly at Bu-bubu and the others.

"Sorry, but I'm not going down here! Prepare to face living hell!"

What was to come next in this epic battle will have to be saved for later...

* * *

_Back with Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler..._

Motioning for them to approach, Phil got into a fighting stance.

"LET'S GET 'EM!" Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler charged at Phil with pineapples drawn, but Don Patch suddenly skidded to a stop and kicked Jelly Jiggler in the head, sending him flying towards Phil.

"...Again?" Phil muttered, sighing. However, his thoughts changed when he saw that Jelly Jiggler was now holding out the pineapple like a drill and spinning it wildly. Putting on a pair of goggles he was suddenly wearing, Jelly Jiggler shouted, "CERTAIN KILL! GIGA...DRILL...BREAKER(3)!!"

Before Phil could even react, Jelly Jiggler slammed the pineapple into his stomach, the impact like that of a mechanical drill tearing into his belly. Blood burst out of Phil's mouth, but he wasn't out yet; he quickly grabbed Jelly Jiggler by the head and tossed him into the lava pit. The pineapple was also then crushed to pieces.

"AAHHH!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! I'M...MELTING!!" Jelly Jiggler cried in horror before completely sinking into the magma.

Turning his attention to a frightened Don Patch in drag, Phil smirked and said, "Well, one down. Now it's your turn to die!"

"NOOO! I HAVE THREE KIDS WAITING FOR ME BACK HOME!" Don Patch shrieked, his face smeared in badly-applied make-up, "WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER ARE YOU, ASSAULTING A LADY LIKE ME?! YOU'RE HORRIBLE!"

"TOO BAD FOR YOU THAT YOU AIN'T A LADY!!" Phil snapped, and he charged up a powerful blast of flames and ice...when the fiery pit suddenly burst, and a giant snake-like being rose its eight massive heads out of the lava.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THISSSSSSSSS?!" Phil cried out, his eyes wide.

Don Patch squealed and happily said, "YAY! HONEY'S HOME FROM WORK!"

"HE'S YOUR HUSBAND?!"

Roaring to gain their attention, the eight-headed beast said, "I...AM...YAMATA NO OROCHI, DEMONIC JAPANESE DRAGON OF LEGEND AND GOVERNOR OF BISMARCK, NORTH DAKOTA! I HEAR THAT A VILE PERSON IS THREATENING THE LIVELIHOOD AND WELL-BEING OF MY DEAR WIFE?!"

"Yes! It was him!" Don Patch said, pointing at a rather speechless Phil.

Turning to Orochi, Phil nervously exclaimed, "L-Listen here, g-g-good Orochi sir. I...I...it was all a misunderstanding, you see. I would...I mean, I would never...I...I...I don't want to die! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEEE!!"

Suddenly, looking closely, Phil noticed something; within one of Orochi's many eyes, he was able to see a small room...with Jelly Jiggler working at controls.

"YOU...YOU...YOU TRICKED ME!! SUPER FIST OF ELEMENTICA: ROSEBUDS IN JUNE, FIREFLIES IN AUGUST!"

Combining the elements of both fire and ice together, Phil formed a large spiked sword made out of burning-hot ice. Leaping high into the air, the maverick minotaur let out a mighty roar as he swung the blade, slicing off all of the Orochi heads at once, leaving Jelly Jiggler to quickly jump out (barely before the Orochi robot sank back into the lava) and land back next to Don Patch. Oddly enough, he had now disposed of his girly attire and was now dressed like Kanye West.

"HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH MY EMOTIONS!!" Phil snarled, the ice-fire sword shattering to pieces after its use.

"Damn...I was hoping the plan would work!" Don Patch mumbled under his breath as he kicked some dust into the air.

At that moment, Jelly Jiggler had an idea. Pulling out a set of prayer beads, he kneeled down before the 'NU' shrine (he built it himself out of toothpicks, tinfoil and play-doh) and began to exclaimed, "OH, MOST BELOVED GODS OF 'NU'! HERE MY CHANT OF DESPAIR AND GRANT A SHINING BEACON OF HOPE DOWN UPON US: SAYA MAYA GAYA YAYA TAYA FEYA ZAYA...NUUUUUUUUUUUU...NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...NUUUUUUUUUUUU...NUUUUUUUUUUUUU...NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"

Don Patch stared at him for a moment. "...What the HELL are you doing?"

Suddenly, the 'NU' shrine erupted in an explosion of light, and 4 figures in skin-tight flashy suits and wearing helmets covered with 'NU' stickers stepped out of the flimsy shrine's remains.

Stepping forward, the oldest of the group, a tall buxom young woman with long curly blond hair, held out a spare helmet and announced, "JELLY JIGGLER, OUR MOST DEVOTED FOLLOWER...YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! MY NAME IS NU-WOMAN, AND MY COMPANIONS HERE ARE NU-BOY, NU-LAD AND NU-GIRL! WE ARE THE NU-RANGERS(4), AND WE HAVE DECIDED...TO MAKE YOUR OUR NEW LEADER AS NU-MAN!"

Tears were pouring out of Jelly Jiggler's eyes as he happily took the helmet.

Shrieking, Don Patch was dressed as a trashy high-school girl as he exclaimed, "YAAY! JELLY JIGGLER IS SO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL NOW! I WANNA GET ON HIS GOOD SIDE, SO LET'S GET THE BED WARMED UP AND READY! TEE HEE HEEEEEEEEEE..."

Cocking an eyebrow, Phil watched this odd spectacle and thought, '...These guys are really annoying...'

Jelly Jiggler put on the helmet, and his entire body became that of an immensely buff wrestler, although his head still remained the same. He even suddenly grew chesthairs that formed to make a 'NU' shape on his chest. Then, speaking in a deep, sexy voice, Jelly Jiggler pointed at Phil and shouted, "ALRIGHT, TEAM...LET'S KICK THAT UGLY MULE'S ARSE!"

"I AM NOT A MULE!" Phil snapped, but before he could attack, Nu-Boy and Nu-Lad had already ran up to him and latched onto his arms, in hopes to render him unable to attack. Phil struggled to break free, but they were holding on tightly, so he just breathed in and blew a huge ball of fire out of his nostrils at Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and Nu-Woman.

However, Jelly Jiggler just knocked away the flames with a wave of his hand, leaving Phil in complete awe and disbelief.

'No...no way...this can't...this can't be possible!'

Roaring a victorious cry, Jelly Jiggler dashed forward and began violently pounding on Phil's body and face, sending blood and broken teeth flying everywhere. The enraged jelly man wouldn't even give poor Phil a moment of respite as he smashed his fists into him.

As a splotch of blood landed on Don Patch's cheek, he wiped it off onto his gloved hand and stared at it for a while with a peaceful look on his face.

Then...

"I AM SICK OF BEING SHOWN UP BY BO-BOBO, JELLY JIGGLER, AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO ISN'T A MAIN CHARACTER UNLIKE ME! I'M GOING TO FINISH OFF THIS MINOTAUR BASTARD ONCE AND FOR ALL! ME AND ONLY ME! COME ON OUT, BANKAI! ONARA!"

After shouting out the phrase for activation, Don Patch unsheathed his black bamboo sword and practically flew over to Jelly Jiggler, who was practically drenched in Phil's blood. Kicking Jelly Jiggler off to the side, Don Patch swung his blade down once vertically and time started to slow down.

"...Za Warudo(5)."

All the colors suddenly inverted and several more Don Patches suddenly formed, and began smashing their bamboo swords against Phil's face, and then the original Don Patch finished it off by smashing the tip of his blade into Phil's gut, and surrounding area returned to normal.

Blood bursting out of him, Phil slumped over and fell to the ground in utter defeat.

Jelly Jiggler wiped off any stray blood stains on his glistening muscular body and said, "Wow...I can't believe we actually won!"

Smoking a cigar and looking smug, Don Patch chuckled and replied, "Heh...it was all thanks to me, kid...all thanks to me..."

Now that the enemy was beaten, Nu-Woman quickly stole back the helmet from Jelly Jiggler (who ended up turning back to his original form) and ran off into the shrine, along with the other Nu-Rangers.

Weeping, Jelly Jiggler was on all fours as he sobbed, "Why...why is it that my happiness can never last for more than five minutes? Why? Why? WRRRRRRRRRRRRRY(6)?!"

Don Patch tossed his bankai in the trash and was stretching out his arms as he said aloud, "Alright, we kicked some talking cow's ass...now what?"

Suddenly, for a brief moment, Yellow River, Mesopotamian Guy and Indus Guy ran by while being chased after a pack of dogs in police uniforms.

"Uh...that was weird, and strangely awesome at the same time."

Jelly Jiggler was walking aimlessly around the room in a deep depression when he suddenly hit into the wall. Rubbing his head, he looked up and realized he was standing in front of an elevator. 'WHAA-?! SINCE WHEN WAS THIS HERE?!'

Deciding to just wing it, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler boarded onto the elevator and pressed every button. After a moment, the doors shut closed and the elevator began to move.

Who knows what will happen next...except me?

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - 20th Century Boys is an awesome science fiction/mystery manga series by Naoki Urasawa.

(2) - Don Patch's beam katana, clothes and the words he shouts out at this point are all references to Travis Touchdown, the main character of the Wii game 'No More Heroes'.

(3) - A reference to Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggen; this is the name of an 'attack' performed with the drill robot that the main character pilots.

(4) - A parody on the 'Power Rangers'.

(5) 'Za Warudo' is some crazy-ass attack from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure where colors invert and time slows down or something like that.

(6) Another reference to the same series as in (5).


	54. It's Finally Here! Fight The Powah!

_Let's see what's been happening to Hatenko, Softon and their new 'friend' Aidan so far..._

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

"...What's wrong, Softon?"

Practically tearing at his hair (which was impossible because his poop-head thing was in the way), Softon exclaimed, "WE'VE WALKING FOR HOURS, LISTENING TO NOTHING BUT THIS GUY," he pointed at Aidan, "SPEAK IN A CRAPPY BRITISH ACCENT THAT SOUNDS WAY TOO THICK TO ACTUALLY BE BRITISH! FACE IT, HATENKO, HE'S OBVIOUSLY THE ENEMY WE HAVE TO BEAT IF WE WANT TO ESCAPE!"

Hatenko gasped. "NO! THAT...THAT CANNOT BE TRUE!"

Sighing, Aidan closed his eyes and quietly admitted, "He's right, Hatenko. I was sent here by King Richter to brutually murder both of you..."

"WHAT?! AIDAN, WHY? I THOUGHT...I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!" Hatenko sobbed, fighting back his tears.

Aidan's face suddenly twitched violently as he grinned, and the lamp he was holding burnt out, submerging the three of them into complete darkness.

Cackling insanely, Aidan's voice now had a more German accent to it as he hissed, "Just follow the path straight ahead...to reach the room where you shall lose your lives! Keh heh heh..."

Cursing under his breath, Softon grumbled, "Dammit...I can't believe I actually LET myself fall into this obvious trap!"

Hatenko, however, didn't say anything. The fact that Aidan had broken the #1 rule of friendship (YOU DON'T TRICK PEOPLE INTO BEING YOUR FRIENDS SO YOU CAN KILL THEM!) hurt him deeply. However, he quickly got over it as he cracked his knuckles, spat on the floor and snarled, "LET'S KILL THAT BASTARD GOOD."

After walking down the pitch-black hallway a bit longer, Hatenko and Softon finally reached light...and they were now inside an empty Japanese high-school classroom. Standing behind the teacher's desk was Aidan himself, and he was busy scribbling something on the board. When he had finished, the kanji 'バカサバイバー' had been written up.

Stuffing the piece of chalk down his throat, Aidan said, "So...you two have decided to come."

"WE'RE GONNA BEAT YOU SENSELESS FOR LYING TO US, YOU...YOU MEANIE!" Hatenko snapped furiously.

'...Ugh...this is as bad as the Don PatchXBeauty fanart I saw once...' Softon thought.

Aidan smirked, and smashed his fist straight through one of the desks, causing it to get caught on his arm. Without a word, Aidan then stuck his other arm and both his legs into the desks, now creating a crappy armor of sorts on his body. He even stuck his head into a desk!

"MY SUPER FIST OF THE SCHOOL DESKS SHALL TOTALLY MURDER YOU!" Aidan shouted.

An awkward silence soon filled the room.

"...Are you serious?"

"NO!!"

Spinning around wildly, Aidan fired off the desks from his body like bullets, but Hatenko and Softon were both able to dodge the flying school chairs. When one of them came a bit close for comfort, Softon did a powerful roundhouse kick, destroying the desk and leaving it as a pile of splinters and metal.

Aidan cursed under his breath and stomped his foot, causing a powerful shockwave to pass through the ground. Sticking his fingers into his shirt, he twisted both of his nipples, causing a strange green gas to be released out of his nostrils.

"JEEZUS CHWUST! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Hatenko cried in disgust.

Gas still pouring out of him, Aidan exclaimed, "I AM FILLING THIS ROOM WITH A TOXIC GAS THAT WILL KILL BOTH OF YOU IN MINUTES! I AM IMMUNE TO IT AS THIS IS A SPECIAL KIND OF CHEMICAL THAT I CAN PRODUCE WITHIN MY OWN BODY!"

"THAT'S BULLSHIT!" Softon smashed his foot into Aidan's stomach, and sent him flying into the wall, thus dispelling the dangerous fumes.

"You are the oddest enemy we've had yet," Softon said, "I don't even understand what you're trying to do!"

Blood trickling down his chin, Aidan stuttered, "Isn't...isn't it obvious? I'm...I'm trying to...kill you guys..."

With his finger up his nose, Hatenko replied, "Dude...you are the WORST villain we've ever fought. Ever."

Lifting himself up, Aidan pulled out an odd-looking pistol and several glowing orbs from his pockets. Sliding one of the orbs into the loading slot, Aidan aimed the gun and fired at the wall right between Hatenko and Softon. The moment the orb hit the wall, it let loose a huge explosion outwards, eradicating almost half of the entire building.

Smirking, Aidan said, "Yesss...this'll kill both of you quite nicely..."

'THIS GUY'S AN ABSOLUTE FRUIT-LOOP!'

Aidan inserted three more orbs into the gun and took aim. Quickly, Softon and Hatenko began running on opposite sides of the room towards him, making it much harder for Aidan to choose a target without possibly getting himself caught in the blast as well.

"SUPER FIST OF BABYLON: SWEATING COCONUT TREES IN PERU!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE KEY: KEY-LOCK SPINNER!"

Softon punched Aidan several times in the face and snapped his gun-wielding arm, and then Hatenko thrust his key right into Aiden's chest and turned it, locking the evil pseudo-British man's heart and turning him to stone.

Aidan's mouth was open in a wordless scream as his body fizzled into a dark gray color, and he collapsed onto the ground.

"PUNCH...FISTS!"

Giving each other a high-five (and a low-five), Hatenko and Softon did a funky little dance together to celebrate their victory.

However, their joy soon turned to horror as Aidan's back burst open, and a tall, lanky gremlin creature climbed out, its green scaly body covered in thick slimy juices. It had a skinny body with huge clawed hands and feet, with big spiky ears, wide eyes, and a mouth full of jagged, sharp teeth. It yawned and stretched a bit before noticing Softon and Hatenko staring at him with 'O.O' looks on their faces.

"...Wassup?" The gremlin asked, picking at its teeth.

Softon was at a loss. "Y...Y...Y...YOU CAME OUT OF HIS BODY?!"

The gremlin nodded and replied, "Yup. The name's Lotto. Nice to meet the two of ya."

Hatenko covered his mouth and held his stomach, trying his best not to throw up.

Getting into a fighting pose, Softon grunted, "I guess we gotta fight YOU now, huh?"

"I...GUESS...SO!" Lotto quickly dashed forward and smashed its fist into Softon's gut an incredible speed; the poop-headed guy didn't even see it coming.

"GUUH..." Blood burst out of Softon's mouth.

Hatenko cursed and pulled out his key again. "SUPER FIST OF THE KEY: X-LL7 KEY CANNON!"

However, before the Key Cannon could even finish forming, Lotto completely tore off Hatenko's right arm. Blood flew everywhere, and Hatenko's eyes grew wide.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH?!"

Chuckling, Lotto took a bite out of the arm and sneered, "Ah...tastes like chicken...I like it..."

Clutching at his bloody stump of what was once his arm, Hatenko turned to Softon and shouted, "SOFTON...WE NEED TO FUSE...NOW! HURRY! I CAN REGROW MY BODY PARTS WHEN WE SEPARATE AGAIN AFTERWARDS!"

'Is...is he really serious?' Softon wondered as he ran over to Hatenko.

Pressing their palms together, the two warriors focused all of their energy into fusion, and then were engulfed in a bright display of light, which, like always, formed into a new being...

...and that being was a Gothic Lolita with crimson-red drill hair and a large kitchen knife in her hand.

"My name...is Gothica..." said the little girl in a very depressed voice.

Normally, a villain would be freaked out by something so odd; Lotto, however, saw this as his chance to finally fulfill his hidden perverted desires.

"COME HERE, YOU LITTLE PEDO-BAIT, YOU!" Lotto cackled as he charged at the little goth girl, who then thrust her kitchen knife right into Lotto's forehead without hesitation.

"...Huh?"

"THIS IS MY 'SUPER FIST OF THE EMO: GONNA KILL YOU, GOOD SIR' TECHNIQUE."

With the knife still lodged into Lotto's head, Gothica roared veraciously as she swung him over her head and sent the evil gremlin flying into the ceiling. The knife had also been removed from his forehead by then. Lotto let out a pained grunt as he fell back onto the floor with a THUD.

Licking off the blood on her knife, Gothica murmured, "Mmm...tastes like shit...I like it..."

'This has gotta be the worst chapter yet...it's so violent...' Lotto thought as he picked himself up. When he looked over at Gothica, he saw that she was now cutting herself deeply with the kitchen knife, causing a huge puddle of blood to form under her feet.

"W...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Shut up," Gothica snarled, her skin turning pale from so much blood loss, "I'm busy cutting myself because I'm emo..."

"YOU...IDIOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!"

Lotto growled and ran at Gothica once again, his long sharp claws itching to scratch some eyes out. However, the blood pouring out of Gothica's arm suddenly took on a life of its own, and it took on the form of a spear as it slashed deeply across Lotto's chest, defeating him once and for all.

Throwing the knife away, Gothica murmured, "That was my 'Super Fist of The Emo: Bloody Spear Killer' technique..."

'WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SAY THE NAME OF YOUR ATTACKS _AFTER _YOU DO THEM?!'

Closing her eyes, Gothica then separated back into Hatenko and Softon; suprisingly, Hatenko's right arm was now replaced with a mechanical one for some reason. Softon just stared at it for about a minute before giving a thumbs-up.

"Alright. Let's go." Softon said, and he and Hatenko made sure to step over Lotto's bleeding unconscious body as they headed towards a door that had suddenly formed on the wall. As they drew closer to it, the door opened to reveal itself to be an elevator...full to the brim with talking chicken nuggets.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

The largest of the chicken nuggets, who was wearing a hat and a badge that said 'TOUR GUIDE', pulled out a microphone and said, "Alright, everyone! Follow me and stay close! You don't want to get lost in this part of our amazing tour through the evil tower of King Richter! Let's go!"

Once all of the odd talking foodstuffs had piled out, Softon glanced back inside the elevator again and saw Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Bu-bubu, Be-bebe, Byakkyo, Pokomi, Gaoh, Jati, Hiragi, B.B. and Gasser waiting for them. Luckily, there was still enough room for both Softon and Hatenko to get on without the entire elevator collapsing due to all the weight.

"BOSS! WE'RE TOGETHER AGAIN!" Hatenko cried happily, and he attempted to pull his beloved Don into a hug, but he was kicked away.

However, there was something that Softon noticed that worried him a little...

"Where's those two kids from Explode Saga? Crosk and Ima?"

Bu-bubu's brow furrowed and she looked away, obviously upset.

"Let's go...Richter is waiting." Bo-bobo said, his tone full of a hidden saddness.

With a heart full of dread, Softon entered the elevator and watched as the doors closed. Now, the final battle was about to begin...

...but first, we'll need to go back in time and learn of the fates of Crosk and Ima...


	55. Crosk, Rijue, Ima! Explode Sagaz!

_Before the final battle against the evil King Richter can begin, we must look back to what exactly had transpired during the battle against Crosk, continuing where it left off in chapter 53..._

"Sorry, but I'm not going down here! Prepare to face living hell!" Crosk snapped.

Two large, furry paws emerged from the portal behind Crosk, and Byakkyo let out a high-pitched shriek. "EEEEEEEEEEEIIYYYYYYAAAHHHHHHH!! IT'S A GIANT BEAR?!"

Then, a giant fury head popped out, but it had no eyes and was just two giant slobbering mouths full of jagged shark-like teeth, snapping and snarling for food. Byakkyo's face fell.

'I liked it better when I thought it was a bear...'

The rest of this odd monstrosity crawled out, revealing its lower section to be that of a squid's, with many furry tentacles covered in spikes. Snickering, Crosk leaped on top of the creature's head and stood there with a victorious look on his face.

"W...What the hell is that thing?!" Ima cried; she had soon regained consciousness after Be-bebe gave her a Senzu Bean(1).

"This little guy is my new pet; I found him just loitering around in hammerspace one day. Do you like him? His name's George Bush..." Crosk explained.

"YOU FIEND! NAMING HIM AFTER SUCH A DESPICABLE CREATURE! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT MERE MISTAKE!" Be-bebe snapped, and then he ran behind Bu-bubu and squeaked, "Alright! Make 'em pay, little sis!"

"NOOOOOOO! LET US DO SOMETHING!" B.B. cried, and he came sliding in while riding Hiragi like a surfboard towards the enemy.

"SUPER FIST OF THE HILARIOUS COMEDIAN: SURF'S UP, DUDE!" Suddenly, a huge wave of ocean water formed underneath Hiragi's body, and now B.B. was hanging ten! Then, they crashed right into Crosk and George Bush, but the attack did nothing except get them wet.

In retaliation, George Bush punched Hiragi and B.B. in mid-air, sending them flying backwards. "CURSES! WE'VE BEEN...FOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLED!"

Bu-bubu bit her fingernail worryingly. 'Argh! What can we do against a crazy-ass kid that can pull just about anything out of hammerspace, and his giant mutant alien pet? This sucks! If only Don Patchi-kun was here...'

"ARGH! YOU GUYS...ARE PISSING ME OFF!" Crosk created another, smaller portal over his head to drop out a high-powered weapon of sorts, but instead he got a weird round orange creature with spikes dressed like a scantily clad wannabe-popstar girl.

"Hey, big boy," it purred, poking Crosk's nose playfully, "Let's go paint the town greenish-yellow tonight..."

"WHAT?! IS?! THISSSSS?!"

Bu-bubu gasped happily. "DON PATCHI-KUN! YOU'RE REALLY HERE!"

Then, the spiked oddball punched Crosk hard across the face and leaped backwards, landing next to an ecstatic Bu-bubu. Now back in his normal attire (which was nothing, actually), Don Patch struck a pose and exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, PUNK! I'LL TAKE YOU ON!...AND I'LL DEFEAT YOU WHILE I'M AT IT!"

"...YOU SUCK!" Byakkyo yelled at him.

Crosk was about to reply, when two more figures fell out of the portal on top of him; it was Bo-bobo and Jelly Jiggler...and they were dressed as Yugi Muto and Seto Kaiba respectively!

"My friends are the key to my success, Kaiba-san..." Bo-bobo said in Yugi's dubbed voice.

Jelly Jiggler scoffed and snapped in Kaiba's dubbed voice, "ARE YOU SURE IT ISN'T BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTUALLY AN EGYPTIAN SPIRIT WHO FOR SOME REASON IS THE MASTER AT A GAME HE'S NEVER EVEN PLAYED BEFORE?!"

"...Maybe."

"ARGH! GET OFF OF ME!" Crosk shouted, and he flung both Bo-bobo and Jelly Jiggler over to the others. Now back in his original attire, Bo-bobo struck a pose and exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, PUNK! I'LL TAKE YOU ON!...AND I'LL DEFEAT YOU WHILE I'M AT IT!"

"...YOU ROCK!" Byakkyo yelled at him.

Don Patch was not pleased about this in the slightest.

Growling like a dog, Crosk clenched his fists and thought, 'AAAAAAARGH...WHY DID THOSE THREE FOOLS HAVE TO SUDDENLY APPEAR?! THERE'S SO MANY OF THEM NOW...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WIN?! HOW?! HOW?! HOW...NO. I MUSTN'T FRET OVER THIS. I'LL JUST KILL THEM ALL AT ONCE!'

Smirking, Crosk pointed down at the group and exclaimed, "GEORGE BUSH...KILL THEM ALL! NOW!"

Roaring, the mutated monster charged at them. It was alot faster than any of the good guys had expected, and it was too sturdy to be stopped easily; how would they be able to escape it?

Ima couldn't take it anymore. Running at the charging beast, she jumped high into the air and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF THE BLACK JACKET: CONSTRICTING CLOTH!" The sleeves of the jacket stretched out and flew towards Crosk in an attempt to ensnare him, but instead she wrapped up something else: it was Dio Brando(2).

'I...I'VE PICKED UP A WEIRDO!' Ima thought in horror.

"Muda, muda...(3)" the weirdo chuckled, before both he and Ima were smacked by one of George Bush's paws, smashing them into the wall.

"DON'T WORRY, GUYS," Bo-bobo exclaimed, "I KNOW JUST HOW TO STOP THIS FREAKISH BEASTIE!"

"HOW?! HOW?! TELL ME! TELL ME!" Jelly Jiggler cried in excitement.

Grabbing Jelly Jiggler by the head, Bo-bobo stretched him out, and then flung him straight at the monster's face. "GO GET 'EM, JELLY!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?!" Tears streamed out of Jelly Jiggler's eyes as he came closer and closer towards George Bush's two gaping mouths...but then his expression changed to a confident one. Taking out his NU hanky, Jelly Jiggler shouted, "TAKE...THIS! IT'S MY...NU-HANKY SLAP!"

Jelly Jiggler gave George Bush a small slap on the nose with his hanky...and the hulking beast spat out a huge explosion of blood before collapsing sideways onto the ground, dead.

"...IT ACTUALLY WORKED?!" Bo-bobo cried; even though he threw Jelly Jiggler in the first place, he hadn't expected that to happen!

Crying out, Crosk accidently fell off the collapsing defeated monster, and felt the bones in his left arm crack apart the moment he hit the ground. Cursing, he tried to push himself back to his feet. 'I can't lose...I can't lose...no...why can't I lose? I...I don't know...why am I even fighting in the first place...augh...it hurts...'

Walking up to Crosk, Don Patch smirked and asked, "Aww...what's wrong, wittle boy? DID YOU HURT YERSELF? You gonna cry now, huuuuuh? HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?! YOU LOSERRRRRRRR..."

Snarling, Crosk kicked Don Patch off to the side. Then, he stood up and began making his way towards Bo-bobo and the others. The 'L' on his forehead was beginning to diminish, hinting that Vilidimar's control over him was weakening.

Twitching violently, Crosk placed his hand over his face as he whispered, "DESTROY...DESTROY...DESTROY...DESTROY...DESTROY...DESTROY...DESTROY..."

Stepping forward, Ima shouted to him, "CROSK...DON'T FORGET THAT WE STILL HAVE A MISSION TO DO! REMEMBER? WE NEED TO MEET BACK UP WITH THE OTHERS! YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?!"

Clutching his head, thousands of memories began to flash through Crosk's mind; memories of the 'Explode Saga'. He felt like his head was going to split in half, and he fell to his knees and screamed loudly.

'DESTROY...DESTROY...DE...DEST...DESTRO...DESTROY...DE...DESTROY...DEST...DE...DE...D...'

"NO! YOU MUST KILL THEM ALL NOW!!" ordered an old, wheezy voice inside his mind; it was Vilidimar.

"YES! KILL THEM...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Crosk cackled, and he ran at Ima with full intent on killing her. As he reached out to grab her, instead he grabbed something else; the orange T-shirt of his older cousin, Rijue.

"R...Rijue..." Ima stammered in suprise, blushing slightly.

Picking his nose, Hiragi thought, '...Even these OCs are getting more screen time than me!'

His expression full of fury, Rijue punched Crosk hard across the face. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, CROSK...BUT DON'T YOU EVER TRY AND LAY A SINGLE FINGER ON IMA, ESPECIALLY NOT IF YOU PLAN ON KILLING HER!"

In the background, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler and Bo-bobo were now dressed as cheerleaders and dancing to the 'YMCA' song.

"YOU BASTARD!" Crosk attempted to strike at Rijue, but the green-haired boy closed his eyes and said, "...ZA WARUDO."

Don Patch gasped. 'HEY! I USED THAT MOVE TOO! HE'S DEFINITELY COPYING ME!'

Although time was slowed down, only Crosk had been affected by it. Turning to the others, Rijue said, "You guys go on ahead and take out that King Richter guy before it's too late..."

"...What do you mean?" Bu-bubu asked him.

"Head up there and you'll find out." Rijue replied, "Now...just go, okay? I'll take care of things here."

After a moment of hesitation, Bo-bobo and the others quickly ran into the elevator nearby and took one last look at Rijue before the door closed.

Now, we go back to present time, where the final fight shall begin...

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Senzu Beans from the Dragonball series heal people back to full health as long as they aren't dead!

(2) - Dio Brando is a main villain from the Jojo Bizarre Adventure series.

(3) - "Muda, muda" is Dio's taunt/catchphrase thing.


	56. Richter Is The Last Baddie! Take Him Out

As the elevator passed the 56th floor, Bo-bobo and the others were all deep in their own thoughts about the oncoming battle against 'King' Richter, who is currently possessing their dear friend Beauty.

'Richter...I'll not only pound you out of Beauty's body, but back to oblivion!' Bo-bobo thought, his arms crossed.

'Beauty...we WILL be together again! I promise!' Gasser thought, clenching his fists.

'I can't wait to buy Fallout 3!' Don Patch thought, flipping through a GameInformer magazine he bought.

'I wish they made different-colored NU hankys...' Jelly Jiggler thought, staring at his blood-stained but beloved hanky.

'I hope the Boss likes the cookies I baked that look just like him!' Hatenko thought, holding a bag of cookies in his hand.

'...I don't have any interesting thoughts to provide...' Softon thought, his back facing towards the others.

'Why are we even coming along? We're not going to get to do anything, anyway...' Bu-bubu, Be-bebe, Byakkyo, Jati, Gaoh, Pokomi, Hiragi and B.B. all thought, sighing.

Finally, the elevator came to a stop on floor 60; the top floor of the tower. As the doors slid open, Gasser immediately noticed a little old man in robes standing in front a set of huge double doors.

As the group stepped out of the elevator, the little old man cackled and exclaimed, "WECLOME, EXTENDED BO-BOBO GROUP! YOU HAVE ALL MADE IT TO THE FINAL STAGE! I AM VILIDIMAR, THE LAST OF RICHTER'S SERVANTS, AND DEFINITELY THE MOST POWERFUL! IF YOU WISH TO REACH MY MASTER THROUGH THESE DOORS, YOU MUST BEAT ME FIRST!"

"Uh...blink a few times and then look at us..." Bo-bobo said.

Unsure of what to say to something so odd, Vilidimar did as requested...and now he saw that everyone were dressed as Big Daddies(1).

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-?!"

"WHERE IS THE LITTLE SISTER?!" The Bo-bobo/Big Daddy bellowed, waving its large drill arm around.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Vilidimar cried.

"YES, YOU DO! DON'T LIE!" Jelly Jiggler/Big Daddy barked.

Terribly afraid, Vilidimar began banging on the doors, begging for King Richter to let him back in. Glancing over his shoulder, he screamed as the Big Daddies drew closer and closer, their giant drill arms and whatnot gleaming.

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: THE FINAL BIOSHOCK REFERENCE!"

"WAIT...IT IS?! LISTEN...DON'T KILL ME! I WANT TO AT LEAST TELL MY SON KATSU(2) THAT I LOVE HIM!"

Blood burst out of Vilidimar's mouth as all of the drills dug into his back at once, and he was immediately defeated. Removing his helmet, Gasser sighed and muttered, "Ah...too bad we aren't doing any more BioShock references..."

Bo-bobo, who was now back in his normal attire, shrugged and replied, "Meh. No one liked it when we made references to that game anyway! Let's just go and kick Richter's ass before naptime!"

"YAY! I...WANT...NAPTIME!" Don Patch shouted, smacking Gasser across the face with a frying pan. However, instead of knocking him out, it only caused a trail of blood to roll down his head. Snarling, the white-haired boy gave Don Patch such an evil glare that the little orange guy quickly shrank to the size of a pea and ran off screaming for dear life.

Kicking the double doors down, Bo-bobo stepped forward and stuck out his pointer finger. "ATTENTION, RICHTER! MY HAIR IS HERE TO BEAT YOU UP!"

The control room of the tower was rather empty, and sitting in a large throne made out of bones, with a smug look on his face and his fist against his cheek as he sat there...was Richter. Well, actually, it was Richter in Beauty's body, but even though he's using a woman's body, he'll be referred to as a 'he' for the rest of the story regardless of who he's possessing.

"Welcome...Bo-bobo." Richter said, standing up.

Bo-bobo clenched his teeth in anger; he considered Beauty's safety his ultimate responsibility, and seeing this sick freak possessing her...it pissed him off. Yet, even at the same time, he's afraid that if he lets loose too much, he could end up destroying Beauty's body and killing her as well. He had hoped to come up with some way around that problem by the time they reached this fight, but poor Bo-bobo was completely stumped.

Opening his mouth, Don Patch pulled out Bo-bobo's fabulous 582 Yen jacket and said, "Here...you might need this. I had it dry-cleaned, but then I ate it."

Putting on the jacket, Bo-bobo felt a surge of power flow into his body. "Thanks...U-gonD."

Don Patch nodded, and he was now cosplaying as an old backwater ramen-maker in rural Japan. "Si. Yo no hablo español."

"It's good to see all of you again." Richter said in a cheerful tone, and then he switched to Beauty's voice,"...And I'm especially happy to see you, Gascan."

"YOU...YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU MOCK BEAUTY LIKE THAT!" Gasser snapped furiously. He was about to reach behind and create a gasball when Bo-bobo placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Gasser...let me handle this." Bo-bobo said, and Gasser gave in to his consent.

"Bo-bobo, you know you can't hurt me," Richter replied, smirking, "Remember...I'm using Beauty's body."

Bo-bobo nodded. "That is true, but...she DID survive that ultimate super killer death technique I used back in chapter 8. So, I think I can still kick your ass without any problems."

"OH, SHIT."

Bo-bobo ran forward and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: NOSEHAIR NO IPPO(3)!" His nosehairs emerged from his nostrils, and they were wearing boxing gloves on the end. Bo-bobo's nosehairs pounded at Richter's face ferociously as Bo-bobo himself cheered them on while dressed as a boxing coach. However, the evil body-possessing monarch didn't even flinch, and he just grabbed onto the nosehairs and tore them right out of Bo-bobo's nose!

"AUGH!" Blood burst out of Bo-bobo's nose and he staggered slightly. Tossing the torn nosehairs onto the floor, Richter exclaimed, "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, MR. NOSEHAIR-BITCH?! C'MON, HIT ME WITH ALL YA GOT!"

"VERY WELL...SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: POLITICIANS WITH LIGHTSABERS!" Bo-bobo's afro popped open, and living cardboard cut-outs of Barrack Obama and John McCain leaped out and began performing amazing and complex maneuvers with their lightsabers. However, they were too busy showing off to even attack, so Richter just sent them both flying with a single punch.

"HA! IS THAT ALL?!"

"NO, OF COURSE NOT! SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: VICE-PRESIDENT CANDIDATES WITH LIGHTSABERS!" Bo-bobo's afro opened up again, and living cardboard cut-outs of Sarah Palin and Joe Biden jumped out and did the same shtick as the last two guys, and Richter sent both of them flying off with a single kick.

Grunting, Richter said, "Bo-bobo, you are truly pathetic...who do you think you are? John Lennon? Leonard Nimoy? Weird Al Yankovic? That weird guy down the street who claims he actually wrote this fic? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! YOU ARE NO LONGER A HERO, BO-BOBO! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STEP DOWN AND LET NEW HEROES TAKE YOUR PLACE!"

Bo-bobo gasped. "Are you...hinting at a sequel with more original characters?!"

Richter shrugged. "...Maybe."

"SOMETHING LIKE THAT CAN NEVER BE ACCEPTED...BY ME!" Don Patch leaped over Bo-bobo's head and flew at Richter, his green onion sword drawn. Don Patch swung the sword down on Richter's head, but it shattered the moment it touched him.

"You are annoying." Richter said clamly before smacking Don Patch away with a quick swipe of his hand.

Chuckling, Jelly Jiggler, dressed as Joseph Joestar, muttered, "Hmph. He IS annoying..."

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Gasser snapped at him.

Playing absent-mindedly with a strand of his hair, Richter said, "Bo-bobo...would you like to know why I am so obsessed with staying in this world despite the fact I had passed away about a millennium ago?"

"Not really." everyone replied at the same time.

Ignoring them, Richter began walking back towards his throne as he spoke, "You see, I was a survivor of the great Super Fist War. The entire land was horribly destroyed and ravished by the results of our greed for power and absolute control. As the current Emperor of Maruhage Kingdom's most important adviser, I had to come up with a way to help the people of the kingdom regain their hope and bring them a peace of mind. So...I created 'Hajike' A.K.A. 'Wiggin', which allows a person to express their inner feelings and emotions in such a creative and unique way that neither words nor explanation is needed. I was hailed as a 'hero', and I was crowned 'King of Hajikelists'. However, as time went on, and as the 'Hajike' grew more and more well-known throughout the world, I realized...that I had been forgotten. It was even written in history books that the true origin of 'Hajike' is unknown! THOSE UNGRATEFUL CRETINS FORGOT THAT IT WAS ME WHO CREATED 'HAJIKE'! It was completely and utterly ridiculous! In my insanity, I murdered several people in cold blood, including the Emperor's wife, before being thrown into jail, where I rotted away and died. Yet, even as a spirit, my fury of being forgotten couldn't be quelled..."

"...Is that your whole story?" Bo-bobo asked.

Richter sat on his throne and nodded. "Indeed. That is my reason for possessing your friend and wishing to take control of the world..."

"You're an amazing person." Don Patch said with a handsome look(4), his elbow resting on Richter's shoulder. Richter smashed his own elbow into Don Patch's face and sent the annoying little orange man flying into the wall. As smoke arose from the hole he had crashed through, a small voice began to chant:

"NEVER FORGIVE...NEVER FORGET...STEVE, I WANT BACON AND TUNA!"

Suddenly, a powerful burst of light erupted, and Super Patch climbed out of the rubble.

'Oh no...it's HIM again!' Bo-bobo thought, grimacing.

Cracking his knuckles, Super Patch said, "I'm gonna beat you up...seriously."

Richter grinned at the challenge. "I'd like to see you try..."

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Once again, the front-cover monsters from BioShock appear!

(2) - Katsu from A-Block. You know who I'm talking about...right?

(3) - A reference to 'Hajime No Ippo' a boxing manga that has over 800 chapters.

(4) - Think back to episode 14, when Don Patch tells Gasser to say that Bo-bobo looks beautiful in the dress.


	57. Why Isn't Richter Dead Yet? Hurry Up!

_Last time, we left off with a battle about to erupt between King Richter and Super Patch!_

"...Do you really think you can win?" Richter asked, still sitting on his throne.

Super Patch smirked. "Think? I KNOW I can win."

"WOW! HE'S SO COOL!" Jelly Jiggler and Gasser exclaimed from the sidelines with wide eyes, and Bo-bobo just grunted in annoyance.

"I won't even need to get up from this chair to kill you." Richter taunted.

Super Patch cocked an eyebrow and said, "Oh? I'd like to see you try."

"You doomed yourself the moment you challenged me." said Richter with a chuckle.

"I'll beat the living daylights out of you!" Super Patch snarled.

"WILL YOU TWO IDIOTS JUST FIGHT ALREADY?!" Bo-bobo snapped, pissed that Don Patch had to be taking up his precious screen-time again.

Richter closed his eyes, and then snapped them back open. "SUPER FIST OF TRUE KING HAJIKE: ...CRUSH!"

Nothing happened for a few moments...and then a giant Nintendo DS fell from the sky, smashing down upon Super Patch without warning.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!! DON'T DIE, HERO!" Jelly Jiggler and Gasser weeped; they now had hair styles similar to Super Patch's, and were wearing 'SUPER PATCH' T-shirts.

Suddenly, a vertical slice cracked upwards into the DS, and it fell in half, revealing Super Patch...dressed as the Hero of Time, with a Master Sword and all!

"HAI-YAAAAAAAH!!" Super Patch cried out as he dashed at Richter and swung at him, but his sword only came in contact with an invisible barrier of sorts.

"...What?"

"GOTCHA."

Without even breaking a sweat, Richter raised his left arm and began pummeling Super Patch repeatably in the face; he didn't even have to look at him! When it was over, the poor golden Patch had lost all of his cosplaying attire and he fell to the ground, his face a broken, bloody mess.

Turning to Jelly Jiggler, Gasser exclaimed, "JELLY JIGGLER! YOU NEED TO CASTE 'CURE' ON SUPER PATCH...QUICKLY!"

Jelly Jiggler smiled innocently. "Uh...I'm a Black Mage."

"DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT ALL...in America!"

Picking himself up, Super Patch wiped the blood off his face and thought, 'Huh. That's one serious barrier he's got! I'm gonna need to be seriously serious if I plan on beating him!'

"SUPER PATCHI-KUN, USE THE FORCE!" Bu-bubu shouted from the sidelines.

'SHE'S RIGHT.' Closing his eyes, Super Patch focused, and a glowing aura of energy soon formed around his body. However, before he could do anything, Richter just kicked him in the face and sent him flying into the back wall.

"WAAAAA HA HA HA! HE'S LOSING!" Bo-bobo cackled. Gasser punched him in the face and shouted, "DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT SUPER PATCH! HE'S THE GREATEST!"

Bo-bobo grabbed Gasser's wrist and replied, "...Since when did you LIKE Don Patch?"

Gasser gasped. "...YOU'RE RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?! I'M...I'M WORSHIPPING SOMEONE THAT I LOATHE WITH PURE INTENSITY!"

Sobbing like mad, Gasser fell to the ground and just laid there for a while.

"C'mon," Richter taunted, "Don't you have anything better...little man?"

"YAAAAAAAAGH!" Rushing back towards Richter, Super Patch put on an apron and a chef's hat, and then pulled out a spatula. Surprisingly, this allowed Super Patch to somehow bypass the barrier, as he leaped onto Richter's chest and smashed him across the face with the spatula rapidly before being smacked away.

'HOW...HOW DID THAT WORK?!'

Smirking, Super Patch threw the blood-stained spatula off to the side and said, "Do you see now? That pathetic barrier of yours is no match for the likes of me!"

Standing up from his throne once again, Richter snarled, "You'll pay for that, you disgusting little insect! You should be respectful to your superiors! After all...I am was the one who originally created all of the 'Hajike' moves you use today!"

Super Patch got into a fighting pose. "I stand here, listening to you say all of that...and it means nothing to me."

"YOU...YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PUNK!" Richter pressed his palms onto the ground and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF TRUE KING HAJIKE: BURNING HELL BLIZZARD!" Suddenly, flames burst out from underneath Super Patch and began swirling around at high speeds. Super Patch let out a pained grunt as the spinning inferno licked at his skin, burning him.

Laughing like a madman, Richter exclaimed, "YES! YES! YES! BURN TO DEATH! BURN! RELEASE YOUR PHYSICAL FORM AND BECOME ONE WITH MY SUPREME COSMOS, YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF TRASH!"

It seemed for a moment that Super Patch was done for, but then...

"Sorry...but I don't plan on dying just yet."

Richter was left speechless as he watched Super Patch fly out of the raging flames, badly burnt but still breathing. Richter was still without words even as the golden Patch body-slammed into him, knocking him backwards and causing him to crash back into his throne seat, blood bursting out of his mouth.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Super Patch proclaimed, "I hope you don't mind me saying, but...I'm seriously a much better Hajikelist than you."

Coughing violently, Richter stared at the blood on his hands and arms; his own blood (technically, it was Beauty's blood, but he considered this to be his own body now). It ran down his chin and stained his clothes. This was the first time he had truly felt pain during this whole battle...and it enraged him.

"I'M ENRAGED TOO, I TELL YA!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, and he jumped onto Super Patch and tackled him to the ground, "GIVE...ME...BACK...MY...SCREEN-TIMEEEEEEEEEE!!"

"G...GET OFF OF ME! I'M SERIOUS!" Super Patch snapped.

"Heh...heh heh...heh heh heh heh...heh heh heh heh heh..."

Glancing up, Bo-bobo and Super Patch saw that Richter was laughing with an insane look in his eyes.

"Do...do you...really think you...you can win?!" Richter chuckled, trying his best to control his growing laughter.

Reaching over, Richter continued to laugh as he pressed a small red button on the side of his throne, and the wall behind him slowly began to raise, revealing another wall completely made out of glass. Behind that wall, though, was something that made everyone gasp out in shock...it was stocked full to the brim with Zenmetsu-gan pills.

"W...WHAT IS THISSSSSSSSSSSS?!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed for some reason.

"An entire glass vault full of Zenmetsu-gan pills...it's all part of my ultimate plan." Richter said, staring at the glass wall with a look of great admiration, "Age of Aquarius had obtained the data on creating these pills after the downfall of the Maruhage dictatorship, and we were able to mass-produce them quite easily..."

Suddenly, a man in swimming trunks swam by inside the vault of pills. Gasping, Byakkyo thought, 'HE'S REALLY GOOD AT HOLDING HIS BREATH!'

"You fiend! Just what do you plan on doing?" Bo-bobo asked while he was busy writing this all down.

"I am going to create an army through these pills...an army of unsuppressed power!" Smashing his fist into the glass, Richter grinned as a crack formed. Then, the crack grew larger and spread out until a small hole broke open, and pills started to pour out. Scooping about five of them into his hand, Richter couldn't stop grinning; it was obvious what he was going to do next.

"I'LL TAKE THESE PILLS...AND KILL YOU ALL WITH MY OVERWHELMING POWER!!"

Bo-bobo cursed under his breath; not even Super Patch was fast enough to get there before Richter could stick those pills down his throat. 'No matter what...if he takes those pills, we're doomed!'

Suddenly...

"ZA WARUDO!"

Richter let out a gasp as time around him began to slow to a crawl. His hand with the pills had ceased to move towards his mouth, no matter how hard he tried. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BULL...SHIT?!"

Without warning, a barrage of knives flew out of nowhere and pierced into his body, splattering blood everywhere. The pills slipped from his fingers and rolled across the floor.

"Ahh...ahhh...what is going...on?!"

Then, a steamroller fell from the ceiling and landed right on top of him, burying him underneath the weight. After that, time reverted back to normal and three figures were now standing on top of the steamroller: it was Rijue, Crosk and Ima! All three of them looked really winded, especially Crosk; it seemed like he could keel over at any second.

"IT'S...IT'S THE OCS!" Be-bebe cried.

"...We have names, you know..." Ima snapped back as she leaped down onto the ground. Rijue and Crosk quickly followed.

"HOLD ON?! WHAT DID THEY JUST DO?!" Bo-bobo asked aloud.

"I'll explain, since I have seriously enhanced senses," Super Patch explained, "It was a team attack of sorts: Rijue froze time, Crosk summoned the steamroller and knives, and Ima used her wind to make the knives fly into Richter. It's all very simple."

"...I don't get it..."

"So...all three of you survived, huh? What a shame..." muttered Jelly Jiggler, holding a glass of wine in his hands and a cigar in his mouth.

Bowing, Crosk mumbled, "I'm...I'm really sorry about trying to kill you guys. Please forgive me...after that Vilidimar guy was defeated, his hold over me was finally broken..."

Bu-bubu smiled. "Aww...it's alright, sweetie."

Holding Ima's hand tightly in his own, Rijue exclaimed, "There's no way we were gonna miss out on the final fight! We'll take down this creep...together! Right?"

Ima nodded and her cheeks flushed. "Yeah...sounds good."

Suddenly, the steamroller exploded in a fiery eruption, and Richter arose from the debris, blood pouring down his face and a look of pure never-ending hatred in his eyes. Several of the knives were still lodged into his body, but he didn't seem to care much as he tore them out without a word. Once all the knives were removed, Richter stepped forward once, and the entire room's temperature fell by 3 degrees.

"You...you bastards...how dare you all...do this...to me...to me...I'll kill you...I'll kill you all..."

Richter picked up two of the pills lying on the ground and quickly stuffed them into his mouth. As he finished swallowing, a huge burst of energy erupted within his body. All of the injuries on Richter's body immediately healed and the blood stains on his face vanished. Soon, along with the huge glowing aura surrounding him, Richter was back at full health.

"I'LL TEAR YOUR FRICKIN' BRAINS OUT WITH MY OWN HANDS, BO-BOBO." Richter threatened.

"OH MAN! NOW HE'S REALLY SUPER POWERFUL!" Hatenko exclaimed, wanting to at least get a bit more dialogue in before the end of the fic, "WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO NOW?!"

"NO WORRIES! I CAN STILL TAKE HIM!" Super Patch replied, and he ran at Richter again, and was smashed so hard in the face that he was actually knocked back into his original Don Patch form. Jelly Jiggler shrieked and quickly hid underneath a box, only to be kicked out by Solid Snake.

Thinking, Bo-bobo actually came up with a solution to defeat this enemy. "WE'LL NEED TO USE...THE ULTIMATE FUSION TECHNIQUE!"

'THE ULTIMATE...FUSION...TECHNIQUE?!'


	58. A Million Men Couldn't Win, But I Can?

A/N: My biggest worry right now...is if my idea for what'll result of the 'Ultimate Fusion Technique' will be the biggest turnaround ever or end up being a huge disappointment.

'Magical Girl Gasser' was originally created by aura723.

* * *

_With Richter at the height of his power, Bo-bobo comes up with a solution to obtain victory: Ultimate Fusion Technique...?!_

"...What exactly is this 'Ultimate Fusion Technique'? Is it any different from a normal usion Technique?" Rijue asked.

"Why, it's the 'Ultimate Fusion Technique', of course! It's...'Ultimate'!" replied Bo-bobo. None of them seemed too worried about the overpowered psychotic nut-job slowly nearing towards the group.

"NO! I MEAN...WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT DO?!"

"Well...we all fuse together into one, obviously!" Bo-bobo snapped, spitting on Rijue's shoe for emphasis.

Rijue gasped. 'Geez...how does that even work?!'

Sitting down in a cross-legged position, Bo-bobo said, "To use it, however, I will need to go through a long and painful ritual, and Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler will help perform it...so the rest of you guys need to hold off Richter until I'm done."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"ARE YOU MAD?! WE'LL BE KILLED!" Gasser cried.

However, Bo-bobo had already begun the first part of the ritual; he was now shirtless, and Don Patch was sitting on a stool and pouring what appeared to be an endless supply of soy sauce over the afroed man's head. Jelly Jiggler was busy carving the faces of past presidents into some spuds and setting them around Bo-bobo in a circular pattern.

Cursing under his breath, Gasser exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, WE'LL HOLD HIM OFF, BUT...PLEASE, MR. BO-BOBO, PLEASE HURRY!"

Smirking, Richter cackled, "So...it seems I have to fight all of you except for the three I truly want to kill, eh? Fine...I can let off some steam this way..."

Glancing up, Jelly Jiggler wondered, 'WAIT...WHY DOES HE WANT TO KILL ME TOO?!'

Seeing that they were actually going to have to fight again, Byakkyo and Gaoh quickly ran out of the room in horror.

Richter worked out his neck a bit, and then...the next round of this final battle began.

"YAAAY! LET'S KICK HIS BUTT TOGETHER, ONII-CHAN!" Pokomi cried cheerfully, rushing at the enemy before anything else could happen.

"YES! LET US DO IT! MAGIC IS POWER!" Gasser exclaimed, suddenly dressed in his 'Sailor cout Gasser' attire (back from chapter 23) and following her lead.

'WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!' everyone wondered.

"SUPER FIST OF LOVELY MAGIC: SPINNING DRAGON SAILOR PANTIES CATCHER R-D!"

Suddenly, a large pair of black laced panties formed in mid-air, and a large Chinese dragon popped out and blasted Richter with a powerful blast of fire. Raising their magic wands into the air, Pokomi and 'Magical' Gasser both went "SQUEE!!" out in excitement.

"THAT WAS...A WEIRD ATTACK!" Bu-bubu exclaimed.

Unfortunately, the flames didn't even put a scratch on Richter's body, and he fired off a powerful laser beam from his palm, destroying the dragon and the giant floating panties.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!! THOSE...WERE...MINE!! I'LL DESTROY YOU! SUPER FIST OF LOVELY MAGIC: MURDEROUS HATRED DEATH KILLER STORM OF DOOM...THE DRAGON KING!" Pokomi shouted in a deep voice, her face becoming demonic.

However, all that happened was a small 'poot' coming out of her bottom. Smiling innocently with her tongue out, she bonked herself in the head and giggled, "Oops! I forgot! He's on an extended vacation!"

"ARGH...SO USELESS!" Be-bebe snapped.

Placing a hand on his sister's shoulder, 'Magical' Gasser winked and exclaimed, "Don't worry, my dear Pokomi-chan! Magic is power, right? We can definitely win...no matter what!"

Pokomi snarled. "MAGIC ISN'T REAL, DUMBASS."

'GASP...IS THIS WHAT MY DAD CALLS 'PMS'?!' Gasser wondered, a single tear running down his face.

Turning to Bu-bubu, Be-bebe exclaimed, "Alright, sis...IT'S TIME FOR US TO SHOW THESE AMATEURS HOW IT'S DONE!"

Bu-bubu nodded, but then she said, "...You mean, you want ME to show them, right?"

"YEAH! USE YOUR 'BOOBY FLASH' ATTACK! THAT'LL TAKE HIM DOWN IN ONE HIT!"

Bu-bubu punched Be-bebe hard across the face and snapped, "NO WAY IN HELL AM I DOING THAT AGAIN! I ONLY USED IT THAT ONE TIME TO ESCAPE FROM THE NARUTARDS ATTEMPTING TO CONVERT US!"

Be-bebe chuckled as he recalled that event. "Heh heh...yeah...those were some wacky times, those were...heh heh heh..."

"LET'S JUST FIGHT HIM ALREADY!" Bu-bubu snapped, and she unleashed her armpit hairs, "SUPER FIST OF THE ARMPIT HAIR: SUPER DRAGON KING HELLION!"

However, all that happened was a small 'poot' coming out of both her armpits. Smiling innocently with her tongue out, she bonked herself in the head and giggled, "Oops! I forgot! He's on an extended vacation!"

"GAH! STOP IT! IT'S ANNOYING!" Be-bebe cried; sighing, he called out his own leghairs to do the fighting instead.

Meanwhile, stage 2 of the ritual had started; Jelly Jiggler was licking Bo-bobo's toes while dressed like OVER. Don Patch sat on his afro, wearing a flashy white coat and a matching feather hat. The name 'Bo-bobo' was written on the front of the hat. Holding a microphone to his lips, he continued to sing a beautiful song over and over again:

_"I Am Your Hajikelist,_

_Your Best Fighting Partner Forevah,_

_Parodying the Anime you likeee..."(1)_

Anyway, it was Be-bebe's turn to finally show his stuff! "SUPER FIST OF THE LEGHAIR: HAIRY DOG CHOMP!" Sending one of his leghairs flying towards Richter, it suddenly grew into a large ferocious dog and chomped down on Richter's head.

"Hmph!...Is that all?"

Richter unleashed a powerful surge of energy, and Be-bebe's attack was completely destroyed by the evil King's aura alone. 'ARGH! THIS IS AS BAD AS THAT TIME I CLICKED ON A WEBSITE CALLED 'KITTY GIRLS' AND ACTUALLY EXPECTED IT TO HAVE CUTE LITTLE CATGIRLS!' Be-bebe thought, spitting up blood for some reason.

"DON'T WORRY! WE'LL TAKE HIM ON!" Ima exclaimed, with Crosk and Rijue at her sides.

'GIRL BE PIMPIN'!'

"YOU OCS ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF! SCRATCH THAT...YOU'RE ALL PISSING ME OFF!" Richter snapped, and he formed several glowing orbs in the air. "SUPER FIST OF TRUE KING HAJIKE: LASER HOLE MANIFESTA!"

The glowing orbs let out a high-pitched squeal of sorts before they began firing hundreds of small lasers in every direction. Although some of them were dodged, Crosk ended up having a laser rip right through his head, destroying his brain.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! CROSK!" Ima shrieked.

Luckily, Crosk was able to pull out a replacement brain through hammerspace, so it was all good after all!

"O...Oh...I'm so glad..."

"MAGIC...IS...POWER!" 'Magical' Gasser shouted over and over to himself as he whacked away any oncoming lasers with his magic wand like they were baseballs. Pokomi, meanwhile, was constantly switching out of 'happy mood' and 'emo mood'.

"I'M TIRED OF...SITTING AROUND AND DOING NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGG..." Softon bellowed, and he charged at Richter, only to be hit in the side by a laser.

"I'M TIRED OF...LOOKING USELESS IN FRONT OF THE BOSS!" Hatenko bellowed, and he charged at Richter, and he somehow reached him, only to be kicked hard in the crotch; so hard, in fact, that an X-Ray suddenly flashed on and showed his entire skeletal frame shattering to pieces.

Even Hiragi and his two allies were taken down, somehow.

With everyone so devastatingly beaten (except for the OCs, but they were soon detained within a prison cell of fire), it was hoped that Bo-bobo had finally finished going through the ritual. At the moment, it seemed that Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were about to cut him open and pour sulfuric acid into his insides.

Coughing up blood to seem more dramatic, Gasser cried, "MR. BO-BOBO...HELP USSSSSS!!"

"Geez...no need to shout."

Looking over his shoulder, Gasser saw that Bo-bobo was already standing before Richter, his body roaring with a newfound power. Looking back at where he had just seen Bo-bobo moments ago, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler were now being strangled by a giant squid instead.

"Bo-bobo...now I can finally kill you." Richter said, sneering.

Raising his hands into the air, Bo-bobo threw his head back and shouted, "RICHTER...IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO BACK TO HELL! SUPER GOLDEN FIST OF THE ALMIGHTY NOSEHAIR: ULTIMATE FUSION TECHNIQUE!!"

Richter's eyes grew wide. "The...The 'Ultimate Fusion Technique'? It's...It's not possible! HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE OF THE ANCIENT SUPER FIST TECHNIQUES?!"

Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Gasser, Softon, Hatenko, Pokomi, Bu-bubu, Be-bebe, Byakkyo, Gaoh, Hiragi, B.B., Jati, Rijue, Crosk, Ima...their bodies became small balls of light that quickly flew over and were absorbed into Bo-bobo's chest. Then, Bo-bobo himself erupted into a huge explosion of light, so powerful that it tore the roof apart, revealing the clear blue sky above.

"NO...STOP IT!" Richter shouted, firing a laser beam at the glowing mass that was Bo-bobo, but it did nothing to stop the oncoming force. 'OH GOD...HE'S GOING TO BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN EXISTENCE! I'M ROYALLY SCREWED!'

Soon, the light began to dim, and all that was left was a huge cloud of smoke. When the smoke finally cleared, TWO figures were standing in Bo-bobo's place...

...one of them was the titular hero of Yoshio Sawai's new manga Chagecha, and the other looked exactly like Bo-bobo for some reason.

A bit confused, Richter pointed at Chagecha and said, "Uh...I know who you are, but..." he then looked at 'Bo-bobo' and asked, "But...who the hell are you? Are you...Bo-bobo? Did you actually fuse at all?"

"Actually, check this out," said this Bo-bobo look-alike, and he spun around...to reveal a single curl on the back of his afro!

"WHAT...WHAT IS THIS?! ALL OF THAT FUSION CRAP...AND YOU END UP SUMMONING CHAGECHA AND GET A STINKIN' GODDAMN CURL ON THE BACK OF YOUR AFRO?!" Richter snapped, a bit upset that he had been so thoroughly tricked.

"Hey! It's not my fault that my ultimate fusion form is myself! Besides...my shirt also happens to be a slightly darker shade of blue...and my big toe is sticking out of my shoe on my right foot!"

Although these two things happened to be true as well, Richter was still pissed off.

"Fine, before we fight, I guess you should introduce your fusion name, huh?" Richter said.

"YES! MY NAME IS...BO-BOBO BO-BOBO!" exclaimed bo-bobo Bo-bobo.

'HIS NAME IS ONLY MISSING A SINGLE BO?!'

Smirking, Chagecha cracked his knuckles and chirped, "...JERRY SPRINGER."

'...AND HE CAN ONLY SAY THE NAMES OF FAMOUS PEOPLE?!'

Oddly enough, this is the set-up for the final part of this grandiose battle!

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - Don Patch is dressed as Renaldo Lapuz: **Renaldo Lapuz** (born December 18, 1962) is a American who auditioned on the seventh season of the television series _American Idol_, singing the self-written song "We're Brothers Forever." He is half German half Chinese Filipino.


	59. The End of Kyokusetsu

_This is it, people; the final chapter of Kyokusetsu Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo! The Evil Hajike King Richter (in Beauty's body) is about to meet his demise at the hands of OOC Chagecha...and a shoddy fusion that really just looks like Bo-bobo himself, but is alot more serious than the original! What will happen now?!_

"...Adam Sandler? Shia LaBeouf y Lindsay lohan? George Lucaz tiene mucho gusto fabricos! JIM CARREY, YO HABLO ESPANOL!" Chagecha asked Bo-bobo as they were about to confront Richter.

'...Now he's speaking in Spanish, somewhat...but mainly still saying the names of famous people...' Richter thought, at a complete loss with these two odd enemies he had to fight.

"Yo soy Heath Ledger...como esta Andre 3000?" Chagecha said, but then Bo-bobo smashed him over the head with a hammer, knocking the poor guy to the ground.

Spitting on Chagecha's face, Bo-bobo snarled, "Finally...that guy was a major pain."

"WAIT! YOU...YOU JUST KILLED HIM?! WASN'T HE...APART OF YOU OR SOMETHING?!" Richter cried, his eyes bugging out of his head.

"Meh. That guy only had Hiragi, Jati, B.B., Pokomi, Gaoh and Byakkyo in him..." Bo-bobo replied, picking his nose with a careless look on his face.

"THAT MEANS YOU KILLED YOUR FRIENDS!!"

"...Exactly."

Although the opponents he had faced before were strange, this guy was downright BIZARRE.

'Hmm...why am I having so much trouble focusing? Is he really that weird or...is his aura so strong that not only can I not see it, but it's effecting me mentally?!' Richter wondered, biting his lip.

Meanwhile, Bo-bobo was beginning to play Disgaea DS without a care in the world; he didn't seem threatened by Richter's presence at all!

"ARGH...YOU...YOU...HOW DARE YOU IGNORE MEEEEEEEEEEEE?!" Richter screamed, throwing a wave of dark energy at Bo-bobo's face. Shockingly, the Bo-tector just deflected the attack with a wave of his hand, his eyes not even drifting away from his DS.

"Damn...didn't know there was so much EtnaXFlonneXLaharl subtext in this game..." Bo-bobo muttered aloud with raised eyebrows.

Richter gasped. 'HE TOTALLY DEFLECTED IT?!'

Suddenly, Chagecha jumped up onto Bo-bobo's back and started scratching at his eyes. "JENNIFER...LOPEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!"

"WAGH! GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF!" Bo-bobo screamed frantically; sighing, Richter blasted Chagecha in the face, sending him flying off of Bo-bobo and hitting into the wall.

Coughing, Chagechastood up and wiped the blood off of his face. "YOU BASTARDS...I'LL BREAK YOUR HEAD FOR THAT!" He snapped, now speaking perfect Japanese/English.

'...NOW HE DECIDES TO SPEAK NORMALLY?!'

His afro popping open, Bo-bobo said, "Hey, thanks for getting that freak off my back. Here's a gift, from me to you." Then, he pulled something out and placed it in Richter's hands. It was a can of tuna. Richter gasped and quickly threw the can away.

"You...how dare you! Beauty's allergic to tuna, ya know!" Richter snapped.

Suddenly, an evil smirk formed on Bo-bobo's lips. "Heh heh...of course I knew that."

'This man...IS EVIL!'

"YEAH! AND I'LL DESTROY YOU WITH MY UNSPECIFIED JAPANESE SUPER FIST!" Chagecha added.

"HUH?! BUT...YOU HAVE AN ACTUAL FIGHTING STYLE IN YOUR SERIES, THO!" Richter cried.

Chagecha nodded. "True, but...IT'S NOT A SUPER FIST!"

'These guys are scary...' Richter thought, shivering.

"Anyway," Bo-bobo said, coughing into his fist, "How about I now give you just a small taste of what my ultimate combined super fist will do to you..."

"NO...NO...I'LL KILL YOU FIRST!" Richter snapped. He was about to thrust his hand into Bo-bobo's chest when the afroed man opened his mouth and fired off a huge blast of sushi, sending Richter flying into the wall. His body covered in raw fish and seaweed, Richter fell on one knee and spat up blood.

"That was...My 'Super Fist of the Idiot'. It uses the powers of all of my friends in a single combined form..."

Pushing himself back to his feet, Richter snarled and thought, 'That...that attack was so ridiculous, but so strong. My power...feels much weaker than before...'

"NOW IT'S MY TURN, SEMPAI!" Chagecha shouted, and he pulled out a large turnip from within his pants and smashed Richter over the head with it. Coughing up more blood, Richter quickly retaliated and punched Chagecha in the face...but it had no effect.

With Richter's fist still pressed against his face, Chagecha smirked and replied, "Sorry...but you'll need to do better if you want to hurt me."

"...SUPER FIST OF TRUE KING HAJIKE: HECATACUS ROPE!"

Suddenly, Richter's fist turned into several large black snakes and they snapped at Chagecha. Shrieking, the fedora-wearing man quickly ran back to Bo-bobo's side and held onto his legs as if for dear life. "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH...I WAS SO SCARED, SEMPAI...WAAAH..."

Bo-bobo sighed. "Hmph...poor rookie...you just watch and learn from the master, newbie..."

Richter's hand returned to normal and he stuck both his hands in his pockets. "It seems...I was a bit hasty in fearing defeat. After all...I still the 'Super Fist of True King Hajike' on my side...I can still come out of this fight the victor..."

"WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" Bo-bobo snapped, "SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT: RAPIDICA ALMOREZ MEXICAN PEANUT SODA WITH GINGERBREAD!"

"WHAT?!"

Blood spewed out of Richter's mouth as Bo-bobo began smacking him around violently with a rapid series of kicks and jabs. Every hit that collided against Richter's body carried the force of a speeding rocket. Then, Chagecha finished off the attack by landing a flying kick to Bo-bobo's back, causing him to body-slam into Richter, injuring the evil body-possessing monarch even further.

To add insult to injury, Chagecha then pulled out a large, hyber-tech motorcycle from his pants and rode it right into Richter's body, cracking his bones and ribs in the process.

"A...A...AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!"

Richter smashed into the glass wall of Zenmetsu-gan pills, and it completely shattered. Pounds upon pounds of the pills poured out like a waterfall, burying Richter underneath. It remained this way for about a minute, and then the pills stopped falling.

"YAY! WE DID IT, SEMPAI!" Chagecha cheered, and he started to break out the party favors and sake to celebrate.

Holding up his palm, Bo-bobo said, "Hold on, Chagecha...it isn't over yet...in fact, it's just begun..."

Chagecha sighed, and threw out the duck stew he had just started making.

Suddenly, the giant pile of pills began to shake violently, and then Richter burst out with an explosive aura, sending the pills flying all across the room. Luckily, Bo-bobo and Chagecha were able to protect themselves by using a large piece of bubble-wrap.

Breathing heavily and snarling like an animal, Richter was a total mess; his hair was blood-stained and unkempt, his clothes and cape were torn and bloody, and a huge bloody gash was in the middle of his forehead, pouring blood down his face. Clenching his fists, he threw his head back and screamed, "I...WILL...KILL...BOTH OF YOU!!"

Then, without warning, he created four small gray balls in his hand, and threw them directly at Bo-bobo. Although Bo-bobo attempted to dodge them, the balls quickly homed in after him and went into his mouth and down his throat.

Holding his throat, Bo-bobo shouted, "WHAT WAS THAT?! DON'T TELL ME...WERE THOSE...WERE THOSE COUGH DROPS?!"

"I think so, sempai." Chagecha replied.

"YOU SICK FREAK, GIVING YOUR ENEMIES COUGH DROPS DURING THE HEAT OF BATTLE! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT! I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN WITH MY SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT...IDIOT!"

Chuckling, Richter thought, 'Yes...I can kill him from the inside of his soul...as well as kill his pesky friends in the process...heh heh heh...'

Picking up a single Zenmetsu-gan pill at his feet, Richter quickly swallowed it and allowed the new abundance of energy to flow through him. "NOW...TIME TO DIE!" Then, he charged at them. Bo-bobo and Chagecha got into fighting stances, ready to face anything...

* * *

_Meanwhile, inside Bo-bobo's soul..._

Sitting up, Gasser rubbed the back of his head and mumbled, "Yeesh...where the heck are we?" Looking around, he realized he was in the middle of what seemed to be a huge area of complete white emptiness. Lying nearby were Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Bu-bubu, Be-bebe, Hatenko, Softon Crosk, Ima and Rijue. Oddly, though, Don Patch was wearing make-up and Ima and Rijue were wrapped up in a deep hug despite being unconscious.

Gasser pushed himself to a stand, and was about to wake the others up, when a voice from behind said, "...Hey, Gasser..."

Spinning around, Gasser found himself face to face with Bo-bobo...or rather, someone who looked like Bo-bobo. Despite having the afro and glasses and everything, all of the clothes this Bo-bobo wore were completely black, and he had the most depressed look on his face Gasser had ever seen...even more depressing than his own expressions! He also had some extra hair brushed over one eye.

"Uh...who are you?" Gasser asked nervously.

"My name? I'm one of Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo's emotions of course. I'm 'Emo Bo-bobo'." replied the darkened Bo-bobo look-alike.

"Wait...'EMO' ISN'T A KIND OF EMOTION!"

"...You make me sad..."

"..."

Since it didn't seem that the others were going to wake up anytime soon, and Bo-bobo in his ultimate fusion form(s) had things handled against Richter, Gasser decided to just strike up conversation with Emo Bo-bobo.

"So...are there any bands or types of music that you particularly like?" Gasser asked.

Emo Bo-bobo thought for a moment. "I like Mindless Self Indulgence, System Of A Down, Linkin Park, Sum 41 and...uh...some others..."

"...What about hobbies?"

"I like cutting myself, listening to depressing music at high volume, eating cold ramen, cutting myself, playing fetch with my dog, taking long and depressing walks on the beach, cutting myself, cutting myself, cutting myself..."

Gasser sighed. 'Geez...this guy is annoying!'

"...And I write poetry." Emo Bo-bobo finished with a slight nod.

'Ah! Now we're getting somewhere!' Gasser thought, and then he said, "You write poetry? Cool! Can you read me a piece you wrote up recently?"

Nodding, Emo Bo-bobo reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, charred piece of paper. Unfolding it, he coughed once into his fist and began to read:

_"Burning Skin, Hateful Desires..._

_Sinking Life, Fallen Dreams..._

_Lost Love, Unwanted, Uncared, Unloved..._

_Take My Life Now, And End This Torrent of Pain I Live Through..._

_...Every Single Day. I Scream Because I Want To Die. I Want To Die And Be With Them Again. Dying...ever dying...I Want To Die..."_

Then, he sighed again and put the paper back into his pocket. "...Did you like it?"

Gasser blinked a few times, unsure of what to say. It actually wasn't much of a poem at all, really.

Seemingly able to sense Gasser's discomfort, Emo Bo-bobo sighed and mumbled, "...I get it...you'd rather be with Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo's other emotions, right...? I'm no fun at all...I'm sorry..."

Before Gasser could object (he didn't want to see ANY of Bo-bobo's emotions), Emo Bo-bobo pulled out a small dog whistle and blew it. For a moment, nothing happened, but then a spot on the floor burst open and several Emo Bo-bobo look-alikes climbed out.

"That's 'Happy Bo-bobo'," Emo Bo-bobo said, pointing to each of the other Emo Bo-bobos in timing, "That's 'Angry Bo-bobo', that's 'Female Bo-bobo', that's 'Sad Bo-bobo', that's 'Jealous Bo-bobo', and that's 'Texan Salesman Bo-bobo'."

Gasser stared at all of them for a moment. "...WHY DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE EMO BO-BOBO?!"

"...What do you mean?" Happy Bo-bobo objected in a sad and pitiful voice, "We're nothing...like that emo loser...stupid kid..."

'THIS IS IDIOTIC!' Gasser thought, cluching his head in annoyance.

Eventually, due to all the yelling, Don Patch finally awoke. Standing up, Don Patch took one look at the Emo Bo-bobos and shrieked loudly. "AIIIIIIIIEEEE! IT'S A NIGHTMARE COME TRUE! BO-BOBO...HAS LEARNED THE KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU TECHNIQUE(1)!"

"DON'T BE STUPID!" Gasser snapped at him, "THESE ARE JUST BO-BOBO'S INNER EMOTIONS...AND THEY ALL HAPPEN TO BE EMO FOR SOME REASON! I PUT JAM ON MY TOAST WITH BUTTAH!"

Don Patch rolled his eyes. "Yeah...that makes a LOT more sense...freak..."

Suddenly, without warning, four large balls of gray goop fell from the sky and crashed onto the ground, knocking away all of Bo-bobo's 'Emotions' in a painful explosion. However, Emo Bo-bobo saved himself by hiding behind Gasser, who ended up getting a mighty face-full of disgusting gray slime.

Scooping a handful of the goop into his hand, Don Patch (dressed with glasses and a moustache) licked it and, after a moment, stuck an '8' sign into it. "I rate it...8 out of 10! It's alright, but definitely not something to be serving at a 5-star diner!"

'What the hell is this...?' Gasser wondered, and then...a hand rose out of one of the slimy balls. Gasping, he quickly turned his head to Bu-bubu and the others and shouted, "GUYS...EVERYONE, WAKE UP! QUICK! I THINK WE MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE HERE!" Unfortunately, they were all still fast asleep.

Looking back at the gray blobs, four figures were now standing in place. One of them was a tall, smug-looking man with long white hair, plain clothes, and a ring of small orbs running across his forehead. Standing next to him was a girl with short blue hair and glasses wearing a sailor fuku. The last two were a fat old man with a beard and a little girl with braided hair in a Japanese swimming uniform.

"Hello...my name is Risquel, and I serve Father to the best of my ability." said the man with long hair.

"My name is Terra, and I serve Daddy to the best of my ability too." exclaimed the girl with glasses; she had a very monotone voice, and her eyes seemed empty of life.

"Oi...you can call me Yubby..." grunted the old man, scratching his aching back.

"Yo! Gigi's the name! And...you want some of this, don'tcha, ya big pervert?" chided the ltitle girl, making a seductive pose for emphasis.

'OH CRAP! SOMEHOW...RICHTER SENT ENEMIES IN AFTER US!' Gasser realized. He decided to ask Emo Bo-bobo for help, only to see that the little jerk had run off. Unless the others would regain consciousness soon, it would be up to him and Don Patch to take out these final foes of theirs!

"I GET IT NOW."

"HUH?" Gasser looked over at Don Patch, who was lying on all fours and shaking violently, as if he was crying or something. Don Patch raised his head, and for some reason his entire face was covered in the gray slop from earlier!

"THIS...THIS WAS MADE FOR DON QUIXOTE. THIS WAS MADE FOR DON QUIXOTE! THIS WAS MADE...FOR DON QUIXOTE!" Don Patch sobbed wildly.

'...I don't get it...'

While Gasser was busy being perplexed by Don Patch, Risquel decided to make the first move. "SUPER FIST OF TRUE WEAPONRY: SPEAR OF ACHILLES!" Suddenly, a long golden spear formed in Risquel's hands, and he thrust it at Gasser's head. Luckily, Gasser noticed this at just the last moment, and dodged before the tip of the spear dug into his face.

Jumping backwards, Gasser exclaimed, "...SO, YOUR SUPER FIST ALLOWS YOU TO CREATE WEAPONS?!"

Risquel nodded. "Indeed. Any weapon I desire...all I have to do is say its name, and it'll materialize in my hands...I can easily win any fight using this Super Fist style..."

"...Damn..."

"HEY, NOW LET ME TAKE A TRY!" Gigi cried, running towards Gasser. Reaching behind him, Gasser thought, 'Ugh...she's just a little kid...I should use one of my weaker gasballs on her just to knock her out...' However, before Gasser realized it, Gigi was only about a foot away from him.

"SUPER FIST OF LOLI: WONDERFUL GIANT GROWTH SPURT!"

Suddenly, Gigi's arm grew to a huge muscular size and she smashed her fist into Gasser's face, sending him spiraling through the air with a trail of blood flying from his nose. Then, as Gasser was still falling, the old man named Yubby warped underneath him. Smiling widely with a mouth devoid of teeth, he said, "Ahh...time to show off m' moves..."

A scream of pain, along with a hell of a lot of blood, burst out of Gasser's mouth as Yubby smashed the bottom of his foot into Gasser's spine, knocking the poor guy back into the air again. Then, Gigi leaped up and began pummeling Gasser in the chest and face.

"AAHHHHH...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Meanwhile, Don Patch was busy playing with a toy truck and a security engineer doll, his round/spiky body still covered in gray sludge. He had a childish look on his face and he was whistling a simplistic little tune to himself. Unbeknown to him, though, Terra was slowly sneaking up from behind, a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl in her hands.

'Closer...just a bit closer...' she thought to herself as she slowly lifted the game box over her head. Suddenly, Don Patch pulled out a gun and shot himself in the forehead, and he fell backwards.

"...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! HE...HE COMMITTED SUICIDE?!" Terra shrieked.

Immediately after that, a flame flashed to life in the middle of Don Patch's forehead, and he stood up, completely fine. His eyes glowing a fantastic fiery red, he exclaimed, "I WILL FORCE THE WORLD TO BELIEVE THAT I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER...LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT(2)!! WHICH IT DOES!"

Roaring like a madman, Don Patch grabbed Terra by the neck and swung her backwards, smashing her head-first into the ground. Terra spat up a handful of blood before losing consciousness, her glasses also shattering in the process.

Looking over, Risquel gasped. "OH NO...LITTLE SIS! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, YOU SPIKY THING!"

Smirking, Don Patch cracked his knuckles and snapped, "Bring it...you dirt-bags."

As Risquel and the others now went after Don Patch, Gasser collapsed onto the ground, badly beaten and battered. 'Ugh...good luck...Don Patch...and why the hell do the others have to be such goddamn heavy sleepers...?'

* * *

_Enough of them for now, I say! What's going on with the battle against King Richter?_

By now, most of Richter's giant tower had been destroyed due to the immense intensity of the battle currently taking place. The walls had collapsed and now the fight was taking place on the remains of the spiral staircase. While Bo-bobo and Richter were busy having a DBZ-style aerial battle, Chagecha just sat back and watched with a bag of popcorn in his lap.

"SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT: LUCIFER'S HOT GAS SOUP!" Dressed like a chef, Bo-bobo pulled out a bowl of hot gas and rice soup and splashed it right into Richter's face.

"AUGH! IT...IT BURNS!" Richter screamed in pain, tears flowing rom his eyes. He waved his arms around and fired laser beams everywhere in an attempt to hit Bo-bobo, but they all missed.

"SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT: PONGO...HUT!" A compartment opened up on Bo-bobo's chest and fired out a volley of golf balls into Richter's face, knocking him back down into the debris below. Floating down to the ground, Bo-bobo struck a pose and exclaimed, "DO YOU SEE NOW THAT YOUR ATTEMPTS OF VICTORY ARE...FUTILE?!"

'Ooh...you're so good at acting, sempai...' Chagecha thought with wide eyes.

Bursting out of the rubble, Richter stood up and snapped, "Ha...ha...ha...YOU THINK YOU'VE WON?! THOSE THINGS YOU SWALLOWED EARLIER...THOSE WEREN'T COUGH DROPS, YOU SHITHEAD! I'VE SENT FOUR SECRET WARRIORS OF MINE TO GO AND KILL YOUR FRIENDS WHILE THEY'RE STILL INSIDE YOUR SOUL, THUS DESTROYING YOUR FUSION POWERS!"

Chagecha gasped. 'I definitely didn't see THAT coming!'

"SO...WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW, BO-BOBO BO-BOBO?!" Richter asked.

Bo-bobo was silent for a few minutes, and then he said, "Why...I'm gonna sing! SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT: SING-ALONG TIME!"

"...Huh?!"

Suddenly, a guitar fell into Bo-bobo's hands. Chagecha walked up next to him with a bass guitar in his hands, and Yoshio Sawai was playing the drums. After a moment, they began to play:

_"Patch sat alone on a bench in the park  
"My name is Don," he'd casually remark  
Waitin' for the bus with his hands in his panties  
He just kept sayin' life is like a box of GABAPAVICH"_

As he was singing, Bo-bobo took this moment to headbutt Richter in the face.

_"He's Patch, He's Patch  
What's in that head?  
He's Patch, He's Patch, He's Patch  
Is he even in-bred?" _

Laughing under his breath, Chagecha threw a brick at Richter's head.

_"Patch was a big celebrity  
He told Gasser that he really had to pee  
He never feels too dumb because  
His psychiatrist always told him stupid is as stupid does"_

Bo-bobo threw a javelin at Richter's chest, but unfortunately it missed.

_"He's Patch, He's Patch  
He's kinda round  
He's Patch, He's Patch, He's Patch  
What's with those spikes?"_

Yoshio Sawai didn't do anything but play the drums.

_"Run... run... run, run, now Don  
Run... run... run like they want to kill you now  
Run... run... run, run, now Don  
Run... stop!"_

Bo-bobo smashed Richter in the jaw with a STOP sign.

_"His buddy Jiggler was a NU-lovin' man  
His fanboy with no life he called Lieutenant Hatenko  
His girlfriend Beauty was kind of a slut  
went to the Maruhage Kingdom, showed Baldy Bald his butt"_

Chagecha did a spinning-kick into Richter's stomach.

_"He's Patch, He's Patch  
He's not too bright  
He's Patch, He's Patch, He's Patch  
But he's alright"_

Yoshio Sawai still didn't do anything.

_"Is this Patch out of his head?  
I think so  
Is this Patch really brain dead?  
I think so  
Did this Patch make lots of lead?  
I think so  
And that's all I have to say about that...(3)!!"_

To finish it all off, Bo-bobo smashed his guitar over Richter's head, and screamed, "THANK YOU...GOOD NIGHT, SAN DIEGO! WOO HOO!!" By that point, Yoshio Sawai was gone too; he will forever be an enigma in the hearts of many...

"ANYWAY, HOW'D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!" Bo-bobo snapped at Richter, who was still bleeding over that painful assault just moment ago.

"I like oranges...and pineapples...and pears...and chilli peppers...and YOUR MOM!" Chagecha spoke up.

"SO...WHAT SHALL I PLAY NEXT?" Bo-bobo asked aloud, "HAJIKELIST PARADISE(4)?! SMELLS LIKE JELLY(5)?! FEEL ME UP INC.(6)?! I CAN GO ON AND ON FOR DAYS AND DAYS, PEACHY BOY!!"

Coughing violently, Richter stood up and snarled, "You...no matter what I do, you keep...you keep...WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE?! WHY WON'T YOU JUST DROP DEAD, YOU-"

"If you want me dead so badly...at least try to kill me, then." Bo-bobo replied sarcastically.

Richter's right eye began to twitch. He was being taunted and insulted...by such a pathetic creature?! The very idea...the very thought...it was driving him insane...all he wanted was to kill this annoying man...and hold his heart in his hands...and crush it...HE JUST WANTED TO KILL HIM AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!

"WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Suddenly, the ground began to shake violently. Chunks of dirt and rocks slowly started to rise into the air. A huge blood-red aura formed around Richter's body, and it grew larger and larger, raising high into the sky. Richter's eyes became completely white and veins popped up all over his skin. His hair spiked back up again, and it was now a deep ocean-blue color instead of strawberry-pink. Chagecha was so upset about all of this that he started reading a Naruto graphic novel to keep his mind busy.

'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS...DRAGON BALL Z?!'

Then, Richter smirked and said, "...I HAVE AWAKENED TO THE TRUE POWER OF HAJIKE...THANKS TO THIS GIRL'S BODY."

A bit overwhelmed by Richter's sudden and immense increase in power, Bo-bobo snapped, "W...What do you mean?"

Richter laughed, and his voice was now more demonic. "I HAVE ABSORBED THE SOUL OF 'BO'(7) THAT WAS WITHIN HER, INCREASING MY POWER TO UNMEASURABLE HEIGHTS!"

Bo-bobo cursed under his breath; he had hoped Richter wouldn't have noticed that hidden power inside Beauty's body. 'He's alot stronger now...can I still win? I better try and take him down quick before he does anything that could possibly hurt the civilians in the nearby city...'

Suddenly, just as Bo-bobo was about to unleash his nosehairs, a surge of pain passed through his body and blood spewed out from between his teeth. Falling to one knee, he clutched at his chest and huffed, "...What...what just happened...?"

"OH NO! SEMPAI!" Chagecha tried to run to his Superior, but he suddenly tripped. Looking back, he realized that a little squidman had caught him by the leg. Laughing joyously, Chagecha thought, 'AH AH HA HA...YOU CAUGHT ME.'

"SUPER FIST OF TRUE KING HAJIKE: OPENING OF HELL'S GATE!" Waving his hand, Richter summoned a giant door behind him, and it swung open, firing out a huge blast of dark energy, knocking Bo-bobo and Chagecha into the air.

'Something must be happening on the inside...' Bo-bobo thought as he fell to the ground.

* * *

_Back inside Bo-bobo's soul..._

"SUPER FIST OF TRUE WEAPONRY: LOVEANGEL HATEFUL JUDGEMENT!"

Gasser couldn't believe what he had just seen. Only a minute ago, it seemed that Don Patch was going to win the entire fight. But now...his whole body was covered with various weapons piercing through his flesh. He was lying facedown in a puddle of his own blood, with Risquel standing over him and smirking victoriously.

"D...DON PATCH! WAKE UP!" Gasser shouted, but Gigi kicked him in the head.

"Shut up...or I'll stick my breasts in your face!" The little thirteen-year-old threatened.

"...But you don't have breasts."

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

Gently nudging Don Patch's body with his foot, Risquel said, "Heh heh...how did you like that, punk? You hurt my little sister, you 'effin broke her mind...you totally deserve to die for that."

"Umm...I'm okay, really..." Terra interjected, the top of her head wrapped up in bandages.

Suddenly, Risquel felt something heavy land on his head. "See, now? She's fine. No need to have gotten so violent, my good man..." Standing on top of his head, smoking a cigar and dressed in a bathrobe, was Don Patch, alive and well.

"YOU?!"

"DON PATCH! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Gasser cried happily before Gigi kicked him again.

Glancing back at the corpse, Risquel now saw that it was actually that freak Jelly Jiggler instead. 'HOW DID I MISS THAT?!' he wondered.

Standing up, Jelly Jiggler pulled one of the swords out of his stomach and stared at it for a while. "Ah," he commented, "This was made by one talented blacksmith, I bet..."

"JELLY JIGGLER, YOU'RE AWAKE! THANK GOD!" Gasser exclaimed; for some reason, he felt like crying.

"Hey," Gigi snarled, "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT IT!" She was about to smash her foot into Gasser's face for a third time when a pair of jacket arms suddenly wrapped around her and pulled her high into the air. Glancing over, Gasser was glad to see that Ima was awake now too, along with Rijue, Crosk, Bu-bubu, Be-bebe, Hatenko and Softon.

"Oh, crappin' crackers! They've all woken up! Now what do we do?" Yubby babbled.

However, Risquel could not answer because he was already knocked unconscious, as was Terra. Ima flung Gigi once into the ground, and the little perverted girl was defeated as well. Now all that was left...was Yubby himself. Seeing that he was now surrounded by enemies, Yubby let out a high-pitched squeal and then died of a heart attack.

"How...how did you guys...why the 'effin hell did it have to take all of you so long to wake up?!" Gasser snapped as Crosk helped him to his feet. Hearing the white-haired boy's rudeness, Crosk kicked him back down to the ground and said, "SHUT UP, EMO BOY! I CAN SLEEP AS LONG AS I WANT, DAMMIT!"

"I was really sleepy..." Ima said sheepishly, and then she thought, '...Also, I was asleep in Rijue's arms, for crying out loud. Why would I want to wake up?'

"...So, now that they're all beaten, shall we help Bo-bobo end this battle once and for all?" Rijue asked everyone.

"No." Don Patch replied with a smug grin, but Jelly Jiggler kicked him away.

After giving Gasser a Senzu Bean (where the hell does Be-bebe get these things from?), the whole group sat in a circle and focused their energy towards helping Bo-bobo...

"BO-BOBO!"

"BO-BOBO!"

"BO-BOBO!"

"DON PATCHI-KUN!"

"BO-BOBO!"

"BO-BOBO!"

"BO-BOBO!"

* * *

_Now, let's bring an end to this, shall we?_

Richter was now standing over Bo-bobo, who was still lying on the ground. Chagecha wanted to help him, he really did, but that dang squidman was practically holding him hostage.

"G...GET OFF OF ME!" Chagecha cried, "I NEED TO HELP THE GREAT MAN WHO CAME BEFORE ME IN THE FOOD CHAIN OF GAG MANGA!"

In response, the little squidman just smiled and said, "TOOT TOOT."

'AWW...HE'S SO KAWAII...'

Raising his hand over Bo-bobo's head, Richter sneered. "Finally, after so long...ever since the chapter 8 ended in such a way for me...I've waited for this day. I can finally kill you, Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo..." Richter's hand began to glow with light, and he prepard to blast Bo-bobo's head apart, bringing an end to this fight.

However...he froze in shock when Bo-bobo suddenly reached up and grabbed him by the arm. Lifting himself up, Bo-bobo stared into Richter's wide eyes through his shades and said, "...It's time to end this, Richter...you've hurt so many people...me, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Colonel Sanders...and especially Gasser..."

Richter gasped when he felt hot tears begin to leak out of his eyes. 'Is this...is this Beauty's mind reacting to his words?!'

Suddenly, awesome epic music of your choice began to play in the background.

Richter struggled to break out of Bo-bobo's grip, but it was too strong. "You...you can't kill me...what about...what about this body? Beauty's body?! You'll kill her, you know!"

Bo-bobo stood up and two long nosehairs emerged from his nostrils...and pierced themselves into Richter's chest.

"SUPER FIST OF THE ETHEREAL NOSEHAIR: SOUL REMOVAL!" Pulling back, Bo-bobo was able to tear Richter's soul out of Beauty's body. As how it was back in chapter 8, Richter's soul resembled a small boy. It had been so long since he had been alive that his soul had taken on the form of a boy since it had forgotten its true self.

Letting out a small moan, Beauty collapsed backwards onto the ground, her body now free of Richter's control. Soon, her hair and body reverted back to their original states, as well.

His voice meek and afraid, Richter whined, "W...What are you going to do to me now?! You've torn me out of Beauty...are you going to send me to Hell?!"

Instead of answering, Bo-bobo jumped high into the air; so high, in fact, that as he went higher and higher, the entire world around them seemed to fade away. Soon, both Bo-bobo and Richter were floating in a strange reddish darkness. Bo-bobo removed the nosehairs out of Richter's chest and jumped backwards a bit.

"W...Where are we? What's going on?!" Richter cried, looking around nervously.

"This is the ultimate Bo-bobo World...I call it 'Fandom World'." Bo-bobo replied, picking his nose.

"HUH?!"

Suddenly, a giant web browser of all things opened up behind Bo-bobo. It was of a Bo-bobo fanfic on that FanFiction site. Which one, though, Richter couldn't tell. Then, even more web browsers began to open up, all of them showing various fanfics and fanart of the Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo series. Soon, Richter found himself surrounded by them. One web browser had a LOLcat on it, though, for some reason.

"You readers can ignore what I'm about to say next..but...you see, Richter," Bo-bobo explained, "How exactly do you think a series, after it's ended or been cancelled, continues to remain popular and beloved in peoples' hearts? **Fandom** (from the noun _fan_ and the affix _-dom_, as in _kingdom_, _dukedom_, etc.) is a term used to refer to a subculture composed of fans characterized by a feeling of sympathy and camaraderie with others who share a common interest. A fandom can grow up centered around any area of human interest or activity. The subject of fan interest can be narrowly defined, focused on something like an individual celebrity; or wide, encompassing entire hobbies, genres or fashions. Fandom as a term can also be used in a broad sense to refer to an interconnected social network of individual fandoms, many of which overlap. While it is now used to apply to groups of people fascinated with any subject, the term has its roots in those with an enthusiastic appreciation for sports. The Webster's Dictionary traces the usage of the term back as far as 1903.Fans typically are interested in even minor details of the object(s) of their fandom and spend a significant portion of their time and energy involved with their interest; this is what differentiates them from those with only a casual interest.When referring to an organized sub-culture, the term "fandom" is most often associated with science fiction fandom, the community of fans of the science fiction and fantasy genres, an international fan sub-culture which dates back to the 1930s and has held the annual World Science Fiction Convention since 1939 along with many other events each year. Science fiction fandom maintains organized clubs and associations in many cities around the world, and has created its own jargon, sometimes called "fanspeak". Members of a fandom associate with one another, often attending fan conventions (such as science fiction conventions), and publishing and exchanging fanzines. Originally using print-based media, these sub-cultures have migrated much of their communications and interaction onto the Internet, which they also use for the purpose of archiving detailed information pertinent to their given fanbase. Some fans also write fan fiction, stories based around the universe and characters of their chosen fandom. Some also dress in costumes ("cosplay") or recite lines of dialogue either out-of-context or as part of a group reenactment. Such activities are sometimes known as "fanac," an abbreviated form of the phrase "fan activity." The advent of the internet has significantly facilitated fan association and activities. The term is sometimes associated with anime/manga; serious fans of this subject are also called otaku..."

"YOU STOLE THAT ALL OF THAT CRAP OFF OF WIKIPEDIA!" Richter snapped.

"INDEED I DID!" Bo-bobo replied, and then the web browsers began to glow with energy. That energy flew off into Bo-bobo's body, and he charged towards Richter. "Alright, Richter...time to finish you off, with the power of a certain fanbase forum I truly love..."

"LET ME GUESS..." Richter cried, "IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S DAILY BLOG?!"

"WRONG! SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT: TRUE POWER OF THE HAJIKE FESTIVAL FORUMS!" Bo-bobo unleashed his two nosehairs, wrapped them around Richter, jumped up high into the air, and then dived down towards the ground at high speeds.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU EVIL, EVIL MAN! PLEASE STOP! I...I JUST WANTED TO BE RECOGNIZED! PLEASE! I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IGNORED FOR SOMETHING I DID FOR SOCIETY! STOP ITTTTTTTTTTTT...I DON'T WANNA-"

Richter stopped talking when he realized he had stopped plummeting to the ground with only about a few inches separating his head from the soil. Bo-bobo raised Richter up in the air, and brought him so close that their noses almost touched.

"Richter..."

"Bo-bobo..."

Then, Bo-bobo lifted up Richter's right arm and shouted, "SUPER FIST OF THE IDIOT...ARMPIT CHOP."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Blood spewed out of Richter's mouth like crazy as Bo-bobo gently karate-chopped him in the armpit several times. Out of power and out of sanity, Richter slipped out of Bo-bobo's grip and sank through the ground, his soul dragged down to the depths of fiery hell.

"Bo-bobo...I've truly...been beaten...by your Hajike ways...please...take care of Hajike for me...and make sure people still enjoy using it...that's all I...really want..."

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Bo-bobo sighed and thought, 'Finally...it's over...'

Checking his automic watch, Bo-bobo realized he had won the battle just in time; the de-fusion process was going to begin in less than five seconds. Meanwhile, Chagecha was having a tea-party with his new friend, squidlad!

"We'll always be together!" Chagecha said happily...and then he ended up de-fusing back into Byakkyo, Pokomi, Gaoh, B.B., Jati, and Hiragi.

"TOOT!" The squidlad shrieked before dying of a heart attack.

Seeing this, Hiragi pumped his arms and exclaimed, "HELL YEAH! TAKOYAKI(7) TONIGHT, BABY!"

Bo-bobo then defused back into the original Bo-bobo, Gasser, Bu-bubu, Be-bebe, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Hatenko, Softon, Ima, Crosk and Rijue. Wrapping her arms around Jelly Jiggler's neck, Ima happily exclaimed, "YAY! WE DID IT, JELLY JIGGLER! WE WON! WE WON!"

Jelly Jiggler smiled nervously and nodded, a bit afraid of this girl he didn't remember.

Clenching his fists, Rijue snarled and thought, 'Argh...he better not get any weird ideas around her...'

"HEY! HERE'S MY AFTERNOON SNACK!" Don Patch said, picking up a bag of potato chips. Opening it, he held it over his hand for some to spill out...but all he got were crumbs.

'IT...GOT ALL SMASHED?!'

"AWW! I'LL BUY YOU ANOTHER ONE, DON PATCHI-KUN!" Bu-bubu cooed, kissing her beloved Don on the cheek. Don Patch smirked...he always knew his good looks would get him everything he wanted one day.

"We did it, Mr. Bo-bobo! We saved Beauty...we're finally done." Gasser proclaimed, gently brushing Beauty's cheek as she laid unconscious.

"It's all thanks...to the fandom!" Bo-bobo told him, crossing his arms and trying to look cool.

"Yeah...whatever."

Glancing over at the setting sun, Bo-bobo said, "Have you guys...ever noticed though, that it seems the ending is somewhat rushed, just like how Shinsetsu Bo-bobo ended?"

Everyone shook their heads in response. "No...you're just a CRAZY MOFO!"

With that answer in his mind, Bo-bobo began walking off to the smoothie stand. After all of this fighting, he needed something cool to calm his nerves...

...and thus, only the epilogue is left.

* * *

**_THE REFERENCE INDEX:_**

(1) - The 'Kage Bunshin' is the 'Shadow Clone' jutsu.

(2) - Don Patch copies the 'Deathperation' shot, where you get shot in the head by a magical bullet which revives you and infuels you with immense power for a short amount of time. It is a reference to Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

(3) - A parody of the song 'Gump' by Weird Al, which is a parody of the song 'Lump' which is by Presidents Of The United States Of America.

(4) - A parody of 'Gangsta's Paradise'

(5) - A parody of 'Smell Like Teen Spirit'

(6) - A parody of 'Feel Good Inc.'

(7) - Takoyaki are fried squid dumplings, in case you didn't know.


	60. EPILOGUE

A/N: Before we begin, I would like to thank some people who kept me going through the duration of this dramatically long fic:

1) many form man/MFM for reviewing the fic and for giving that helpful criticism which I took more of as an insult before, but then I took those suggestions to heart...somewhat. Also, for letting me use his characters 'Crosk' and 'Rijue'.

2) Lovenu/Nugirl for reviewing the fic and letting me use her character 'Ima'.

3) DevilsArcadia777/tnmoon77 for reviewing the fic alot and for telling me about Hajike Festival Forums.

4) BoSimba for reviewing the fic and for putting up volume 7 of Shinsetsu Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo.

5)...And the rest of Hajike Festival Forums people for their help and support!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! No more Kyokusetsu after this!...Maybe! I might do some extras, but that'll be another time!

Now...the epilogue itself!

* * *

_A month after the events in the last chapter..._

Gasser felt a bit nervous as he walked up the grey-stone pathway to the little urban house that Baldy Bald the 3rd supposedly lived in with his wife. Fingering the locket in his pocket, Gasser wondered how he was going to explain to some poor old lady that her husband died reviving their powers of craziness after they were all turned REAL by a psycho with a mullet and a gag manga fetish?

'I just gotta play it cool...act like I have no idea what she's talking about...no, wait! What am I thinking?! Argh...I need to take my Ritalin more often...'

Knocking on the door, Gasser waited for someone to answer. Eventually, the door opened, but not by the person Gasser had expected. Standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of 'Hello Kitty' boxers...was Czar Baldy Bald the 3rd himself.

"...Are you another one of those gay boyscouts here to cope a feel?" Baldy Bald asked.

Gasser was speechless. Absent-mindedly, he took out the locket, which Baldy Bald quickly snatched before slamming the door shut.

Shrugging, Gasser turned around and walked away. 'That was alot easier than I expected...'

* * *

After suffering many long hours of performing the CaramellDansen dance alongside Age of Aquarius, Bungi and Ero-san, Riaru finally got a job as a new mangaka for Weekly Shonen Jump. He wanted to create another series based around Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo, and he wanted to title it 'Kyokusetsu Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo', but that would be copyright infringement. So, he ended up drawing a baseball manga instead. Bungi, Age of Aquarius, and Ero-san are his staff members...

* * *

Richter learned to enjoy his time in the underworld, now good friends with Frieza, Cell, Megatron and Ronald McDonald to name a few...

* * *

Bu-bubu became an attorney, but quit soon after realizing she had nothing to fight for in the Judicial system. Now, she works at Burger King and constantly gets her hair in the food by accident...

* * *

Be-bebe and Byakkyo spent some private time together...

* * *

Pokomi got over her obsession for her brother and went back to searching for Namero; recently, there have been rumors she was currently in Mt. Fuji, looking for her beloved...

* * *

Gaoh proved himself to be a formidable martial artist at a local street fighting competition, and was given a contract to appear as a secret unlockable character in the console version of Street Fighter 4...

* * *

Hiragi eventually succeeded in winning Jati's heart, after a rather sexual encounter involving takoyaki and jock-straps...

* * *

B.B. attempted to open up a carbon-copy chain of K.F.C. diners called K.F.C. (Kentucky Fried Catfish), but was arrested...

* * *

Freed of his evil insanity, Wadokei worked hard with the people of Sabaku City to rebuild their home to its former glory...

* * *

Now the new king of the monkey civilization, Kuma became an evil maniacal dictator with intents on taking over all of man-kind...

* * *

Softon found himself torn between choosing either Torpedo Girl or (surprisingly) a very anxious Yuko; eventually, he decided to marry both of them at the same time...

* * *

By himself, Hatenko took control over an entire nation across the globe from the Maruhage Kingdom, and forced the people to worship Don Patch as a god...

* * *

Ima, Crosk and Rijue left the Bo-bobo group and rejoined with their other allies, continuing the adventures of Explode Saga...

* * *

Gasser was heartbroken when he learned that Beauty really WAS a slut, and she had been having affairs with Rice, Suzu AND Dengakuman! All at the same time, too...

* * *

"The winds blow gently today..." Don Patch remarked, lifting the visor of his helmet. He, Jelly Jiggler and Bo-bobo were all sitting atop horses and wearing full suits of medieval armor. Nodding, Bo-bobo removed his helmet and shook the sweat off of his face.

"It's a good day to ride." he said with a slight nod.

"I agree." Jelly Jiggler replied.

Putting back on his helmet, Bo-bobo moved up in front of his two allies and shouted, "MEN...WHAT IS IT THAT YOU STRIVE FOR?! AS LONG AS THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE BEING OPPRESSED AND FORCED TO BE BALD...I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT!"

"AS LONG AS PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER...I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT!" Don Patch exclaimed, waving his sword in the air.

"AS LONG AS 'NE' STILL EXISTS...I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT!" exclaimed Jelly Jiggler.

"GOOD! NOW...LET US RIDE!"

And so, the three warriors set off across the wide open plain, their hearts heavy and minds open. They couldn't help but wonder what exciting adventures they were going to have next...and then they rode right off a cliff...

**_THE END_**


End file.
